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the NOCD Community

everyone says I’m the only one who can know my sexuality, but I feel like I KNOW i’m bisexual. I can’t do this. please kill me.

HOW IT BEGAN. please tell me if you think I’m bi/gay I’m begging for honesty. i went to the mall with my friend and my mom and all day, i had this weird feeling in my vagina, like just there was a feeling like an ache, and it was literally to every single woman i saw- old, fat, ugly- it didn’t matter. then we were in line at the food court and i remember thinking, “this means you’re a lesbian” and I was like “no, i dont look at girls like that!” but then I was like “oh jesus do I??”. then it went away for like, 2 weeks, but as i spent time alone watching movies over christmas break, i just kept getting these thoughts that i might be gay, like creeping into my head like "you need to think about this" and id be watching movies and feel like a single pulse to completely non sexual stuff of women. and so i did think about it and it was all i was thinking about, but I wasn't having like terrible anxiety, it was more like I just was thinking about it so much and felt removed from myself. but there were also groinal responses right away, like before it was a full blown obsession. like id be looking at a conventionally pretty actress in a movie, and i would feel ****sorry this is NSFW***** a single pulse down there? it was so weird, and nothing I had ever felt before but I didn't like it. I don't know if those were groinals though, or if that was just me getting turned on? I dont know and I've agonized over it for years. anyways, i went to school after break for one day and i was still thinking about it, and so I said "if this is still happening, then I'm going to talk to mom about this"and so I told my mom, she told me it was perfectly normal to be thinking about this because i was going through puberty, and she told me it didn'[t mean i was gay or bi. then she said, even if you turn out to be a lesbian, we will love you no matter what. and I felt so happy that I wasn't a lesbian! I was so relieved. I went to school on cloud 9 and was my old self. Then, the doubts crept back in, and then thats how it started.

Anyone have any tips for stopping ocd related anxiety attacks, before they escalate?

Can OCD make you feel scared just in general without being able to pinpoint a specific cause? Also, do you ever get a super irrational thought that's so stupid yet you can't shake the feeling it could be true? Like you can question the ever living crap out of it because you know it's silly but you just can't shake it?

I was doing fine for a couple of days now I’m super anxious. I have a lot of school work to catch up on and I just want to be able to focus on that instead of my thoughts :(.

So im at the stage where this is telling me what i want. And im starting to believe this. I just dont know whats reality anymore. I feel like im just going to live in pain and misery for the rest of my life 😥

I’m trying to fantasize about women and me being romantic with women but I get intrusive thoughts of men and women with male body parts. I feel like I’m losing it.

Not really an OCD thing but I would love some advice on this (Long). So lately things have been intense in my household surrounding my dad. My relationship with him has been rocky for years. For some brief backstory: he used to drive cross-county as a truck driver a lot so he was rarely home when I was a kid. He eventually started working local and being home more when I was heading into my teen years and that’s when I finally started seeing how he was like. It seemed like for almost everything we butted heads. He’s the type that says he hates when people are easily offended and can’t take a joke, when he is literally the most easily offended person I have ever met. He used to get upset for the dumbest things (not having the right cheese in the fridge for a sandwich, etc). I was resenting him more and more as the years went on. He never stayed in the same job for more than a few months because he was bored or wanted thing else so he proved to be unstable at times which worried my mom. I would become so furious with him that I’d tell my mom she should leave him and many other horrible things. I truly felt like that before - I did NOT like this man. I wished I had someone better as a father many times. At some point, when my OCD started to appear and my anxiety grew worse, I decided to forgive him and start anew. That lifted a whole ton of weight off my conscience and it was instead replaced with love for him. I was so happy to be with him. Thought I would let things slide, won’t hold it against him. Now here we are about a year and a half later and that resentment is starting to build up again. I tried so very hard not to but he has been a main source of us feeling overwhelmed and angry. For one, he is extremely passionate about his political views and won’t stop talking to us about it despite us expressing that we didn’t want to speak on the subject. If it’s anything against him, then you apparently don’t know anything and attacks you on what’s personal to you. In my example, he would go after my faith, which I hate when anyone does that. Another cause lately has been surrounding the pandemic. Since it has started my family and I, besides him, have been taking precautions, such as wearing a mask every time we go out, washing hands, staying home when we can. He has gone out almost every day doing who knows what, eating in at restaurants, visiting and taking my grandma out, and not wearing a mask. He’s extremely back and forth about it. He has told us he has been wearing a mask the entire time, but when we actually go out with him, he never puts it on. Recently he said he was gonna take it seriously (and starts lecturing us about it??) to wear a mask. Then a couple days later he’s out with my cousin and that cousin later confides in me that he not only didn’t wear a mask, but questioned my cousin for wearing one as well, claiming he doesn’t even own one. So he’s consistently lying to us, putting us at risk, while we try to take care of ourselves. There’s so much more, but overall I’m very exhausted, sad, and frustrated with the whole situation. I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of tears. It’s hard for me to sit down and explain this to him because 1.) I’m the type of person who immediately starts crying when the conversation is serious/I get overwhelmed quick and 2.) fear of him getting offended and ruining the environment in the house for the next x amount of days. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I talked to my mom and brother about this frequently and they agree as well, but they know it’s hard to talk to him too. Of course this added negativity and stress in the house has been messing with my OCD. Any advice or tips please? Sorry for how long this post is.

