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Why do I get this strong feeling: that I’m gonna sabotage myself, my life, and my family by doing what I fear most and something bad is gonna happen and that I’m gonna cause it? Why? My fears are harm related and I also have false memory

So I am new here and am hoping for some feedback or responses here… I don’t know how to exactly do this but I guess I’ll just start with what’s bothering me most. I find myself losing a lot of personal relationships in my life. I’m 26 and have only 1 friend who doesn’t like to really “talk” to me. Or “listen” rather.. I tend to snap easy over little things. I snap on people closest to me and do it daily until people don’t want to have me in their lives anymore. I work as a baker at Tim hortons and I like things to be very very orderly. I work 6 days a week, I should like them orderly for being the only baker that works there that much. Or so I think. I put my wire trays, sheet pans, donut hole trays, etc in the same spot every day. I’ve even put labels on some spots haha. I like repetition and I have comfort in knowing everything is as I left it and in things being orderly. There are other workers after I leave. No bakers, but a supervisor who will occasionally bake if needed and every day I come in, it’s a reset for me to put everything back where it belongs. It drives me nuts. I’ll tell them to please put things where they belong, pull the same number of muffins each day, to throw the old donuts away at the end of the night, etc. it’s almost like they purposely ignore me. But everybody acts like my friend there. So it’s hard. I struggle because I know it’s my OCD and I should maybe just accept that things will never be how I want them. But then I struggle as well because I don’t know how to accept it. I snap. I get angry and I’ll tell a coworker they clearly aren’t trying and get to the point where the coworker doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I need help. But I don’t know what to really do. Is it me?

Does anyone else get anxiety from driving? I would think that driving often will help it go away but does the fear of driving ever go away?

Anyone who has tried indica marijuana for managing anxiety? Does it help?

Comment below and share some love.

I won against OCD My first post on this app was 740 days ago. I was just starting my freshman year at college. During that time I was meeting a lot of new people and forming new relationships but, I would be hindered by OCD. Many days I wouldn’t show up to class due to high levels of anxiety and constantly giving into compulsions. I ended up having really bad panic attack and had to go to the mental crisis center in my area to seek immediate help. I wouldn’t say I was suicidal but I was in a really dark place and would get those thoughts. After getting out of the mental crisis center I decided I needed to find a therapist who really knew OCD. Many of you in this community may know this but a lot of people don’t understand how hard it is for people like us to find good therapists because most therapists only have a firm grasp on mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. Nobody really understands what it’s like to have OCD. After I did find a good therapist it really did change my life, it took tremendous work and at the time I had to sacrifice some schooling in order to get my mental health in check and it did pay off wonderfully. I was so happy and felt in control of my own life for once. Then Covid happened and I relapsed so hard, I am sure many people can relate. My OCD was flaring up constantly and if dealing with that wasn’t enough all the personal stuff that was going on in my life because of this pandemic made it really stressful. I had a friend attempt to commit suicide, I had a girlfriend who cheated on me, a cousin that overdosed on drugs, a grandmother that has dementia and was forgetting who I am. I started drinking and smoking a lot more than usual to deal with all of this shit. But guess what? I pushed through it. What changed? I took ownership over my own life. What this pandemic taught me was that there’s a lot of shit in life you can’t control. I couldn’t control how long things were going to be shut down for and I can’t control my intrusive thoughts, but I still have control over my actions. I let all that shit go. I stopped waiting for someone else to tell me what to do and when to do it and just started making my own schedule. I quit my job, sobered up and left a lot of it in Gods hands honestly. I really didn’t have a plan but I just knew I needed to change and I couldn’t do that by staying in the same situation and seeing the same people. I was alone for quite sometime, all I did was read and workout but that isolation really grounded me. It gave me a deep understanding of who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. Once I figured that out everything else fell into place. I moved towards my goals and my purpose in life and in the process my sanity came back. My therapist said to me I’ve made some of the most progress out of any patient she ever had and that was 6 months ago the last time I had an appointment with her, because I have officially graduated from therapy! I apologize for the long winded and personal story, maybe a lot of you didn’t even read the whole thing but for those of you that did just know if I could overcome all of these obstacles and overcome my OCD I know you can do it too! It may not be tomorrow, next month, or even next year but if you stay in treatment, surround yourself with the right people, and stop waiting for someone to give you direction and purpose and go live the life you want too live I guarantee you that you will succeed and get better. I’m not sure when’s the next time I’ll be posting on this app, So till then do as the great Tupac Shakur says and “Keep Ya Head Up”

It seems like whenever i get a little bit better I crash I have been in therapy, not here, it is not working for me. I have been getting thoughts that are intricate promises basically whike im praying trying to ask God to ignore these thoughts my mimd deploys a series of intricate "deals" like this "If you move your toe you will blaspheme if you write or draw ever again" then I start to wonder if I made that deal on purpose and while im doing that I have a thought that says "Also if you ask God to forgive you of that first deal, you will commit the unpardonable sin" and so on. And so I feel like I have to defuse a bomb, ever so carefully going back to the latest "deal" and asking God to release me from it and if I dont do it in the right order, because if the last is still true and I asked for forgiveness for the first deal then I am in trouble and I feel like God will never release me from any of it and I will be bound for all eternity.

