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I am tired of thinking and feeling like I’m a psychopath. I haven’t done anything wrong to anyone but I would still feel that way. It is so hard living with the possibility that I might act out any second. I’ve also came into an isolation. I avoid going to school, because I when I’m around people I would feel like I’m a freaking psychopath between of all the innocent people. Which makes it even harder is not being able to tell if I’m capable to harm others or not, so its so hard for me to interact with my family because I can’t tell if I’m gonna act out or not. Which makes me wanna stay in my room all day. So not knowing if I’m capable makes me feel like I won’t be normal ever again, because if I ever hang out with more people, will I be trying to figure out whether I’m capable of harming them or not, every single second? Who kind of person does that? That is definitely the most disturbing part, not knowing if I’m capable of harm. Or if I will be able to live without all this, maybe I will want to act on this in the future. So feeling like I might act out any moment, like I’m already a psychopath, sometimes feeling like I’m capable, it makes it so difficult to live. I feel so overwhelmed by this.

U have HOCD and ROCD. It’s always one of them and not both at the same time. I have a girlfriend which I love a lot and I’ve broken up with her two times because of Thoughts but I’m now with her. But sometimes it annoys me so much because sometimes on social media whenever I see a make on social media sometimes my thoughts tell me I think they are cute. Which is so damn annoying because I know I’m not gay and when I’m with my girlfriend I get horny when I’m with her and I think of no thoughts when I’m with her. What do you guys think about these thoughts ? Does anyone else have them?

Anyone has had the intrusive thought or theme of incest?! Share your story, I hate feeling so alone in this.

I have a question. Since I was a young girl, I always admired other older girls and really wanted to be them. I still have that now. When I meet someone I find really nice I want to be as nice as them etc. Does anyone else have this? I've never felt any attraction to these women in the sense that I want to be together with them but my OCD is now really making me doubt all that. Can anyone help?

How do you practice ERP on mental compulsions? I don’t understand. So I’m having an intrusive thought which mine are usually not about me doing something but something being done to someone else. Then thought sticks and becomes more intense the more I try to push it away or replace it etc.. am I supposed to force my self to have the thought and have anxiety. Is telling myself it’s just a thought, a compulsion? How do you sit with your thought? And what happens when you do? Will the thought go away? I don’t understand

Hey all, I’m trying the Ali Greymond time tracking method of reducing rumination/compulsion, and I was wondering if anyone wanted to be accountability buddies with me? I’m thinking we could just do once every three hour checkins to make sure everyone’s on track and feeling like they’ve got cheerleaders in their corner. Lemme know if this would be of interest to you! Could do code names and everything if your anonymity is important to you!

Hi everyone. I have a contamination OCD. That begun last summer. I started teaching in 2020 and then when corona arrived I stayed at home but I didn't know that home isn't for me at all. I didn't stay at home for such a long time. I stopped my work in March 2020 and my OCD begun in the beggining of July. I had corona at the end of June and the beggining of July. But it became extreme in August when a cousin and her children came ro our house. Those people are extremely disgusting. They go to the toilet and then don't wash their hands (For the pee and the poop it's the same thing) they stayed for 12 days. I just couldn't afford it. When they get back to their house our house was dirty. There was black traces all around in the walls and doors. I coudn't touch anything in the house. I washed the doors, and walls. My mom helped me but there is still things that we didn't washed but my family is still using. I can't sit whenever I want. I can only sit in my chair that I constantly clean and in my bed. I don't allow anyone to touch me. I started working again in october and I feel that I'm free only outside my house because my OCD disappear. I finished my work 2 days ago and I'm staying at home and it's a nightmare for me. I pass 85% of my time at bed because I'm affraid to be dirt. I constantly use a lot of disinfectant wipes to clean my clothes (I know this is weird) I can't live without disinfictant wipes. My parents are always yelling at me and ask me to act normal and put a lot of effort to evitate OCD but I really can't. My dad oblige me to touch things and sit in places that are contaminated and I get so affraid, stressed and I get panicked ! All that because of this cousin and her children. I got to the therapist but she told me that I am in step 1 and she won't give me medicines. And she also told me that she never seen someone who got OCD only at home. I'm so tired, I wash my hands several times and clean with wipes, clean my arms and feet everyday. I'm soooo tired and I think that I'm the only one who hot that kind of OCD 😔😔😔

