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I don't feel like a f*cking woman what is wrong with me..

TW!!! Pocd and zocd Someone just sent me a message on reddit (I have an account there where I have a few ocd friends) and they told me to give in and found it hot and I should look at p*rn (I never saw p*rn of anything nor I ever will) of these topics and part of me felt "relaxed" that someone would accept me if I was a "p" or a "z" and I felt a small urge to do it. But a second after, I felt intense guilt and I started panicking!.... Am I a "p" and a "z"? Why didn't I felt immediately disgusted by this message and even felt tempted to just "give in"? I sent a reply immediately and said "never send me a message again" and I blocked this person. OCD is already hard enough to deal with! Now I have these trolls annoying me...

sorry tmi Hocd has basically made me continue to masterbate so that I can prove I still like girls and I know it’s a compulsion and it doesn’t even feel good or right or normal anymore but I can’t stop it because I’m scared if I stop I’ll find out the truth about myself

does anyone else feel like they don’t deserve love? i’m talking to this girl i like, but my mind keeps saying i need to pay for my real event ocd. that i need to tell her what i did, so she can decide if i’m worthy or not to love. i don’t think i am. i think my punishment should be to stay lonely for life,,,, and yet i want a relationship. god, i feel so stuck.

im confused. confused over everything. confused over who i am, what i want, what i need. im either numb or inexplicably anxious. there is no other emotion on the dictionary for me. i know i might end up deleting this later out of confusion over whether this is my truth or im just deceiving everyone. id say that i hate this disorder but what's the point. ocd doesn't chicken out or pity you when you cuss at it. do i even have ocd i haven't even got a diagnosis yet maybe im just a monster in disguise or have dramatic bitch disorder (a condition made up by me to invalidate my struggles since that's the only thing im good at). oh well

TW: contreversial opinion exposure about P*dophilia I had to do inventory for my job today which was from 3 AM to 11 so Im a little sleep deprived and OCD has a bit of a strong hold. I calmed down about POCD at work for a bit by coming to the understanding rhat even if I was a p*dophile, i wouldnt want to hurt anyone and there's treatment out there to help make sure I can live a normal life. This is a similar approach I took from my fear of having schizophrenia. But after a while I became scared again that I'd even say such a thing and that Im a sympathizer and how people would hate me for saying something like that. A tik tok came up about abusing child molesters in prison and I felt scared as if theh were threatening me. I watched the tik tok over and over until my anxiety subsided. I told my mom and she kinda agreed with my mentality but it was a bit of a reassurance. I'm scared to tell my BF but I think I'll tell him when im a bit more alert and I'll also tell him, unless its a really persistent need, not to respond so I can live in the uncertainty of not knowing how he feels. So here's my opnion so I as an exposure to peoples perception about me. I don't want to be a pedophile and Im starting to learn im not one right now. But, as OCD is making me focus on, If i were to become one in the FUTURE, at least I can get help to make sure im not a danger to society. I would prefer they all came out to get help and prevent predatory behavior rather than hide and give in to their urges. Feel free to comment if you disagree or have different opinions, I need the ERP.

Question for the girls: Idk if this is me but i started to feel so much less pretty cus of hocd. Suddenly i got so insecure bout things i never was insecure about. I aways felt so pretty and idk i feel like hocd rlly damaged my confidence and energy. Idk what or how that happened but istg that i get less attention from men? Idk whats going on but i have no other explanation than that is has sum to do with hocd bc it started since my hocd started developing. Like it brought down my energy and presence because im always anxious and sad and overwhelmed/drained. Could that be it? Because i remeber me as always making eye conract with men and having that tension going on, getting compliments, men getting nervous around me and staring at me, all of that. And now that its gone i miss it a lot. It makes me feel worthless and not pretty. And the weird thing is my friends say they dont notice any physical changes and im jus so confused like whats going on. How did i went from feeling so confident, pretty and attractive to feeling so ignored by men and having to put in a lot of work (like makeup) to feel pretty. I don’t recognize this version of me. Can anyone relate? It sucks so much because i used to not be able to wait to have a bf so i can cuddle and look pretty for him and all that. But now i really push it away because im insecure. I just wish i was myself so i can be happy and confident and have a healthy relationship.

