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the NOCD Community

Had a really hard time tonight; found myself obsessing about whether or not I am a pedophile. I have not been officially diagnosed with POCD but I feel that I have it. I am not sexually attracted to children and do not even think about children if not for these times. If I’ve seen a child who I think is attractive or who I find attractive, I spiral. The thing is my mind brings up children from the past who I found attractive and then I spiral downwards. What if I am a pedophile? Why would I think a child is attractive? Why do I remember these children? If I was alone with a child what would I do? That makes me a pedophile. I end up googling pictures of children to see what I feel all the time physically and emotionally. I even thought about looking at some child porn just to see what I’d feel but to be honest I’m not interested in seeing those images. I spend hours on the internet and youtube trying to figure out whether I am a pedophile or not. Whether it really is POCD or if I’m just a pedophile in denial. What if I’m just lying to myself? I’m so tired of this. I get really nervous around children, the other day I actually darted out of my aisle at Walmart because there were children there and I didn’t want to risk feeling anything in case I am a pedo. I even surprised myself doing that. I’m scared to tell the counselor I just started seeing because what if she tells me I am? Please tell me I’m not alone in how I feel. Sorry for the long post; it’s my first time posting and as you can see there’s a lot on my mind. Thanks.

anyone ever experience intrusive thoughts about having schizophrenia ? any tips? please

Not sure if relationship issue or rocd. I love my girlfriend. She’s really bad about pushing my limits and has lied to me in the past while pushing my limits about when she is coming home (she was doing drugs at one point) and always pushing the time. Now she’s still doing this frequently but while she’s visiting her sister and sometimes it even leads to her staying the night at her sisters if she drank too much to drive home. I’ve made her Uber before because i won’t take excuses. But we’re tight on money right now. She knows what this does to me anxiety wise and she still chose to drink irresponsibly and enter a time warp when she is at her sisters. Every time she does this I feel like I want to break up with her. Every time we make up I feel in love. But she did it again tonight and is staying the night and I told her this time is her last time doing this to me. That i need and deserve someone who can keep their word. That if she does it one more time we’re breaking up. I asked her if she understood that it would mean we would break up if it happened one more time any point in the future. She said she doesn’t want that but yes. I feel like I have set a boundary that I know is going to break and this is doomed. I don’t know what else to do or what but I know this community is full of support. So that’s what I’m hoping for ???

Okay so this is going to sound gross but does anybody else have to deal with OCD while using the restroom? Every time I have to *use* a urinal, I have to complete a series of mostly mental but sometimes physical compulsions before, during, and after going. For instance, my OCD makes me feel like if I don’t complete the compulsions such as imagining a certain color shade for a period of time, or if I don’t “flex” or strain my groin for a certain period of time, then it means I’m gay, or I like looking at other guy’s genitals, such as the person using the urinal next to me. These compulsions are extremely uncomfortable to think about and sometimes painful to complete, as the “strainage” of the groin can hurt after long periods of time. Does anyone else have this, or have any advice? I really hate feeling alone with such embarrassing and uncomfortable obsessions/compulsions

I hate my life. Meltdowns used to be once a week, then once every few days, then once a day and now twice a day. My phone is acting like a piece of crap and it keeps deleting things which is one of my fears. I’m so exhausted.

People with HOCD and in relationships - how do you cope? Does your partner know? What are some techniques you use to stop the thoughts.

New to the group/app. Chronic OCD sufferer. First had my first brush with it at 17/18 I’m 29 now. Had a sexual thought about my mother that then turned into me thinking “what about if i have sexual thoughts about everybody?” I then had sexual thoughts about people around me, but my mind latched on men. I’m heterosexual, never questioned myself til that day. After months of searching for things and replaying situations back in my head i was able to live peacefully only with the occasional or lingering “what if’s?” This was 11/12 years ago. Over the course I’ve had the occasional intrusive thought popping in and out of my head during my times with women and wondering did i like the thought or the woman? The woma always won and I was mostly able to brush em off and keep it moving. More recently i made the mistake of eating a marijuana edible. Me and weed DONT mix. After feeling high for what felt like a lifetime i began panicking and wondering “what if i stay this way?” “What If i developed a psychosis?” “What if reality isn’t real?” “What if this is underlying schizophrenia?” Those hit me for about a week and a half...then it returned back to my worst, HOCD. I’ve been happily dating a woman for 2 years of course I’ve had my doubts and thoughts along the way but i was mainly able to shrug it off. We’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life and each other’s company. But now with the return of the monster i get choked up with anxiety about possibly leaving her and coming out of some closet that I know I’m not in and i begin revisiting and replaying every single moment of the past and thinking “am i even attracted to her?” “Why do i feel choked up/weirded out when we kiss now?” Etc. I realize it’s all anxiety but damn it’s been beating me down recently. Apologies for the long post. Take care guys.

