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Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.

Please answer! What happen after we finally finished all ERP session then we can say we can "managed" it. Manage OCD. What recovery really means? On my case, i educated myself through self-help about ERP then practicing ERP by myself over and over. Then ocd become less and less and i got better. Currently i live in a place, when i diagnosed ocd, work with psychiatrist for medication and psychologist for CBT. But not specifically with ERP. Let say you in theraphyst or NOCD and complete all the sessions. What happen after you complete all of that that? For me, i can do what i value in my life or my purpose. But after doing erp by my own i still experiencing some anxiety and guilt, many intrunsive thought and little compulsions. Then become less and less over time. Is this mean manage and we succed at it? I'm curious what recovery really means and life after we finisihed all our session with theraphyst. I think there no perfect or all compulsion go away. But reduce it then we can continue our live instead wasting hours for compulsive behavior. So we develop attitute or streng to deal with intrunsive thought, although still experiencing some obsession, anxiety, guilt, even little compulsion. So recovery take more time, even after you without therapyst. Give me best answer on that. Thank you. Love you so much <3 <3 <3 I really don't know where to get answer on that now. Instead get understanding from you guys. Please correct me! :')

Can I talk to someone on here about a situation? I'm willing to give advice or listen but my brain is on loop

I don’t think this has much to do with obsessions but I would like some help :( I’m 17 years old, very good in school I have a 3.9 GPA. I took the SAT earlier this month and got a score of 980 :/ I also got a 13/24 on the essay and writing is my passion. I’ve been feeling very dumb and useless and I do not want to continue leaving. Any advice?

It’s so hard to feel like this theme is really ocd and not just denial. I’m so scared :( and I feel like me not being in a. Relationship / having little experience romantically and sexually is proof

I’m constantly enjoying my intrusive thoughts, the anxiety isn’t even there anymore idk what to do. I can’t take it anymore

I was sitting and got the random intrusive thought "Go smear soap all over your TV and yourself." It was a thought. It's my understanding that we aren't supposed to do anything with intrusive thoughts. My therapist, who works with OCD, said "In the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter whether you smeared soap all over your TV or yourself." I don't understand what they meant by that. I thought the whole point was to allow the random, weird, intrusive thought to be there without doing compulsions. I'm not sure what the purpose of digging into the content is. With OCD out of the picture, it'd still bother me to to smear soap everywhere. Basically why did my therapist say "In the grand scheme of things."? It's causing me a lot of distress and throwing me off in what I'm supposed to be doing therapy wise. I thought we accepted the thought itself, not the content inside of the thought.

If you’ve experienced several ocd themes, has one theme felt different than the rest? Have some themes really felt like ocd to you and even though the thoughts were distressing, you understood it was ocd as opposed to maybe one theme that really didn’t feel like ocd? If that makes sense? While most themes I’ve experienced were highly distressing, I feel like they don’t get under my skin quite as much because I truly feel they are ocd thoughts.

even when i’m not actively obsessing, I do things so that people don’t think i’m gay. THAT IS DENIAL. THAT IS SOMETHING ONLY A GAY PERSON IN DENIAL WOULD DO. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.

someone please help! I've been showing pure o symptoms for about a month now. terrible intrusive thoughts, rumination, shame, guilt, doubt.. i feel like shit. i decided to open up about this to my mom (I'm 15) so that i could seek help and she doesn't understand. She thinks that I'm just being dramatic, that this is just a phase, that i just need some fresh air and a distraction like doing chores blah blah.. i told her that i could have ocd but she started saying that ocd is obsessing over organizing, cleanliness and other stereotypical shit... i even showed her articles explaining my situation and she seemed to get uncomfy and tried to change the subject. whenever i bring it up she either makes jokes about it to make me "laugh it off" or mutter something like "yeah yeah" and it's so annoying. today she even told me that she's "depressed" and that if she can pull through then so can I (she's isn't clinically depressed she's never seen a therapist in her life). she doesn't understand the severity of my situation. im afraid my intrusive thoughts will start getting worse if im left untreated. she really made me think that maybe im just making this up and that im just a dramatic little b*tch. ive always loved my mom and she's always been supportive but i feel so betrayed rn. i feel helpless

Im struggling with my faith! Any Bible believing Christians here to talk?

