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I need to vent. Like I’m so fucking tired of bullshit. So trigger warning: mentions of panic attacks and so on if that triggers you I’m 24 (F). I have OCD. I’ve had almost every subtype ever. I’ve had depression and I was on Prozac in 2018. I came off of it. Compared to how I feel recently I would rather face the worst of my OCD and depression. I fucking hate this. Background on me, I took bupropion for about 8 months. I started it last year because celexa made me gain weight and it killed my sex drive. I was having a bad ocd flare up so I took bupropion. It worked well. I had no complaints. Until I got lazy at taking it. I was on 150 mg XL. I got covid for Christmas. I thought I was recovering and everything was fine. But due to my own ineffectiveness at taking the meds and I guess not recovered all the way from covid, I had a giant panic attack at work at the beginning of February and I’ve known no peace since. I became agoraphobic out of nowhere. I’ve had anxiety all my life but NOTHING like this. I came off the bupropion because we thought it was withdrawals. Took Effexor and I had a horrible reaction. My doctor wanted to treat the anxiety and it just kept getting worse. I had a few panic attacks and then they let up, until this week. I’ve had three panic attacks in the last three days. I feel like I’m in a constant fight or flight all the time. I’m constantly anxious. I’m exhausted all the time. I have brain fog. My head feels like it’s buzzing. My circulation is poor now. My hands and feet are always cold. My BP is super low now since having covid. But my hr can shoot up to high 90s just from sitting! I feel like I can’t breathe. My ears feel stuffed. Dry mouth/I feel like I can’t drink enough water to save my life. Light headed. Highly sensitive to light and sound during panic and after. The depersonalization/dissociation is the worst I’ve EVER had. I feel like I’m going crazy. Am I going to go into psychosis? Of course being in a constant state of anxiety makes my ocd act up so it just convinces me I’m dying or worse. That I’m never going to get better. My ocd wants to act like Sherlock Holmes but it overreacts. It’s not going to solve it. It’s convinced me I’m dying or I’m going to have a seizure or a stroke because it’s not used to this. I don’t know what’s left over from covid or what it is but this is not normal for me. I’ve had panic attacks but never like this. I go to a cardiologist in a week and a half. I am in CBT. I’ve got 10 mg of hydroxyzine and 0.25 mg of klonopin in my cabinet. My psychiatrist wants me to start Zoloft but I’m so scared to take it because of my bad reactions to bupropion and Effexor. I’m so sick of SSRIs. When I was on Prozac and celexa it got me over the hump of depression but it took away so much more. Still anxiety and depression was manageable. This sucks. I cry every day because I’m scared of it and I want my old life back. Everyone wants to throw pills at it and I feel so sick. My dad wants me to just take the klonopin to see what happens but I’ve seen him grow dependent on muscle relaxers for years. I’m so apprehensive to benzos because of family history and now my intolerance to SSRI/SNRIs. I’m thinking about asking for buspar... I don’t know. End of my venting. I’m just sad and I don’t feel like myself. This is the worst part about having ocd with other problems. It tried to be a sleuth but it’s not a very good detective. It just ends up making me feel like shit

I think what is making this all harder for me is not being able to talk to my dad about it anymore. He passed a month ago from cancer and he was the only person I could really talk to about what I’m going through. It makes me so sad that I have no one to turn to. My mom isn’t very understanding or supportive about it. When I first told her about what was going on with me she twisted it and called me names. (Worst name you could think of) and ever since it’s been hard to talk to her about it. I know it’s a compulsion if it’s ocd which I’m pretty sure it is but I’m absolutely terrified and I feel so alone. I have no one really in my life that could possibly understand and that’s why I’m come on the app and it’s been helpful knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. I just hope one day I can get help. That’s another thing my mom doesn’t agree with is me getting a therapist and I don’t know why. I guess because she’s scared I’m going to be misunderstood too. I’ve been struggling with this for a year now undiagnosed and I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to ever be a monster but my mind makes me think I am one. I’m exhausted

cancel culture has fucked up my life and my mental health. there are currently two past mistakes that i’ve made that many people may not even see as a big deal, but i’m constantly afraid of getting “exposed” and being ostracized and everyone hating me. it’s to the point where i’ve deleted all my social media and have considered isolating myself from all of my friends. i know it’s very unlikely that either of these things will come up in my life again and get me exposed/cancelled, but i’m obsessed with the thought. i’ve become suicidal because of this. i’m so afraid

Can someone talk to me???....Please be atleast 18....preferably over 20.....its regarding an animal. I am trying to fight this in prayer as well as talking about it......BUT the problem is SOMETHING actually did happen (I DID something that wasn't really on purpose)......I just don't know if my perception is 100% correct of the situation...I think its atleast 50% correct.......I wish someone could walk me off the ledge....I am suicidal... I NEEDED this place like a year ago......I have probably did one of the worst real event OCD's.......I guess if it's really bad sometimes people don't even feel shame.....I don't know though....I think I literally am kind of crazy....I am so mad at God. Can someone talk to me??