How to not feel alone when around people? I feel more alone when I’m around people then when I’m alone

I’ve had such a rough day today. If you have the time, please read and maybe give some insight. I could really use it 🤍 So yesterday I got my first shot of the vaccine. Ever since I woke up today, I’ve been in so much pain because it felt like every bone in my body was aching and brittle. That already set me up to not have the best day. Then, I had to go to a large gathering with my boyfriend and his friends, which is always something that triggers me because I struggle with severe social anxiety. This gathering was outdoors, and as I was walking around the yard with my boyfriend, I noticed a very small baby bird laying on the ground, with no nest or mama bird to be found. I immediately got out my phone to look up what to do, but everyone that came around to look at it said we should just leave it alone and “let nature do its thing”. This bothered me so much because I’ve always cared so deeply for animals. I struggle with what I call “hit and run OCD” and am always constantly checking my rear view mirror when I drive to make sure I didn’t run over / hit a person or an animal. I won’t even kill bugs because I feel so horrible about it. Even though everyone kinda brushed me off, I continued to read about what I could do. I found out the best option would be to pick it up, place it in a container with some sort of warmth, and call a wildlife rehabilitation center when I could. It sounded like the perfect plan to me, and one that would be easily attainable. However, when I mentioned it to my boyfriend, he said “I don’t know, I just don’t think we can.” At this point, I had been shot down so many times that I just gave up; I started to feel like I was crazy for wanting to save the bird. Fast forward, my boyfriend and I went back to his house and I immediately started sobbing about this baby bird. I felt like such a horrible person for not saving it, and I was extremely frustrated with my boyfriend and the others for not caring or wanting to help me. I told my boyfriend I was upset with him, and I could tell he truly felt bad and felt as though he had made the wrong decision. However, this didn’t make me feel better. I also struggle with ROCD, so my mind immediately started going a million miles a minute. I had so many thoughts of “I shouldn’t be with him” “Why would I want to be with someone who wouldn’t help me save an animal” “I should break up with him now because of this” “I’ll never be able to forget this happened and it will always bother me” etc. I just feel so awful in so many way right now and don’t know what to think. I know I love my boyfriend so much and want to be with him forever, but I also know I struggle so greatly with letting even the smallest of things go. I just don’t want this to be something that sticks out in my mind forever.

Does anyone else who has had ocd for quite a while doubt what their ocd used to be like? So ive had the same obsession for over 4 years and it got a lot worse the last year and a half but i feel like im faking having it before i found out about ocd and now im using it as an excuse to stay in denial.. and i feel like i cant remember what it actually used to be like and cant tell if im making things up or not. Its so confusing 😭 i know i should accept the uncertainty but i hate it and keep ruminating anyway and then feel guilty..

I hate how my mind is making me doubt of my intentions when i clearly know that I don’t have any desires to act on my thoughts. It makes my intentions feel so uncertain, and sometimes it would even make me feel like if I wanted to act on my thoughts when I actually don’t, because I wouldn’t be doubting if I did. So since I feel my intentions so uncertain I need to come to an answer, and sometimes it is so damn hard to get that answer, which makes me anxious and disturbed. It would also make me think of my past like, how were you okay without having these thoughts? Or makes me think of my future like, will you be okay without these thoughts? So it would make me think that these thoughts are really desires and I won’t be okay unless I act on them. As horrible as it sounds. And I don’t know if someone gets this too but, it would also make me doubt my feelings. When my family tells me cute things like “I love you” and stuff, I would feel so bad, because my thoughts are towards them. So I would say “ily too” but I feel like an hypocrite saying it, or like I don’t mean it at all, so it makes me doubt if I really love them or not. This is all so overwhelming, and I have gone through so many disturbing and crazy thoughts, feelings and situations, that I don’t know if this might be OCD.

