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the NOCD Community

Am I the only person who genuinely has a really difficult time using the bathroom because of their ocd and actually puts it off for long periods of time? I’m afraid I’m going to get a bladder infection or something from this because I hardly use the bathroom, because the whole experience is so stressful and I have to wash my hands for a ridiculous amount of time after. Today I was crying washing my hands for probably an hour, ugh. The whole experience often makes me feel suicidal from all the stress and anxiety. And I’m always exhausted after from all the hand washing. I’ve never heard of anyone else having this issue and feel so stupid. I can’t even take care of my basic human needs.

Does anyone else’s brain tell them they touched something they didn’t want a touch so convincingly it’s hard to know if it happened or not?

hey y’all i was wondering if any of yall believe the stereotype that people with OCD are perfectionists? i just remember from a little girl up until now i forced myself to over achieve and be good at everything and anything i did. whether that be from doing well in school, to excelling in extra curriculars to even how i present myself physically and in social situations. was never happy with myself as a person until this summer when i finally became comfy with who i was... then this shit just took over. it’s like my brain needed something to find wrong in myself. idk im just wondering if yall think these “perfectionist” type symptoms are pre-requisites to OCD generally

For those of you currently going to Therapy, was there ever a time where your therapist reacted negatively when you discussed your intrusive thoughts? I’ve always been curious about this especially since I used to see a therapist who had no experience in treating anyone with OCD and was surprised that I thought that I might have OCD saying that it’s a serious illness. And I know other people had therapists that asked them the typical liability questions when they mention their intrusive thoughts.

The world is strange and I am feeling like a total weirdo just because I am having thoughts different from other people. The world seems to be walking on only one direction and this makes me terrified. I am really feeling strange and weird. I want to die, this world is crazy. I am not born to live in this world. I hate myself.

Hey uhhhh I feel safer in this community so ima tell y’all here. Any help or advice is very appreciated♥️. And I’m in need of help the most here... I feel numb and lost the past two day. I haven’t been able to be myself and if I continue to let myself sad ima fall into depression. No one in real life understands my situation. Here’s what happened. If you understand the Damelio Family’s situation on tik tok you’ll understand. So someone’s personal chef made a girl her food but it turned out to be a snail, which made the girl vomit. But people are saying she vomited dramatically and she was ungrateful for the food. My comment was controversial I guess. I basically commented on a video which said “It’s not dramatic it’s ✨Ungrateful ✨” and my phones been blowing up of people telling me to “grow up” “your a kid your stupid” “by what you commented we can tell your uneducated” and it was hard to focus in school and I feel sad, my fear is that ima fall into depression from this. But hate is normal for social media influencers, but for me this is the first... I’m 15

I won't to go back to who I was before I started ERP therapy. This therapy has made everything worse. I am not my intrusive thoughts, but ERP teaches you that the content of your intrusive thoughts is real. I can't do it anymore. This therapy makes me feel like I deserve to die.

Can anyone help me? I had a bad thought the other day and now my mind keep saying it is true and I really can't tell. My mind is saying I like it and I'm trying to ignore it and brush it off but it feels real and makes me done with life. The worst part is I had a thought of "maybe its true" and it alnost gave me peace like I was finally becoming my true self. It made me feel like I wanted to break free snd do this and I feel calm righr now but worried 😟

I often worry about what it means about it me as a person if I dont like soap smeared across my TV screen or soap dried across my body all the time. Does this mean I'm a bad person?

I can’t forgive myself for the things I did in my early teens. I get intrusive thoughts about the gross things I’ve done and I hate myself. I don’t understand what I was thinking when I did these things but I feel like a different person now. I feel like a horrible awful person. Like I don’t deserve to feel happy. Help.

We hired 2 new males associates... we only usually have female workers and one male. I am very uncomfortable around one of them.. I am so scared I am gonna leave my partner! I’m scared bc I’ve been finding men more attractive lately without me even saying anything... it’s like the back of my mind is saying hey! Look at him he’s handsome! Date him! My friend and I had a long talk yesterday and she asked me a load full of questions about why I am convinced I don’t love my partner anymore... I broke down crying.... freaking out when she would say things about him.. she kept telling me people who know they don’t love their partner doesn’t cry this badly over it. 😞 I answered questions.. she asked is he that boring to where you wanna leave him? Even now writing that I feel like I am lying to her, all of you and myself.. he can be boring sometimes but who isn’t... I am obsessing over a lot..... I’ve gained weight, been stress buying things I really don’t need, crying still... I test myself saying I am gonna break up with my partner.... to just get a reaction... 😞 I complemented him this morning and felt a sick feeling in my stomach. He saw me have a panic attack by looking to the side and just staring at the floor.. 😞 I know I love him a lot I really really do.... I am scared to have sex still....

