- Date posted
- 5y
i just want someone to talk to on here but i’m having no luck. this app has been so comforting when i needed it the most and i am really having a hard time right now. every time i share an intimate moment with my boyfriend, even though i know i enjoy it and feel happy and in love, all of that goes always when i call myself gay after it happens. i feel so unlike myself because of these thoughts because i can no longer enjoy these small moments with my boyfriend without what feels like me purposely calling myself gay. i don’t know what our conscious is supposed to sound like, but whatever the voice is that is calling me is far from it. i get filled with anxiety and fear that i could just be in denial and lying to the boy i love, but my heart and soul and mind don’t match up. since the thoughts have gotten worse, i have been listening more to my heart and seeing how i feel deep in my soul, and i know that i was meant to be with men romantically. i am not opposed to being with women romantically at all; i think women are absolutely stunning and when they are great people, it just makes them more attractive to me, but i still don’t feel like i was meant to be with one long term the way that i feel i am supposed to be with men. sorry for this long post, i just feel better writing these things down because it helps me understand better what i am actually going through and helps me collects my thoughts better.
- Trigger warning
- Sexual Orientation OCD