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the NOCD Community

Why do people say “you used to be able to do it in the past”, “you need to work with your social workers”, “you have to try harder”, “you have to fight” when in fact that’s ALL I’ve been doing. Why do people f*****g think this is how I want to live. That I chose this. The past defines who I am now. Yet disregard that but tell me I was once able to do things. I’m so sick and tired. Mental health industry is greedy. Insurance is greedy. Yet other conditions are covered. I’m getting told “screw you” from left and right, nothing is affordable as they claim and the only thing I can get is a bandaid for my symptoms. And they say I need to keep living to keep suffering. This world is B******t!!! Try self ERP? I’ve done it. I’ve been trying but there are lots of questions because it’s not a cookie cutter!

Not looking for reassurance, but has anybody ‘overcome’ false memory OCD? I have been working at it and the thoughts have become a lot less powerful and intrusive over a week (the memories are terrible) I am just worried they won’t let me be happy again in the long term. That I’ll always feel like a bad person Not needing reassurance, just wanting to hear anybody’s stories?

This is kinda off the topic of hocd but whenever I get into some of my bad phases with hocd I’ve always turned to porn. And even before hocd, porn was a regular thing for me. But even as of know I watch porn 2-3 times a day (which includes master-bating). So I thought to my self am I becoming addicted? Now I’m looking up stuff on porn addiction and all this other crap and I got the same anxiety when I first got my hocd. But my point is if I was to quit porn, can I ever watch porn again? how am I supposed to cope with my hocd? Is it gay now that I stopped looking at heterosexual porn? Just a little advice would help.

Feel like I'm stuck In a trap with my harm OCD, I've just moved in with a friend and now the thoughts are centered on him. Im looking for a new job but I don't know how I'm going to do it as I'm just constantly anxious and bombarded by intrusive thoughts. I don't even know who I am anymore

Kinda new to the whole OCD thing, well at least of this severity. I started having intrusive thoughts a few weeks ago, and i don’t know what to do. I’m terrified that I’m turning into a sociopath and might hurt people

Harm OCD - intrusive thoughts help pls!! I’m on to a new obsession at the moment with harm ocd which is children related. I’m having similar intrusive thoughts people with children might have (fear of harming their kid) but because I don’t have children yet, it’s the fear that I will harm my own children when I eventually have them :( Does anyone else find it hard to differentiate what is general irritable with children when they’re being loud or something and what’s OCD? Like I feel like I’m gonna get really angry at a kid or something and do something crazy and it scares me so much but then it also feels like I actually want to do that to a child eventually, like I have some sort of plan :( Pls help, I’m not asking for reassurance but this obsession is really new to me. Coping mechanisms?

The thoughts are incredibly real at the moment. Thoughts that come into my mind include a vivid "You are gay, just accept it." The pressure is too much. It feels like my brain is being mushed and flattened I've reached yet another low and I'm here praying that these thoughts will stop bullying me and controlling my life.

Does anyone else with ROCD have the compulsion to tell their partner every single thing they think they’ve done wrong and if not they think they will betray their partner of some sort? And if so, how do you deal with this? I don’t want to keep confessing to my boyfriend all these silly things that aren’t silly to my ocd and make me feel guilty x

I have very long red hair that I am proud of and feel like it defines me quite a bit; I am also a compulsive picker. I pick my lips, skin, and bite my cheeks. Several months ago I started picking at my scalp and it got worse. I have been to the dermatologist. I have been under massive stress since last year (divorce, death of mom, etc) and had no appetite so I ate very little after depression which also affected hair loss. I have added anxiety over losing my hair but I cannot stop picking and eating bits of my scalp. Specific solutions or personal experiences would be appreciated.

Ugh. A bowl broke inside my dishwasher, I found two pieces that fit perfect but missing one small piece. Checked the drain filter thing and all over with a flash light. Panicking thinking we (my child and I) ate off of other dishes that perhaps have shards of glass. They look okay. Took every ounce of me to put food into a bowl today without feeling I was endangering us ? going to be even harder to use the dishwasher not knowing where the piece is...

As I’m getting older I am starting to find it harder and harder to be happy. I get anxious and obsessive over everything. I feel disconnected from my childhood friends and find myself pickier/anxious when trying to make new ones. Nothing in my life feels good enough. I don’t really know who I am anymore, and I don’t know if knowing I have OCD for sure is going to help or just make me more sad.

Does anyone else obsess over whether or not they have OCD? I noticed that I’ve been compulsively taking screening tests and sort of ticking off popular themes I’ve had to prove to myself that I’m not a faker.

Hey guys do you have a problem with figuring out what kind of therapy to do for your ocd? I’m suffering from ROCD and I have divided opinion on how should I approach it because my therapist says that I should rationalize my thoughts and on the other hand everything I see elsewhere is that you shouldn’t pay attention to your ocd thoughts but my therapist says that by ignoring them that’s why they come back because you’re just oppressing them. Does anyone have similar issue?

