Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I feel like I'm never going to be happy again 😔

18+ please I’m so aggravated because it seems like my ocd is trying to attach meaning to the littlest things that don’t even matter to try and find proof that I’m a bad person. I hate myself. When I was younger I had a I hate to say it it’s very embarrassing but a tickling fetish and what if when I would do that to someone did that make me a bad person? I know it’s a normal thing and at the time it was normal but what if wasn’t? What if it was wrong and I should hate myself for it? What if I had groinal response or worse? What if what if what if! I’m exhausted

i think i definitely have ROCD. i have a boyfriend and we have been together for 2 months and i see him every day. i want to move in with him. i dream about him every night. i am literally crazy about this guy - he is amazing and beautiful in every way. however i have so many doubts that i “actually truly love him”. what if i just like the idea of him? i’m not sure how to tell if it’s real or not. i am so proud that he’s my boyfriend. he’s everything i could ever ask for. i also worry about us breaking up constantly, even though everything is going pretty much perfectly as it can in a relationship. one of my friends highly disapproves of us, and constantly talks about “if you guys were to break up”. she says stuff like “you guys won’t date forever” and “when you break up..” and “be careful, he might only want you for the sex” and also “all men are assholes, it’ll definitely come to a point in your relationship where you’ll understand that” and i have a panic reaction every time she says these things because i feel like she’s gonna jinx it and that we WILL break up. i am still young. still in school. but i am certain that i wanna spend years and years with him. even the rest of my life if possible. but it’s hard to imagine us in the future. i feel like it would be impossible to love me for so long..? and i feel like i’m ridiculous for imagining such things like being together forever because everyone says it’s “impossible”. i have so many doubts and i’m so scared. i don’t want this to ever end. i don’t want to think about it. but every time we are together i have to check if i am feeling good or if i love the way he looks or if i’m truly in love with him. i even feel infected writing this because i don’t want to even utter the possibility of us breaking up. it’s horrible but i’m really really scared he knows how much i struggle with ocd so should i tell him!?

I’ve been doing pretty well for the last few years. I saw a great therapist and am still currently taking sertraline. A few days ago I had some colleagues over for a few drinks, we had a brilliant day but then I woke up the next day absolutely panicking that I’d made a fool of myself because I’d been a little bit drunk (we all were!) I tried to sit with the anxiety but I absolutely caved, spent ALL day googling and reading articles about anxiety after drinking, and texting my friends to make sure I wasn’t an idiot. As well as excessively reassurance seeking from my husband to make sure I wasn’t a bad person. I’m so mad at myself for taking a step back :( I have a constant feeling that if everything isn’t tidy/sorted at home or my to do list isn’t ticked off completely or I don’t fully have every single thing in my life sorted, that I cannot and should not rest. Everything has to be perfect and it is EXHAUSTING.

I’ve heard some people say wanting to tell you friends and family everything you’ve done or thought is a compulsion. But I really feel like I’m not being honest with them if I don’t?

does anyone else’s OCD cause them to overcompensate? like when i used to have SOOCD i would always overcompensate about me being straight. and when i was having real event OCD about a certain thing i said in the past, i would always like overcompensate to show i supported that group of people and was not a hater towards them and that i did not mean what i said. and now with POCD i feel like everytime i see a tiktok talking about someone being a pedo or a story where someone did something horrible to kids or someone saying something that’s pedoish i feel like i absolutely HAVE to comment how horrible that person is or how weird someone is and just overcompensate or else i am not truly against people hurting children. now, i saw a tiktok saying that people who always talk about pedophilia and constantly talk about how they are against it are just truly overcompensating and are probably pedos themselves and now i’m freaking out that all of the times i talk about how pedophilia is bad on tiktok or call out people acting like pedophiles that people will think i’m just overcompensating thinking i’m one myself.

As a kid i would always have girl best friends / sisters (i always wanted a sister), and i would imagine in my head like us in the future She would be my best friend and i would have my husband and child and she would have her husband and child And i feel like i only did that because i wasnt aware of the possibility of two girls being together But yet i was I learned what being gay was at like 6/7 and it never once crossed my mind that i could be I always liked guys and saw them as romantic partners It’s never been girls before, not once until fucking ocd started And now idek where i stand And im scared that im a lesbian and had signs in the past and everything:(

I’m being haunted by the memory of my past friendship. It was a very toxic friendship in which I would do anything this girl asked me to. When we fought, I used to give her presents and write her notes so she would forgive me. Now I’m convinced that, in reality, I liked her and my mind is telling me that that is the final proof I’m lesbian. I’m scared bc this feel so real that it seems like a fact. It seems like if I don’t accept it I’m in denial.

Things have been difficult for me, by this point if I what to do, I am getting angry at myself and other people are invalidating me constantly. I can't even bring myself to get my own cup of water. I know I shouldn't ask what I should do, but if anyone can help me, please do, I can't even sleep at night.

this is not particularly ocd related but I need help. I have experienced all my life that most girls don’t like me and always find ways to make me feel insecure. Even girls that doesn’t me, I feel an energy that is very toxic from so many girls that I meet. But it’s always me that deals with it, I don’t know anyone else that experience it. I have been told that I am pretty and that I have a beautiful soul that makes other girls jealous, but I don’t understand what it is about me that makes other girls behaving like this towards me. Therefor I don’t have a lot of friends, that also has been a trigger to my hocd, can someone help me understand this?

