Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I only get aroused by my intrusive thoughts has anyone got advice on this

Hey I'm kinda freaking out right now I used to roleplay a lot (like in text in you know what I mean, when you create an OC and stuff) and I used to roleplay with some girl from the internet who's younger then me in two years (hey today is my birthday so 18, I used to roleplay with her in 16-17) There was a lot of sexual and romantic stuff between our OCs in 100% consent and my relationship with this girl was really just a friendship. Now I'm freaking out that I might be a perv or p for role-playing these stuff with someone two years under my age, I feel disgusted and ashamed.. idk what to do.. what if people will see me as an horrible person :^( Oh and I feel even more terrified because I just realized she might be even more young, two and a half years under my age, I promise I just realized it right now

I’m exhausted and so done with analyzing every sexual encounter with my fiancé. My thoughts are there during and after. I then Google after which I know isn’t good. I now have the thought that he thinks I am a lesbian because intimacy is so hard for me. I have never been a very sexual person so of course my mind goes to “welll a lot of late to lesbians said this too”

I keep watching p*rn, I want to stop but it’s really hard. I just hate myself right after. I hate it so much. Has anyone here struggled with this and has found a way to stop?

Harm OCD Please someone give me any advice you have. I have been suffering for a while but just put a name to why. I have not done any ERP yet and haven't done much of anything aside from talk therapy. I'm so scared and just want this to end. I have created my higharchy plans on here but I'm so scared to get started.

What would would happen if we follow our doubts and change our will? (instead of following our morality and suffering because of our ocd) I am wondering (Probably just another ocd doubt) All the toughs that let us scared, take us that way because our will is "against" the toughs, right? I meant, obviously only for those thoughts that doesn't harm anyone! For example I have the doubt "maby my man don't like me anymore/ maby I don't like him enough" what if instead of struggling with anxiety, stress and my own body I just broke up with him? That's not what I want; yeah, but I don't want to be always questioning and stressing myself either! What if we follow ocd instead of our will?

Anxiety has always impacted my intimate life since the beginning and it makes recovery in soocd so much more difficult. I am ashamed of myself and I feel broken in that department, like there is something wrong with me. At times it feels like I am forcing myself to like intimacy with my partner , but I Do want to be intimate with my partner. I miss the beginning when sparks were flying and his very touch made me feel electric. When I ruminate on it , it feels like something isn’t right or something is off and it terrifies me. When I say I enjoy pleasing my partner it feels like a lie, but I don’t want it to be a lie at all. My partner’s pleasure is important to me but I’m too afraid of intimacy at the same time to the point where sometimes it seems off-putting, gross, funny, boring, which is what causes the feeling of something missing which just makes me spiral more and more. I’m terrified I’m not good enough for him, I’m terrified I’m not aroused enough, what if I’m doing something wrong, is it supposed to feel like this? I know that a lot of these feelings stem from false standards I have about my body and my partners, low self-esteem, anxiety and ocd revolving my intimate life, trauma from past partners who made me feel used, etc. It doesn’t make sense to me, I love fantasizing about him and I, it’s so much better than porn or any other fantasy. But I read somewhere that a girl who was lesbian would fantasize about only rough scenarios with men and I do this as well. I often use rough scenarios in my fantasies and now I’m scared. I do it because when we’re slow and intimate, I feel all the anxiety creep in and all the fears get so loud and I get scared about what is happening. Unlike this girl however, I deeply crave soft moments with my partner , I just can never relax enough for them thus why I lean on rough scenarios. In real life, slow kissing is so much better than anything and I wish I had the confidence to carry that feeling to the bed. Additionally, my partner arouses me on a level I can not accomplish on my own. Even when I’m alone thinking of him I still feel much more aroused in his presence. But yet when I see his body I tend to hyper focus on his flaws or if im not instantly aroused by his body I worry this means I’m not attracted to him. I love his body, but to me intimacy is about so much more than that so of course the body alone isn’t always enough. I have absolutely no problem when he is pleasuring me, I love it and just want him closer to me. When it is time to reciprocate however I start to panic once again, I worry way way too much about what I’m doing and if I’m doing it right or enjoying it “enough”. This panic makes me want to not do anything and is why I feel like something is “ missing “ because I really want to be able to do that for him and the idea really does arouse me but I can’t it’s so scary and anxiety provoking that I’d rather not. Its not that I don’t care about his pleasure or that I’m repulsed by him because everything about him outside of intimacy draws me in and I want him to want me and I want to want him but it’s too much fear to truly let go and take in the moment. It’s always been like this even before soocd which makes me feel horrible. I’m scared that I’m using all this as a front to hide that I’m lesbian, but unlike how I enjoy fantasies with men, the idea of being intimate with a woman seems like a loss, a chore, a punishment and not something I’d ever want. With my partner I want to work through these issues and have a fulfilling bedroom life even if it means working through heavy trauma and fear and having to learn new things about myself , but if these issues were to happen with a woman I’d much rather never be intimate again or sneak off with men. I don’t know what to do to be better and it makes me feel hopeless. Last night I had an amazing moment with my partner over the phone, it was so good but of course my thoughts have attacked again to say something is missing. I don’t want to go through this anymore , I want my partner and I to have good intimacy.