READ THIS MY DEAR OCD FRIEND AND FREE YOURSELF ONCE AND FOR ALL! HAVING all kind of OCD for 19 years now I think I can help you to get rid of your OCD. We have OCD because at one moment in our life we had an intrusive thought or feeling about someone or something (no matter who or what it is it depends to each person), that we didn't accept due to our sensibility. This creates a blocking, and the said intrusive thought or feeling adds itself with another intrusive thought or feeling that, again, we refused to accept by doing rituals to avoid it. This creates a circle in which each time you fear your intrusive thoughts/feeling, by not accepting it, it gets bigger, harder and indubitably it's more and more painful to manage. As said above the more we refuse our fears the more they get stronger in our head maybe because our brain just wants to drain itself from these intrusive thoughts or feelings. Each day we watch a TV or social network that show us all the worst things possible (rapes, crimes, tortures, beatings, violence of all kind). Asking to ourselves if we would be able to do awful things other people did is normal (and by asking I mean thinking Or feeling) Our problem is that we fear and avoid something 7 billion people on earth live with. Common people have exactly the same thoughts but because they accept their thoughts or feeling they don't create the said add up of intrusive thoughts or feelings leading to a circle, that we as people having OCD create. We are the ones who don't accept intrusive thoughts or feelings because of our sensibility and our willing to control everything, often due to traumatisms in our childhood that push us into this control of all leading to the disaster of our lives. It's complicated to do what I'm about to say but it sounds to me that the only solution is to accept our intrusive thoughts in order not to create the adding up then the circle of intrusive thoughts or feeling. You are afraid of being in the same place with a child because of your fear of being pedophile? Stay with the child, your fear makes you believe you're "aroused" but the more you'll stay with the child, play with them even if you feel weird, the more you say to yourself "Oh year fucking OCD I'm pedophile I'm a monster I'm gonna take pleasure with this child", the moment you do it so the more you'll feel free and you'll realize you're not excited at all by childs (personal experience when I was 17, I understood that the so called arousal was false and complitely bound to my fear. The less I was scared by facing my fear, the better I felt and I did not rape or abuse no-one even when at first it's weird you really ask yourself "fuck I'm sure of my strategy or what??" It did work and it'll work for you I'm sure if this. You are afraid of cursing people by touching them while having awful thoughts? Look at them deep in their eyes and "curse them" mentally saying to yourself "oh yeah OCD I'm Evil I want this person to suffer I WANT It. You'll feel free and realize that you never wanted anything to people you care about it and don't worry each person in front of you has already had intrusive thoughts like you . You are afraid of being guay while your're supposed to have fun with you bf or gf? Oh yeah OCD I'm IN LOVE with girls or boys (depending of your OCD) again you'll see quickly that it's your fear that tricks you not a real excitation. No matter what you're afraid about, the moment you don't accept it you pour oil on fire by avoiding or struggling against it. Facing our fears by accepting them sounds to me the only way to free ourselves from our pain. Do not forget : 1 intrusive thought not accepted creates a second intrusive thought that you don't accept, plus one, plus one, plus one etc. It's like if you wanna shit the day one, but you didn't shit, the day 2 you'll have to shit a bigger shit, the day 3 its a monster you know what I mean. So SHIT your thoughts or feelings and free yourself NOW. Dont hesitate to create a personal offensive with a therapist to get diagnosed before undertaking something.

I just feel like I’m falling backwards. Why did I ever stop taking Prozac? I’m starting again on another antidepressant and it’s not working as well. I feel like I’ve gone backwards in all my progress and I’m beating myself up for it. I know I can’t change this but it sucks, I’m 20 years old and may have to go back to therapy again, I thought I’d be past this.. Anyone else feel the same? I mean therapy is fine and I’d suggest it but does anyone get programmed to see these things as backtracking? If not, how do I change my mind about it all to more positivity?

Okay so I kinda need to vent and would appreciate it if anyone could read this and provide insight or discussion. I’ve been having a great day, and I’m so grateful for that. It was a good self-care day, and a day for some self reflection. It’s almost like I feel guilty for having a good day, though. My OCD was sexual orientation OCD which turned into relationship OCD with my boyfriend I love so dearly and before this flavored up I had no doubts that he was the man I was meant to be with. After watching some videos and reading articles and becoming more educated with ROCD, though, I see that love is not who youre “meant to be with”, it’s more an active choice. I just feel stressed out because I broke up with him because of how stressed out I was about the SO-OCD and I just literally felt like breaking up with him was my only option, like it was the only thing I could control in my life in that moment. Now I’ve been going through therapy through NOCD and it’s been helpful! My symptoms have been super manageable and I’m so grateful for the work my therapist made me put in in order to get here. Then ROCD started to develop more as I realized I broke up with him for no REAL reason other than thinking it was gonna solve whatever crisis I was going through at the time. I still love him very much and want to be with him, but now I feel like my mind is in this constant state of “what if’s”, like what if I fall out of love, what if I don’t really love him, what if I’m just faking this, what if I cheat on him, yadayadayada. But since I had a better day today, I feel guilty. Like okay yeah so I must be faking it. Or I’m LOOKING for problems. I just feel like I’m not worthy of this life I’ve always wanted and I really want to learn how to feel worthy. I have always believed everyone deserves happiness and the life they dream of, yet here I am thinking I don’t. I guess what I’m trying to say is OCD sucks. I’m sad and feel depressed and lost, and like many of you, I would have never guessed I would have this illness. But I’m gonna keep fighting, even on days that feel like there’s no use. I hope you guys are doing well so far in this new year and if you aren’t you have the power to push through this and achieve the life you deserve. 💖💖.

