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I can't get medication or therepy and I can't take this anymore. I've been a straight man my entire life, always wanted a wife and this says otherwise. The thing worse than the thoughts and disgusting images is the groinal response. I can't take this anymore. Six months of this shit and a garbage year in general. Covid, my girlfriend cheating and leaving, laid off at work despite working hard, total isolation, then this. I had ocd during childhood and youth now it's back. This has said many things over the years but the things it's said past six months are, -Ive always been trans but never knew -Im want to be trans -Im a pédo -Im a râpist - I'm a traitor to my country -Id rather fight for the axis than the allies -Our veterans are scumbags -I want to beat women -I want to load a shotgun and shoot my family -I like incest -I want to fuck animals -im going to hell - I don't believe in my Catholic faith - The one that's been the worst, I'm gay I don't want to be or do those things. I don't. I've thought of myself as a decent man and I loved who I was before this. I don't want to live anymore. I've looked for reasons to keep going yet I find nothing. The whole "You have so much to live for!" has only given me little hope and strength in the early stages of this. It does nothing for me anymore. With the groinal response it's like I've turned gay. HOCD It's attacked friends, people I look up to, family. So many people. I just want to curl up and die. I just want to fucking die

anyone else laugh at how silly their thoughts are and then get hit in the face with them and get anxiety the day after ? 🙄🙄

is confessing to lessen the guilt a compulsion?

hey, my hocd has been terrible the past few days im a ‘straight’ female, with a wonderful boyfriend of a year and a bit and he’s my everything. about a year ago my friends told me they were bi, that made me question if i wanted to be bi too, i thought about it and got worried for an hour maybe and then realised, don’t be silly you haven’t been aroused by a woman before or have felt the want to be with a woman or anything like that, and that’s true i had not. maybe the odd ‘celeb crush’ like omggg that girls so hot, but never to the extent of wanting to sido anything sexual with them or date them, in fact the thought of touching vaginas ect made me uncomfortable because it’s just not something i was interested in. ever since then i sat comfy being straight but still trying to fit in with my friends so i would say to them things like ‘i don’t like labels’ even though i knew god damn well i was straight. that passed and i was honest with them and just said you know what i think i am straight i just wanted to fit in with you guys, as you seemed so happy about it. i moved on being a comfortable straight for a long time. one day in early november i got a thought that i liked one of my male friend, that kick started my rocd, i had that for a while back and forth ‘do i love my bf’ ‘do i like other guys’. a week or so after that i was on my phone and saw the word ‘lesbian’ this triggered my intrusive thoughts to tell me i was bi or lesbian or wanted to be with a girl. and for ages i felt so uncomfortable and scared and panicked and nauseous about the idea of liking girl because i hadn’t thought about it in such depth before, the thoughts don’t give me pleasure i don’t think, they make me feel terrified and sick. but right know they have come back so severe i really nice questioning myself, and i don’t want to like girls i really really really don’t. it isn’t something that i want but it’s something that i feel like i have to do, my brain is telling me i am in denial because of my past day of questioning to try and fit in, i really don’t want to like girls. but i can’t help but ask myself over and over if i really would. i want to be with my boyfriend and be straight, i like the label of being straight, that’s what makes me comfortable. but now i’m terrified i like women, i feel so suicidal over it. i would do anything for the thoughts and pain to go away and never come back. any advice ??

How can I cope? During suffering endlessly with my Ocd having to tolerate this family. My mother always triggers me because she always wants to be close. I don't and never have and I've suffered way too long pretending. Years. I'm grown ffs but the responsibility I feel. Can someone pls help and talk with me!? How do I cope when fighting my Ocd and craving space and to be on my own. Its so so so debilitating. I don't want to be close to her and I never have I don't like feeling forced cos society thinks we 'should' be close. But this is extra hard whilst I'm dealing with my Ocd I can't cope anymore. Pls help.

So my psychiatrist doesn’t think I have OCD. Should I still keep this app in my phone?

So my hocd makes me think of men all day and night thoughts telling me thats what i want. But in my dream last night i was dreaming about girls and it felt so good and right what is happening here ? 😞

Can I please talk with a NOCD advocate right now? I am in a terrible place.