I feel empty inside and short of breath. Do I even know if this is POCD anymore??? I wish I had never looked up that shota, and I know my life would be so much better if I hadn’t...but do I? Or am I lying? I have writings from previous years (diaries/OCD forum posts) and memories that say I was attracted to men my own age or older. Is that a lie too? And was that really me who wrote those? I know what discovering something about oneself feels like and this is NOT it. I once learned I wouldn’t mind fucking aliens (you have mass effect to thank for that. Garrus Vakarian specifically) and I am still okay with fucking aliens. I love Garrus and Jaal. But do I really know? And do I really love them? I know what actual arousal feels like. I felt it listening to an audio for a character that is of legal age. And I felt it while watching gay porn that contained two actual men of legal age and were actually older. Or do I? And did i? I know I enjoyed writing/reading nsfw fanfictions and reading nsfw comics starring characters that were of legal age. I know I also made sure there was no underage of any kind. Or did I? I know I had my first crush in 6th grade. He was in my class. I couldn’t stop looking for him. I began to care what he thought about me. I’d get embarrassed if anyone suspected I liked him, which was only a handful of times since I tried not to make it obvious lol. Or did I make all that up? I know when I was 14, several months before my HOCD first sucker punched me in the gut, I was just beginning to lightly worry that I was attracted to other girls. I was on vacation far from home and I was feeling kind of down. But then I met our tour guide. He was handsome and he cheered me right up and I got nervous (good nervous) around him. And even felt embarrassed when my grandmother seemed to have caught on and teased me about it. Or was I pretending? I know I generally tend to go for broad shouldered older men with dark/tan skin, dark hair, and chest hair (Jeff goldblum in Independence Day, Mark ruffalo in avengers, Jesse McCree in Overwatch). Or did I fake liking those? I know I was completely shameless in my attraction to Leon from Pokémon Sword and Shield, who is most definitely in his twenties. But am I really sure? I know when Markiplier came out with his limited supply and autographed nude calendar I wanted to get one but didn’t cause I wasn’t sure how I could ever explain it to my mom. Or did I lie about wanting one? And did I fake being attracted to/crushing on him for three years? I know I felt real pain and bawled my eyes out when I learned Dan Avidan from game grumps (who is sixteen years older than me and also doesn’t even know I exist) had a girlfriend. It was a very hard day. But was it? Or did I just pretend? I know when I learned what Japan’s legal age was I felt like that wasn’t right. That it was too young. Or was I secretly happy? I know when I saw how Sarada was drawn in the Boruto manga, I was furious. She’s twelve for God’s sake! Or was I secretly enjoying it? I know when the scandal involving Epst**n and M**well came out, I was horrified and sad. Who would do something like that to poor sweet children? Or did I? When I would see old stranger danger videos, I would feel like the men trying to convince these kids were gross. Or did I secretly want to be them? I know I’ve always had a strong maternal side, and was like the worrying older sister/mom in my friend group in high school, and as such decided I wanted to have children of my own to protect and love. Or do I? And how do I know I won’t want to hurt them? I know when I held my baby niece for the first time I loved her right away and wanted to do anything to protect her. Or did I actually want to harm her?

hello everybody. for about 3 years now i have felt suicidal on and off and intensely depressed everyday. i could never quite pinpoint why but what i did know is that everybody around me infuriated me, people i’d never even spoken to with little behaviours, speech, the way they’d do certain things etc. around a year ago maybe more i started getting intrusive thoughts based on incest that made me feel so disgusting within myself that i couldn’t be around that family member for months. i’d lock myself away from them. i decided to replace those thoughts i’d try and think of something worse, mutilation. now i have to think of mutilation everyday and it always has to be specific and it feels like an urge like my brain is saying ‘DO THIS DO THIS’ for example my most common one is cutting off all of my fingers with a meat cleaver. however, if i had this thought with a knife i’d feel dirty and wrong and have to think of it with a cleaver because that’s ‘correct’. sometimes i’ll get a physically tingling in my body parts, normally my legs. this leads to me thinking of lying on a train track and letting a train cut them off. stuff like this always floods my mind. a common thing when i think a lot is getting the urge to shoot my self in the face or imagining my corpse post shot. i’m in the u.k. and don’t have access to firearms. i have always been obsessive. when i was younger i was fixated on thomas the tank engine. it got to the point where i would go to a toy shop and be disappointed to find if managed to amass my collection to the point there was never a single one i didn’t own. recently i got into the band manic street preachers. i could tell you the last thing richey ever wrote to somebody, the name of his only girlfriend, where she was form and how old she was and why it was significant he left the note. he was all i spoke about for weeks. after the rosy every thursday i have to go to the bathroom, go into the first stall and head it the right wall repeatedly. i always have to buy a bottle of lemon flavoured water everyday, most days i don’t even drink it i just feel wrong without it. there’s a lot more but this is running a little long don’t you think? basically, on the 10th of december i will be going to get assessed for 2 and a half hours by a therapist to determine what my issues are. speaking with friends who have been professionally diagnosed and my current therapist (who isn’t qualified to fully deal with OCD) they are all feeling it is OCD. my therapist thinks it’s worth looking into whereas my diagnosed friends are certain my diagnosis will come back positive. i feel guilty because a part of me has that voice saying ‘your faking it all this isn’t real’ etc etc but i tells myself i wouldn’t have to go and be there and i wouldn’t feel awful if it wasn’t real. i don’t know if it’s linked but in the last 6 months i have developed tics that vary in severity. what do you all think? does this sound like OCD?

