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the NOCD Community

Hey guys so lately I’ve been doing okay at not ruminating. I’m allowed to ruminate only at 9 pm. But it scares me that I’m doing okay not ruminating, because it is literally supposed to feel like hell! And I’ve been ruminating a bit less for only 3 days! I’m worried this must not be OCD and I’ve been fooling myself all along. It also makes me so disturbed to be with my family and feel the thoughts coming in, (they’re harmful thoughts towards my family), so my brain starts doubting and asking me: okay so are you going to stand up and do it? Or are you just going to your room? And it makes me so uncomfortable because I don’t know the answer. Right now I’m in my room. I didn’t do anything. But my brain would tell me: are you sure about the decision you made? Maybe that was not the decision you wanted but you took it anyways. I’m even surprised I haven’t acted on my thoughts because I’ve really felt like I could have, or like I am ignoring to act on them but might do it any moment. So now I feel so confused and disturbed. These horrible scenarios really overwhelm me and the fact that they feel so possible, that I don’t know if I’m capable of doing them/ if I’m going to do them, is the worst.

Feels like there are so few TOCD sufferers on the app... any of y’all having success with exposures and therapy? How is it going? How does your TOCD show up in your everyday lives? I’m just so curious how other people are doing, as I’m struggling a lot myself.

Hi everyone. Any advice on how to help a teen with severe OCD, a teen that absolutely does NOT want to participate in therapy and continues to say “I like my life the way it is.” “You are just trying to change me.” Keep in mind, she does not eat anything at our home, does not touch anything certain people have touched, has special clothes for riding in the car, sitting in bed, and being out in the house, will not ride in the family car, will not touch people-any people, will not touch school books so she is falling behind in school. She more or less spends her entire day in her room. She used to be so social and fun and adventurous. During therapy she is sassy and defiant, completely different than her normal self. I have tried everything and can use all the help I can get. Thank you in advance!

Can someone please respond to my last post ?

Hi everybody. I have SOOCD and am engaged (to a man) - if anyone else is engaged and dealing with this and can relate, would be interested to know if you want to connect. :) Really right now though i just want to vent that I HATE the fact that my SOOCD is making me feel like I’m homophobic. Some of my best best friends are gay and I very much support all of their rights to have all of the rights!! This is probably one of the worst parts about SOOCD and OCD in general. I value my friends being able to have rights. But I also value my partner and I’m sure that’s why OCD is attacking me like this. Anyway just wanted to post in case anyone else could relate. Thank you for reading and have a good day :)

My OCD attacks everything I’ve ever loved. I was ok with self-doubt about not being good enough or not being likable to people but the moment my OCD started attacking my attachment to my pets and the people I love everything went downhill and I completely feel helpless. I can’t tell my family about it I’ll scare them so much and they’d think I’m going insane .

I was reading an online comic with my boyfriend and there was a scene when a woman was battling with some voices-demons who where telling her to kill people around her for them to stop. This was totally disastrous for me because my brain was like what if I am like this what if I go insane? This totally triggered my ocd(3 weeks ago) and I can’t keep it out of my mind ever since. When I first discovered I have OCD and saw the harm-OCD theme I was like no this could never be me and I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts. Some months later reading the comic book and this particular terrifying scene causes me to doubt everything and cry everyday- especially when I am with loved ones. I can’t look at them in the eye without crying because of the intrusive harm thoughts. I don’t want to tell them because I will mess up their lives completely. I don’t know what to do I seriously want a new brain I can’t live with these thoughts I know they are not me. I can’t live with constant doubt about my character. I can’t believe how much your life can change in a matter of seconds. My heart goes out to everyone whose mind makes them suffer without a reason.

I feel like I have made the opposite of progress. I finished my 12 sessions of NOCD and I still want to be done with life. Everything weird I’ve said or done ocd is telling me is proof to all my themes. And I can’t live with that. I’ve never felt so alone and so sad. I’m just over it

The whole comphet thing triggers me so much, that and the master doc is one thing I can’t get over :( does anyone else also struggle with this? And if so how do you deal with it?

Hello Has anyone started medication? Currently on 5mg Lexapro. I started Monday night then switched to mornings, skipping Tuesday and restarting yesterday. Tuesday was a really bad day with the depression/tiredness and intrusive thoughts, I didn't think they were going to stop. I didn't wanna get out of bed yesterday but side effects got a little better. Still feeling a little anxious/no motivation today... I originally started meds for anxiety and the intrusive thoughts weren't bad before starting meds (they were manageable).. Do meds make everything worse at first?

Anyone else get triggered by certain celebrities? Whenever I see them I feel the need to check if I fancy them or not

My ocd stems from a fear of losing control and when I'm having a really bad episode I overcompensate by trying to control everything. Anyone else have this issue? What'd you do?

I’ve started uni this year after not studying for 12 years & it’s exposing the perfectionist elements of my OCD. I went into uni with the mindset of “play, experiment, don’t take anything too seriously & be Ok with making mistakes (that’s how we learn!)” but am finding myself spending days & nights in front of the computer re-writing short, relatively inconsequential essays. Lack of sleep & constant focus, screen time is feeding the anxiety of it not being “just right”. I usually find having a project to work on keeps my mind preoccupied enough to not be affected by my usual intrusive thoughts about food (poisoning, spiking, cannibalism etc) which I’ve looked at as a positive, but it’s becoming less of a positive & more of a negative . & like other manifestations of my OCD it’s taking a toll on my life in other ways. Sometimes like today I feel like I don’t exist unless I can compartmentalise these parts of me, to resist indulging my obsessions is equally as painful, shameful & confusing as actually indulging them. Anyone else!?!? Anyway.... I’ve had better days & it’s important to remember they’ll be back. I’ve got a couple months ahead of me to do this on my own while my psychologist is on leave which is why I’ve downloaded this app to use in the meantime. All is not suffering x

