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tw mentions of s*i*ide, inc*st ive been showing ocd symptoms for 6 months now, never got a diagnosis because my family doesn't believe me, and now im feeling more suicidal than ever. i can't stand being awake. i can't tell if this is denial or ocd anymore because everything feels so real and im trying to achieve uncertainty about something that one cannot be certain about. i have really bad incest ocd and i just can't take it anymore. im getting these very vivid intrusive images and feelings and i try to figure out if i like them or not but my brain shuts down and im just stuck there with a horrible lump in my throat trying not to burst into tears. this is the first time it has felt so real, i genuinely feel like maybe i am incestuous although it doesn't really add up and i don't wanna live like this. i want to be normal and get rid of this terrible disorder or whatever the hell is going on with me right now but i don't see myself getting better i feel like im doomed for life and maybe im better off... you know...

Minutes ago I saw a knife and felt I could’ve really done something with it, I could’ve really harmed someone with it. I am now wondering if I wanted to? Or if I’m going to? Maybe I am a bad person, how do I know I am not? Maybe I could’ve done something and I just didn’t. I could see myself going. Am i capable? do I like to be like this? Do I want to be like this?

Not sure if this is a trigger warning but just in case.. Has anyone had the emotionless numbness on antidepressants? Im not on anything but talked to a few friends about the meds and they all said they had to quit because of the numbness. They can't feel the good or the bad of heir emotions. its like they are on a cloud. They don't have ocd so hoping its just different. Has anyone felt that way?

PLEASE someone respond. I hate getting these thoughts I can’t take it anymore. Out of nowhere I’m okay and suddenly I get a thought about what if Ive harmed someone and go to jail when I never did but my thought making it believe i did something and feels real. I have also been struggling to save money for so long and finally when I’ve started saving I’m getting this weird thoughts about not going over a 1000 in my savings otherwise what if I use that money to give someone to harm someone else , like??? I hate this I really do. I even had to ask my sister for validation and she said I need a lot of money to do that. She said like thousands million. I know I might never get that much but if I ever do I don’t want these thoughts It’s horrible.

Can someone answer this !! Plzz

Why do intrusive thoughts attack the people you love the most? In my opinion it would be so much more bare able if it didn’t. Makes me feel like a monster 😞

Is is part of ROCD? My therapist told me that what i had looks like to ROCD but i still doubt it because i explained to him everything but i feel like I'm lying and telling these just to comfort me and to have an excuse to not leave my partner. At the beginning i had thoughts during the whole day and i really was against them and was arguing with them, even crying the whole day or when my girlfriend was calling me i was crying because i felt so guilty to not love her. Now i still think about it during the whole day and have intrusive feelings, or i don't know if they are real but it tells me that i should leave her because i will probably cheat, that my sexual orientation is wrong, that i don't love her anymore, that the relationship is boring, and it triggers me when she isn't here and text with delays (long distance relationship). I'm so lost between all these feelings and all i want is to live the past moments we had because they were the best feelings ive lived. I wasn't doubting anything. I always regret the past and i would do everything to live it again. I feel like nothing is the same anymore. Few weeks ago i was triggered when she was answering with delays to my messages (long distance relationship) and now i totally don't care. I don't even think to her during the day which i really used to. I don't know if i want to stay with her or not. It is weird that i used to care so much , i was crying because my brain was saying that i don't love her and now i don't care anymore at all.

I used to NEVER have dreams about being a lesbian, questioning I’m a lesbian, and lesbian sex. Now it happens so often and probably one of the suckiest parts because of how REAL they feel, like in them I enjoy it and am aroused. If you any of you get these and feel this, you are not alone! They used to bother me a lot more, now it just bothers me when I get up and a bit afterword.

It stops me from doing whatever I want to ... It tells me that if you do this thing I will destroy you with horribly feelings ...So I trust it and do nothing all day but cry... I have tried once to fight it I did the thing I wanted but it was right ... It started to destroy me with those heavy feelings ... I feel that nothing can work for me ... I am desperate

Scared and feeling like im faking my attractions towards men *sighs* I hate this it’s so real, but it wouldn’t be ocd if it wasn’t

I deserve to suffer.... if this is POCD I would be so happy, but it doesn’t feel like it... I want it to be POCD so badly...

