Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Cheating OCD Anybody deal with cheating OCD where they all of a sudden got a panic attack that they may have cheated on their partner when you KNOW they didn’t ??? Like now I’m playing scenarios in my head that feel real???

I keep having the same intrusive thought or image and it won’t give me a break, trying to convince me that I like the thought and I want it and I’ve never felt this with any of my other intrusive thoughts so what makes this so different? Why is this happening? I can’t even tell if it’s ocd or not but I’m praying to God that’s all it is. I wish I had answers or clarity but I can’t seem to figure it out. I know I’m not supposed to try and figure it out I get that but I have to make sure it’s not true. What if it is true and I’m in denial? What if I do actually like it? I just want it to go away…I’ve been so depressed for the past week (since I’ve gotten the thought and this all started) and it just won’t let up. I can’t take it anymore. I want to break free from all this. I’m sick of it. I feel like I deserve my misery 😭💔 I really am sorry I keep posting about all this. I just want someone to understand

For women with soocd who read coming out stories online and go on latebloomer forums and read masterdocs, etc. Firstly, nothing good or productive will come from that. No one else's story can determine yours, so there's literally no point looking at that stuff, but especially not if you have ocd, which is a real disorder that distorts the way you think and analyze your identity. Second, maybe this perspective will help you: people of all sexualities experience soocd obsessions accompanied with the fear of being in denial. Even women in same sex relationships who have soocd endlessly ruminate and doubt their attraction to women because of the way ocd works. They also wonder am I no longer attracted to the sex I always thought I was They? Or was I ever attracted to the sex I thought I was They? They also compare themselves to coming out stories to see if they relate or not and try to use that as evidence with their ocd. My point is, the next time you think that it will truly be helpful or a relief to read or visit a site or video, etc. To compare your sexuality with someone else's, at least pause for 5 minutes, and see if you can delay it. Oftentimes, when you delay a compulsion, the 5 minutes come around and you may have even forgotten about it. If not, delay it for 5 more minutes, etc. Watch a funny YouTube video for 5 minutes and you'll like forget about the urge. Gay people with soocd doubt their attraction to the same sex because of black and white info about sexuality that is spread online. Straight people with soocd do the same thing. Bi people with soocd and pan people with soocd and ace people with soocd also do the same thing. But regardless, none of us need to read other people's sexuality stories and compare to them, because it gets us nowhere except deeper into the blurry cycle of ocd where nothing makes sense. Trust me, I've been dealing with this obsession for multiple years now and have had lots of episodes where I dug myself so deep in these compulsions that I felt utterly hopeless and like life was pointless bc of the pain and torment I put myself in. When I started resisting the compulsions again, though, the heavy fog began to lift and your perspective changes a lot. Remember that: ocd doesn't change you, just like depression doesn't change you. It changes your perspective, but not you. It lies to you, but it isn't you. And it doesn't have power without you (your participation in it).

I just want to share this because I’ve kept it a secret for so long. Only my therapist knows & I want to be able to share. I’ve struggled with sexually intrusive thoughts since I was in second grade. They were basically cannabalistic thoughts, about ppl preparing to cook me and eat me in sexual ways. I only recently was diagnosed with OCD and it was the biggest relief of my life. I’m starting to understand my mind and why it works the way it does. It’s amazing to find that other ppl struggle in similar ways too. I remember chatting with ppl online about these thoughts which I thought was a disgusting fetish of mine, that shared the same fetish, asking them how they dealt with the shame of the thoughts. No one ever felt shame. They all told me “it’s just a fetish”. I never understood how they couldn’t be disgusted. But now I do. I have OCD.

Advice from some experienced people. So I now no longer ruminate over OCD, I also accepted the uncertainty and I feel great now. But I have a doubt I want to keep my OCD as a secret forever and I don't want others to know about it. Is it ok to keep it a secret from everyone? Should I tell my significant other in the future about this or should I keep it as a secret? Am I a bad person if I want to keep it as a secret. I feel guilty for keeping it as a secret. What should I do?