*nsfw* I’m so scared I don’t truly enjoy intimacy with my partner. For me, I’ve always struggled with intimacy with my boyfriend even before these soocd/rocd thoughts. To give context, as a kid I was into some weird stuff. I liked bdsm and I’d read erotica about those fantasies. A lot of the times I’d look at the girl because I was familiar with the female body and seeing a real life male body part was pretty scary for my 9 year old self. Even in this time, I still wasn’t much into lesbian stuff. I came across it once or twice but it never caught my interest as much as straight porn or a girl going solo in bondage. The reason I liked the solo was because although I liked bdsm , the roughness of slapping and biting and pinching still kind of freaked me out. I wanted to be tied up and watching it was good. Whenever I fantasized about these things, I was always an observer or in the place of the girl. I’ve never fantasized about myself with a girl. Unfortunately, being exposed to this so young gave me the idea that women were supposed to be the sole focus of pleasure during intimacy. I also feel like I’m doing something wrong every time due to my grandma drilling into my head that intimacy before marriage is wrong. I also am terrified of ending up like my mom and having too many kids way too young. When my boyfriend and I first started doing things he was the first person I had every truly explored with. Our first kiss was amazing and I loved his gentleness. I loved his touch and it felt like a brand new side of myself. However, we never have had the proper place. We were silly teens and always went to the park at night since it was empty or other improper settings. This actually made me feel very vulnerable and unable to focus completely because the entire time I was worried someone was going to catch us. On top of that it was still so new to me and when it came to me reciprocating anything besides kissing. I wanted to but I was very afraid of messing up or not doing good. I still am. The male body is still just so unknown to me and although I want to explore a small part of me still wants to the run for hills with how scary and new it all is. I also get self conscious of my body and how I look or compare myself to his past partners. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to touch him, the pull just doesn’t come naturally to me and the stuff I used to read and watch was always focused on the girl receiving pleasure so I don’t know what it’s like to reciprocate. The first time I saw him fully naked during a phone call I was surprised by how nice his body was, but I don’t remember being turned on and when he’d send me videos it was still a bit awkward. I’ve also never orgasmed in my life before not even with myself , I get to a certain point where I just feel too overwhelmed and I stop before I reach the hill. However, all my fantasizes revolve around him, I can’t even watch porn anymore because I just start to think how much better itd be to fantasize with him. I truly love the idea of us being so close. But in person something always stops me, I’m just so hesitant/nervous and when my anxiety is high I can’t shut off my thoughts and outsides fears. When I rarely manage to truly truly let go I feel good about us and I truly want him like that. I’m just scared that everything else means the pull isn’t there and that I’m truly meant to be with a woman and that I’ll never get over my fear of being so intimate with a man.

I am so scared at the moment as I can see myself engaging kissing a man, engaging in gay sex and I have been with a girl for over 10 years. Infer no dislike from the thoughts and feel I have just been in denial but my therapist says this is just OCd and j am not gay. Every person I see I imagine kissing them then start kissing my pillow and walls. I am so confused can someone with SOCD realise they are Gay as I was told for years that it’s just ocd and j am not Gay. But every thought doesn’t cause me any dislike or disgust and I feel I should have some level of that. I don’t know what to think or do anymore I have been told not to go out and try it by my previous therapist but h feel I really am gay these days and just thought when I was diagnosed with severe ocd it meant I wasn’t . Can this be denial and shame. So scared as don’t want to be Gay but don’t know what it means anymore. I feel convinced I am and have lost all attraction to women. Did I lie to my partner