I just can’t get over that I looked up that shota hentai! I’m 25! There’s no reason why I should have looked at it! I shouldn’t have looked at it from ages 19-20 either but I did (to be fair I don’t think I realized what shota actually was at the time) I feel so ashamed. I wish I had never done that. Then maybe I wouldn’t have stupid POCD and I could get in with my life. I don’t even know what’s true anymore :(

Have any of you experimented with drugs and it made your ocd worse? I’ve had anxiety since I was very little. I remember being in 3rd grade and having intrusive thoughts, (though I didn’t realize that’s what they were until learning more about OCD more recently.) I would go to my mom crying/panicking that I didn’t know if I was gay or questioning whether I had sexual feelings for my dad or brother. I always thought of OCD as compulsive hand washing and the more stereotypical OCD symptoms. So, now I’m starting to realize that I thought I had just generalized anxiety but it’s actually ocd. I’m 25 and felt like for the most part I had gotten my anxiety under control or more manageable at least, it didn’t consume my life like it did when I was in high school. Then one day with my friends I tried ecstasy. It’s not even like I had a bad time on it or anything but literally a week after doing it, I started obsessing over how I felt while on it and how intense it was. I couldn’t stop obsessing and eventually told myself that the ecstasy forever messed me up and my brain will never go back to normal and of course went to google where I read some very scary things. I guess it was just panic attacks I was having. My doctor said that while she can’t diagnose me after one visit, this did sound like ocd and that my obsessions most likely aren’t a result of the drug and it was already a part of me, but the drugs brought it out in me. I am doing so much better than I was a year ago right after I took the drug but still some days I question if ecstasy made me go crazy and how would I know if it made me crazy

Toxic relationship. I met a guy at work and developed a codependent, toxic, abusive relationship for three years . It’s been 8 weeks since I told him, I could not talk to him since I needed to focus on my mental health and I needed to get better . He made me feel guilty and does not understand OCD. He just made me feel guilt, told me I never loved him and accused me of seeing someone . I feel HORRIBLE. During the relationship it was a rolercoaster . Yes, he has good qualities but everyone has good qualities. I been told by a high source that he displayed psychotic tendencies . Ever since we met at work , he became very controlling and possessive . He didn’t want me to have a conversation with any guy at work . Just a hello was enough . I didn’t have the courage to leave and got resentful . I made the mistake to tell him that he can not talk to any females there . That was a mistake on my part because I think we had no business to tell each other who to talk too . To defend myself , I guess I was so miserable in the relationship that I just reacted . During work, every time I went to the bathroom I prayed that no male would get up . If a guy got up even 15 min after me , he would assume I was talking to that guy . Every time I got up , I got a text message asking if I saw this person. It was too much and I would respond with meanness. I’m not proud of myself . He even accused me of getting a guy’s attention by bending over to get water . There is a rational part of me that knows he was wrong but I still stayed . Again, I reacted with meanness every time he questioned me which was multiple times a day . He was an alcoholic and I helped him get 100 percent sober . He even said I was the only person that helped him . He tolerated my ocd but my ocd got worse , every year I stayed with him . Last March , Covid hit and we are still working remotely . He really started to show his crazy and cruelty. I had to put my cat to sleep and my cat was only three years old with a severe case of pancreatitis. I was heart broken and with the death of my cat, his cruelty and controlling ways , and Covid my ocd flared up . I called him a lot and he was mean . He could not tolerate that my ocd was high and dealt with it by abusing me . Why do I miss him? He would mock my ocd and told me I needed mental help and that I called him like a fool. What really hurts is that I miss him still . I’m crying right now . Here I helped him get sober and he got worse with his abuse. I still check his social media but I know I should not even care . Can someone help ?

Do you ever just get a thought in your head and you’re like “wow if i thought this then it must be true/it must’ve happened etc” “i thought about it for a reason”

Does anyone else's OCD make them feel like they want the intrusive thoughts?

Ive had 4 diffefemt themes. so-ocd seems to be the one that always comes back, just as convincing everytime. Any advice for this (handling the backdoor spike/old themes to not fall into rumination, etc.)

God help me why has this happened to me i have 2 kids a gf i love and i feel like my world has fallen apart. I dont know what to do ?😞