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I hate myself for being like this. Does it ever get better.

I tried some ERP and it’s sent me spiralling a bit. Now I’m convinced I’ve only ever been into women and have just been in denial. I know I’m supposed to be ok with uncertainty but I’m in a relationship with a man who I love so much and so I feel like I need to know. This is awful.

Guys I need your help. I am 20 and going on my first date tonight. I have never dated anyone or kissed anyone before and I am terrified!! I have social anxiety so that has lead to me never dating but now I met someone I like and we have been hanging out and now we are going to go to a festival and then watch a drive in movie in his yard. I feel like I'm about to die from anxiety. He has had at least 2 girlfriends so I know if he kisses me it won't be his first kiss and I'm so scared. What if he kisses me and I'm bad at it and he doesn't like me anymore. I am an awkard person. I am not sure I can do this

My sister who doesn’t have ocd believes that ocd could be a good thing it’s just that we suffer because we live in a modern society. I keep trying to argue with her but I’m not getting through. It just feels so invalidating, in any society or social system ocd would be the same because it’s our brain latching onto intrusive thoughts, creating an obsession and doing compulsions to neutralize distress. She really believes that the anxiety people with ocd experience is a “product of modern society’s rules”. 😑

Any tips on getting over the urge to find someone with the exact same ocd theme/experience as you? I’ve really struggled with this recent flare up as my fear doesn’t really fit within the parameters of one theme like it has in the past - it’s a combination of fear of being aromantic, sexual orientation fears, doubting if I actually want a relationship, if I’m capable of romantic love, obsessing over my attachment style - all related to the overarching fear that I’ll never be able to be happy in a relationship and will be single forever (right now my mind is whispering, maybe you would be better single forever!). But I keep searching for reassurance it’s ROCD but I’ve never been in a proper relationship so struggle to relate. Don’t want reassurance - just tips for exposures and acceptance of uncertainty.

I feel like this is no longer OCD. When the ROCD followed by the HOCD started I was so certain of what was me and what we OCD. Now I keep finding guys attractive and it makes me anxious. I’ve been trying acceptance but yea it makes me less anxious but it also makes it all seem very real. I feel really uncomfortable in my relationship. I’ve gone from a few days ago being really intimate with my girlfriend to now getting anxious even at the thought of sex with her? It’s worse when I wake up as well. I feel like I’m just ‘in the closet’ now whereas a week ago I knew this was just OCD and it allowed me to enjoy my relationship. Now it doesn’t feel the same

I feel so guilty for the intrusive thoughts especially when they come up at the wrong times like I mentioned earlier about when they come up during the m word. I feel so bad. I feel likes it’s all my fault. I should of known better and knew what I was getting into. I hate myself and I feel like I don’t deserve things like food or happiness. This sucks 💔

Idk how to word this, but how do you think of or interact with your partner without triggering obsessions? I feel like my anxiety is getting to a point where I’m just triggered by even the thought of him and it makes it difficult. Idk how to stop the cycle once it gets to this point and just wondered if it made sense to anybody else?

This is not for reassurance - it is intended to keep me going. Anyone who has went thru the “journey” of experiencing SOOCD & ROCD. How’d you overcome it? What was your journey like?

I'm wondering if I should even be doing this because I have had bad anxiety all day today and since I got home from vacation last night. I had anxiety while on vacation also, but not as bad as now. I don't want the motel to be a trigger for my OCD'S. I'm not sure what I should be doing.

No one gets back to me on here anymore..... makes me think I'm an acception from everyone else. I feel lost 😞

The thoughts feel quieter and I feel calmer but they are still there. It makes it feel so much more real. But I can also kind of tell it’s ocd. I feel normal but weird

I have a terrible fear of going crazy. This is a new obsession for me and this time i feel like i really can't deal with it. It feels like i am really crazy. Like i'm alone in the world, like i start to lose my memory. I fear that i will do something bad and won't remember anymore and things like that. At the same time, i feel guilt, shame, i fear that i'm prettending, that i'm just dramatic. It's unbearable, i don't know what i did to deserve this.

I’m about to have a breakdown. Idk who to talk to. Idk if my bf wants to be with me anymore. I made a mistake and now he’s still having a disconnect from me. I asked if he still wanted to be with me and he didn’t even answer it.

Can your sexuality change in your late 20s? just so feed up with this now just want to life my life

So I’m in a committed relationship to which is all great. But I’m attracted to this person I work with and have a little crush and every time I talk to him I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I would never ever cheat on my boyfriend but I looked it up and the internet made be freak out that I am emotionally cheating. I know I don’t want to be with this guy. And now I’m obsessing over it and feel guilty.