Has anyone unistalled tiktok and was it better for your mental health in general? Idk if this is considered reassurance but I'm actually just curious.

Does OCD affect holding down jobs? Does anyone know. Lost my job today trying to see if there's any correlation

is it normal for someone with non-sexual related trauma to be afraid of sex and relationships? i am almost 22 and have never had sex or been in a serious relationship. the vulnerability of it all is so overwhelming for me. so much that i almost feel detached from it. it’s hard hearing about my friends losing their virginity when i am one that is so afraid of that. it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. that of course triggers my ocd..really bad. like i said, i have a lot of trauma but none of it is sex related. i just feel like there’s something wrong with me..

Anyone know if shadow work is useful for OCD? Any advide?

Before me and my wife got together 7 years ago I was hooking up with other women and I feel so guilty. My wife and I had already started flirting and we had cuddled while watching a movie at a friends house and I think I was still hooking up with someone else. After we had our first kiss I never hooked up with anyone again but I still feel so guilty. I feel like a horrible human being and a cheater.

Hey everyone, I am starting therapy soon, but I have decided I want to pair it with medication, I was wondering (and I know this isn’t official doctor’s recommendations etc) but if anyone could shed some light on the best medications to try/ their experiences? What should I be telling the doctor in order to secure the most effective medication (or is it different for everyone) thanks for any help you can offer!

I reallllly need a new therapist. I’m in transition of getting another one and it’s taking forever. I’m worried I won’t get another one. I’m also worried about starting over with someone new and then not understanding pocd also. I just really need to talk to a professional about what I’m experiencing because I’m so scared but I also don’t want to be misunderstood 😑😭

I wanted to share this in case anyone needed to hear it. I sure do! I have been having quite a few bad days lately. 😂😬

This is a new one for me so please bear with me I went on a hen do on the weekend with work friends and got super drunk. I remember most of the night but I remember getting panicky and crying at some point and can’t remember quite why. I called my mother sobbing that I thought everyone hates me etc too, so that was weird. Anyway. I am a straight (maybe like 3% bi?) woman. I don’t desire a relationship with a woman at all, but I can appreciate attractive women when I see them, and I’m comfortable in my sexuality. I’ve had awful luck with men and recently left an extremely damaging/emotionally/verbally abusive relationship with an alcoholic older man. So anyway. when I was really drunk on Saturday, I saw a pretty woman on the dance floor. I remember thinking like “f*ck it I would try sex with a woman one day, never say never” and I sort of remember checking her out (cuz I give up entirely on men at the moment). I can’t remember even talking to her but I’m convinced I somehow sexually assaulted a woman and just….can’t remember it now? I’m worried when I went to use the toilets, I might have hurt someone and it’s simply left my mind? I remember most of the night so surely I wouldn’t forget something that disgusting and serious? I’ve been trying to not ruminate, but it’s feel so guilty and don’t know what to do. Does this seem like an OCD thought? I’m wondering if I put two and two together because in my city, the same night our hen party was, a man sexually assaulted a woman, and it’s been in the news. so now I’m perhaps connecting the thought of “she’s pretty” to “what if I sexually assaulted her and didn’t know cuz I was drunk”? HELP I can’t understand this I have never experienced this kind of thought before so don’t know how to practice ERP if it’s and OCD thought. I haven’t uploaded any photos to social media I feel sick anxious and I hate myself and I feel like an awful person and I’m waiting to hear a knock at the door and be arrested or hated by everyone 😞 ive been crying for the last few days too it’s breaking me

The only way to recover from OCD/SOOCD is to do ERP hardcore and stay OFF this app.

Hi, I’m new to NOCD. I am a mom of 3 and currently pregnant with my fourth child, due in June. I’ve had OCD has long as I can remember. I was not formally diagnosed until I was in my 20s. I’ve taken Zoloft on and off for decades. I normally quit the meds because I go a period of time feeling “normal” and “human” and feel like I’m fully recovered until it strikes again unexpectedly. Most recently, it’s hit hard with my current pregnancy. I fear “contamination” even though I know no one will be harmed. Touching dirty things, inadvertently smelling things in the air (ie. Gasoline at a station), tracking things inside on shoes (although we take our shoes off at the door), seeing pesticides being applied etc all cause me to get anxious and feel contaminated. I get trapped in my own mind and feel like I miss many times with my children for lack of being present. I have a difficult time believing this is OCD and not a rational thought. I would love to meet others who have similar stories and/or suffered during pregnancy as well. Thank you for letting me share my story. I don’t normally open up for fear of judgement.

