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the NOCD Community

Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. **potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead** and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.

Anybody else have a major problem with confessions in ROCD? How can I deal with the urge to confess every little thought to my boyfriend? It’s hurtful to him because I’m constantly telling him every minor interaction I’ve had that I can remember with another guy, telling him my doubts about our relationship, and lately I’ve even been telling him hurtful things I don’t even agree with as far as comparing him to people I’ve been with before and people I’m attracted to. It’s really wrong of me to say these things to him for the sole purpose of relieving my anxiety. Any advice?

Hello, Everyone. My situation got worse when I got to know about The Secret book by Rhonda Bryne. The book mentions that positive thinking attracts positive things in life and negative attracts negative. Every OCD mind is filled with negative thoughts. It means that the negative thoughts will become true because we are keep thinking about them.

Anyone know of a good erp for sensorimotor ocd?

I was doing ERP on my own last night and I ended up having a full blown anxiety attack for about an hour because of it; sweating, heart racing couldn’t concentrate on what my friends were saying. Anyone else ever go through this?

My sleeping pattern so far Monday- 2:00am Tuesday 6:00am Wednesday 3:am Thursday it’s now 4:15am and still awake ? I just want /NEED to sleep ??

any experiences w zoloft?

So someone posted the other day about OCD being a spiritual attack. I couldn’t agree more and I would love to dive deeper into this topic. Please comment your thoughts on this theory:

Luvox is amazing

What helped you seek OCD treatment? It's been over a year and half since extensive online research helped me conclude that it's very likely I have moderate/severe OCD. Despite the fact that it severally impacts my daily life, I'm struggling with reaching out for professional help. Held back by mounting fear, anxiety, and doubt I'm having a very difficult time getting help. So I'm just wondering what helped others take that first and speak to a professional.

Anyone a born again Christian and struggle with pure O /scrupe?

The thing that scares me most is when I’m having a great time playing with my kids and I randomly think about killing them. Not specifics but just the idea. Then I have anxiety for hours about it and scare myself. “What if I did?” “Will my mind ever snap and I do it?” “Am I a danger? Should I leave?” For the longest time I was scared to talk about these thoughts. I’m glad I found a safe space that will truly understand that that is all they are - thoughts. I hope to make new friends so that we can help each other during these “episodes” and bring each other back to “reality”.

Why someone being a pedo doesn’t effect me anymore like I think it’s not the worst thing in the world there’s a lot worse going on why am I thinking this n feeling it all too real it is the worst thing in the world but I’m finding it hard to belief I can’t live like this anymore

Does anyone else use weed either legally medically or self medicate. I want to know what your experience has been. I have smoked for about 5 years everyday multiple times a day and I have stopped self harming but I don’t know if it’s actually had benefits or not. Maybe I should just stop smoking lol. Am also on 150 mg of Effexor and I’m not sure if that has truly helped

Seeking advice: When an obsession comes up and you are trying to resist doing compulsions and before long you’re ruminating and then another obsession appears even before you get to resolve the first obsession. So then obsessions pile up. How do you deal with that?

The day I get officially diagnosed, I almost can’t WAIT to let certain people know and post things about it and raise awareness for it etc. I’m excited to explore OCD. But I feel like I’m just doing this for attention / for pity and sympathy. It’s bad, and I know that, but I’ve always loved it. And this often makes me think that I don’t have OCD, I’m just telling myself I do so I can be unique and special. Personally, I found out about OCD through reading an article about a harm ocd sufferer and then telling myself that I too wanted to kill my family. It was distressing. However I can identify traces of OCD prior to that. I frantically worried that I had HIV (health) & I frantically worried that life was all just a simulation (existential). I also suffered with confessions and the need to tell people the bad things I’d done. But I still wonder if I really am just putting it on, because this excitement to tell people isn’t exactly conventional. Nobody WANTS OCD, so why do I?

Help

Need help. I feel like I acted on my Intrusive Thoughts. I’ve been doing great with my recovery from POCD. I’ve been accepting the thoughts, and been on medicine and I’ve had thoughts, but have been able to brush them off. I’ve also been forcing myself to be around the children that are my triggers. I work in child care. But today, a kid brought in a valentines sticker book. He brought one of the stickers over to me and told me it said “you are so sexy” I took it from him, and one of the girls I was with asked what it said. I said it was inappropriate. My OCD then told me to let her read it. And I just handed it to her. And now my mind is telling me I did it because I’m a terrible child predator, and I keep asking myself why I did it, and telling myself I’m a bar person. I feel like I’m 10 step backwards.

When practising exposure with HOCD, is it normal to experience groinal response or does this mean I’m enjoying it?

I would just like to say that I am doing so much better than 5 months ago. And that in itself is a blessing. Yes I can still get horrible images and thoughts in my mind. Not as many as before, and they dont hold as much power anymore. What I'm struggling with is how to attack my irrational beliefs and understand the uncertainty behind a thing such as POCD. Any advice on people suffering from this?? Today I tried telling myself, "I'll never know if I am attracted to this kid or not, and that's okay." But really it's still bugging me.