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the NOCD Community

How do I know if I actually need help? I don’t know if how I feel is serious enough to the point where I need to talk to someone. I’ve had obsessive thoughts over HOCD for over a week now and they cause me such a sick feeling in my stomach to the point where it boils over and I start hyperventilating and cry and self harm but sometimes it feels like I’m faking it for attention or exaggerating how I feel even though no one literally knows I’m like this or sees me like that. I feel like deleting all my social media so I don’t see triggers. I feel nauseous and sick 24/7 and seeing anything having to do with a relationship makes me want to cry. In the past I’ve had obsessive thoughts over what I was going to eat. I kept going in and out of calorie counting and always obsessing over whether or not I should skip a meal or whether I’d be able to hold out or how many calories I may have eaten/burned. I felt like I had no control over whether or not I’d binge. Now I stopped doing that because I just started binge eating instead but I really want to lose weight still. Could these types of obsessive thoughts be OCD too? I would literally think about food 24/7 and not even homework could distract me from it but when I actually binged I’d get so angry at myself and frustrated it was like a never ending cycle. I don’t even know if I actually have OCD I don’t know if I should seek help and I definitely am NOT telling my parents about my HOCD thoughts there’s no way. What should I do??

distraction post: what's your favourite dish??

Any other Christians have an obsession that they will go against their values? I am so afraid I am going to start doing things other people do that are wrong in my beliefs

Please tell me I’m not alone in this. I read an article today because I’m trying to do more exposures. It was very violent and it instantly triggered violent thoughts towards my mom which is something I’ve been dealing on and off with for the last couple of days. I kept telling myself it was just a thought and that I was triggered by the article. I ended up going out with my mom and it just progressively got worse because I kept reassuring myself that I wouldn’t hurt her but then I got the worse possible thought possible and it was what if I have to hurt her to make the thoughts stop and that just TERRIFIED me. I don’t want to hurt my mom and I know that won’t stop the thoughts. But now I’m scared that I’m going to somehow convince myself that that’s what I have to do

Anyone on here been diagnosed with ADHD?

i’m going to have a panic attack (i beg that u read) i became very close with this guy i met on omeagle a he definitely told me he was 17 and i told him i was 15 (which i am) and forward a few months he is the guy i go to for mental health support because he has been through the same. and i told him about my first bf when i got him. but then this guy started to get a bit too interested and he asked for nudes. i said no. but then considered what if my bf wants them ?? i want to know that he would like what he saw. so i asked him ( the omeagle guy ) if he would tell me honestly if my bf would like it. it wasn’t a nude it was litterally a bikini top. that’s all. and i’m not gifted so nothing was showing. he told me my bf would love it etc etc. and i was happy. but the omeagle guy got more interested and because i felt like i liked it i kept using it as proof that i’m not gay. and me thinking he was 17 i kind of let it happen as banter while continuously reminding him that we are just friends and i have a bf and he said yes he understands. today he told me he’s 18. making him an adult and me a minor. and he’s telling me i told him i’m 16 when i’ve had 15 in my bio for ages and i told him i’m 15. i’m scared i’m going to be arrested or that he still has that pic of me but he’s screen recorded his camera roll to make me feel assured that he doesn’t have it. i’m reallly panicking what do i do

I cant fucking sleep haven't spoken with my girl in 3 days after I told her my mistakes i made. Ofc a spike in HOCD. 5 years and I feel absolutely lost. Im scared to see her with someone else and I hurt her with my stupid mistake i regret so bad and wish to make things right.

This is driving me nuts I don't know if this is reality or not or the thoughts are real. The thought of being with man disgusts me 😔

Just woke up from having loads of dreams. some of them were quite sexual involving women and some of them were involving having to choose a sexuality and bisexual kept popping up. Trying really hard to just accept uncertainty and not dwell on it but it’s very difficult when it shows up in dreams too :( I don’t get much anxiety towards this anymore either which I worry is a sign it’s true.

is ocd genetic?

My ROCD is driving me insane lately. It's not giving me that much anxiety, which I know isn't a bad sign. But there's always that "if it's not making you anxious, it means you don't care" or something like that in the back of my mind. I get thoughts that I don't love him, or that he's just a friend (this one is because I don't enjoy sex that much.) I see myself putting too much thought into sex, as it isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but then I also see it as "if you're not having sex then you technically are just friends." Because that's like the difference between platonic and romantic. Another thing is the intrusive imaginations. Like, I'll imagine myself telling him I no longer love him, that I'm just not feeling it anymore, that he's not attractive enough, tall enough, or I think that everything he does is annoying/cringey even though it isn't, and the list goes on. We also live together, so it's hard because it breaks my heart to imagine doing those things, but I also know a lot of people who also get upset when breaking up with people even though it's what they "have" to do. You know, those couples that, nothing really went wrong, things just "weren't working." I'm scared I'll end up like that, where nothing is wrong, but I just don't feel the same anymore. Anyway, I just really wanted to get that off my chest. The part that bugs me the most is definitely the "just friends" thing because it's the most realistic.

distraction post: what's your favourite movie?