What did ocd convinced you of? Let’s laugh at ourselves, I’ll go first I’m a zoophile and occasionally heterosexual. I also happen to be an atheist.

Is anyone else just blown away at the price of therapy? It’s like... £/$250-300 per hour!? And upwards from that! No wonder people don’t reach out for help, because as a student whose from a less financially stable family, I just can’t afford that. I’m not attacking the therapists/psychologists, but there’s something sinister about the pricing. I feel like all I ever hear in the media is “reach out for help”, yet when you reach, 100’s are being snatched out of the same hand. It’s just sad. This isn’t directly related to money, but I was reading an article about a girl who had been referred to the hospital from her school counsellor because she was conveying that she was in a very low place, and I’m assuming explaining a suicidal ideation. She went to the hospital and waited 8 HOURS. 8. After the 8 hours, she had a 15 minute conversation with a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with depression & anxiety and sent her on her way. She was given no further advice aside from her diagnosis, and was told by the psychiatrist that her and her father should look for therapies in their area. 1 week later, this poor girl took her own life. A week. I don’t think any of the people who were directly involved in the lead up to the girls suicide should be berated and ostracised, but the system that they work within should. If that isn’t a reflection of the state of mental health support, I don’t know what is. These sorts of occurrences need to stop, and there should be ways in which individuals can get ample support when they don’t have the finances to go privately. Being less economically advantaged means that individuals who are struggling have to receive below the bar support. It just saddens me. For those of you out there who don’t have the means to receive the support you need, know that you are seen and heard. You’re not alone.

I’m kind of freaking out because I absolutely hate with a passion what I’m going through. I do not enjoy it whatsoever. My mind keeps telling me that I do and I don’t. I don’t want to be one. Never have never will. I just keep wondering why me ya know? Why is this happening to me. I’d like to think I’m a good person. I want it to all go away... it makes me feel so unworthy and anxious all the time...

How do I do ERP for real event OCD that focuses on the fear of jail

Very detailed: TW Sexual, POCD, Real Event, scared, Guilt, insane shame I can't sleep. So I might as well write everything that I'm feeling. I was actually really calm the other night. Just as I was getting ready to sleep, I couldn't. Here I am with my mind spinning, my breathing barely in control, and the constant fear that I might be in jail or at the very least accused for some kind of crime one day. I don't know how much my OCD is catastrophizing, distorting, or twisting the thoughts I have on these events and intrusive thoughts All I can say is that ever since I developed sexual feelings and wanted to try and explore them, it's like I became a monster. I became sick. I became selfish and greedy. I feel like I became a Deviant and saw nothing wrong with it while being under so much pressure at the time When I was still in high school, sex was all I cared about and I showed it off. I sent several nudes to different girls in the past, I got nudes back, I did phone sex, and tried nonstop experimenting with a bunch of different people online. Thing is, I never saw anything wrong with these behaviors. The only strong feelings I got was the adrenaline rush when it came to receiving new levels of "communication" with peers that I interacted with. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I feel guilty about all of this now, but I do. These thoughts keep switching back and forth. They'll focus on my past porn addiction, the sexting I've done, the things I acted out from adult content, and how much of a high sex drive I had trying to grow into those times. All I constantly worry about right now is a time where I messaged a girl on instagram at one point. I don't remember how we met. I don't remember her age but at the time I was 17. Only vague intrusive images of the things we talked about, how we talked about those things, and pictures we had shared with each other. None of it was nudes however, which I'm glad it wasn't looking back. It did have to do with feet, which is a body part on the body I generally love, with or without sexual attractions to it. We shared those on occasion, and we seemed alright with it. I don't think she was bothered by it, but I honestly can never be sure anymore. I don't know what my intentions were. I don't know if I ever had a thing for her, I doubt it tbh. I don't even know what made us stop talking. But now I can't even find her after so much searching for some kind of answer. I feel mortified and deeply ashamed of these things. I feel guilt, regret, and shame for the sexual feelings I carry. If it isn't focusing on these events, it's focusing on sexual intrusive thoughts that I don't want. Right now, I would say I'm becoming the person I wish I was years and months ago. I wish I didn't get exposed to any porn. I wish I didn't get hooked on my sexual feelings. And I wish I didn't act on them. I know I was a teenager and all, but still, I just can't get this guilt off my shoulders. I really don't know what to do. I feel like out of the sexting, the flirting, all the porn watching, and basically anyone finding out, that I'd one day be in a lot of irreversible trouble. That one day I'll eventually be abandoned out of love. I'm really trying to get as far away as possible from these things. I don't want anything to do with sexual activities. I despise porn and I don't want to go back to it. I despise sexting, and these unwarranted thoughts and feelings pretty much. I do feel like I'm making progress with everything, and just as I can see that, I'm bombarded by these thoughts and these past events. Constantly reminded of them every single day, hoping that one day I can either find a solution to it all, or to wipe my memory from it all. I just want to say sorry to everyone. Anyone that I may have hurt, disturbed, or bothered out of annoyance pretty much. All I want to do now is help people to the best that I can, get away from my past, hopefully be able to sit with all of this, continue to support others, and myself. I hope everyone else is having a good day and a good week.