Having thoughts like "your thoughts are real... you really are a bad person.... you don't have ocd, you're just using it as an excuse for your thoughts... you were 'diagnosed' by a college counselor, so it's probably not real... you like your thoughts....." and right now I'm able to keep the anxiety down which is good because I have one more class to get through today but I can tell that later I will be overthinking this and probably get extremely anxious. When I get really anxious I can't cry, I don't know why, but then my head tells me "well you're not crying so you're not really upset or worried about it because you're a bad person." Sorry in advance if I go on a posting spree later when this all hits.

Anyone have any insight/experience with OCS? Obsessive Compulsive Spartanism?

I know this probably won’t apply to people here, but maybe it will, just not exactly an “OCD thing” does anyone suffer from brain fog? I have it immensely bad, due to a lot of health issues, including type 1 diabetes manly but also depression can cause it. Brain fog is different than feeling overwhelmed and overworked etc..if you have it you will know exactly what I’m talking about when I say you don’t feel alive. It’s either feeling too much of everything or completely numb, NOTHING feels real, (which can lead to/goes along with depersonalization types of disorders but not always) I feel like everything is so hard to focus and hold onto. And on top of that I have silent migraines which leads to a lot of head pressure which just intensifies the brain fog. I had a breakdown in my car today crying for a good 20 minutes to my boyfriend of how upset I am that my life is this way. I understand things could be so much worse but some things like OCD (which of course I have) and brain fog, eliminates you from being able to see a brighter side, or make yourself better. How can you change your life if you can’t think clearly? ? just need some love and positive encouragement to carry on I guess.

It makes me feel so much better about myself knowing other people go through this as well. I’m so so fucking scared of my own thoughts and I hate it so much. I don’t want to be a bad person and I wish these thoughts could get out of my head once and for all. Thank you for making me feel understood.

TW Guys my false memories are scaring me so much today. my mind was trying to ruminate as I went to sleep and then I woke up and the thought was “oh yeah nobody would know or find out because you can’t just identify abuse by looking down there” horrible :( :( :( I woke up terrified what if I just remembered that I did something, what if I did?? Soniclen I know you are going to say I’m looking for reassurance maybe I’m am, i just cried all over my husband and of course all he did was reassure me I could never do something like that and “forget about it” because that’s not me But when I woke up and had that thought it felt so freaking real and I got so scared heart racing everything

Is it possible for OCD to go from harmful thoughts or paranoia thoughts to being completely about how my wife is cheating on me or going to hurt (poison me, attack me in my sleep)!?

Sometimes I feel like my life would be more empty without OCD. Even though it causes me so much stress and anxiety, I feel like that stops me from being bored. Sounds silly because I know that everybody STRIVES to be relieved of OCD and the trouble it causes. I guess I just feel like having OCD makes me different from other people (and I like to be bold and stand out). Without it, I’d just be like everybody else. And that’s why I fear NOT having it; that would mean I truly am just like everybody else and my thoughts are real. Idk. It’s also nice to be part of this community where we all push eachother forwards and celebrate eachother for all the things we do. I don’t want to lose that.

How to confirm that my sexual orientation is not changed... I m still same happy self.... This hocd/so ocd killing me daily... I just hate girls now.... I don't even want to talk to any... Deeply frustrated...

Back at university now in the house I'm living in for the year, which is where my ocd originally kind of started (or at least got extremely intense and horrible). I can already feel my anxiety getting worse. Hopefully the fact that the dosage of my meds has been increased will help a little. Would love it if you guys good think good thoughts at me x

Does anyone else’s hocd give you the thought whenever you feel attracted to the opposite sex “if you were a guy that would mean you’re gay.” And for some reason this gives me anxiety. I want to be straight and like guys..what?

Feel so alone. Does anyone else struggle with POCD and is / was pregnant? I just want my poor baby to be safe and feel so guilty about unwanted thoughts. This is the worst. I can’t even enjoy this pregnancy because of these horrendous thoughts.

trigger warning maybe so idk who knows andrea russett but she’s a youtuber and she just posted a video coming out saying she’s bisexual and it triggered me soooo much. like i’m so scared that i am when i literally have never felt attraction to a girl at all like that. any time i think a girl is pretty i automatically jump to that conclusion now. and i always have to check and look at her butt to see if i’m attracted to it. like social media makes it all worse too. i almost do it out of habit now which makes me hate myself for it bc i’m mistaking it w attraction but when i try to tell myself it’s just ocd my brain tries to twist it into thinking that i’m actually bi!!! it just sucks and i’m so stressed about it

Hocd and urges! Help