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the NOCD Community

Strange strange stuff this HOCD (if it even is real) One thought when I was high as a kite off edibles has turned my life upside down sucidial every single day would love to close my eyes and not wake up. I am certain in my own mind I love girls, even the smell of a girl can turn me on But for some crazy reason I can’t stop thinking if am gay this and that when deep down I really don’t think I am but why can’t I stop obsessing about it? I’ll be masterbating to lesbian porn, just regular porn and be really enjoying it but then out the blue I get a picture of a gay person I know and you would think if I was gay that would turn me on but it knocks me sick and just makes me not wanna masterbate at all, but why the f*** is that thought in my head then? So hard to understand something I can’t even understand my self, going threw the motions at the moment and literally don’t know how long I can last.

Rumination doesn’t actually lead to solutions, and can leave you more depressed, anxious, and unsure. How do you stop ruminating?

so sometimes i ignore my thoughts and avoid them, or be like "yeah whatever it's not the time for this bullshit" or "i really don't have the time and energy to do this" and then they go away. this makes it feel like denial even more because i saw someone say once "if you can ignore it then it's denial, if you can't then it's hocd" and i am so scared it's actually denial. i don't want to love girls God please😭😭

An OCD theme of mine is true. This isn’t the OCD telling me this either, it’s definitively true and I have proof of it outside of intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what to do. I feel so horrible and can’t think straight. I feel nauseated and lightheaded and I feel like I’m in a sick horror movie where I’m forced to watch myself act in ways I can’t control and don’t want, but I’m powerless against it. All I want to do is kill myself or hurt myself. I don’t want to be alive anymore. There’s no point to any of this. I have absolutely nothing and realizing that this theme is true only is showing me that I have even less of a reason to live. I don’t want to exist. I don’t have anything that makes me happy or gives me purpose or makes the pain go away. There’s nothing anymore. Please don’t comment to peddle religion onto me. I have desisted and don’t plan on returning to faith.

I’m scared I had an orgasm to an intrusive thought of some disgusting image I saw on tiktok. If I did I don’t think I can live with myself and now I wanna take my own life. My mind was so full of intrusive thoughts it was crazy so I really don’t know what I had an orgasm to

Off topic but how did you guys decide on a college major you love?

wait aren't compulsions done to alleviate the distress caused by the thoughts? that being said then checking and testing aren't compulsions right? and imagining scenarios isn't either. so is this not hocd? am i just in denial???

Me: Ahh finally a moment of peace! Ocd: hahaha, wait for it

when i was first hit with hocd i couldn't do anything at all, but now i ak able to move on with my day and do simple tasks and even go out, which makes me feel like this isn't hocd because ut doesn't impair my life anymore, which must mean i am in denial

Does your OCD ever cause/make worse physical symptoms? I had some weird and vague health stuff - lightheaded, dizzy, fatigue, nausea, etc. - and definitely see now that I was obsessing and ruminating on the symptoms and what might be happening to me. They didn’t go away for months. I took every test my doctor could think of and everything was clear. I’m wondering now if my OCD was making those symptoms persist and worsen..? Like maybe they were related to anxiety generally and the obsessing was making it stay longer? Has anyone had an experience like this?

A new student in my remote class today did some things that were so noticeable to me: getting flustered when I did something “out of order”, repeating phrases or counting over and over, and checking her math problems over and over and over. I know that while I’m extra tuned-in to notice those struggles, that my noticing is absolutely so far from any diagnosis. All the same, I just felt for her because my math work kept me up past midnight already in 4th grade with those similar compulsions, and I hate to think of other children struggling so much. (I did also see those organizational and checking tendencies help her do another task better than less-careful students, so there’s that...) I’m a bit unsure of what to do when she insists on checking and rechecking from the beginning again when we “make her lose her place”. I have to check in with all the students, make sure I give everyone enough time, but also not get stuck on one thing for too long in my half-day sessions or make everyone who’s finished wait till they are no longer focused. I also know if I had been told that she does have OCD, that it would be another reason not to support her compulsions, but at this point in time I don’t think it’s my place to bring anything like that up at all. I know I’ll figure something out. It’s definitely something I can be extra sympathetic towards without just giving her a pass at doing whatever she wants. I totally remember a bunch of strategies I figured out before my diagnosis, so I’ve got plenty of things to subtly try. I’m so glad she’s joined my class and is participating so fully. Maybe my understanding of issues like this won’t help her in anyway, but maybe they will. How’s that for embracing uncertainty with a positive outlook? ;)

