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the NOCD Community

I’ve noticed that i genuinely don’t care if i was a lesbian, I dont want to be with a woman at the moment (even though i feel like im lying to myself). But what terrifies me is that I won’t end up with a man and will end up with a women and it makes me so sad cause that’s not what i want :( Idek at this point man im so lost and confused and yeah:/ This is just attacking my identity to the core and i can’t even fantasize about a guy anymore without being triggered And girls just make me uncomfy and scared and i don’t like those thoughts and dont wanna like them because it’s just not me then im scared it is me and im just lying to myself🙃 And the opposite with guys 🥲

hey all! i developed anxiety tics a couple months ago and was wondering if any of you guys got them too? if so, what are u guys’s like? do they happen a lot, or only sometimes? is there a certain time of day when they get worse? what tics do y’all do? i’m just so curious haha!

Therapist talk- So id like to make a comment. Im happy to start tackling my ocd head on but my therapist seems very cut and dry? We had a 90 min session but she wanted to end it 30 mins earlier. She didn’t really seem sympathetic to much of anything going on in my life. And interrupted me at times. I do like how she is active in erp though.

I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts this week but keeping a brave face on because I knew my husband was under a lot of stress with work, I figured I could talk to him about it over the weekend. He’s been consistently late getting home because of work stuff, but assured me he would be home at five tonight. When he called at five to say he hadn’t left yet...I sort of snapped. I told him I was frustrated and he got upset. And it’s so tempting to throw it in his face and say hey, I’ve been suicidal all week and you haven’t been there or even noticed because of this work crap... I won’t do that. I’ll be an adult (crazy adult but still) and talk to him about it later. Thanks for the vent. Peace out.

How do you know the difference between GAD and OCD? Had one of my assessment-appointments yesterday. And its driving me nuts. Have been lying awake for hours figuring it out. The OCD-specialist talked as if my mental compulsions is rumination which he meant was only for GAD. And I suppose I got GAD too, worrying about the small stuff. But I've had enough therapy that doesn't bother me that much. But what is torturing me is the intrusive thoughts about everything that is not "right". And the constant mental checking and figuring out. Did I say something wrong? My eyes are feeling strange, something is wrong with it. Constantly checking my body for sensations and feelings and checking for "wrongs". And I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't handle not getting proper help. ERP has been the only thing that has helped which makes me defo think its OCD. And now I have to wait 2 weeks for my next appointment. And all this makes me think I want to die and like I have to figure it out. And ofc I don't want to die. I want to live. But it's the normal end to the figuring out, it ends up with the suicidal intrusive thoughts. But one thing I read was the difference between GAD and OCD was that OCD was ONE (maybe two or three) themes, while GAD was more all over. And my thoughts seems more all over. But they have something in common and it is "wrong/right" whether that be money, boyfriend, feelings, body sensations etc. I'm going crazy!

POCD 18+ NSFW WARNING TRIGGER WARNING I need help and advice right now because I feel sick and disgusted. A long time ago there was a pornhub user named Ellesclub. She was verified on there and claimed she was 18 (or so at the time) I viewed her content and I didn’t know anything about who she was, except for the fact that she was extremely popular. Her viewer count was in the millions. Nearly 2 years back her account got banned and she never posted the reason why. I was curious on why her videos got banned and stuff so I viewed it a couple more times, then I forgot about her. I was 16-18 at the time. Turns out, she had lied to everyone about her age, and started making porn at the age of 16. She was born on June 12th of 2000, and I was born on July 1st 2001. And some of the videos she uploaded were at the ages of 16-17. I recently found out about this 6-7 months ago. I’m 19 now. I have never ever felt more afraid and disgusted in all my life. And worst yet. I’m so triggered and scared. I’m shaking and tearing up as I write this because of all the events that lead up to this and my current predicament. I don’t want to be a M.A.P or a pedo. I don’t want to go to jail. I don’t want to be a monster, and I’m so fucking scared. I don’t want to be a pedo or a M.A.P, and I’m so scared of what you guys might say. I’m so scared that I might go to jail.

I did something weird and I am not ok with it......I am afraid of going to hell but also the demons/OCD voices are in my ear, I want so badly for God to talk to me about this and I can't feel his peace....I wonder if it means what I did was really bad...uuggghhh----I am so sick.....I can't believe this pain. I felt like I did a good job for 13 years of not doing anything too bad...this happened a month ago and I can't take it back!...I swear God it was an accident! Help me God!!

What do you guys write for journaling? If I write down my ocd thoughts it will act as reassurance and I don’t want that. Any tips?

Let’s take a mental breather from OCD. Answer these below and be as detailed as you wish. What’s your favorite song at the moment? What’s your favorite day of the week and why? Are you a mint ice cream person or a “it taste like toothpaste” person ? I’ll start: Case of You - Joni Mitchell Saturday because it’s a Friday night without the Friday-day part. A.) but I respect that there are two types of palettes in the world.