I was a weird child and i did some weird sexual things when i was younger (the worst part was around 6 or 7 but i also had some weird behaviors up until i was 12) and i truly feel like a monster right now and it all makes me feel like a pedophile because, even though my sister is only a year younger, she was always with me, we got a baby brother when we were 12 and 11, that’s when my ocd started. I think i might have done something to him but I don’t remember clearly

I committed myself to working with the OCD community after learning about exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy in college, but my life completely changed once I started having intrusive thoughts myself. My son was around two weeks old, and I became terrified of harming him. From there, it snowballed, and OCD took control. Even though I specialized in treating this disorder, I still felt a lot of shame about getting help. I’m thankful I eventually did. My debilitating, first-hand experience of OCD changed me completely, and it made me the person - and therapist - I am today. I have so much compassion for people who seek treatment because I know how difficult that can be and the courage it takes. If you’re struggling with OCD, I wanted to share my experience with you to let you know I understand. Here’s my story. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-my-ocd-experience-made-me-a-better-therapist

Really struggling with the idea of death, scares the shit out of me. My OCD has really clung to this and all I can think about is my Loved ones are going to die one day and so am I. I’m flooded with so many emotions ranging from fear to guilt. It’s gotten to the point where the thought of death is always in the back of my mind 24/7. I’ve been having nightmares about it now and will wake up in a full blown panic. Anyone deal with something like this? And any tips to move past this?

hey guys! it’s been awhile. i am severely anxious and depressed and have been for about a month and a half ever since i smoked weed, had a panic attack and now suffer real bad with derealization. i wanted to come on here to ask like what i can do to help myself and just make this go away man! and i know here is a safe space because we all have OCD and i think that pure fact is keeping me in the loop. other people with derealization don’t obsess over stuff as much as people with ocd. i also just think that i’ll forever be stuck in this state and it’s causing me to just like go crazy (not literally) i just don’t understand how ONE panic attack could’ve caused this. disclaimer: i’ve never had a panic attack in my life and while i was high for the first time that’s when it happened and the days and weeks following i just haven’t felt the same even though i KNOW nothing hasn’t changed it’s just so hard. i just don’t know what to do to lie get rid of this. i’ve never experienced this in my life.

So it happened. My boyfriend dumped me. Well he said it’s a break. But we’re not together for a couple days. Could last longer I don’t know. He said he wants to be with me but he needs me to change and that he needs to stick to his word and leave me because he can’t just let me back in because then that means I can just walk all over him. He wants a break because I questioned him about a girl I saw on his phone. I was in the wrong and it was a misunderstanding as usual. He just wants me to change and he isn’t wrong. I don’t wanna be like this but sometimes I just let those bad thoughts win and I go on his phone or Instagram and it makes me think am I even capable of being in a relationship if I’m this messed up? But I know I am. I know I wanna be good for him but it’s been hard lately cuz I have been hurt before so I been used to being like this. Accepting real love and loyalty is hard cuz I feel I don’t deserve it or something or I’m afraid I’ll lose it and in return I lose it cuz I’m not showing my appreciation for it. Idk I know what I need to do but it sucks I can’t really show him since we won’t be talking. I want to send him a text but I know I need to give him space and me messaging him might push him more away. :/ I hate this so much. I knew it would happen.