Anyone here on this app who also experiences this? When u have ocd such as POCD, Incest OCD, or just sexuality OCD in general. And you're constantly thinking about it and because of that you start doubting yourself, 'Do I do this because I'm actually in love with this familymember/kid/person, or because I'm overthinking my OCD? It's freaking me out, please help, I'm not asking for reassurance (tho I wish I could) but more for a conversation and/or tips with and from people who've also experienced this.

I feel suicidal. I’m aware that ERP will help me deal with the anxiety and function better while alive, but the thought of battling with these thoughts forever makes we want to check out. Why keep going? I feel like I’m living a double life where I’m a monster half the time until I “sober up” (I don’t drink) why keep going?

Is any there to talk about hocd I’m going crazy. Please help me.

Confessing is a compulsion I understand that but what if someone tells you “if you have an urge then you need to tell me” but I don’t want to tell them because I’m afraid of how they will react because they don’t believe I have ocd then what should I do? I feel like I’m keeping it from them or being secretive and I don’t mean to be. I believe they meant if I wanted to act on the urge? I definitely don’t want to act on anything

Has anyone ever went through grief/a break up where it seems that ocd makes the process worse? Like having anxious/intrusive thoughts that aren’t even reflective of your feelings about the situation?

I think my hocd is making me think im gay or bi, why does it feel like I like dudes? It feels so real, it feels geniune. This never happened before and in the early days of HOCD. Should i just come out as bisexual. I dont even get desires but i feel like they look good

So urges are apart of ocd right well anyway here’s what’s bothering me. One time I confessed to my mom everything that was wrong with my intrusive thoughts and feelings. And they are mostly about my niece because she’s the only kid really in my life right now. So my mom doesn’t believe I have ocd. She gets mad at me every time I mention it and it makes me really upset to not have a supportive parent even thought I’m 22 but still she’s my mom. So one time she told me that if I ever had an urge to let her know. I’m guess that she meant if it was a real urge if I wanted to do something. Ocd is different. It is unwanted and absolutely sucks and causes fear and anxiety. I’ve had a couple urges recently regarding my niece and I would never EVER act on them or even want to. I absolutely hate that this is even happening to me. I can’t confess either because it’s a compulsion and makes things worse. I don’t know what to do. Should I just keep everything to myself. I tried talking to my therapist about it and it didn’t help and hopefully in the future my mom can talk to my therapist. I know this is a long story I just feel so alone and feel so misunderstood. I’m scared my mom thinks I’m a monster or if I actually told her about my “ocd intrusive urges” she will hate me forever and never let me near anyone again.

sorry i’m having a rough ocd day and just wanted to vent. having hocd is like rubbing an eraser on a piece of paper until it wears a hole in it and the entire page is ruined. that’s how i feel about relationships and my sexuality. i can’t enjoy anything romantic. i can’t connect to anyone on that “next level.” i’m too busy monitoring my every thought and feeling under a microscope 24/7 to the point where i can’t experience crushes or anything relationship-related without anxiety sucking the enjoyment from it. i feel like i’m watching everyone around me live life normally with their significant others and i’m just alone behind a wall of glass because nothing feels right to me. i lose feelings for guys the minute they show interest so i’ve subconsciously(?) started going after guys who are emotionally unavailable or live far away. i can’t stop analyzing my past for clues, i can’t stop trying to make mental connections, i can’t even identify what my true feelings are because my mind is so skewed with anxiety. i feel i’m just naively repressing my real feelings, i feel like i’m unknowingly in denial, and i just feel so disconnected from myself and others. i’m terrified that i’ll never be able to get close to someone without hocd ruining it. i don’t want to date girls but even typing that sentence, my mind is compulsively checking to see if i really mean that. i don’t think i want to date girls. i think i want to date guys, but what if it’s just comp. het? (which was the most triggering discovery for me btw). i’m just inexplicably worried that the “solution” to all of this is truly just me being a lesbian. i don’t want to be, but it feels like an inevitable “sentence” that i’m going to have to accept eventually. it gives me so much anxiety because it doesn’t feel like me. but with hocd i don’t even know what “me” really feels like anymore. i’m so frustrated. it’s been almost 6 years that i’ve been dealing with this and i’m starting to lose hope. i feel like i just can’t participate in life the way everyone else does. i feel like i’m doomed to live out the rest of my life without a relationship because i just can’t see myself peacefully dating someone without doubts eating me alive. i’m so beyond jealous of people who don’t have to deal with this. it makes me feel like an incomplete person, like parts of me are missing and i’m just defective and lying to everyone. hocd sucks. and of course i’m often stuck ruminating about whether it really even is hocd instead of just denial. these thoughts make me feel so isolated and i’m just so incredibly sick of it. but anyway. thank you for reading if you’ve gotten this far.