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Venting, explicit kinda, Share similar experiences if wanted. Finished my first day of school. Managed shame. Saw my girlfriend and she was cute as ever. Felt good to see her but I felt bad around her for some reason. My self worth has just tanked for some reason. My obsessions just feel ruining to my character, and sometimes I feel dishonest and sometimes I feel good knowing it's OCD. I don't know what I'm feeling now but I miss my girlfriend for some reason. I haven't seen her in a month and today I only saw her for 30 minutes. And it sucks because when I had hocd I got intrusive thoughts about her having a beard or a manly face, and with pocd I worry that I like her because she's childlike, which I can recognize is false because she is very womanly. Long day. Feel sad, kinda happy that I get to socialize again. OCD (which I want to believe is doing this to me) makes me feel like I've acted on my thoughts, because I had an intrusive dream one time about babies and woke up in a panic with an urge to look up naked ladies. I didn't do that compulsion. But I did m*sturbate two hours later, I can't remember why. But I remember after I had a panic attack that I may have acted on my dream. And I just remembered that panic today. That happened a month ago. It's funny how ocd can spiral, because it all started because I saw a child in a swimsuit, and worried about that since I was looking at women in swimsuits during my HOCD compulsive era. All of this is disheartening to write. I never looked up shit or got off before OCD. I hated it. I feel like I've lost myself. Old me would have never worried about anything like this. Old me would only unplug my power brick daily before leaving school. Check multiple times for a door being shut. Having to say I love you to my family right. Having that kind of ocd behavior was way easier. At least I felt like I could fit in. Sorry for the long vent. I just am so fed up with all the doubt.

Hi everyone! Does anyone else have a hard time being kind to their partner (or in my case, ex) because they’re scared they don’t “deserve“ it? My partner and I were together for almost 4 years and broke up a few months ago. It’s been really difficult but we’re in the process of trying to maintain a friendship. We were each other’s best friends for years and neither of us want to lose that. Anyway, I’ve mentioned this so many times by now but most of my ROCD is always partner-focused. Is he a bad person? What if he’s cheating? Is he lying? Etc, etc. He did mess up many times in our relationship but we worked through it all. But something that has always been really difficult for me, is showing kindness or doing something nice for him. It always brings me SO much anxiety, and I start wondering “what if I’m doing this nice thing for him, and he’s cheating on me?” Or doesn’t deserve my kindness in some way. It just happened again. He had a rough weekend, and so I sent him a kind message just to be supportive and let him know I was here if he needed to talk and even after we’re broken up, now I’m still having anxious thoughts like “what if I’m still being kind to him, and he lied about this or that while we were together?!” Or “what if I’m being kind to him and he was in the wrong in this situation and doesn’t deserve kindness” It’s really messing me up. I don’t believe that “bad people” exists. I believe people do bad things and everyone deserves compassion and love. I just can’t stop feeling anxious when I feel like I’m going above and beyond for someone, if it’s going to make me look/feel like a fool in the future. Hopefully that makes some sense! Thanks for reading 💕

So, lately I’ve been having trouble since whenever I care about people, they mean literally everything to me and I just got into a relationship with this really nice guy (for sake of the story, I’ll call him “L”). We really like each other a lot and it’s hard since we’re in a LDR with about 3000 miles away from each other. Something that makes it hard though is the fact that me and him both have a lot of crap to deal with since I’m sick with a chronic illness and have ptsd and his moms dying of stage 4 cancer and he also has ptsd but the difference between him and I is the fact that he takes drugs to be happy, I don’t. I care about him so damn much and I want nothing but the best for him and I want to be there to support him but it’s hard being on the same page about some stuff since he is into partying and taking drugs to numb the pain and I say fight for your right to be happy even if it hurts along the way. He will talk about having a bunch of weed and taking vodka shots (we’re both in high school still btw so that makes it 10x worse) and every time he talks about it my mind goes to he’s gonna die and it will be all my fault and I am trying to convince him to find something not as dangerous or addictive to cope with and find therapy too but he doesn’t want therapy and he thinks that people who need that stuff don’t change. I want our relationship to work out but it’s scaring the crap outta me. He has even talked about maybe using LSD or maybe even mollies in the future since they are “not that bad”. It’s killing me inside and Ik that anyone even without ocd who cares about someone would feel nervous but for me it’s like the end of the world. Does anyone at all have any advice about how to not be as anxious and to maybe make things better for him so he won’t resort to that sorta stuff? 😖😓

How does one dream about stabbing your wife turn in to the abundant of intrusive thoughts that I’ve had about harm towards her and my son?!?!