I’m going to be honest. I’m not ok. When I try to rationalize a thought it make me feel like I’m in denial. My groinals are weird.

I’m ruminating over whether or not I’m a child molester since jag was my first false memory and encounter with ocd . (8th grade )Then after that it progressed to intrusive thoughts , which sent me a pang of anxiety. I’m debating whether or not I did compulsions . Was it avoidance because the thoughts were scary or was it just me thinking the thought was absurd . I remember thinking the thought was absurd and kind of leaving it . I’d fantasize about random people and my best friends face would pop up involuntarily and id avoid fantasize Nagu all together due to this (9th), then I had HIV obsession (9th) and them POCD again. What weird is how cool I was over this at first . Like was I avoiding thoughts cuz they were too scary or were they normal intrusive thoughts and I’m avoiding the fact that I’m a molester ??? Like for example , in grade 9, I had intrusive thoughts of being attracted to my friends 12 year old Bridget and whenever he left I was relieved he was gone . But I didn’t ruminate. A lot . I just kinda avoided and felt relief . I guess I didn’t get into the content cuz it’s too scary so that’s why I was nonchalant or maybe not . Idk it’s SO weird

This is a poem I did a while ago, one of the many things OCD is good it and is making you forget who you are and that's how I was feeling when I wrote this and to be honest it still resonates with me today...

I am going batty. Teaching remote summer school happened this week instead of next, and I was only notified this week that it was...😬 My new immediate supervisor just keeps making me so mad. She doesn’t seem to read my questions because her answers are often copying and pasting an old email to me that might be somewhat related to the topic but is absolutely irrelevant to the question. Her other, big go-to is to tell me to re-attend trainings or ask questions at office hours run by higher ups. When I do so and I am repeatedly told by higher-ups that what she’s asking is the exact opposite of what they want, I politely let her know that’s what I was told, but that I’m willing to do whatever she wants/needs. She then seems to berate me with her retorts, though I am really trying to remind myself that she is also under a lot of stress right now and subtext is lost in email. On the one email amongst dozens where she used overtly kind language, I read it as though it was a fresh start with her. It was unfortunately followed by more curt, unhelpful, and contradictory emails. She mentioned that we were given 2 extra paid hours for planning “over the weekend”. Since I had only gotten my class rosters this week, and she discussed this at our end-of-the-week meeting today, (we don’t work on Friday), I thought how nice it was that we would be paid for some of the extra time that would be needed for all the extra work this holiday weekend, mainly of re-doing things as all these supervisors keep telling us to complete tasks differently. (Really, I can’t wait to actually spend my prep time on my students instead of illogical forms!). When I asked if there was a specific way she wanted us to record those two hours on our timesheet, she told me via a midnight email that those 2 hours extra were for last weekend, copied and pasted something about our regular teaching hours, said that I needed to relearn how the whole system worked again, and yup, should watch more self-training videos. I replied that I understood our regular teaching hours and thanked her for letting me know those extra paid hours were for last weekend. I wanted to ask if I could borrow her time machine, because how on earth could I have used hours last weekend that I was only made aware of today to make lesson plans for classes and grade levels I hadn’t yet been assigned? I refrained from asking her that, but that’s where the OCD comes in. It’s so hard not to ruminate about her. As soon as I meditate or move on to a cool, new lesson for my students, ::bing::, another email from her asking to redo something in the way I have been thoroughly trained NOT to do it. At least when this turns my uncontrolled thoughts into scenes from Office Space I can laugh even while living the asinine reality. Thanks for letting me vent. My mind already feels clearer. 💜

What is OCD’s true purpose…why does it haunt our minds and exist. Is it driven by anxiety? Dysfunctional brain?

18+ please sexual topic Tw So growing up I used to have a fetish and that was all I had anything to do with it had nothing to do with anything else. I’m scared that when I looked up the fetish and this was after I was 18 that the characters that had to do with the fetish I’m scared to death what if they were younger characters and I didn’t realize it. I remember going back and being like this is weird now it’s not the same as it was when I was a teenager and I stopped but still what if I did something terrible and I can’t go back and fix it. I know this is real event ocd but does anyone relate? I promise it had NOTHING to do with age it had to do with the fetish itself. Masturbation had a lot to do with it too. I hate myself and I keep getting suicidal thoughts because of it. What if I deserve it? I’m not the same person and I would never make the same mistakes again knowing what I know now

Hey guys. I’m new here. Real event ocd is my main theme right now.

My ocd is trying to convince me that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore and that I don’t want to be with him when it’s the exact opposite. I love him with my entire heart and I would never want to lose him. Has anyone dealt with this?

I keep beating myself up for being too slow at work projects even though there has never been the slightest complaint. I mean, it's definitely true that I'm slower than a person without OCD because I check so much and always try to make everything perfect. But if my boss doesn't seem to mind, at least up to this point, why can't I stop hating myself 😭 just venting... I'd appreciate if someone could offer some opinion, similar experiences, etc.

Anyone else’s OCD really bad when they first wake up?