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the NOCD Community

Yeah man I hate hocd. I should be able to talk to dudes like normal now smh. I hate my ocd that involves stupid thoughts with women smfh. I understand my hocd cause the second part but still it sucks. I wish I had a job. I wish I had a gf so I wouldn’t be doing stupid shit anymore. I wish I could have a life worth living. Even if I didn’t have a gf I would still want to feel comfortable around a girl and talk to a dude like normal then to feel the dumbass arousal feelings that go no where. I understand it’s ocd but I still need a therapist to tell me it’s ocd just cuz if I tell myself it’s not enough smh. Like I know how I was before but it still sucks. I don’t want to become a drunk but I will if I have to make my point across that I’m not right. At least it will get me out the fuckin house and into some facility. I want to be ok. I want to feel normal again. I want to feel normal around my family again. I want to be able to talk to people like normal again. I want to be a ale to have the choice to ask a girl for her number. I want to be normal again and that’s it. Like I never felt all this shit before. Never. Idk why I have to suffer for my mistakes. Idk why I have to suffer all cuz I let my cockiness get the best of me. I know I’m arrogant and obviously ocd is the opposite of this but how can I be cocky again if I have soocd since people cry about using hocd smh? I’m just really tired of this shit. Like I had guy friends all my life. Have I had instances of hocd yes but I didn’t dwell on them or think I was gay. I didn’t go back and fantasize about some gay guy after seeing one. I’ve never jacked off to this day of any sexual gay thoughts cuz it just doesn’t get me hard only time it does is if I get scared of it not if I’m like alright let’s go then like I just don’t understand this shit. All these stupid thoughts that appear for women now smfh. It’s been like that for a little more than 2 yrs now and I’m like htf did this happen smfh. Like I get me liking a chick depression comes after which is my ROCD cuz of being hurt and feeling like why does it matter I’m not exactly what they’re looking for or they aren’t exactly what I’m looking for so why bother or so what I like a chick I still feel uncomfortable around a dude smfh. I just really hate my life. Idk when or how I’m going to start living a good life. Like I can literally show a new therapist all of my symptoms only reason why I can’t show my old therapist is cuz she doesn’t want to see it or let it change her mind so I’m ok with that then let me find someone else then who can see everything of what I’m going through cuz I can see everything in my head of what repeating or accidentally coming out of my mouth when I see something or if I try to do little anxiety relief exercises like I see everything and I just want a therapist who can see it too.

Anyone who is currently suffering from real even ocd or harm ocd I want you to know that someones trauma is not yours even if you bullied someone, punched someone, etc. What they do with their life after you has nothing to do with you. You have no control over what they do. And from someone who suffers from trauma I do not blame the person who did harm to me because us as humans create our own trauma we either allow our trauma to cripple us or we use our trauma to make us strong. So whenever you find yourself feeling terrible and wanting to end it over what your ocd is making you feel understand that it is a irational belief because you can not control how someone reacts. Just like you chose whether to react over what someone says to you. It is nobodies fault for the way you react or live your life it is up to you.

My theme is getting to a point where it feels extremely intense and like it’s screaming at me to do something about it, like it’s constantly nagging at me. Anyone have any advice? I’m really scared because I don’t want this to take over me. (I have self harm OCD) I just started medicine but I’m worried that won’t help either.

My HOCD is really bothering me. Feeing like I am deceiving my girlfriend if this is true. I don’t want to hurt her and ruin her life if I’m gay. ERP doesn’t work for me and neither does 200 mg of Zoloft.

Does anyone here obsess over whether their relationship is healthy or unhealthy? I’ve been with my now husband since I was 19 and he was 21, so we’ve been together 15 years. Both him and I did not have great examples of healthy relationships growing up so we engaged in some toxic behaviors. I feel like we have grown and become better people and we love and respect each other. Anyways I ruminate about the unhealthy stuff we have done and wonder if that means we have to split up. Then that leads to me thinking that I stayed in my relationship out of fear. I know I love my husband but all these questions make me so anxious. I don’t want to divorce him I love him, but then I think that maybe I love him too much. What if I love him so much that I can never leave? What if one day he does something terrible, but because I love him I won’t leave? All these questions just keep coming and they don’t stop. He is a great person so I don’t see this happening, but it is a fear I have.