I used to seek for forgiveness, but now I understand that the thoughts are my punishment for what I have sinned,I don’t wish to die,I wish that I have never born..memories for what I have done are repeated in my brain thousands of times,images of the past go over and over in my head,it makes me tired.I look into my family,my friends,the close people to me,and the intrusive thoughts start,along with the memories of my past,so I avoid them and isolate my self away from anyone,yet the thoughts won’t stop.I don’t know if it was ocd or something from my past is chasing me.I believe I don’t deserve love,I feel pathetic and scared of the future.I would kill my self to stop my pain,my misery and my torment,but I won’t do it because it will make things worse,I’m typing here because I can’t speak to no one else,like my mom is close to me and we love each other but the thoughts always come and make me feel sad,and when she ask me what is wrong, I say I’m okay,she know I’m not.people here say go to therapy,I can’t,I just can’t.

vent tw: vague mentions of trauma, bad therapy experiences, and possible ableism/ocd stereotyping(?) have you guys ever been dismissed by a therapist? how did you gain the confidence to open up to a new one? my current therapist has been rly adament on making me ponder if im actually "normal" and if all of my struggles (intrusive thoughts, executive dysfunction, etc) are just.. normal, neurotypical things.. and thats fine and dandy, i suppose! but she told me that i probably didnt have ocd because thats "not usually triggered by specifics" and it deals with "compulsions like turning off a light 10 times" and i just.. i dont wanna open up to a therapist about sensitive struggles and simply be dismissed, but i really want help because its hard for me to carry on through life like this. :') she helped me a bit with accepting the thoughts, but not so much with tackling the compulsions themselves. i dont really feel safe talking about my trauma or my past further with her, but if i seek a new therapist, i dont really know how to present this in a way that might lessen their judgemental responses or belittling of my issues. maybe i came in too boldly without enough explaination to back myself up? but my experiences/symptoms are there, even if the labels/"generalizations" are wrong (though i never claimed that they were even right, just possibilities), so im not sure what i should really do next time, or if i should even still pursue a therapist to help me with this. im kinda just at a loss here, and could use some input.

BIG TRIGGER WARNING. Okay, this is taking a lot in me to write this post. I am 23 and I have ocd. I was talking to my specialist yesterday about a memory I have from when I was 17 or 18 and I had just moved to college and I was on my own. In my memory, I was going to the bathroom and my dog came up and sniffed me. Out of curiosity, I didn’t stop him but he just sniffed me and walked away. I guess I was curious as to what would happen if he licked me down there. So anyways the moment passed and I never had that thought or curiosity since. I woke up yesterday morning with the memory playing over and over in my head and I am beating myself up over this. I am not sleeping at night and I’m constantly anxious about being a horrible person and going straight to hell. I love my dog so much and he’s my best friend and I would never hurt him. I wouldn’t let him in my room yesterday because I was so scared to look at him. This alone is causing me to be very depressed and hopeless feeling. Can anyone give advice?

This might be a dumb question but I heard that ocd attacks what you value the most, but I value my family the most more than I value kids I guess so why do I have pocd and not harm ocd about hurting my family?

So I’m auditioning for a play Memorization of audition lines is not required However, I am doing it because I am among the newer people in the drama group and need to make an impact Except I have three days to memorize and perfect six pages of lines I’m literally curled up in a ball and shaking right now. I’m so scared of failing this audition. I NEED a good part, or I’m going to be a colossal failure. Not a good actress. A laughingstock. Needless to say things aren’t hot right now

I just wanna love my life. I DESERVE IT WHY CANT I HAVE IT. I AM SO TIRED I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I NEED MY LIFE. I HAVE SO MANY DREAMS SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO! OCD DESTROYS MY LIFE. DIZZINESS, PINS AND NEEDLE'S, DIFFICULTY BREATHING, BREATHING TICS ARE DESTROYING mY PEACE. It's so so sad I'm 17 years old and I suffer since 9. OCD is something I would wish even to my worst enemy and I tell this with my whole heart. I wish it wouldn't exist. I need my life back. I am crying , I am worrying especially health anxiety. I can't be that bad anymore. This has to stop. I can't worry constantly about if I have a serious illness, about during or paralyzing, about becoming blind, about becoming crazy. This is insane!!!! Who the f@@k asked me and gave me these feelings. I want to be normal. I WANT TO F@@KING LIVE MY LIFE

I see and OCD specialist and she is on vacation for 2 weeks. When I tell her my thoughts in session, she often asks me what the worst case scenario is and why does it matter if it is true. Typically, I end up deciding that it doesn’t really matter if it’s true. But for some reason with my current obsession it feels like it really matters if it’s true and I don’t have her to talk to about it. I’m wondering if I should post my thought on here so that I can get feedback on the “so what if it’s true” part, but I don’t want to come off as seeking reassurance because I’m not. Thoughts?