Why are some themes more "sticky" than others? I've struggled with HOCD for months now, but for about two weeks it shifted to TOCD. For me, I think TOCD was the most debilitating but HOCD sticks to my brain the most. I'm able to talk about my TOCD theme & my experience and can almost laugh at it now because it's so far from anything I would ever believe about myself. But now I'm even doubting if I ever felt anxiety from my HOCD because it wasn't as intense as my panic attacks from TOCD. Has anyone experienced this?

please someone help me, i’m so close to the edge. i’m in a happy relationship, a straight relationship. and i’m so scared of being mainly lesbian or bi, i don’t want to be but my thoughts are questioning if i am. i don’t want to be with a woman. but what if i do? i’m terrified i don’t want to do this anymore

Hi! My name is Mikhail. I have been diagnosed with OCD for a couple years now, and this year I started ERP therapy at NOCD. I first found out about Pure O from downloading NOCD's app and seeing other people post about their experiences with overthinking, fear, and shame. While I had been diagnosed with OCD before, I had never heard about Pure O, where the compulsions manifest themselves more internally. I was at a point in my life where I was isolating myself and afraid of the thoughts I was having all day every day. This eroded away my self-esteem and identity but the skills I learned doing ERP have helped me feel like myself again. I recommend doing ERP to anyone afflicted with OCD, as it has helped me train the mental muscles I needed to get back to my life again. NOCD specialists meet you where you are at and help you get better on your own terms. I have taken the opportunity to be an advocate because once I found out I wasn't alone with Pure OCD, it reignited the faith I had in ever recovering. Learning about other people's experiences and sharing my own has helped me live more authentically. I want to do anything I can to encourage others to recover as well, because I know it is possible and that this condition is manageable. Going through NOCD treatment invoked genuine compassion in me not just for others, but for myself, which is something I never truly felt before. If you have any questions at all, please reach out to me. I feel purpose in connecting with people about OCD and getting better together. Believe me, you are not the only one who has thought that crazy thing and then thought about thinking about it 17 more times until it impacted your behavior!

This is immediate. I am having severe anxiety and am not sure I’m going to make it through the night. I am wondering whether or not to go to the emergency room. What happens and will I be admitted to a facility against my will if I’m not suicidal and I’m not a danger to myself or others? Can they give me medication to at least calm down the panic?

Well I know the thoughts are still. They tell me you know you don’t love him or attracted to him anymore right? 😞😞

lately i’ve been having scary thoughts about a time where i was watching lesbian porn and how it caused me to have girl on girl fantasies of the porn videos like replaying in my head whenever i wanted to masturbate and how i even think i might’ve fantasized about a friend who i never saw as more than a friend, it’s using that against me as proof i’m bi, but we all know that fantasies say nothing about who you are and for me this all happened after i got addicted to porn, before i started watching porn, men would be what i constantly thought about. anyone else going through this? i know how silly it is that it’s trying to use that as proof but it won’t leave my mind. and recently i’ve been doing pretty well, like barely any anxiety or thoughts. yesterday and today their getting kinda bad.

ACTUAL HOCD TRIGGER ********** I worry because I see some posts on here or on reddit and I feel like they don’t have HOCD and are actually gay, which then makes me feel like I’m probably the same. I used to be able to see that other people were clearly suffering from OCD, but now I can’t. Now i suspect other people that are suffering are gay and in denial and I feel terrible because I think they feel the same about me.

I ✨hate✨ my life.

I feel like the ocd faded... I feel like a lier... I feel like I am truly not in love with my partner when deep down I know I am... I wanna be like how I was with him before not like I know I truly don’t love him... 😞😞😭

Has anyone ever struggled with the fact that you did something unintentional but horribly racist in the past? I’m talking about a real event (i.e made a micro aggression without realizing how offensive it was) rather than just having an intrusive thought. Is it a compulsion if you want to apologize to the person you think you hurt even if this was years ago?

i just don’t think i can have lesbian fantasies and still call myself straight. even tho i cry a lot about thinking i’m bi and i usually feel bad after i fantasize about that stuff.

Can ocd make me lose interest in things. And sometimes not make me hungry and feel like eating?