Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Just Venting really: My anxiety is really low ?? but seems to have been replaced with a bleakness. I’m having one of those weeks where I am overwhelmed by the pointlessness of everything. In some strange ways it’s kind of freeing. Even my contamination fears seem to reduce because I’m past caring. I’m angry too. And I’ve cried every day for 6 days-I know I’m irritating people around me and I feel so guilty when my dog looks at me with happiness in his face and all I do is cry. When things are this bad I consider medication again but honestly I resent that I might need it because other people filled my head with crap. I’m angry about the past and I’ve upset my Mum by dragging it up. There’s some things I can’t seem to let go and she gives me this vibe like ‘get over it, people have it worse’ (they do, but I bet they’re fucked up too). I’m not working and money is running out but I hate every job I’ve ever had. I feel like an alien when I turn up to these offices and I hear people repeating the same shitty ‘jokes’ and repeating the same pointless tasks. The obvious answer is get a different type of job but nothing interests me enough or pays well.

Anyone else’s OCD isn’t “just” thoughts anymore but feelings and body responses etc. too? ?

*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.

So... I didn’t quit my babysitting job. I have three weeks to get my shit together before I spend a whole 18 days with these kids.

I feel the need to confess every little thing. It’s non stop. My mom and sis have been on to me about it, but it’s almost like I can’t help but confess.

i actually feel like i’m getting better. i don’t get the thoughts as much anymore because i realized that i know who i really am and these are just the thoughts that come with ocd. i feel like everything is getting better and i see a big difference

I’m not sure if my therapist is a scammer or not... help?

Pocd trigger Trying to quit my babysitting job is proving a lot harder than I thought it would be. No one is understanding and I’m not about to be like “ITS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MOLEST THE KIDS” cause then people would really be like wtf... so I say it’s my ocd and they’re like so what? The kids make you too anxious? Nahh you don’t understand it’s not the kids it’s that I have thoughts about molesting them and id rather not. High key fuck this shit I don’t even know what to do anymore and these parents aren’t trying to make it easy for me to quit

I have been in a happy relationship with my boyfriend for over a year. He is always there to help me with my anxiety he is amazing. The past few months I started having these HOCD thoughts. But I have not been to a therapist. Anytime I see a woman I get the “gronial response” I am very afraid these thoughts are real and I don’t love my boyfriend. This has effected our intimate relationship. I feel like anytime we get intimate I get afraid I won’t get turned on because I think I am lesbian and then I don’t get as turned on as I could. I don’t know what to do or how to make the thoughts go away and I don’t want to lose my boyfriend.

Hey guys I’m having a terrible time. I got drunk on Saturday night and had sex. I don’t know if the guy used a condom and he has had several partners. I was so drunk and I’m ashamed. I’m afraid I caught HIV. I can’t think straight. No one will marry me if I have it and everyone will be afraid to catch it from me. I’m so scared.

People with ROCD or have gone thru ROCD... I’ve been resisting a lot of urges to complete my compulsions for the past few days. I know this is a win in itself but right now I’m sitting in that uncomfortable “not right” feeling. It’s especially difficult since my OCD is trying to tell me it’s about my relationship. How do I act like my true self around my boyfriend when I’m in this funk of finding myself again? I feel like I’m censoring and watching so much on what I say (so I don’t ask for reassurance). He’s so supportive of me and what I’m going through right now. The past few weeks has revolved around my OCD and getting better but I just want to be back to our normal life where this wasn’t so prominent. Any advice?

i’m having a really really bad spike and i feel like i’m in denial now. even though i’ve never been interested in dating girls or even the thought makes me just grossed out i just can’t see myself ever being with a girl. i’m just crying right now and i would really like someone to talk to about this please