I do think I’ll ever be able to be intimate again and I feel bad for my boyfriend. I feel like breaking up with him but I just can’t do it. But if I do it’ll be one less worry on my end. He know of my anxiety and depression. He said his biggest fear was being with someone who has a mental illness. I don’t satisfy his needs anymore. He said his brother asked him if it was worth it and my boyfriend said he doesn’t want to be alone. So I’m not sure what we are both doing. I feel like breaking up with him after all the holidays are over. Or maybe I won’t if I can do erp and be in a better mental head space. I just hate that this happened to me and I let it get so bad.

I’m really freaking out because I went in a pizza place to pick up an order and the cashier looked younger than 18 and I had an intrusive thought not really sure if it was intrusive I’m hoping it was, saying she was hot. I thought she was pretty hopefully that’s not weird I don’t mean it to be but I just feel so weird and guilty now…I’m really hoping it’s just ocd and not a real opinion

Hi there I feel very hopeless all the time and I wanted to know if there was anyone out there who feels the same . It all started when I had a dream about kissing a girl and from then on I obsessed thought and thought and thought and having no break from it and I can’t do it anymore it’s not fair I can’t just accept it because I have no feeling towards girls at all and I feel all my attraction is blocked . This has taken over my life every time I’m not home I panic and wanna go home and every time I’m home I panic and wanna leave I cry every day and panic the thoughts are so real but I don’t want any of it am I crazy am I denial I have nothing against gays or I have never been homophobic but I just cant accept that I am because all it is is thoughts nothing more I just feel like everyday the same and I just don’t wanna deal with this anymore I’m begging anyone to give advice or relate I just can’t accept these thoughts cause I know how I feel I always loved boys I never question till the dream and now I just feel nothing and I hate it I just wanna be happy with my bf and not deal with this anymore I feel alone and it’s a everyday event and I am drained

Has anyone ever had moments where it felt like you were certain you didn’t want to be with them or love them but then you notified yourself still arguing with that? I’ve been struggling with feeling like this off and on and like I am in denial. It kind of happened when I was dealing with SO-OCD as well.

New here and hoping having a community to share things with will help me gain some perspective and calm my anxiety. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, he’s struggled a lot with depression and alcohol use over the last year however he’s saying he hasn’t used alcohol to cope in over a month, and I know he is truly trying. If I get a text from him that seems “off” I start obsessing over if he has been drinking or if he’s smoked weed (which isn’t a big deal but for some reason when it’s him it’s a big deal to me), if I’m on the phone with him and he sounds “off” I begin to obsess as well. Realistically there’s nothing tangible that should make me think he isn’t sober. When I’m obsessing I will ask him several times if he’s drank or smoked and he gets so frustrated but I need so much reassurance and I get so worried. On top of that we’ve both been stressed and very busy lately so I’ve been constantly asking myself if I’m happy, if I really love him, if our relationship is actually good, if this is the right guy for me, because we just haven’t been able to spend any real quality time together recently. I feel horrible and so guilty for thinking these things and trying to figure out if I actually feel them or if I’m just making stuff up. There have been times like this before and then it feels like my feelings of love are back and I say to myself, next time this happens remember how you actually feel, you know you love him so much. I hate feeling like I’m constantly waiting for the moment when I feel like everything is “back to normal”, and I can’t help but think that’s an aspect of OCD too.

I feel like sometimes I could do these thoughts feelings and I should come out maybe I don't know. I just can't imagine doing these things? 😞

My health related OCD has been so bad this morning. It's not even 9:00 a.m. and I've already spent 2 hours compulsively checking my temperature my rib upper abdomen area my arms, under my chin. I don't know how to stop it and it's really bad this morning if anyone has any help I need it

Can ocd make you remember stuff that happened in the past ? Like rn I’m not sure if I sexualized or looked at a child in a sexual way in the past or If I got aroused seeing a pic of a kid.. bc I do remember when I would like see a post of a kid and I remember feeling a type of way? But I don’t really remember how I felt looking at the picture and idk if this is suppressed pedophila :/ it really feels like I did in the past I think idk I can’t navigate how it really was moslty the feeling or what I said in my head like idk 😭😭😭 UGHH WHY.

I was crying in the hall ways at school and no one came to help? Does that mean no one cared and we live in a selfish world

Ok so I really need some advice. A while back I told my mom about my ocd, very briefly. She is very supportive, and we have an amazing relationship. Over the past year I would say my ocd has gotten progressively worse. I am struggling a lot recently, my thoughts are taking over. I really think it’s time I get some professional help, but I can’t work up the courage to say.(I’m under 18) therefore I can’t just get a therapist myself, meaning I have to ask her. I know she would do anything for me, I mean my brother has some metal illness but he HAD to get professional help because it was recommended due to bad depression. Anyway, the one thing that’s stoping me is the fact that she is so caring for her kids that when I tell her, her heart is gonna break,I know as a mom she is gonna be hurt, but knowing she is gonna be hurt is gonna hurt me. I’m also afraid she’s gonna so about my thoughts, and that I know is gonna break her, and to be honest I just don’t know if I’m comfortable talking about it with her. I’m struggling so much right now. Any advice to make it easier? I’ll take anything I can get.

I’m struggling right now. I felt better last night and earlier today about the mistake I made again last night. Now, however, as I am sitting out here in the living room with my family the guilt is growing and I am having a hard time not ruminating about it. A part of me wants to confess but I don’t think I ever could because it’s too embarrassing and humiliating. I don’t know why but seeing my family seems to make my mistakes come to the forefront of my mind.

+18 only please Can I just talk to someone who deals with sexual OCD? Or someone who has a hard time dealing with sexual shame? Anyone?

I hate this, why is no one commenting on my post an I invisible??