Can't eat cos Contamination OCD says that nothing has been cooked correctly and I end up burning everything I cook. Fml I'm hungry, sorry I'm just done with this illness. I don't want to get sick by eating something but screw it, I haven't eaten in two days you know? Rant over, take care guys :)

Hi. Does anyone out there have Suicide OCD? If so, I’d love to chat. It’s a new theme for me and extremely scary. Just would like to talk to someone who is experienced with it. Thanks!

WHY DO I FEEL ATTRACTED TO KIDS IM SO EXHAUSTED WITH THIS??

Okay so I need some help because I don’t know how I am supposed to keep going. During recovery from POCD I met my boyfriend. He wasn’t really my type but he somehow made me wanna spend more time with him. He developed feelings for me very fast but meanwhile I wasn’t developing anything. I know that I liked him and I felt happy and good with him by my side but I was constantly thinking he isn’t my type, I thought he wasn’t that attractive and didn’t feel any butterflies or fast heart beating. But we still met every weekend and I was very reserved because I didn’t have much relationship experience before and was very insecure about the whole situation. So I told my friend about my lack of feelings and she said I should still give it a try, a lot of relationships start without heavy feelings and I thought I didn’t give any boy a chance who wanted to get to know me better so why not give it a try. I knew I liked him and his attitude, his character, his believes, everything was perfect but there wasn’t any attraction or heavy feelings, not even during our first kiss. But I thought maybe I’ll develop feelings after some weeks/months. I was curious because I felt a connection and wanted to spend time with him. BUT I noticed that during the time we were dating I had eyes for other guys. I was already feeling a little bit bad like „Why do you think he’s more attractive than your guy“ and stuff like this. After a few weeks/months I noticed that I developed feelings for my guy. Not the heavy ones with butterflies and heart beating but more deeper ones I guess. I thought he was almost perfect for me. Everything about him is just like I wanted my boyfriend to be. I still couldn’t wish for a better one, really. During the time we became intimate and I noticed I care a lot about him, I developed feelings, my POCD came back far worse than before. One sentence really got me. „I don’t care about anything that you think as long as you do not use me to prove yourself that you’re not attracted to children“, he said. I began to think about that. POCD got worse and worse and I was losing it. Right now, I am so very afraid my feelings towards him aren’t enough or real. I still struggle with the attraction thing. It already was pretty hard to develop feelings but the last couple of weeks I barely felt anything towards him. I was constantly thinking about my POCD and not loving him. I don’t know what’s going on. What’s real and what isn’t. I know that the thought of breaking up with him makes me cry SO HARD. I know that I don’t want to lose him. But I feel so bad because of my lack of feelings in the beginning of the relationship, during a time I thought I was able to develop feelings towards others. I almost want to confess everything to him and make sure he’d still want to be with me. I feel so guilty. Moreover I feel like am not capable of feeling and having emotions towards anything at the moment. Like, I want to feel something when I’m with him but as soon as I feel or not feel something I compare it to POCD feelings, ask myself a lot of what if and is this right questions. I think a lot about breaking up with him because i feel like I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone better, maybe someone who truly loves him and not someone who’s constantly questioning it. I am just so afraid that it’s something I force, that it’s wrong and I am a liar. I don’t feel anything at the moment but sadness. I’m crying a lot lately and feeling desperate because I don’t want us to end but my mind keeps telling me I should leave him because it’s not real, not enough. I don’t know what to do anymore I feel so lost ? is it possible that OCD does such things? Twisting emotions and feelings making you feel wrong and numb lowers the feelings of attraction? Now I think I’m trying to find excuses for my thoughts and feelings but I just don’t know what’s going on anymore. POCD is one thing, but the whole thing with my boyfriend is making it so much worse. It’s making me want to quit. I’m also very afraid of recovery because I am afraid that POCD is real and that I still can’t develop feelings for him or think that this doesn’t work out/is wrong. Please, I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like a liar, even typing these words. I feel like I don’t mean them. It’s making me hate myself and myself so much I can’t take it any longer ????

Not really about ocd but anybody else feel really insecure about themselves and easily disappointed? I’m trying to learn to snowboard it’s my 2nd trip going but I’m failing and I’m just crying because I wanted so badly to learn but it’s just not fun because I keep falling. Maybe I should switch to skis but I don’t want to give up

i have a real problem with my hocd in terms of my faith. i’m very spiritual and so a huge part of me tells me that my ocd is preventing God to do what he really wants in my life. So I question if it’s really OCD or not. I was watching this sermon today and the pastor was talking about allowing God to take control over my life and let him release me from the places of bondages. He also mentioned if i’m doubting my sexual orientation, I should turn to God about it. So of course, this really triggered my anxiety and made me think that maybe I should just accept the fact that I may or may not be straight. I then reflected and tried to accept the fact that my sexual orientation may not be what I though it was. Im really confused now because I truly do believe that it’s OCD but i’m in a state where i don’t even know what sexual orientation is.

my ocd has been really convincing lately. it’s convincing me that i’m just questioning my sexuality and that i’m bi and just don’t know it yet. i can’t help but think “what if these thoughts and feelings are real” i’m so lost i just feel like all of this has changed who i was. the worst part is that i barely have a reaction to these thoughts so it’s hard for me to tell if it’s ocd or not. how do i know if it’s ocd or i’m just questioning my sexuality??