[So-ocd/hocd triggers/tmi] My day started ok and then it just got awful. All of this feels like its happening against my will. I dont want this but my brain seems like its just saying "too bad its happening anyway". Im completely freaked the hell out and lost. I keep trying to stay away from compulsing and ritualizing but my brain keeps telling me "just keep doing it. Keep doing it. Push and youll find out who you REALLY are" I still cant sexually respond to women but my brain keeps saying "force it. force it. Force it. Once you force it youll realize the truth" but i still just cant. Ive done it fucking 40 times now at least and the result is always the same. I try so hard to accept the uncertainty but my brain keeps drilling. Somehow it keeps telling me that i HAVE to be attracted to women even though my body doesnt respond to them. Im so fed up with this. Ive tried just being "meh" about it and saying "oh well who cares its not important" but it just keeps BATTERING at me until i compulse again and spiral. Im miserable. I sat in the shower and sobbed. This all feels so unnatural and forced. I hate it so much and i know that this is just a low and i can pick myself up again but what the hell im finally in a good relationship and im comfortable and just because i had some awkward sex back in November because of this damn condition my brain went haywire. Im avoiding everything i love like videogames and manga that i adored. I killed a whole damn box of gushers just because i was so frustrated. I can still only get off to men but my brain is so paradoxically stuck telling me that it means nothing. I just needed to vent because im just so freakin mad. Again. Tomorrow im gonna pick back up on resisting my compulsing and just accepting uncertainty. I was doing well for a while, but a particularly bad spike threw me off and its been hard to get back on my feet.

For those suffering with HOCD would it be wise to go to a gay club to face your fear of being gay in running out of ideas I tried erp I relapsed I tried being on Prozac and Zoloft none of them work unfortunately I can’t go to a therapist as I can’t afford one I’m really in need of help . I suicidal ??‍♂️#please help

Reverse HOCD? (TMI warning) I see people talking about their experiences with Homosexual OCD all the time. But I know for a fact I like the same gender and sometimes I’ll get intrusive thoughts about heterosexuality. I’m currently incurious but when I think about whether I’d be sexually attracted to men or not I get intrusive thoughts. I know transwomen can have AMAB anatomy but I get intrusive thoughts about said anatomy and the images I get in my head disgust me. It makes me feel guilty because it makes me feel like I’m transphobic even though I know the only reason I’m so disgusted by it is the spermatophobia caused by my contamination OCD. I’ve felt this way about AMAB anatomy since I was 12 but I never met anyone else who felt the same. So I always feel like there’s something wrong with me because even most lesbians don’t get grossed out by simple biology. Does anyone else struggle with this? I also worry that I’m only questioning my sexuality because I can’t stand my parents homophobia and I don’t like conforming to authority and that that’s the only reason I identify as gay and not bi, pan, etc. even though I know it’s completely irrational.

Guys I am SO tempted to stalk my boyfriends ex girlfriends Facebook and to try to unlock it to see old pics of them. I hate it so much I don’t know why I want to see past pictures of them together but I just do.

Is it just me that have some moments of clarity? Anxiety never completely vanishes, but it's just enough so I can see clearly my situation, and see that this isn't who I am. And then, I realize: omg, I stopped worrying! But shouldn't I be trying to solve this? And then BAM! Anxiety kicks in again, and I'm no longer able to discern my thoughts, and I keep worrying if they're true, like those moments of clarity meant nothing or didn't happen at all.

This may be selfish of me, but I really need some words of encouragement and support today. Living with ocd and anxiety + depression is hard, very very hard. I sometimes feel like giving up. But some other times I can imagine myself being free from this, and I really want that to happen. I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Question: has anyone ever retrieved something from a public garbage? I did and feel like a waking germ. I did, my jacket touched the garbage. ? Got home and jacket touched other clothes. Panic. Mode.

[Trigger for sexual orientation ocd/hocd] --- Man i hate this so much i hate that my brain is so convinced that im not a gay man. I wouldn't even know the first thing to say about what i find attractive in a woman. Yeah uh her boobs are so. Boobs. They exist. Yeah she has really sexy uh...i dont even know. Yes women in suits sure do wear suits. When i look at a man i can say wow i love how his chest looks i love his back between his shoulders and how his waist tapers. All these things but my brain keeps telling me im wrong It keeps telling me to try and test and check and that one day ill "unlock the secret" I know ive posted a lot here today but im just so frustrated. I wanna keep pushing with my exposures and cbt but its so frustrating especially when so many people are like "well just accept it youre probably bisexual" but I know for a fact my body and heart only respond to one despite what my brain tells me. I swear I knew the difference that attraction =/= attractive before this clocked me so hard but i spend so much of my time with this now im so exhausted and fed up and beyond annoyed. I already know who i am brain just let me be in peace please!!!