My OCD makes me physically sick, I can't function. My mom was watching the show Big Sky and it's about sex trafficking and the question popped in my head "do I think sex trafficking is hot?" but OF COURSE I DON'T but why why does this have to torture me I want it to be done!

Omg my real life ocd is just unbearable :( For all you who have this, how long do your "episodes" normally last?? I have lost all appetite and I'm so drained ☹️

How do you explain ocd to your family? They don’t seem to understand how my brain works differently no matter how many articles I send. I have contamination ocd which they kind of get but tend to say I’m normal and it’s not a bad thing I’m worried because I’m being safe but they don’t understand how irrational it is. They think bc I’m a smart person i wouldn’t have irrational mental and physical compulsions but I can’t get them to understand it’s not about intelligence. Even I don’t really understand how I can logically know something but still feel this way. What’s worse is I struggle mostly with POCD and wish I could explain it to them but feel like they would either be scared of me or think it’s silly and I’m stupid. Do any of you have tips/relate?

18+ I was such a horrible boyfriend. I was friendly and flirty with other girls and I would always justify it by saying that I wasn’t cheating (which I never did). I also got super drunk during a family vacation and I don’t remember anything but I fear i may have kissed someone, even though my family has to me that I didn’t because they were with me 99% of the time. I realize however that it doesn’t take a physical act to hurt your partner. Flirting is just as bad. I don’t know why I was that way. I was always an attention seeking idiot. My guilty conscience led me to develop OCD. Now all I do is obsess over every day of my life trying to figure out if I did anything wrong so I can confess it to my partner. I wonder if I’ll ever be enough for her again. I feel so unworthy of her love. She is hurting so much and I can’t believe I caused her that pain. She tells me to let it go but I feel like she deserves to know who I was. She says she forgives me because I am no longer that person but I can fucking forgive myself. I’ve tried meditating and doing affirmations but it’s been months and I feel like I am tainted forever. I led her to believe that I was someone that I wasn’t. I told her I only had eyes for her but I still found other girls attractive and watched porn behind her back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t eat or sleep or do anything but be in my bed crying. I love her so much and I can’t believe I was such a piece of shit. I want to move forward but I don’t know how to. We’ve been together for over 5 years and I can’t believe I am just now realizing all this. I wonder if it’s too late. I’ve been an atheist for years and I’m even praying out of desperation. I hate myself

I don't know how to put this but... I'll try my best... The pain that I'm suffering now is too deep. I'm struggling to catch my breath every second. I can't sleep, I can't be awake... I can't do anything. I'm freezed in this stage of endless pain that has teared my soul apart. There's nothing left now... I can't see things work for me. I'm too tired of this... I can't take any step further. There's no end to this. My soul is dead from inside...

Please help!!! Right now I am having major spike, I have always been a curious kid and I watched stuff on internet as a very young child but I have always been a boy crazy person and i was never attracted to girls but ever since I have started with these thoughts that what if I might be bisexual or lesbian. My mind keeps telling me that what if I watched those thing because I might be bi or lesbian. I don't want to be bisexual or lesbian but my mind keeps running back to this thought of what I did as curious child. I feel bad about myself and feel wretched that why did I do it. I am so scared.

I’m having a really hard time resisting my suicidal thoughts right now. I keep declining more and more and I just want to be put out of my misery at this point. I’m feeling like there’s no hope for my future, and I also can’t even make it through the present. I don’t know what to do because I don’t WANT to die but I feel like it’s the only thing that can make things better

i feel like i won’t get a diagnosis if i went in and tried. that’s my biggest fear. i would feel so much shame and sadness if i didn’t, i don’t want people to think i’m gay and if i don’t get diagnosed with ocd that’s what the ppl i told will think (which is just my mind but still). it safer almost for me not to get diagnosed because if i don’t have it i don’t know what i would to. everything would get so much worse

Does anyone else who’s 20+ and never seriously dated before afraid that this messed up your love life forever? Because I used to look forward to getting to know a guy romantically one day and feeling comfortable enough to let them be around me in that way and now I’m just afraid that if I ever get into a relationship I’m not going to like it and it’s just gonna confirm everything I’m afraid of :/