I left my partner 3 days ago please help me feel better he’s DEVASTATED and ringing constantly but it was toxic and he didn’t realise he was still emotionally abusing me despite cutting alcohol consumption down (he’s an alcoholic) I feel relieved and sad because what do I do now? I was with him all the time, now what? My ocd isn’t helping either I’m like “OMG what if he gets better and treats a new girl like gold ALL of the time not just in cycles? Why couldn’t he for me?”

Tips for daydreaming? I love daydreaming and it’s a use of meditation for me but it’s been taken away because of intrusive thoughts it feels like they’re unwanted guests so they overlap and get in the way unfortunately I don’t bother daydreaming often

Hi! I am having the worst flare up of OCD I’ve had in the last 20 years. I am 28 years old and I have gone through numerous different “themes” of OCD. I have gone from hand washing, to more mental rituals like canceling out (if I got a B on a test in college instead of an A I would purposely get another B to “cancel it out” as punishment) to many other pure mental obsessions/compulsions. After realizing that living in “reality” was my only way to be happy a few months ago I decided to live in reality from that day forward. Of course, the second I made that decision I felt a sense of negativity attached to it which spiraled out and led me to believe that the only way I could ever be happy and if I ever wanted to think my past memories were real instead of false reality I would have to complete this list that included sitting in my office for 24 hours straight. It’s been 7 months since the incident and I still feel awful. I am questioning the best way to be happy again and feel like by not doing the 24 hour rule I’m being lazy.

Has anybody had much luck with somatic ocd? I feel like that's a pretty tough nut to crack.

I have yet to find someone who relates to my HOCD struggles. I know we all are unique and this shouldn’t worry me, but the lack of someone else who has experienced some things that I view to be very real evidence has completely upended me. I look for strength and I’ve yet to find it. I stopped erp because of a life altering event during Covid and know I’m lost again. This feels more real (not to discourage or discount anyone else’s struggles!!) than what other people worry about with their HOCD. I feel so alone.

I wanna post about how I feel but then I feel sad and guilty that no one responds.

I genuinely believe people on here think I’m a lesbian. I think I’m driving myself insane but if people don’t answer my comments but like answer or ask someone else about HOCD I think it’s because they don’t believe I have it

Hi I'm new to this app. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and OCD about 5 years ago. Following a very recent break up, coping with being a frontline healthcare worker in the current pandemic, moving house amongst other things I'm really struggling... Looking for some support really as I don't know who to turn to right now

TW Suicidal thoughts I don't think I can do this anymore. These thoughts and false feelings, false attraction are getting the best of me. I feel so sick and guilty. I don't want to go any longer. I have no way of getting help. I can't afford it. My parents don't understand me and won't help. I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I feel like I deserve to die. I've never been diagnosed so I don't know what's real and what isn't. I just want to be normal

Can someone with hocd please give me there thoughts and images they have ?

Anyone else have obsessive thoughts about getting murdered? My 8 year old son is experiencing this and is very scared if he’s not close enough to see me in the house. We did ERP for scary images but he says he’s now more scared, not less, because the images used in erp gave him new things to be scared about. Ugh. Anyone else have these types of obsessive thoughts and found relief with erp? He doesn’t have any physical compulsions by the way, just continually seeking reassurance.

I genuinely can’t tell what’s the truth anymore. I’m so anxious by everything that my brain thinks about regarding attraction that it’s like the person before this was just a fake. I want to go back to innocently liking men because I just did. Now I look at a guy and wonder if I’m a lesbian in disguise or if I would like it better as a guy. I can’t look at celebrities I find attractive because I’m afraid I’m a lesbian who’s trying to look normal. I can’t do ANYTHING without worrying that it’s what a lesbian would do to tell herself she likes men. I never questioned this before. But reassuring myself sounds so much like denial and that scares me so much. The thought of being a lesbian doesn’t come naturally to me, it feels so forced and just bad in general but my brain tells me it’s because I haven’t accepted myself yet and that’s why. I want to scream.