Is anyone here an Empath with OCD? If so could you tell me what it's like?

I don’t like that I’m getting memories from my trauma and it’s linking to my thoughts about my abuser and I don’t like that I’m feeling what he could’ve felt I don’t like the feelings & sensations :( this, is hard.

i feel like i am bi and just okay with it. it doesn't even panic me anymore, nor does the fact that i am not panicked disturb me either.

i keep getting groinals with my false memories idk what’s going on does this happen?

Hey this isn’t really ocd related I don’t think, I’m just hoping for a piece of advice from some of you guys out there. This Friday I went to a party with some of my friends, to another friend of mines dorm room. The friend who’s dorm room we were in, me and her had became close last year other than that we haven’t really spoken much over the last semester. I’ve never thought of her as anything besides friends. I have a girlfriend I love very much and everything and I would never ever want to hurt her at all. Friday I was very intoxicated, and was talking to one of my other friends about the friend who’s dorm room it is about how I thought she was attractive. But with my guy friends we’ve always been very open about talking about females indirectly. I don’t think I said anything to her directly about it and I am really hoping I didn’t seem flirtatious because I feel absolutely full of anxiety and guilt that I was disloyal to my girlfriend in sort of way and idk what to do. Physically I’m positive for sure I didn’t do anything and my other friend says I didn’t say anything to her while he was around. I’m just really scared because I love my girlfriend and I don’t want to sit w the guilt that I did something to hurt her. Vowed to myself I wouldn’t drink again or put myself in a situation where I may be vulnerable to doing something like that. Someone please give me some advice to feel less guilty

I really can do this anymore. Today seems to be the master of all trigger days. Okay, so this is what happened: I usually load my dirty laundry into the washer the night before, and add the detergent and start the washer in the morning after quiet hours. I decided to add my bedding to the washer. I wasn't as careful taking my basket out of my bedroom as I usually am and started having images that my dirty laundry touched something. I was having anxiety about this all morning as my clothes were washing. I get up to check on the washer and there are spots of soapy water on my floor. More anxiety because it was probably not clean water. So, I get myself together, grab my wood floor mop and clean it up. As I'm using the rest room and washing my hands (bathrooms are a major contamination issue for me. I won't touch any clean stuff after I use it). The maintenance guy rings my doorbell and tells me there was a leak in the downstairs apartment and they needed to check it out. There was some back and forth for a while, due to not wanting to touch the doorknob with my "bathroom" hands (I washed them, but I felt unclean). I eventually agreed, since I didn't want to inconvenience my downstairs neighbors if there was a leak. Now I'm having anxiety about the doorknob, which I touched, the potentially dirty water that was on my floor and still soaked into part of the carpet in my room, the bathroom sink, which I touched after cleaning my tub and pulling hair out of the drain cover (I did clean the sink afterwards). I'm just about in breakdown territory right now. I feel like I'm spreading it around apartment on my flip flops, which I wear so my feet don't get dirty. I really hope I don't have to deal with my downstairs neighbors. I'm guessing maybe the pipe that drains from my washer came loose. I think G-d maybe punishing me right now.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Went out on a date last night with a girl and couldn’t get an erection and kept going soft. I suffer from HOCD and my therapist said I am not Gay and have oCd. I am so scared right now does medication play a role in this. Could I just be in denial

Why am I not feeling anything towards the opposite sex? Absolutely nothing. Even sexual attraction is nearly gone. I dont feel normal. Ive convinced myself too much, now when I check out women, I get thoughts/feelings that Im gay and I will never get her or get a gf. This makes me feel less manly which takes a bigger toll on my self esteem Or when I look at a woman and imagine myself with her, I get a flashing image of me leaving her bc I like men more. This makes me sick and not good. Like I said Ive ruminated too much and believed my thoughts and proof that It gave me and now Im in this messy situation. Idk what to do. I want to feel real and normal again. Why does It also feel like time is passing by in the blink of an eye and Im not able to experience any of it fully. I hate it, theres no way Im actually gay right? Wth Im worried that I am though. Im stuck on this phrase" Im just gay" : ((((( Please give me some advice. Is this still ocd?

my ocd is got worse again and school starts in 2 days which is gonna make things difficult for me. i am just so fucking frustrated and tired. i tried to resist the urge to go on this app bc i feel like it’s reassurance but i just have to rant. i have been fighting for so long and i feel like this is never going to end. i’ve been rly trying. earlier this month i thought i was getting better but it just went to shit again. i feel so guilty and disgusted w my ocd obsession like why did it have to be those type of intrusive thoughts. like why me. ocd is literally the worst and sometimes i just feel hopeless.