So after taking a shower in the middle of the night I kind of came to a thought after realizing how much I've been ruminating and how much I've been blaming myself for the past for so long. After wondering how these things have happened and how much I try to Ruminate over these things. My mind goes back to 8 years to the mistakes I've made now. Ever since I was 11. It always focuses on the failures I've made based on my hormones or my sexual growth. I feel like I'm repressed in my sexual health and I don't always know how to express myself in that regard, so for the most part, I choose not to. I focus on either the times I tried to express myself sexually online, with others, and in person. There may have been good times, but I only seem to focus on the bad ones. When I'm not focused on that, I focus on the times I was addicted to pornography. I wouldn't say that I am anymore because I'm about to be a month free from it all. I don't watch it at all and I barely masturbate. There's little satisfaction to be had with both. Constantly replaying events, ruminating on what they mean, wondering if they prove that I am what I fear overall: A criminal, a bad person, a monster, a pedo, a threat. As of right now, I'm taking one day at a time to better myself. Im staying away from all adult content, I don't try to leave myself in any situation where I feel I may fall back into the trap, I try my best to help people on here, in my personal life, and myself, and I overall try not to let the past define me or anyone else that's trying to get better for themselves. Is this enough? Am I making excuses? What if nothing is enough despite the efforts? I feel trapped in a way. I'm sure others on here can feel similar to these feelings. I'm just wondering how my other friends on here are tackling these feelings.

I found evidence that I’m a pedophile. So sometimes I’m fantasizing about an adult male but the voice sounds younger but I dismissed it . Then I saw a post about subs , and how flustered they get and thought of a wide eyed curly haired dude but he looked very childlike , which was not my intention but I didn’t notice I had that thought until a lot later . Then I searched up the cast of my tv show and remembered my childhood crush who’s 14 in the show and then my mind was like oh yeah that hot guy and elginikse feelings of attraction and a picture of his face but kinda older looking popped up in my head had my mind went hot . Then I looked at him , like real pictures of him and he’s as attractive to me as a sandwich . Still , I can’t help but feel like it means something . Like In the mental picture all his features were sharper and more defined like a 16 year old instead of a child but idk if it’s just a mental image from another angle . You know how sometimes people look a bit older at some angles maybe it’s a legitimate picture from the tv show I’m so nervous that I’m attracted to a 14 year old ew!! Like there’s 3 seasons , he’s 16 in the last one but I wasn’t too into that show and only watched the first season I think I’m so nervous what if that mental image was a real picture of high and not a mental picture of him. ??

did anyone get over this ??????????

All my intrusive thoughts started last year in april. They have been off and on. Ever sinceI got a girlfriend two weeks ago I have been having thoughts not about HOCD but ROCD and I have thoughts like you don’t like her or your not excited to see hers but whenever I see her she makes me forget all thoughts and she makes me happy when I’m with her. And I don’t wanna leave her ever but these thoughts are just so real it makes me think. I love this girl a lot but I hate these thoughts and it’s ruining my relationship. Is it just the thoughts talking or do I actually not like her?

Someone with hocd there to talk

I had to leave my fiancee and 6 month old daughter because one day out of nowhere I had intrusive thought about hurting my child. Now I feel detached from her and afraid il hit her if I stay. This feels like my life is over...

So before hocd hit i was in females all the time and I didn't think guy were attractive at all ya heard, but I've been dealing with this ocd cycle for 7-8 months now and my thoughts are a little weird. So when I see an attractive guy I just kinda see him as good looking or i acknowledge to my myself that he's a good looking guy and I move on but all of a sudden my brain does like a 180 and my heart starts pounding and I get a little scared(only because I've been dealing with this for awhile)and I just ask myself do I want this guy or do I not then my mind starts putting myself in sexual situations were i have absolutely no desire in and I get a little bit disgusted. I get images of guys a lot and I just say to myself "why can't it just be women". I've even searched up hocd videos about how there is no other gay self and you know who you are at a young age and since I can remember I've only had crushes on girls and girls only. Before ocd in general I wanted a wife and kids and to this day I still somewhat fantaisie About it because it's what I desire and when I try to pair it with my unwanted thoughts I just don't feel the same. It's just so weird you know and all I'm asking is for exposers because this week has been very good because i felt like my old self again.