I had been doing well until today thought it was passing 😥. Someone said it feels like i hate vaginas and i said fuck me too and then they said btw im a girl. Now im freaking out because i thought they was in the same boat as me 😞. God help me 🙏

I hate feeling like I am better when I am not.. I feel so off with my partner and I don’t feel like I have ROCD at all...

if you are reading this it’s a sign that everything is going to be okay. Your going to wake up tomorrow morning and everything will be okay. I know the world can seem dark sometimes, and hard to deal with, and evil and violent, but there’s always going to be goodness and kindness out there. I like to say there’s always something symmetrical out there too haha. You are okay. Your mind is just a mind, those thoughts and images are just thoughts and they don’t mean anything I promise, no matter how horrible or unthinkable they are. You might be thinking “oh you don’t understand these are different thoughts these are worse thoughts”. Trust me I understand I really do. And it is okay and you are okay and you are safe. Treat yourself with kindness because I promise you deserve it, and you are worth it. <3

I can’t stand myself, I feel disgusting and I’m scared of my thoughts. I had thoughts about hurting myself and dying , my guilt about something I can’t mention due to the distress it gives me is consuming me for days now. Sometimes I feel like people actually don’t know who I truly am, they might think I’m nice but I have these really sick thoughts, I can’t stand the guilt, don’t know how I’ll manage this night. It’s a very rough one:/

I feel like I’m gonna hurt my partner. What can I do? Please help

Hi! So I’ve suffered from POCD. My wife and I are getting a divorce and she is trying to use some of my imaginal script writing to make a case for full custody of our children. I have two diagnoses from here and they all know I have OCD. To the point that even Dr McGrath spoke with everyone. Does anyone have any advice on this? I love my kids and am looking for joint custody but I feel she is trying to use my OCD against me. I find no reason for this, I hold a 6 figure job and provided for my whole family through my OCD.

I have pure ocd n i cant stop my bad thoughts... I feel sad upset hopeless wanna die n very stupid right now... I been crying all day

Hey. So I am at a friend's house right now. With bad religious ocd right now. And so I have had these friends for long time now. I stopped having sleepovers with them when my OCD got really bad. Now, I am hanging out with them again. They keep making slightly dirty jokes and inappropriate jokes. It is really triggering. It's starting to make me even more depressed as I am here because my OCD is just so confused. Makes me feel like I can never hang out with them just because they are triggering me. I am just so confused. If that makes sense. Someone help. I know what I said was probably confusing. I am trying to do ERPS.

Does anyone have straightening/ordering compulsions which they cannot pinpoint the reason for where they get rid of one only for the compulsion to start straightening something else pop up? I have created a hierarchy before and, utilizing ERP, have overcome specific compulsions. For example, I used to need to have my socks perfectly folded,ones up, and arranged by size and color in my drawer. I used to also need to place my toothbrush in the drawer a certain way. After overcoming these compulsions to the point where I could simply toss my socks or toothbrush in my drawer, I seemed to develop new compulsions surrounding items I never cared about previously, like needing to have pens lined up in drawers perfectly or the drawstring on my hooded sweatshirts be equal length. I am wondering if this happens to anyone else and, if so, how you have dealt with it? Because of this, and the fact that I cannot pinpoint any specific fears, I am starting to believe that my compulsion to straighten items is simply a way to preoccupy myself due to my anxiety. The irony is that doing these things just causes more anxiety because it results in me being late, falling behind in work, and saps me of time I can spend doing things I either need to get done or things that relax me. I will have a plan to get things done and, because I get so sidetracked ordering things, I don't get things done which results in me becoming so overwhelmed that I need to sit down and relax. I was a very laid back person growing up. I never worried about anything who laughed most things off. If something bad happened, I was the type to reassure others that it "wasn't the end of the World". I was never tense, never raised my voice, and was usually the one to interject when others were arguing to get them to see each others perspective. I cannot pinpoint a specific event that caused me to change, but sometime in my mid 20s I started to have anxiety that manifested in me ordering. First, it was a single small rig in the hallway of my house that I would straighten and re-straighten for hours. As time went on, it got worse and I started having a feeling that more and more things were out of o order. Ironically, the only time since where I have been nearly cured was during a very stressful point of my life when I was divorcing from my first wife. I was recommended the book "Brain Lock" and found it very helpful. Through a lot of reflection, I realized that I was hyper-focusing on small, meaningless things as opposed to what really mattered; and whatever is going to happen will happen irregardless of whether my belongings were straight. I was wasting my life away aligning objects that are utterly worthless, or can be easily replaced,leaving no time to get the more important things done. Instead performing necessary upkeep on my house, I was spending my time on upkeep of a single drawer. Kind of like the whole ocean polluting around you while you are repeatedly filtering a small tide pool. Upon realizing this , I got 99% better. It also helped that 1/2 of the stuff in my house was gone and it had a very minimalist look it. However, when I remarried and my new wife moved in with all of her stuff, my compulsions came back with a vengeance. I reread "Brain Lock" and still have that mindset. However, even when I am being mindful, I cannot seem to pull myself away from straightening even though I know it is not making any difference. OCD is a pain. It is like training for months to go 12 rounds with Mike Tyson and winning only to learn that Ali, Frazier, Klitschko, Ward, and others are going to jump in the ring at any time. I've beat it before, and can beat it again. The tricky part is recognizing the feelings as they come up, staying mindful, and not giving in to the voice that tells you, "it will only take a few seconds to do this compulsion and I will feel much better". As we all know, that isn't the case as giving in only feeds it. Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. It's good to be able to talk to people that understand because everyone around me seems to think telling me to "just stop" should work. I have tried to have them read articles on how best to help, but they have no interest because they do it get it.