I’m deeply sorry for repeatedly posting on here, but my thoughts are so crazy they don’t even feel like OCD. I’m so lost I don’t know who I am, what I want, I don’t know where did my love for my family go, why do I feel like I’m turning psycho. Am I capable of harming others? Will I be okay without these thoughts? Maybe I won’t be okay bc i might actually want to harm people. Maybe I won’t be normal till I do it. And I’m so upset at me for doubting my intentions, I feel terrible, I feel so guilty, like a monster. I feel so sorry for my family, they don’t deserve anything bad, I see them as such beautiful humans but instead I see me as a Monster and a freaking psychopath. I just wanna feel normal again, I wanna feel love towards my family again, not doubts of harming them. I hate feeling like I’m gonna act on my thoughts, not being able to know if I’m capable, not knowing if I am going to do it, if I want to, etc. And also, the feeling that I might be fooling everyone I know, making them think I was a good person all along, that I’m hiding my true nature from them, that they will be very disappointed and they’ll hate me. I am starting to get convinced I’m a psychopath and a m*rderer in waiting. I haven’t done anything but it doesn’t matter it still feels that way. I fear the thought of: what if in some moment I stop caring about this and start liking it, don’t feel bad about it anymore so I start doing it? And what if that moment is now? it feels like it so how do I know it’s not true? It made me so anxious and scared to think that I could be turning into someone that enjoys these thoughts or that will act on these thoughts. Because I don’t know if that might be my case, or if it could be in the future.

when i had nocd therapy through this app it was clear that like my time with the therapist meant that it had to focus on erps but we never could talk about personal stuff i mean we could but it was seen as an excuse for not doing the erps which usually they were i guess what im trying to say is does anyone go to a nocd therapist and are able to talk about whats troubling them emotionally in their personal life? my theme we focused on was pocd so i mean if anything in my life pertained to the theme and being triggered by it i went into that or i would talk about emotionally how my ocd was making me feel and how do i talk to my family about ocd but it was clear like no portion of it could be used as like talk therapy for lifes ups and downs and i get why but has anyone been able to find therapists who do both? because im living at home as a 29 year old with my family and theres a lot going on here emotionally and stress wise childhood trauma stuff and it is hard to like deal with ocd and family drama at the same time and itd be nice to be able to talk about both with my therapist instead of having to get two therapists one for ocd and one for like my life outside of ocd if that makes sense? anyway curious what other people have experienced

Someone please help. So ive been in my relationship for 6 years and now I don't have the love feelings that you have in the honeymoon phase, I just feel comfortable, safe, and normal around him. because of this, my mind thinks that something is wrong in my relationship and that I need to break up even though I heard that this is completely normal and healthy in a long term relationship. I want to know of any tips to help me cope with this or tips on how to get some feelings back. I feel like my medications and the pandemic have something to do with it as well cause we mainly just lay in bed all day together or go to the store when we see each other so maybe I gotten used to a routine and may be bored and need to spice things up. I just need some advice because I honestly have no idea if what I'm going through is supposed to happen in long term relationships cause this is the only relationship that I've been in. He's amazing and I always talk to him when I am happy, sad, or annoyed. He always tries to cheer me up and always says how he wants to marry me. I really don't want to lose an amazing guy and I feel bad that I'm doing something wrong. :(

I'm a girl and I always felt comfortable in my gender until TOCD started.But now I'm starting to hate everything about the femininity.When tocd first started i was feeling anxious even my pronouns.But when I look back actually i didn't feel anxious when someone referred me with she/her pronouns but I convinced myself that I am uncomfortable with pronouns.for a moment i make sure i'm a girl and i feel euphoric.And suddenly i start to doubt again.I am so helpless and feeling depressed.

Advice appreciated! I’ve been struggling with what likely is ocd for the past year, with a sexual orientation theme. It recently got kinda bad again so I’m thinking of telling my therapist. Since before ocd hit me, I’ve known I’m bi and I feel like if I were to tell my therapist about HOCD then I should also tell them I’m bi, but idk if I feel comfortable telling them yet. So I don’t know what to do! Should I suck it up and keep managing it myself, should I come out to them or should I not tell them about my sexual orientation and just ask about the OCD?

I need to talk with someone with pocd please

POCD 18+ I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for the past m/o to loli hentai and other explicit fanfics with young cartoon characters occasionally when I was 16-18. I stopped two years ago, and I’m 19 now but I’m getting intrusive memories of doing it and I immensely regret it. I hate myself forever. And you people should hate me too. I’m worthless. I’m a disgusting creature who deserves nothing but the upmost anger and disgust from you all... god help me...

Do any of you just wish you could change some of your rituals? Like some of mine are so complex and it seems impossible to tackle — I just wish I could “trade” that ritual for another one to get a fresh perspective on exposures to do.

I've been struggling a lot lately. I'm just not feeling attracted to men at all right now. Almost down right appalled by them. I consider myself bisexual but it's like a switch was flipped and I cant feel anything towards men anymore. Is this the OCD? Now I'm ruminating on thoughts that I've been gay all along or will become a lesbian. Help.