In need of some help, I’m really struggling😪 I struggled with a lot of forms of this nightmare we know as ocd, I’m 25 now and back when I was 12 I went through a traumatic home invasion, from this I ended up with anxiety and bad intrusive thoughts, They ranged from me going to hurt a loved one, to me being a paedophile, to me liking the same sex, all of which I completely convinced myself of, I started seeing a psychologist and was prescribed pristiq, and over time and with having support of lots of friends and family I pulled through, had a couple of relapses over a few years back in therapy pulled through again, fast forward to 12 months ago I stopped taking the pristiq, I felt I was cured and after the arrival of mine and my loving partners little princess who is now 16 months old life was bliss, I was on top of the world, I own my own earth moving company, between us we own 2 houses, life was great, a few weeks back my partner come to me and said she wasn’t feeling the best and that she felt like we weren’t getting ahead and she wasn’t sure if she was still happy and what not, which sent me into a panic, my anxiety sky rocketed, I stopped eating I wasn’t sleeping, just a nightmare, then the intrusive thoughts got on top of me, about harming her, and then they got onto harming my daughter, which has absolutely wrecked me, I’ve convinced myself I’m a monster and that I’m evil and that I don’t love her and that it’s not ocd it’s just cause I’m a bad person, I’ve started seeing a psychologist again and I’ve been prescribed lexapro which I’ve been on for 3 weeks, but I’m living in constant fear, life is a nightmare, I do everything to try and stay away from them because the thoughts and worries feel unbearable, which I know is the opposite of what I need to do, but I just feel like I’m a monster, I hate myself, I need to be supportive and strong for my princess’ but I’m failing, I don’t know what to do guys😒

I would do anything to trade themes this is insufferable

Will trying 10mg of citalopram help my existential ocd? I don't want to use big doses because of side effects.

Why does my hocd just feel like denial 😕

Hello my name is Oliver..I am 35 and have OCD since I was 13. I am also Bipolar. Things I'm really struggling with right now are rhe following; I cant get comfortable while sitting on the couch or driving in the car...I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Like if I don't move to try to become comfortable that I'll explode or something. I struggle with some HOCD issues and intrusive thoughts about young kids. Also religious ocd issues like trying to pray just right and praying way to often. And definitely a huge thing is trying to have almost everything just right I got diagnosed with Bipolar in 2017 and had my first manic period in the summer of 2020 ( first time that I remember anyway) Also I now call a manic period me Running Hot ..little side note That was from May-Sep. Then that was following by 4 long months of very low depression Now I'm dealing with horrible anxiety/can't get comfortable/OCD is way bad I have been seeing a Psychiatry since 2017 and am seeing him 1x month We are working on getting meds situated right I also see a therapist 1x week It's been a rough past 12months for sure but a lot of good things have happened as well 1. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in 297 days..I was a raging alcoholic several years ago, especially in 2015-2017. I then only drank here and there, but 297 days ago I said no more. 2. I haven't had any nicotine in 167 days. I smoked cigarettes for 7yrs starting and was able to quit in 2020 3. I haven't had any Adderall in 475 days. I honestly never abused it meaning I wouldn't take more than 40-60mg of ER and that amount for me it would make me focused and feel awake but not bouncing off rhe walls. But still I was using it as a crutch big time for over a year to get through most days 4. I haven't had any energy drinks in 124 days. I was consuming 1-2 of rhe most powerful drinks per day aka Bang. All Energy drinks are so horrible for us. Even if they are sugar free and all that. I truly believe energy drinks are Wreaking havoc on our world 5. I haven't consumed any cannabis in 93 days. I am a huge fan of cannabis..I firmly believe the world would be much better off if every switched from alcohol to cannabis. But that being said I stopped consuming it because I needed to be able to see how my meds were doing without any chemical interference. Also both sativa and indica were making me jittery which wasn't good at all. I am hoping though that someday I'll be able to find an indica that I can consume that doesn't interact with my meds and calms me down but well see 6. I lost about 50lbs. I had gained weight over the years from taking horrible care of myself especially all the drinking 7. I am now drinking over a gallon of water per day and eating mostly vegan/vegetarian/gluten free which is making me feel way better 8. I got a job in May of 2020 that thankfully I only have to work 3 days a week and even when I'm not doing well I'm still able to handle it..job is merchandising 9. Started changing my contacts 1x month...I used to wear them in my eyes for several months and would end up causing irritation every once in a while so I committed myself to changing them monthly 10. Haven't touched any Cocaine in 643 days. I had stopped in 2017 but then had 1 slip up a year or so later. I will definitely never touch this crap again. Wow 11. Its been 1435 days since I touched the horrible stuff known as meth. About poison. 12. But the most important thing that has changed in my life is that I have found a woman who truly loves and cares for me no matter what. Even with all my baggage. With all my daily emotional struggles. She deals with my night terrors ( horrible nightmares every night) She is my rock. My hope. The reason I keep going. Everything is going to be ok because I know she is there with me I apologize this was so long but I just wanted to get this out there in the hopes that maybe it can help someone else

Has anyone here that has just anxiety/OCD had meds help them? I know everyone has different experiences. My doctor gave me celexa but I’m SO scared. So scared of the horror stories I’ve read online but my mom aunt and sister all take them and say it has really helped them which has me thinking it could help me too. I just can’t get over that fear. :/

Ocd is a coward that backsoff anytime you decide to ignore it and live your life, refuse compulsions, ignore the obsessive thoughts, have faith!