Can someone please help me? I’m panicking massively So, I have a really specific obsession which doesn’t make sense (like a lot of themes). I have an intense fear that I’m somehow ‘autistic’ and am not aware of it. It started when I watched a video of a girl who didn’t seem any different to a regular person state that she had autism. I was really confused, how is she different to me then? I have done COUNTLESS online tests, all of which have told me I have few to no autistic traits, yet I CANNOT shake it. If I see something that may indicate that I’m autistic, I start panicking where my throat gets dry and I’m terrified. For example, I started panicking just now because I had read that autistic women live in ‘fantasy’ world, and I thought ‘do I?’ And then I realised that at night when I’m listening to music I’ll imagine myself in different scenarios. This of course isn’t ‘fantasy’ world, but still I was terrified, well what if it is? What if this means you have autism. One of the key features of autism is social impairment, which I have never experienced - but OCD starts saying, what if you have, what if you’re lying to yourself. Essentially all of this stems from a fear that I’m ‘lying’ to myself about my traits, when it’s irrational to think that. It literally terrifies me like my hands are sweating and I feel like I’m gonna die I don’t know what to do

i’m not my past mistakes, i am a new person to my past self. i may have messed up, but that does not define me in ANY way now. i’m a kid, and i’m learning as life goes on :)

I finally found a therapist who understands this and I feel like I should be more relieved. But since our first appointment a few days ago my thoughts have been really bad and convincing and I’m just suffering 24/7 convinced that I’ll never be straight again because of these thoughts

I’m not too sure if this is related to my OCD but figured I would talk about it?? This is gonna sound so narcissistic maybe, but I have been having a lot of trouble with Zoom and seeing myself in the camera lately :( I can’t stop obsessing over if people think I looked okay, especially just this one time where I logged on pretty fast, wasn’t wearing makeup and had no time to really adjust myself... It’s really impacting all my courses because now I’m just distracted at the past and present. I really don’t know why I posted this. I just feel so hopeless and stuck in my own head even though I know it’s such a dumb problem to have :( I guess what I want to ask is how do you personally deal with repetitive thoughts that are hard to escape? I hope you all have a great night (or day)

I don’t know if anyone wants to or can answer this but in what situation or what’s the reason some of you take antipsychotics for OCD? I’m just curious because I wonder if an SSRI will be enough for me lol

I swear I’m a shoot myself if another therapist doesn’t think I’m not seeing the words “dude, dick, I am gay” coming out every time I see a girl. Or that when I try to think about a girl and think about having sex with them something else comes up. Like I just tried to and the words “gay ass shit” popped up. Like I really hope they truly understand me cuz if not yeah I’m done. Shooting myself will be the best thing if therapy can’t help me I’m just saying.