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the NOCD Community

Sometimes I wonder if God hates me, maybe because He gave me OCD, or maybe because He will never forgive my thoughs even tho I want them gone, my theme isn't scrupulosity OCD, but I do feel like a monter, one that even God can't forgive. I really want this to stop, and I am so ashamed to ask for help, I don't think I even deserve help.

Anyone else have a rlly bad experience with hentai😭🤚🏽

I feel suicidal Bc I have felt aroused by children and I can't make it go away. I'm convinced I'm a pedo and that's a death sentence for me. Ive felt arousal for same sex, animals, children, family members. I'm sick. And I feel hopeless.

Anyone wanna be friends?

would an ACTUAL lesbian say they want to like men and don't want to like girls? what if i am just lying to myself when i say i don't want to like girls? because at this point it feels like my mind says something but my body says otherwise :(

I just saw on IG on my discover page that a man come out to his wife after 17 years of marriage… Anyone get really triggered by these stories? Then I tried to search and search to see if the woman saw signs in her husband… it used to only be women coming out stories .. now it’s all coming out stories that get me stuck and ruminating 😕

Has anyone had success managing thoughts without medication. I had terrible thoughts that kept pulling me into depression and I’m wondering if there is a way to manage without medication use

tw for thought-provoking content please proceed with caution if you're struggling bad with pocd i think what makes it really hard for me to get over this is that the imagined line between pocd and being a pedo with morals in denial is thin. at least that's how i see it rn.

Hey all, I am pretty much done with my NOCD sessions and I benefited a lot from it. If anyone is thinking that they should give it it a shot you should. It saved my life for the most part and I’m not 100% there but I’m a lot better than I started 4 months ago. Things take time. Give yourself some compassion. Sending lots of love and light to you all.

Anyone out there who had HOCD start quite young , early teens and is only now dealing with it in their twenties? I am and I often wonder how much the OCD had warped my perceptions of concepts like attraction and arousal.

This is something that bothers me a lot a couple of months ago someone said on some random chat site that I look gay. And not just one person 2 people 😔

18+ ONLY TW: POSSIBLE SEXUAL ASSAULT/HARASSMENT Ok so I want to explain my situation so I can get other people’s insight onto what I should do with this. In high school, I had a free period to study and one of the guys in my grade suddenly kept sitting next to me. When he did, he would “play around” and grab my thigh or poke my boob. I laughed nervously and idk if i told him to stop or not but i definitely wanted to. A different guy from my grade who happened to be in the same class, noticed and asked if i was ok. He decided that he would try to sit there instead, so several times he just told him “hey me and ________ have some homework to do and i need her help” and so my friend would sit there instead, but the guy would try to push it saying “really? What homework?” I guess he did it to another girl i knew and she got mad at him for it, and I was finally able to stand up for myself a bit. I remember he realized he’d fucked up and as an “apology”, he handed me a stick of gum. Then not even 10 mins later in the lunch line he grabbed my shoulders. I also had a very very toxic relationship with a friend for around five years. Starting sophomore year she would grope my ass and boobs. My friend mentioned to me this year that she did the same thing the year before, but no matter how hard I look I genuinely don’t remember that happening at all. I’m saying all this honestly one to get it out there, but also bc I’m confused. Was i harassed? Assaulted? Was i just too weak to say something? Im so confused on what happened and how i should feel. My friends said it was harassment but then now when i talk to my friend about it she says it wasn’t. I’m not asking for someone to say it is or isn’t, but I really want to know wtf was that?

18+ ONLY This is kinda stupid but it bothers me. I always wear a bra bc I have rlly big boobs. But recently sometimes if I’m just going out for a quick errand i jus don’t wear any. I’m gonna be a bit graphic, but my boobs aren’t rlly the same size and bc they’re so big they sag a lot. But it doesn’t bother me if I’m running an errand with my family bc it’s just a quick run and i don’t feel like wearing it for their approval. But my mom always lectures me and tells me to wear one, and how it doesn’t even look good, they aren’t the same size, etc. i understand what she’s saying, but it took me so long to get to this point. I told her over and over it only bothers me when she says something about it, but she continues to do it anyway. What should I do? I’m not happy with my body either but I’ve seen other ppl who struggle with similar problems and they had the courage to do these things so I finally have the courage to do it, but it hurts when she says these things and my family joins in to agree with her. Any advice?

⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger warning⚠️⚠️⚠️ I need some help with this if anyone is willing. Services in my area won't take a referral so I'm on my own & being pregnant too its not healthy :( . . I guess even those of us who have been doing great for some time & those of us who know OCD well are not immune from lapses & relapses. I'm stuck in another cycle & while I don't want reassurrence, I am trying to put together a formulation of what's going on so I can start to tackle it. Might be useful to mention I am expecting so OCD spikes are common along with what may seem linked to depression - Fatigue, hormonal, mood disturbance etc. I've seen a return of the suicidal intrusive thoughts the last few weeks , I've done ALOT of work around my diagnosis so it is rare that I experience the typical fight or flight distress response from pretty much all intrusive thoughts I may experience... which does make it tricky in spotting whether its coming from OCD or not. Last night I was triggered in a group call when another member mentioned she had wrote a goodbye letter to her children, after the call I almost felt like I wanted to write one to mine! then my mind jumped to the fact id thrown a whole lot of tablets out recently (not due to compulsion) and I was left trying to figure out if I felt disappointed by this or not. Sadly, no matter how much I try to refer into services for refresher CBT or counselling I'm told no. I can get stuck in this loop of ego-dystonic & Ego Syntonic, whether the thoughts are wanted / desired or not. Of course its caused me to feel rather depressed. I decided to write some of the thought patterns out as I truly can't see if these are coming from depression & true suicidal ideation OR they're purely obsessional that causes me to feel depressed which causes them more frequently? Anyone here with solid experience, I know there are a few of you in this group who are fabulous at the guidence you give. Once I can establish where these thoughts are coming from (yes this is a need for certainty however I need that so I know how to approach them as I feel depression & OCD require different approaches.. I.e I can't do ERP if its depression with ideation. Feeling conflicted- do I want the thoughts or don't, do I desire suicide or not. Visiting websites & forums particularly around suicidal OCD / Intrusive thoughts to gain certainty Rumination over if I truly feel this way or its OCD Feeling hopeless because I can't get the help with this that I need to be able to overcome them Seems like a very habitual thought process, meaning I have cycles of this kind of thinking during times of stress/ feeling down Unwilling to accept the thoughts are not OCD, am I just in denial & not willing to accept that maybe I want these thoughts & eventually I may end up harming myself Questioning if I want to act on them or not especially due to lack of anxiety distress symptoms Feeling stuck because I can't get rid of them or figure out how to move out of them. Sometimes they do feel wanted & that makes me feel worse & desperate for some support Sorry for the long winded post & thank you to those who have read it to this point.

hi! i just want to share this to show people that it will eventually get better. so i’ve had this theme for a a couple years now but it was on and off i would come if something triggered me bad. this time around it came back a few months ago and it was awful i spent days crying and so upset about my thoughts but then i decided i had to stop doing compulsions even though it was extremely hard i stopped doing as much compulsions as i could and i did and i feel so much better. like my thoughts aren’t nearly as extreme i feel so free and much happier! my advice to you guys would be to start cutting down compulsions i know it can be very difficult but it is doable. also sitting in the uncertainty helped me tremendously! wishing you all the best!

i honestly don’t know if i’m straight. i don’t have a lot of the kinks and stuff that other straight girls do i’m never heavily so turned on and dripping wet when i have sex with men i’m not lesbian i know that but idk if i would be considered bi or not. i usually can’t get off unless i fantasize about a threesome with my boyfriend and another girl i haven’t fantasized about him exclusively in over a month.

ever since covid started, my mom has been trying to get me and my siblings insurance. obviously, it’s been pretty hard and i feel bad. she doesn’t know that i have ocd and i don’t have the heart to tell her since she has covid right now. i don’t want to put any pressure on her. she already has to deal with the fact that i might have autism. i’ve resorted to self diagnosing and doing erp (which is going well aside from the feeling on anxiety) and i know that if i tell my dad he won’t believe me. especially with the subtypes i have. i’ll just have to deal with that and the reoccurring suicidal thoughts. i don’t even go outside anymore or take care of myself. on top of that, my eating disorder is trying to jab at me again. i guess this is my life now.

a rush of anxiety literally just came through me right now. i cant tell if i'm actually a monster or not. my facial expressions are scaring me they show signs that i'm attracted but i'm scared that i am. i'm scared that at some point somethings gonna change in my mind and i'm gonna turn into an actual monster im super scared i don't want to cause any harm. i don't know what to do

I am feeling so much worse than I have in months. It’s like it’s all been bubbling under the surface and now it’s coming back full force. I am almost certain that I developed HOCD as a coping mechanism because I have severe internalized homophobia. There are just too many signs in my childhood/past that point to me being at the very least bisexual. It feels like when I “let myself be bi” that I’m happy and at peace, but I feel sick afterwards. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to continue living if this is my life. I am so fucking scared to do ERP, because I’m almost positive I’m going to come out of it being bisexual. Please, someone help. Please. I just need to talk.

Im SO DONE. I’ve been depressed for months. I rarely ever tell my mum, but when I do, she says EVERY SINGLE time that it’s ‘hormonal’, because she did one class in endocrine or some shit. It’s so invalidating and it makes me feel like I’m over exaggerating. REGARDLESS of whether I came over my period a week ago, she STILL says it’s hormones. I asked if I could go into therapy, and she said that it’s not worth it because there isn’t anything wrong with me I just want to cry. As soon as I mention the letters OCD, she gets really short-tempered as though I’ve made it up - WHY, WHY, would I make this up. I haven’t told ANYONE other than her. I just can’t stand this. I just want help.