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the NOCD Community

Yeah man. Living life or not living is the same for me either way nothing changes nothing gets me out of my head completely. nothing makes me want to get up and do anything everything just sucks. I’m a just lay in my bed eat when I’m hungry and workout when I’m bored of that cuz doing any sort of exposure or any reassuring doesn’t do anything for me. I rather just avoid people all together now.

i feel like i HAVE to react to my thoughts in order to feel okay and secure, and by reacting i don't necessarily mean doing time-consuming compulsions etc but even making a disgusted face or shaking my head is enough. it kind of reassures me that i don't agree with my thoughts and that I'm a good person. i was wondering if anyone else's had this.

Tw: bestiality, false memories Sorry for bothering you... But I have a new false memory and it's really gross and idk what to do. I hope you don't hate me but I needed to confess to someone. I burst into tears last night and I feel trapped... In the past, I've had a false memory with my dog (that I had s-x with her) the other day I saw something that triggered me and I began feeling shitty again. Yesterday something popped up in my mind that was really scary and I somehow believe it. TW for grossness but I have the brilliant and disgusting false memory that I "m" ( stimulating my cl-t by rubbing it against her vag-na). I honestly want to throw up... And the shitty part is that I'm not sure.... You know that feeling leaving the house and thinking you forgot something? It's like that.... Ofc, it doesn't mean you left the oven on but you aren't sure until you check. And I can't check if I did it or not! I'm 90 percent sure I didn't do anything... The closest thing I remember was to "m" next to my dog. I was in my bed and she was in hers. That's it.

So scheduled my first therapy call with nocd. My brain is telling me i picked the specialist for the wrong reason and to change it or else my deepest fears will come true. (Side note the lady on the phone was super sweet)

Great I am super triggered bc I told my friend I was feeling suicidal and she told me ocd people don’t feel suicidal

How do you stop intrusive thoughts from occurring when you are suffering from real-event ocd? My ocd would like to jump to the worst thing imaginable, but at the time, I didn't know any better.😔

Okay, I think a lot of you need to hear this. It isn’t gonna help you, but it will hopefully be a piece of motivation to encourage you into ERP if you’re not there already. I had health OCD, I was debilitated with it, entirely convinced that there was something seriously wrong with me and I was just unaware. I went through ERP for that, and realised how absurd it was. I have a completely different reaction to anything health related now, it practically reprogrammed my brain and I’m more than glad that I took the jump to do ERP. I had HOCD, that also debilitated me and made me feel like my world was collapsing in on itself and I was convinced without a shadow of a doubt that it was real and that my brain wasn’t lying to me. I went through ERP and again, I realised how absurd it all was. I realised that the whole time I was straight, and that the fear was manifesting itself as an OCD ‘test’ ERP works. it’s scary, and feels worse before better, but ultimately, it will change your life. Sending you all my best wishes!!

Is anyone else here extremely scared of someone/people filing a lawsuit or litigation against them? I’ve had a traumatic experience in court, which I won thankfully and everything is completely clean, but I’m so afraid it’s going to come back and this sadistic person will haunt me again. This makes me so scared and has haunted me for the past 2 years to the point I feel like throwing up every day. It’s so painful being scared of everything and everyone, and has led me to be so cut off and detached from people. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Can you guys help me not ask for reassurance on this? Writing it out here usually helps me get the anxieties out without turning to my partner but I’m struggling with this one... Last night, me and my partner were hanging out and having a nice time. To be honest, we were both a bit under the influence ;) but anyway, he started massaging my arms and just dug in way too deep. It really hurt so I pulled away and said “ow, not so hard”. Then he did it again. I pulled away a second time and told him how much it hurt. He apologized and said he didn’t know why he pressed so hard and that he was sorry. It made me really anxious and I got scared that he was trying to physically hurt me. It was all I could think about for the rest of the night (but to be fair, weed does make me extremely anxious). Anyway, I brought it up again last night and this morning. He apologized both times and rubbed my arms nicely instead. However, I’m still thinking about it. Now I’m trying to replay the whole scenario in great detail to figure out if it was malicious. But of course, everything is super fuzzy so I can’t remember clearly. I’m trying not to bring it up a fourth time but am still struggling with it. Thanks everyone

Well today kinda sucked. Spent most of the day thinking of a real event. Got so intense the anxiety and depression made me want to hurt myself. Then I kept looking what I can do for real event OCD and it's basically everything I've already been doing so I just went to bed so I wouldn't do anything too crazy. Waking up now I feel a lot more mellow, just wish I didn't have my entire day become hell on earth. Not really looking for any assurance or anything like that. Just really sucked because I was hoping today would be more productive and not me just sleeping through it.

