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Any Christians on here that struggle with POCD?

Thinking about relationships makes me feel so bad. At this point both men and women trigger this obsession with trying to figure out what my sexuality is. I don’t really want to date anyone, I’ve been okay with this for over a year, and it’s not like I’ve been completely detached from the lgtbqia community. Like, I know lesbians and other wlw and for a long time I thought I was like bi (I think I’m honestly more aro than I realized), and I haven’t thought much, but ever since I realized I don’t want to share my future with anyone it’s like my brain is screeeeaming that this just means I’m a lesbian, when that’s never been a thought that crossed my mind. It’s definitely been better for me lately when I started cutting out compulsions and all that, but I’m still undiagnosed and I don’t know for sure what exactly is happening to me. If I was a lesbian I’d accept myself, but it’s the fact that it feels SO BAD when I think about it that makes me feel like I need to figure it out even more. Like is it anxiety because I don’t like it or anxiety because it’s like internalized homophobia? And it’s like omg I need to figure it out otherwise I’m just living a lie and I won’t ever be happy. I’ll get flashes of anxiety when I’m just watching a movie or a YouTube video about a boy band I like... and it throws things from the lesbian masterdoc in my face about how I had crushes on fictional characters and celebrities and how that’s something that lesbians do because it’s ‘safer’ to crush on unobtainable men. And it just feels bad bc I know I’ve had crushes on guys that were my friends too but I also have a lot of trauma and I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so that’s what I did to actually explore romance. When the anxiety spikes it makes me feel as if it was all a sign. What’s worse is that I started looking to aromanticism before I read the doc and there’s this bit about how some lesbians think they’re aro bc they don’t like men but never explore their attraction to women either and it’s like ahhhh what’s the truth. I don’t know anymore. Not thinking about it makes me antsy, & the second my anxiety spikes it’s hard to do anything during the rest of the day. I don’t want to think about falling in love and having relationships, I miss when I was just living life in the moment. I miss not thinking twice about when I found a guy attractive, or even a girl. Like it just makes my brain hurt so bad.

i feel like the worst person in the world. im not asking for reassurance, but im sure people can relate. this shit is so hard.

Can someone give me advice on how to discern whether I find children attractive or not?

I’m so glad that we all have each other on this app, you are not alone, and neither am I! 💗 (feel free to comment how you’re feeling, I’d love to talk to you, but I will not give you reassurance haha!)

I need help knowing how to combat my food contamination fear. I’m afraid my food will make me have a panic attack and hallucinate like it’s drugged. :( how do I work around th is.

It's hard living every moment in a metaphysical struggle for your soul. It's ever harder explaining it to others.

My HOCD story Hello everyone. This is my first time doing NoFap and I’m nervous, anxious, and scared about my possible HOCD. I’ve had numerous girl crushes over the years and never once considered myself gay or bisexual in the slightest. But approximately 5 months ago, my friends called me “sus” for knowing a gay scene from the movie moonlight, and I have been nonstop questioning my sexuality and my identity obsessively. As the months went by, memories which I had long since forgotten had begun to suddenly re-emerge. I remember getting erections to everything since I was a child, but the two most terrifying instances of memory were when I had erections to the Incredible Hulk game when I was 8-9. Everytime the hulk took heavy damage, he would start heavily breathing, and I got an erection to that. I then found masturbating at the age of 11, to a woman masturbating, and continuously did so during 2 years, leading to masturbating to yaoi hentai three or four times when I was the age of 12-13. It was there when I got an erection to the gay scenes from the take me to church music video. When I first had a crush on a girl at the age of 13-14, I began to get erections to only women, masturbated exclusively to women for the next 6 years (I’m 19 now) and most importantly, never watched gay porn ever again. In fact I was so terrified at the notion of being gay, that I tried my best to get out of situations with men in large groups (such as the locker room and the public restroom). I never questioned my sexuality however, because I only fell in love with many women during elementary, middle, and high school, and had even dated a woman in my junior year. Flash foward to five months ago. Me and my friends were looking at Netflix and stumbled across the movie moonlight, and I knew the movie because it was an academy award winning movie, and the fact it was made by A24, a company that I love very much. Anyways, we stumbled across the scene in question, and I pointed out the movie to my friends and they in turn called me “sus” for knowing what the movie was and what the scene was too. I became terrified and reassured my friends that I wasn’t gay, but the thought became engrained in my mind and I have been obsessively going on every OCD forum I can to make sure what I have is HOCD. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual. I would never be involved with a man romantically or sexually, but all the memories and false attractions, groinal responses, and intrusive thoughts make me question everything and anything related to this mess. I do not have any hate towards the LGBTQ+, I only respect and encourage their right for love, equality, and opportunity. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual because it doesn’t fit me as a person. It doesn’t sit right by me and It makes me anxious and nervous. One more thing to add is that I was manipulated into sexually experimentation with my friend at the age of 12-13 that involved intercourse. It only happened once, we never finished, and I was left ashamed and disgusted by the act itself. I just want to know if what I have told you is an indication of HOCD and if so, what can I do to stop and prevent it?