No one has the same thoughts I have 😔

i keep seeing people on here saying they never questioned their sexuality before and it makes me sick because i have and this is further proof that i am in denial. i questioned it though not because i liked a girl, but because i fit a lot of those stereotypes and started believing tiktoks saying stuff like "if you do this you're bi" or "if you like this you're bi" and some of them applied that's why i thought i was bi, but even then i didn't fantasize about girls and didn't feel like i was truly bi. but this makes me sick to the stomach. this doesn't feel like hocd anymore, it just feels like i am struggling with my sexuality and i hate it. i just please i don't want to like girls or be with girls please :(

i truly believe i am a lesbian/bisexual in denial. i am truly convinced of that. can this all feel this real???

In a secular world, faith is rarely mentioned as a form of healing. If you believe in God, know that you are not fighting this battle alone. Before this episode of ocd, I had kind of put my faith on the back burner. Going through this has helped me return to God and has strengthened my relationship with Him like never before. I am going to have to put in work, but I trust that He will help me get through this. Just posting this because relying on God has given me incredible peace, and I thought it could be helpful for some of you. Just a thought :)

Is it gay to find a guy "cute". Like a couple months ago I've been finding every single guy i look at "cute" and tbh it's weird and a little discomforting in a way. Like i have a whole girlfriend and I believe she's very beautiful and I'm emotionally, physically, and sexuality attracted to her and my worst fear is that i am gay and I just don't know it. When I find guys attractive i don't see them in that way but it's just annoying

i’m so obsessed with emptying my blatter completely to the point where i sit on the bathrooom for 30 mins literally forcing myself to pee as much as possible even if it brings me pain. and then after i finish and go back into my room i feel like my ocd might be tricking me and making me think i have to use the bathroom and pee AGAIN! even tho i just spent 30 minutes in there. and recently i always get up and use the bathroom again and everytime i go i literally barely even pee. and sometimes i don’t at all. and it’s so annoying bc the second i go back to bed it physically feels like i have to go pee and it’s so hard to ignore the feeling and convince myself that it’s just in my head so these past times that this has happened i always end up giving in and getting up to use the bathroom. i’m literally feeling like getting up and usuing the bathroom rn again after spending 30 minutes in there and i’m finding it so hard to not go. i feel like after j finish typing this i’ll go straight to the bathroom. idk how to deal with this

Good morning, can I ask what other people do to keep their mind busy and to stop you ruminating? Do you use self talk about real life, whats happening now? Decisions to make, watching TV etc? I’m just so use to ruminating for hours on end, for years, I’ve forgot how to behave otherwise. It seems like I’m either paying attention to the mind and trying to stop ruminating or, my mind is quiet and I just go through the motions of the day. I’ve got no strategy on going forward/recovering. I try and leave the mind alone and do a Pilates class but my mind is elsewhere not on Pilates but thinking OCD thoughts, what my mind is doing etc, I think I need to keep it focused on real life but I don’t know how. Is self talk the key? Any advice would be HUGELY APPRECIATED 💕

I made a post earlier but it was very low effort so I want to remake it. When I was 13, 16 now. I catfished a girl I was dating. My OCD is just now on me. It is telling me to tell the girl I catfished her. Wont confessing make it worst? Is there even a point in confessing. I am a better person now and will never do anything like that again.

I feel like im never gonna love a man and i like girls and am just in denial I just wanna be one of those girls that fawn over shirtless boys again and are boy crazy soooo badly Its not fair:( At least to know i like guys and dont feel like this