Rant (I'm feeling frustrated and having a hard time with the ocd community, so if you don't want to read, just keep scrolling) When people talk about soocd, they always talk about straight or gay people having this obsession, but never bisexual people. So then when people explain it simply as ego dystonic when you get thoughts about being attracted to a certain sex, that simply doesn't apply for bisexual people (because obviously bisexuality is being attracted to multiple genders, therefore telling a bisexual person with soocd that they are NOT actually attracted to a certain gender is incorrect, because what a bisexual person with soocd actually fears is typically that they are only attracted to on gender, as opposed to multiple like they always thought), So the thing is, I immediately feel left out and like I am the exception. It feels like no one ever explains what it's like to have been comfortably attracted to multiple genders, only for ocd to suddenly make you doubt whether you are attracted to one of those genders at all. (Example: I was a bisexual woman when my soocd first got triggered, dating my boyfriend, and the ocd makes me obsessively doubt whether I like men at all/wonder what if I'm fully gay.) Why does nobody talk about this? It's incredibly isolating and frustrating and leaves me feeling like soocd resources do not apply to me or my situation and simply spiral me into more despair that I am the exception. I don't know if it's rooted in biphobia or simply a lack of awareness of bisexuality in the mental health community, but it's incredibly difficult feeling like I don't even belong among other soocd sufferers either. I'm sorry if this makes people uncomfortable who have soocd and obsess about being bisexual, I know it can be a trigger. However, I will not say the reasons that I knew I was bisexual when I found out, I'm tired of getting asked that compulsive question and being expected to answer, which only makes ocd worse for the person asking as well as making my ocd worse.

I first sought help for SO-OCD in 2017 after a sudden onset of the thought, "what if I'm gay?" I had been reading an online college fiction story that included a sex scene with two women, and that idea sent me into a spiral of sleepless weeks (literally), constantly checking my level of attraction to women, comparing it to my attraction to men, reevaluating past events, checking to see if my physical behaviors were "straight." It was awful. Fortunately I found help online when I realized that I wasn't alone and that countless others found themselves obsessing over a "sudden change" in their orientation. I was able to get therapy, though out of network and very expensive, and worked through CBT/ERP to overcome my most significant challenges. After about a year, through therapy and eventually on my own (costs, again smh) I felt I'd successfully managed my SO-OCD and experienced no distress on the rare occasion a thought did come to pass. Now, 5 years later, I've found myself back in familiar territory. I can't figure out what the trigger was here, and I've been experiencing immense distress as my brain constantly throws doubtful thoughts my way, and I unfortunately do my mental checks of reviewing memories, seeking online reassurance, and trying to "prove" to myself what is true by constantly thinking about proof one way or the other. Has anyone else experienced a spike after a long time of having managed their SO-OCD? And if so, was it difficult to get back on the recovery track? Is it normal to backslide like this?

I'm flipping out!!! So much anxiety today. I honestly have it almost every waking hour. I'm not exaggerating. Many of you can relate. Isn't this so hard. Even with ERP and this app I still have some horrible days. Like today. I guess it would help to not focus so much on how difficult it can be. I wish I could get this to logically go away, but no logic will help. Even when I tell myself that normal people can let go of intrusive thoughts and not wallow in them. OCD hates logic. Sorry. I'm just venting. This gets so fucking old!!!!!!

I keep having the thoughts to kill myself and I'm scared I actually will or if I actually want too! My mind keeps telling me certain ways too and also hearing the word "suicide" makes me feel weird and scared like I feel it in my chest! I don't know why! And last period teacher said her nice son died to suicide and I wanted to cry and got scared