Has anyone with HOCD ever felt completely convinced they must be gay? And feel next to know anxiety about it and then have spikes of sudden anxiety because you almost realise again how uncomfortable that makes you?

I have been thinking lately about how I had pretty debilitating HOCD when I was going into high school and I want to share my story with you all because it seems there’s so many who are going through what I went through. My HOCD started when I had a group of friends at my catholic school who were extremely homophobic. If anyone in our class was unique, or different, or annoying, my friends would say they were gay. It was the go-to insult at the time. It’s normal for any child to question their sexuality, but imagine my inner struggle when I thought any girl was pretty, I had an internal panic. If my best friends found out that I thought a girl was pretty?? They would ruin me. Then one of my main best friends told me that one of her friends from another school, came out to her. My friend told me she stopped being friends with her. I started to freak out and think the same thing was happening to me. I started getting intrusive thoughts and distanced myself from that friend. My fear of being gay overtook my life. I was just entering high school when this all went down, and I was triggered all day at school because I went to an all girls school. I was “checking” myself all day. I was a nervous wreck. I literally begged my mom to let me go to a public co-Ed school. When I started going to a co-Ed school, my HOCD didn’t get better, it actually got worse. I was getting attention from boys that I never got before. They would flirt, ask for my number, they were relentless. And I was petrified. I had terrible debilitating panic attacks thinking if I dated a man I would hate being with him, and I would have to come out. I was resisting, doing compulsions, ruminating, having fake attractions, (any attraction I thought I had, was just anxiety) and I was stuck in this frame of thinking. Then there was this really cute guy who started flirting with me. I couldn’t deny I liked him. And we started to date, and I was genuinely in love. My HOCD pretty much disappeared for our entire relationship because there was no denying I was attracted to a man. It was in the background every once and while, but not bad at all. But, the best thing I could’ve ever done was after gaining some confidence in myself, I started going to a technical school for cosmetology. I was working with other women all day every day. Shampooing their hair, painting their nails, talking and making good friends. Now that I look back, that was the best exposure therapy😂! I started to realize wasn’t attracted to any of them. I was just a hairstylist doing my job. I didn’t know it at the time, but spending time with other women and making friends with them and exposing myself to that environment made me realize I wasn’t gay at all. Now I will say, I enjoy looking at women and I think they’re beautiful. But I do not f want to date or sleep with a woman at all. I am confident in how I feel because of my experiences. I want the younger people who are struggling with HOCD to understand how important it is to put yourself out there and experience life, make good friends, expose yourself to the things that scare you. Please just push yourself through those fears because there’s a whole other side to this and there’s clarity in your future. I have two kids and a loving husband now, and I’m so happy that I have myself a chance to overcome my fears

Don’t mind me just riding out a massive anxiety attack after a few rough weeks of actual health issues. I have major health anxiety and I’ve had 2 awful asthma attacks recently due to wildfire smoke coming into our area. I hate having asthma because I didn’t know I had it for so long. And I never really know if my shortness of breath is anxiety or asthma 😭😩 It freaks me out whenever I have to get treatment for it because they always run an EKG to make sure my heart is fine. After having COVID last year (then getting the vaccination) one of my new anxieties is developing random blood clots despite being physically healthy. I go on Twitter for the memes then the next second I’ll see someone’s personal story about how someone they knew dropped dead randomly from the shot. It freaks me out so bad. Like what?? I don’t want to stop using Twitter either because I like it and don’t want to avoid any triggers. Back to health, they took an X-ray of my lungs the other day as a part of protocol because I couldn’t breathe that well (because I was having an asthma attack 😩) and it freaked me out so bad. Everything came back clear but my discharge papers said to get my heart checked out just in case. My resting heart rate is generally higher because of anxiety anywhere from 75-85. I hate having health anxiety on top of actual health problems. My doctors tell me I’m healthy despite asthma and allergies. Every day is a battle with health anxiety. Sometimes I can’t even workout because I’m so focused on my heart rate or breathing. Like I’m genuinely convinced I’ll die of a random disease I don’t know I have. AnywAY, health anxiety OCD is something I’ve had since I had my first panic attack. As most of you know that anxiety can manifest itself in so many ways it’s horrifying sometimes. Hopefully I feel better again soon bc this ain’t it chief!! 🥺

How long should you do ERP? I have the best luck it seems with writing short stories about my husband and my worst fears (marrying him being a mistake, never knowing for sure if he’s “the one”, never feeling better and being miserable my entire life.” Sometimes I read it just a couple times and my anxiety is very high and after just a couple times through, I feel “normal.” Is this a sign to move on to something different or should I keep exposing myself to it? Also, I tend to get anxiety when I realize the story isn’t scaring me anymore. How can I do exposures to tackle that giant?