Is any one on here taking natural supplements they have found helpful for OCD/Anxiety? I have decided to stop taking my medications because I am planning to possibly have a baby this year. I am going to therapy once a week but i am still struggling a lot with my OCD so I was wondering if anyone on here had any tips about natural supplements or remedies.

Does anyone feel like their OCD just isn’t getting better no much CBT/ERP/EMDR/ Therapy you do in general? My cheating OCD has been at an all time high recently and the only thing that resolves or makes the guilt feel better is admitting to it. I’ve communicated with my partner and told him what’s been going on and he knows that I’ve done nothing wrong and understands the OCD.I’ve read so many other posts and gotten so much advice but I feel like nothing is working . Pretty please just some advice or just a “I hear you” or even a I relate to you...I feel so alone and I’m just constantly being trapped in OCDs vicious cycle and the only thing easing the pain is admitting to stuff I didn’t do.

i honestly believe that i would want to experiment with a girl. even tho i don’t want to now and i want my boyfriend and want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him...

Extremely frustrated at the moment. I had to move home from college because I have I had a crisis due to contamination OCD. (Anybody else live their life by viewing the “clean” and “dirty” worlds?) my school only has suite style housing so I was forced to share space with two other people who were constantly bringing contamination and strangers into to my clean safe space. I’m trying to advocate for housing accommodations for next year so I can have a single suite to myself and not have to worry about performing my compulsions in the safe space. I have sent the school multiple pieces of documentation from my psychiatrist explaining why this is a medical necessity and the school is still not granting me the accommodations. I feel like I’m being punished for having OCD and they are trying to away my education. I will keep fighting for these accommodations because if they don’t grant them I’ll have no way to attend school and I’ll be forced to drop out. I just want to go to school and get my college experience like everyone else :(

TW there’s a girl i don’t like very much. but i know it’s only because i envy her so it’s not a very valid reason and i feel ashamed for it. she’s a big personality, very caring and stuff but also like a ‘queen bee’. anyway, i just asked myself if i’d care if she died and honestly it felt like i wouldn’t which makes me feel so terrible and anxious. like what the hell. i know it’s silly since i’d care if anyone died, but i feel like i should feel more distraught at that thought. if i think of any family members dying or friends etc, i feel very upset. but with her i just don’t. and i’m worry this means something terrible... like i’m so insecure that it’s affecting my empathy towards her (or people i envy in general) :(

Dude I’m so done with this shit. I do every fuckin thing ive been taught yet I can’t get over my shit. Like do I even have ocd or do I have some other type of mental disorder? I do everything I’ve been taught. I’m not even sure whether or not the stupid thoughts I hear or that just automatically pops up when I see a girl is ocd or not I need a therapist to verify with me it is indeed ocd and help me with a plan.

Hi everyone! I am a University student with moderate OCD. I was wondering if anyone else on this app is also a college student? If so, how has OCD been impacting you during the pandemic? I would love to discuss with anyone who is willing how COVID has impacted you and what tricks you’ve found for coping. I’ve had a bit more trouble with my OCD than normal.

Hi...I decided last night, after thinking about it for a long time...that I need to leave college. My mental health is not good...so I really need to focus on that. This is a really hard decision that I know will come with many regrets...but I’m barely able to take care of myself at college...let alone pass my classes. I’ve been going back and forth about this for a while now. But I think I have finally decided that going home to heal (as much as I hate it) is the next step that I need to take... That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. I just wanted to share that with somebody...

For those with SOOCD, loss of attraction to the gender you are dating is very common with this theme... anyone here been through this and have some insight on what that erp process looked like for you? I'm struggling hard with this process and could use some support. It feels like it will never feel right to be intimate with my bf again 😟

Naa this distress and depression is to much today i just feel gay 😥... how could my love women just go ?

I feel so terrible. My ROCD striked when I was the happiest person. When my partner told me he loved me. When we were awaiting the New Year. I was to happy and then at one moment I had an innocent thought 'Why did I just spend a couple of hours doing my thing and didn't think about him?' I felt really bad, got so scared I felt my body numbing out. It got worse over time. At first, I was panicking as hell. Cried my eyes out, because I didn't know about ROCD. Then, I got depressed as hell. I lied in my bed for a couple of weeks, feeling almost dead from the stress. Then it got a bit better. I felt a lotnof anxiety, but the thoughts didn't attack me as much. I tried to live my life Now it's worse again. I want to cry all the time. I cannot study. I cannot do anything. Thoughts change rapidly. I feel a lot of guilt and I am very scared. Sometimes I say I want to die. Because I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know who I am. I just want to be happy again with him. He's the best person I've ever met. God, please, I want this to be gone. I want this to go. I feel so terrible. I beg you please. I don't want to lose the person I loved the most. Everything beautiful has just begun then. I wake up with a feeling that I don't know where I am and who I am. Why does my bf has to love me if I'm like that? I hate myself.