does anyone worry they like their thoughts? i’m terrified.

Has anyone with ROCD/relationship anxiety ever dabbled on the thought of, “do I like my partner or do I only like the idea of them?” I know this is definitely a new phase of mine that has probably branched off of my brain being rewired after 2-3 months with relationship anxiety and all the intrusive/obsessive thoughts, but it’s for sure bothering me and making me second guess my feelings for my partner again, so I’ve been compulsively researching for hours. But I know that I care so much for my partner and we’re so early, etc. I guess just to keep it short, is this a thought anyone else also feels?

Hi all, I wondered how many of us have had their sex life impacted by their obsessive fear of becoming pregnant or their obsession over consent? I have personally been affected by this and on top of that my medicine means I have literally 0 libido. As you can imagine, my relationshop is strained by this (partner of 5 years). Any tips on how to tackle any of these issues? I want to do more ERP for the issue but constantly pushing my partner away is causing more issues on top 🤦‍♀️

I’ve always felt that people that committ sucicide are just wasting there life and it will get better but they didn’t care and I always thought that was stupid and anytime someone would tell me they were sucicidal in the past and tried to do it I would be like wow they are dumb but now since my panic attack and the sucicidal intrusive thoughts I have happen I feel completely different and don’t understand why I feel differently about it and am very worried that I will be sucicidal one day and that I won’t be able to help it but before all this I was positive I would never

I’m curious how old everyone is? I’m 24. I feel very alone because I feel like everyone is so young.

Reading post on here about POCD and I just keep feeling like crying. I want to cry because it’s better than believing this is real I broke down typing this before I could this I real

Not sure if this is OCD related but I think I just had an anxiety/panic attack? I was driving out for an appointment and all of a sudden felt like I was going to pass out at the wheel and that was followed by nausea, lump in throat and feeling like doom or fear I guess? It was so sudden and so alarming that I eventually pulled over, cancelled the appointment, and turned around and went home. Now I'm feeling generally weak and tired. Has anyone else had something similar? Or know what this is and how to cope?

I posted a few hours ago about my pocd and really struggling today and no one has replied. It makes me feel worried that everyone is thinking that I'm a real 'you know what' and that's why no one is replying. Can someone maybe reply to me? I feel really anxious. I don't know what to do about my thoughts and sensations. All I know is that I don't want to be feeling these things. I don't want to harm anyone. I just want to be normal. But I'm really worried that I'm not! Someone please help!

tw pocd my pocd tends to attack girls ages like 11-15. it’s really distressing. i’m straight too. it’s like the fact girls are always sexualised (or atleast i’ve always felt like i’d been) and so it’s picking on them. but i feel so uncomfortable. ironically my type has always been older men which is like the exact opposite. but yeah these thoughts are worrying and making me check and it’s all so uncomfortable. it feels ‘more real’ or possible than if they were younger (my pocd has never attacked children, more often like young teens). saying all this makes me worried

I’ve been struggling a lot lately thinking that I don’t have OCD because I don’t have many physical compulsions. I avoid things, I ruminate, and I check things like body sensations and feelings I get with the thoughts. But for some reason my OCD is making me feel like those aren’t real compulsions and I don’t have OCD and I’m just a manipulative liar who is just in denial or something. This feels like a relapse and I’m tired of OCD. I can’t even leave my house. I feel stuck and hopeless.

So the only thing that bothers me. I tried to do erp on my own. Intensively as i could. No anxiety. Little discomfort. I tried doing it to see if i will still get anxiety from past experiences. Now I’m not sure if thats a compulsion and rumination. So i didn’t get anxiety when i did it. My therapist and I talked about maybe ill figure this thing out, maybe i wont. No anxiety. We were doing erp at that point. But when i sat with my therapist because i didn’t know if i needed to intentionally expose myself to past fears or if its rumination, i got confused and some anxiety creeped in. Thats when i felt scared to go and do my past fears. So i just don’t know if i should still try to expose myself without any fear, but maybe eventually it will creep in. Or should i not because thats rumination. Trying to figure it out. Or should i do erp as an exercise where i still do whatever i need to do but not figure anything out