I’m moving to college for the first time tomorrow and I’m really nervous, and I think the stress of that is making my mind spiral and look for anything else to worry about - my obsessions. Has anyone else dealt w this and if so any tips? :(

I'm feeling suicidal...

I’m having delusional intrusive thoughts, does this happen to anyone else?

I had gotten pretty good at living with the uncertainty of whether I was attracted to minors or not. However, now that I've opened myself up to dating it's becoming a problem again. I feel like it's something a prospective partner should know at some point, especially if they have daughters. I also question my motivation for finding someone I'm physically attracted to. In other words, I'm afraid of dating someone I don't find attractive because I think that means I'd rather be with a minor who I notice is attractive. I don't know if I made that very clear 🙃.

After being diagnosed by three separate professionals, I still do not believe I have OCD. I want this to be OCD, but I genuinely do not believe it is. It’s exhausting because everyone is operating under the assumption that it’s just ocd and they kinda don’t understand why I’m not getting better. It’s because it’s not OCD and I’m so tired.

I have a massive fear of ‘what if I develop depression and then commit suicide’ and I am so terrified of depression Ive has this fear for years but its been a much higher anxiety for the past 4 months or so I am 17 years old and terrified my life is over before it even began, I am so scared that ill never not be afraid of depression again. The daytime for me is fine, but after 5pm in the evening my anxiety comes crashing in and I just feel so helpless about it and cry which scares me more (yes im scared of crying because im scared of depression) Has anyone got any tips or encouragement? I really really need it

Hello. I am still trying to figure out if I have OCD or not. 4 weeks ago I had a random bout of what felt like paranoia, intrusive thought/image that really really scared and disturbed me. I never have had something like that before. At the time I had been put on meds benzos which I had been on for a couple weeks just for bedtime but also zoloft I had just started for anxiety and dealing with grief. I have posted in here before but I’m just curious I have since learned that people get intrusive thoughts often but it’s more like people with OCD that they get stuck and we dwell on them and spend time trying to analyze and figure out and also feel anxiety or emotion from them. I have spent 4 weeks being afraid of this and thought that it made me a bad person or that I might do the things that popped into my head which seemingly came out of nowhere. I’m 36 and never had this. Always have been positive and though I have dealt with some health anxiety off and on and been a little bit of a worry type of thinker it has been nothing like this. I have been unable to focus on hardly anything else and I have been trying to find out why it happened? It seemed so intense it literally is opposite of who I am or thought I was but has made me question so many things and have doubts of my own character and just be overall scared it will happen. Has anyone experienced an onset of this from a medicine adversely like an antidepressant or a benzo before? I thought maybe I was going through interdose withdrawal from the benzo or perhaps since I had just stated the zoloft it was a negative side effect? Regardless of the reason it has bothered me for weeks and interfering with my life and normal thought processes. Since then it seemed like the specific thought/image I had morphed a little into all different scenarios and I don’t understand. Maybe that’s my anxious mind exploring the thought and consequences of it? Catasrophizing? Either way it’s just so bothersome and I just don’t get it. I thought it could be OCD because I googled thoughts and found out all this information. I have been seeing a therapist before this even happened for anxiety and CBT. But now I’m just so confused? Anyone else have this type of experience? I feel like I’m just over analyzing this and ruminating on this and it’s been far too long. I want to just let go of this and start living my life again, but it felt so intense and the images can pop back in now intermittently. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still trying to figure it out or what? I should say since the initial thought/image happened I since stopped zoloft and tapered the benzo since I had been on the benzo for a few weeks and those aren’t good to stay on. In some ways I have felt better than before and made progress from a lot of the anxiety and mild depression I was having due to a sudden loss. But in other ways this worry about these thoughts have completely consumed my thought process. I listen to podcasts all day about learning about intrusive thoughts and tips, read this community posts, just searching for answers. I realize that maybe my compulsion. I also find it’s all I can talk about and looking for comfort and reassurance. Which I realize now may be a compulsion. I just wonder is this how my mind is now? Does anyone relate at all?

To the gamers on here: What games relax you or let you escape your mind for a few minutes/hours?

Does anybody ever take a minute to think to themselves how they were before OCD came into their lives? How you may have thought beforehand, what you did, the hobbies you had, the feelings you got, or even the people you've met and still might be with now? I've been getting that a lot lately. Whenever I'm not dwelling on my past actions when I barely knew better or thinking about how my future may turn out, I eventually think about how I used to be when I didn't know what OCD truly was. What if I had thoughts like these but they were either repressed completely or I just didn't react to them at all? Did I always worry about the future back in high school? Possibly. Was I perfect? Much like the others, absolutely not. Have other people find8 through things that I can relate to or had it worse than I did? From what I can remember, they have. But, they all seem to be fine and we're able to let go of the past. Why can't I?

everyone says that in order to determine if it’s hocd you need to examine how it started. i feel like the way mine started is CLEARLY not ocd and rather just a sexuality crisis. I was 13 and had thought about it 2 times before, once in the 5th grade and once in the 6th grade. i can’t be straight if this has consumed my thoughts since then.