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the NOCD Community

How do you deal w the constant thought or doubt that this is all made up? Like what if my therapist is wrong? What if she’s telling me that I am my true when I am present and mindful, but she’s just saying that? For example, I just started feeling better. I think I feel more like myself. What if this isn’t myself though? What if I’m just another version of my ocd self? What if I’m lying to myself?! Does that make sense? Do I just deal w the uncertainty? Does anyone have a good exposure they do? Or a good statement, maybe something a little more specific than “maybe, maybe not”

Well I'm afraid to make this post, I've been suffering from what I hope is HOCD for six months now (I'm diagnosed). I've never liked the thoughts or wanted them. I've never been attracted to men or desired to do acts with a man. I've never wanted to be with one romantically or sexually but one thing from my childhood is haunting me. I don't know how to word this or say it. I once experimented by myself with anal play. I didn't like it and thought it felt weird and painful. I never did it again. Even when I did it I wasn't attracted to men or considering if maybe was. Since I never did again it it's safe to say I don't like it now and never have but should I be worried?

The fear causes the thoughts to stick together how do you unstick them?

I'm having severe doubts about my sexual orientation again. Or are they really doubts? Earlier today I wrote "I am gay and in denial and just need to accept it" on a piece of paper. It seemed to make sense at the time, so I am willing to accept the possibility that I am a closet homosexual who has OCD related doubts about being straight. This in spite of the fact that I have adopted the identity of pansexual and bisexual as an attempt to come to terms with a more fluid sexual orientation than heterosexual. Currently have a sexual partner who is a woman, and I usually feel very attracted to her emotionally and physically. I have communicated to her at least once that I may be pan or bisexual, but then the thought that I could just be gay, in denial and projecting onto her comes back and I am disturbed by the possibility that I could be misleading her and just having sex with her as a form of reassurance that I'm not gay. I have sought reassurance from several ex-girlfriends by telling them I think I might be gay. Was I really seeking assurance or am I even now perpetuating this lie that I have Sexual Orientation OCD when I'm really just gay? I am generally not as "dominant" and assertive in a relationship and in sexual intercourse as I would like to be. I started to think last night maybe she wanted me to be more assertive with her and that I hadn't been recognizing the cues or deliberately or unconsciously misrecognizing cues for fear of having a more assertive or "dominant" kind of way of speaking with her and communicating sexual desires. I felt very turned on when I felt I had accurately recognized this, and I started to think about the possibility that some degree of traumas I have experienced during my upbringing has made it very difficult to feel comfortable exploring sexual communication. During intercourse, I am basically nearly always silent, and I feel this is strange and offputting. There was a brief span of time last night where I started to just communicate however I felt she was asking without directly asking for me to communicate with her, and during this time I felt much more confident and sexually aroused. I was also too intoxicated to actually have sex, but the feeling seemed to be more than just due to being intoxicated and seemed to signify a real desire of wanting to be more "dominant," for the lack of a better way of knowing how to describe it right now. I have never really had good relationships with women or friendships with men where I am not burdened by intrusive homosexual thoughts but have not really come to terms with what I feel like is reasonable to classify as trauma until recently. I feel like maybe I should tell my partner that I might be gay, but she already knows I said this to an ex-girlfriend. It seems paradoxically after ACCEPTING that I AM GAY, I feel less distress at the thought of being gay, and yet also less sure of the identity of being gay and the orientation of homosexuality as really being applicable to me. At other times, I have had doubts about my gender identity. I considered adopting "they/them" pronouns and even broadcasted this on social media. I have never been exactly heteronormative, but I am not sure them pronouns would make a real difference for me or that they are necessary. I don't have a desire to change my sex organs, though there was about a month where I was panicking about this possibility and was unable to function and had abruptly resigned from my employment. Yet I had the same sense of "aha, this must be it.. The moment of clarity," feeling when I had "admitted" to myself that I must be transgender and in denial as when I "admitted" I am homosexual. I am at least feeling better that I am accepting these as possibilities, but again I don't know if I am just abstracting these thoughts into the cluster of OCD symptoms to avoid confronting their reality.

I’m not ok I need to stop putting on a fake smile 😢

I’m scared I have been attracted to feminine gay men before ocd

i’ve been taking to this girl for a week and she just now told me that shes actually 17 and not 18, but she turns 18 may 3rd. i just turned 19 in october, for context. im in a weird situation now bc i have feelings for her but i feel like a creep or a predator if i act on them. the age of consent where i live is 17 but i feel like a pedophile and i hate it but i really fucking like her and idk what to do.

Hi guys. I haven't been diagnosed with anything and I saw a psychologist for a while and she thought I was fine but I'm still here cause I think I might have ocd cause of the power some of my thoughts have over me. I wanted to ask if some of you have ever experienced this...pressure? Like just a feeling in your vagina but you weren't aroused or anything. I remember the first time I felt it I started getting anxious thinking it means I'm a sex addict or that I did something wrong to my vagina and now I'll live like this forever. It caused me some distress but the distress faded after a day I think though I still have that sensation. I just wanted to ask if this was a symptom of some sort or if it something else I need to get checked.

Hi my name is Ryan I suffer from ocd I have had it for 3 years now and at the moment it’s a bit bad

My partner says I’ve been buying too stuff for him... I can’t help it I love buying him stuff. I feel so off... is it possible to convince yourself with ROCD by obsessing about the same thing over and over and over again for 8 freaking months!!... 😞😞

Is eating your dinner seperately a sign of ocd ? Appreciate some feed back cheers 👍

annyone ever feel like they can’t ever think straight and ALL ur thoughts are intrusive?? and u just feel like ur loosing ur mind?

Having Pedo themed OCD is so draining. It's like the thought of hurting a child is so terrifying to me to the point I'd rather end myself than ever have it happen, but I can never convince myself I wouldn't do it. Sometimes I'm able to some ERP kind of exercises and it makes it quite better but a lot of times i just can't handle the anxiety it takes to go through with them. And its hard because there aren't many people other than my thearpist I can explain this to. Makes me scared to pursue relationships or anything like that because I feel like they wouldn't understand and just see me as a monster which sucks because there's actually a girl I'm starting to like and she has a adorable little girl I couldn't imagine ever harming but I get the most explicit intrusive thoughts about her and I'll even get gronial responses and its just to the point I just want to break down and cry, I have panic attacks at least once a day. There's times I think about self harming to deal with it because I used to be a cutter in my teenage years but thankfully so far I've been able to avoid giving into it. But to say this causes me intense emotional distress is a understatement. I'm getting better where I can stop the panic attack quicker but its still so draining to deal with it almost every single day. Its frustrating because I keep telling myself I don't want these thoughts and then my mind is like "You're lying to yourself! You want this, you're just tricking yourself." Even though I know its illogical because I don't want that, my mind just seems to spend most of the time trying to break me down into believing it that I just spend a lot of time stoned so the thoughts are too jumbled to focus on. Which I know isn't the healthiest coping mechanism but just have a break is so refreshing.

My HOCD is making me image me kissing my mother guys this is awful its screwed up.

Husband emptied the dishwasher that I washed twice because I thought there was some chemicals from work on them. I don’t remember what dishes were in there soooo ☹️

Does anyone else get anxiety when kissing their SO even though they really wish they could enjoy it?

wooo love being terrified that a yt video i saw counted as something super bad and illegal and that im an offending pedophile now

Can someone please give me an example on how to use ERP for ROCD?

I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my white ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this. .

Does anyone know a Pastor or Priest that has gone through the struggles of OCD and dealt with spiritually fears? I have a family member who could really use some encouragement right now. Even if it's just through zoom.