Look I probably haven’t got ocd I suffer from sexuality ocd but I have a lot of arousal to what I fear which is being gay I feel arousal whenever I see a man now

I think I'm just might have to accept that I might be gay or bi. I'm 38 and I've never had these feelings and it makes me feel like it's not hocd at all. I still have the want for women but it's not like it used to be. And I just feel like what's the point 😔

I need some encouragement. Having a really bad episode of compulsive behaviors after a stressful day and my OCD is health-related and I have two doctors appointment coming up. I feel like I'm going insane. I woke up in pure panic and anxiety. Please help

I have a this irrational fear of rabies for a simple petting of a stray cat. Very long story, work was stressful and long. I work at a warehouse and pretty much had to stay for overtime. After work I went to get a snack at a convenient store and after I got the snack I immediately saw a stray cat by the entrance. Since I was pretty much stressed, I wanted to pet the cat for fun and the cat was more nervous of me than anything else. It jerked a bit when I approached it and sniffed my hand, but I I started to pet it. It jerked again but stood still, and I I pet the cat with the back side of my right hand, using the index, middle, and ring finger to pet the top of it's head. I stroked it for like 5-7 times and then went to my car. I have a scab on my right pinky but didn't used it for petting. As I was going for my car I grabbed a bite of my snack, a taquito with my right hand. I realized it immediately and thought of the word rabies. My anxiety came in full force and I started to panic, I made the small error of reading anything off the internet and came across nonbite transmission with including the mouth so I got worse. I studied a bit more and learned a few more things, that rabies are extremely rare in the US and that cats actually have almost zero threat of being rabid. I asked for opinions and I got a lot of similar results, my interaction had an extremely low risk. Reasons because IF the cat was rabid even in its pre symptoms days, I can ONLY contract it through its saliva. When I pet the cat, I the hair was rough and dry meaning, it had no saliva so I'm perfectly ok. But my anxiety made it worse thinking of the impossible happening and it's scaring me. Honestly need comfort, I have all then data and proof that says I'm fine but my fear is making me believe that the extremely low case is the most probable case. It's straight up mind breaking.

…. Pain loneliness all that’s left

I need friends. Irl friends outside of this app i mean. Family life and social life is a mess. It sucks because im stuck at this house where my parents dont even talk to eachother and use me to escape that and i dont talk to anyone either not my brother and not even my cousin who lives with us. And now Im not able to talk to anyone… i tried reaching out to old friends but its obvious that the time thats passed has made things awakward. Im starting to think im the problem. I mean it is pretty obvious that i am…. Ugh

Now it’s feeling like I’m attracted to this boy in the tv show I’m watching :/ and it showed that he got a bit older? In it and I noticed his voice was deeper and now I just 🥲🙄 idk anymore if it’s attraction or not and Ive been feeling super emotional for the past couple of hours and yesterday I found out that the boy in the show is actually 20 now 😭 so idk what to think abt this Bc he’s older than me and I- idk how to explain it, I really wish I could have someone to tell my most disturbing thoughts to irl Bc I feel like no one else can understand what I’m going thru :(..

Is it normal to just dwell on the same stupid shit you did years ago over and over and over again? Mine has to do with porn, which is something I haven't watched in 7 whole months. Every single day I constantly ruminate over the videos I've seen when I was like 13-18. At such a young age I literally don't know anything about sex yet I'm curious but I can't help but see it as proof that I'm a horrible person. I'm against pornography and I hate what it does to people and societies. It's not good for anyone and it's nothing but a coping mechanism. I wish someone told me that when I was addicted to it. It's all bullshit. It's all fake and it keeps people manipulated. How do you just put the past where it belongs? Especially when you change your behaviors from who you were years ago? I used to be such a piece of shit to other people and to myself back in high school. My own friends knew that too. I'm happy that I've changed as I got older, but why does this shit still bother me? What is there to worry about? Every single day these same thoughts of "Oh you watched that weird porno. What if someone was being assault" or "what if they weren't of age" "what if you're a nasty sexual predator" and based on my emotions it feels completely real. At the same time I remember when I was much younger all I did was watch weird shit based on the childhood shows that i grew up with. I don't know why the fuck I spent so much time watching all of this nonsense, other than just being too addicted, which I'm not anymore. I just want this to go away. This has been going on ever since April 2020 and never before. Why is this now all of a sudden bothering me but it hasn't before? Why was I such a fucking idiot back in high school? Am I just being too hard on myself?