Look man I've been going through a lot over the past 9 months. Ever since my car accident and my first love breaking up with me I've been so lost ya know. Over the past couple months I've dealt with trying not to harm myself and others, trying to isolate myself because I don't know me anymore, and homosexual thoughts. It's feels like nothing is there when the thoughts come up and there's no feeling of goodness when they come it's just worrying and fear and distress because I can't get over them. It's like I lost my identity but I'm getting a few pieces back. When I look at guys from further away my mind is telling me you have a crush on them and I haven't even felt that way before about any guy. Like before this I would look at dudes and nothing would happen and I'd just be chilling and now it feel just the same but it feels like my mind is disconnected from my body. I've looked on so many pages and most ocd therapist say this is an actual condition but these other people who are gay are saying this is just extreme denial and I don't know what to believe. I've showed symptoms of ocd when I was a kid but I've never been diagnosed and when I tell my mom I might have it she doesn't believe me and I have to pretend it's something else. I just don't know any more. These thoughts don't please me and I when they come up I always ask myself do I think this is hot or should I be attracted to this or does this make me feel good. I don't know man it's just discomforting and weird and I don't like it

Had a decent first day as the kindergarten librarian, although I needed a good nap myself when I got home 😅. Due to my OCD fears and depression, this would have been impossible in the past. It can get better and I wish I could tell when, but you just have to keep fighting and lean on the community.

I need advice on something. I just did a compulsion even though I didn't really want to. It is everytime I lick my lips a scary thought or inappropriate thought pops up and I have to do a compulsion where I lick my lips a bunch of times and try to picture something positive. Well I did this and it felt like I did my compulsion right. Well afterwards I thought of all things positive until Elmo popped up. This is only a trigger because of his voice. Now my mind is telling me I am talking and I am talking in my mind all squeaky. I know this isn't true, but I can hear it in my mind and I'm scared. Should I do another compulsion to get rid of this or just accept that fear and realize it isn't real and will go away with time?

If I’ve been aware of being aroused by certain things in the past but just now think it means something, is that the same as someone coming to the realization they’re gay? Maybe I have always known, and that’s what scares me the most

Does anyone else feel like if they were supposed to like girls they just would and like never question it? Like ex: if I was born a boy with the exact same mind I'd probably just go along with liking girls? Idk if that makes sense but tell me if it does.

Found out my therapist is resigning and I’m going to be reassigned someone new that they hire. I just don’t know what to do for my ocd smh.

i’m watching Friday the 13th and there’s a lot of nudity and i’m scared i like it. i can’t tell if i do or not. but i feel like i do. i feel jealous that they have a big chest because i rlly don’t. but i’m getting thoughts saying maybe i like it

Can anyone explain false memory?

Im scared i did things in my childhood that weren’t normal and were signs of bisexuality. But yet i chased around boys and had crushes on boys like every year and called them cute and kissed them. I never remember once liking a girl. I remember wanting to be friends with the “popular” girls because i wanted to be popular. In middle school id see girls getting hugs from the popular girls and i was like “okay i wanna get a hug from her and that’ll mean im popular” and i only looked at guys romantically though. People asked me if i was gay and i was like no. But that’s also the year this started. The guy i liked called me and my friend a lesbian, and i was like “what no i don’t like her” then i started freaking out that i did and people saw something i didn’t. So that obsession lasted for about a week. Then around three months roles around and it’s gone, and im watching one of my favorite guy youtubers and he comes out as gay and he said “there was a random voice in my head that said are you gay at twelve years old” and i went ape shit and thought “omg i have that voice am i gay” And here we are 6 years later still obsessing and yet it only took him two years to figure out but he still dated girls And i can’t even figure it out cause i want to be with guys and not girls But im scared im just saying i want to be with guys and not girls and i truly want the opposite It all just scares me And whenever i see two girls together i can’t see that being me Then i see a guy and a girl and it makes me sad cause i want that life but it feels like i dont The thought of not liking to kiss a boy also makes me incredibly sad and i hate that i feel disgusted at it And i don’t think i could ever bring myself to kiss a girl without crying and having a panic attack cause the anxiety is way to much But im scared one day i will kiss a girl and be happy and all of this will wash away and this makes me sad to Cause i want all of this gone i just dont want to end up a lesbian (nothings wrong with that) when i just dont desire it and want guys I just want things to go back to normal. Id been doing so good and not ruminating then i started worrying i was faking attractions to boys then got on birth control and here i am a month later. I hate this

Has anyone had a medicine make their OCD and anxiety worse? I just started SSRI two weeks ago and I hate that I can’t tell if it’s just me or give the medicine time to work. My mind won’t shut off :/