I have random sparks of love for my partner... But right now I really feel like I don’t love my partner... I hope obsessing all the time is what caused me to believe I’m not sexually attracted to him... I cried last night about things... while he was asleep of course..

How does recovery feel like guys i want details plz

I have Real Event OCD. I analyze every moment of my relationship and I feel so bad about how I used to talk to my girlfriend when we first started talking. I was 19 at the time, now I’m 26 and throughout our relationship I’ve grown so much since then. I feel like she raised me in a way because she taught me all the values I hold dear to myself now. I’m scared that I may have flirted with someone or even cheated on her even though I don’t remember that ever happening. I don’t trust who I used to be and since we rushed into our relationship (we started dating 2 months after meeting) I’m scared that I was still talking to other girls when we first started. I feel so guilty and ashamed that this could even be a possibility. I fear that I don’t love her anymore because all I do is be anxious and I can’t seem to enjoy the moment. I don’t know if this is OCD or if I actually did something and my subconscious is making me guilty :( I feel like I’m stuck

hi guys! this is my first post, and while i’m pretty sure i’ve tried close to everything to help “cure” my ocd, this is kind of my last resort. i have severe dermatillomania, and while my ocd does present itself in other forms, in other aspects of my life, it’s more of a 80/20 ratio. in relation to my dermatillomania, for me it’s 80% skin, 15% nails, and 5% my overall body in general. i spend hours in front of the mirror creating welts in my skin because as my doctor says, “it’s how i deal with my anxiety”. i’m not really 100% sure how that makes sense, but i’ve really been beating myself up about it. i feel like this next part is something a lot of people can relate to. i don’t really hate my condition(s), i hate what they do to me. it’s weird. i hate how i’m still a teenager, yet have probably about 4-10 times more the amount of scars than close to any person over 80 you can find, and that’s just on my face. i hate what my condition does to me. in the moment, it feels fine. but after, when i’ve finally pulled myself away, i beat myself up for hours on end. in relation to ocd in other parts of my life, it’s causing my body actual harm. i rely on random, coincidental things in the outside world to pick my decisions relating to my well being for me. for example, i’ll think to myself, “if the light turns green by the time i count to 10 than i can eat one more”. or if something wasn’t cooked for 1 more past the 5 (6 minutes, 11 minutes, 16 minutes, 21 minutes, etc) i won’t eat it. while this branch of ocd isn’t as prominent in my life as the ones mentioned above, it’s still something that i spend way too much of my life on. i obsess and try to reason every single single decision i make, even if it is a completely normal decision or thing like eating white bread instead of sourdough bread, the entire time i’m eating it i’m thinking, “should i have eaten the sourdough? no. it’s okay, white bread has its benefits too. well sourdough’s benefits are far greater than white bread’s benefits. white bread tastes better though. well sourdough’s healthier”. it’s constant over thinking about every single thing and it causes my stress levels to sky rocket. while there wasn’t too much meaning to this post, it feels good telling people who can relate rather than my friends who tell me to, “just stop”. if you have any tips or tricks, or just comments on my problems with ocd in general, they’d be greatly appreciated. i hope all is well with everyone in these stressful times! thanks for reading.

I'm usually searching threads trying to help folks with their vastly different OCD issues. But now I'm having some issues and would like some support. I'm a 42 year old man. I have had OCD since I was a kid. Most of my symptoms are internal intrusive thinking and then repeatedly saying phrases in my head to counter the thoughts. A few years ago I began slowly tapering off of my benzos and started trying to deal with the anxiety myself. It's been a tough road but I have myself down to a very low dose now. The problem I have now is I have a spell about 3 times a year where things get difficult. I start thinking I have dealt with this for long enough. It has affected my marriage, lost me precious time with my kids and now I'm starting to have issues with being anxious around my own family. I stutter when talking and feel like a total idiot. I don't know how to stay calm without the benzos. After so many years im getting so tired of dealing with this. The doctor raised my SsRI recently, probably a month ago. It really hasn't helped much.

Anyone there ?

I feel like part of me has just accepted I’m a pedo and I hate it. I hate that feeling. And I know I hate that feeling but my brain is trying to say I’m lying and that I actually love it I get anxiety just by seeing the words “pedo” or “pedophilia”. It was the same when I first started having HOCD and transgender OCD. Not searching for reassurance, just making an observation. But God is it hard to not search for reassurance. I feel like an addict and my head is screaming “I NEEEEEED IT!!” Just a question, has anyone ever felt like they’re just choosing what they want to say that they know will give them the answers they want? Cause that happens to me all the time

I’m sorry It’s hard I’m feeling pretty... uh... well I don’t really want to be here? Don’t worry though, I won’t do anything... I just don’t see the point in living is every day is gonna be such a struggle, if I have to put so much mental effort into just SURVIVING. I’m depressed. I’m numb. I’m lost. I’m scared. I’ve been this way for so long. It’s not ever gonna go away, is it? No. I know it can get better. But, when? There’s no easy way out and I wish there was. I know everyone struggles but I wish I could just be normal. I feel so lonely. I feel bad. Dirty, wrong, evil. I feel like I’m lying to myself. To everyone. I’m scared. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. All I can do distract myself with video games, or YouTube. I’m too scared to talk to people. Too scared to leave my house. Too scared to watch a tv show, or a movie. Too scared to draw. To take a walk. I can’t. Do. Anything. I don’t want to die... but I just don’t want to be alive, not like this. I’m only 19. I feel ridiculous saying all of this- like I’m too young to actually know pain. Truthfully I don’t know how you older sufferers (40+!) have done it for so long. OCD didn’t sprout until I was around 14. 5 years only, off and on, and I can’t take it anymore. How in the hell have some of you been doing it since the age of, like, 8?!? Jesus Christ you guys are made out of fucking Teflon! I’m so impressed by all of you. You’re all so strong. I know I’m strong too, but, I’ve caved. I’m having a moment of weakness. I’m not ashamed of that, but I am sad about it. I hope after the big move things get better.

I HATE MYSEKF SO FUCJING MUCH I

Now for people with HOCD I need your help. And I’m scared at the moment. I remember getting erections to everything since I was a child, but the two most terrifying instances of memory were when I had erections to the Incredible Hulk game when I was 8-9. Everytime the hulk took heavy damage, he would start heavily breathing, and I got an erection to that. I also got an erection to the gay scenes from the take me to church music video when I was 13-14, but now when I check the video, I don’t get an erection at all. Does this mean I’m gay or bisexual in denial? IM SCARED.

It’s been 8 weeks since I left a toxic relationship. I’m trying to refrain from going on social media and checking his photos etc . This is hard . We were together for three years and he was so controlling and paranoid. Towards the end he literally made fun of my ocd . My cat passed away and my ocd flared up . Once he saw I was at my lowest, instead of consoling me , he became cruel . Can someone just say to me , he sounds like toxic . I need someone to talk too . I don’t mind telling my story

Idk what’s wrong with me, I say mean things to my bf like I said “maybe we should break up” knowing I wouldn’t yet I watched him cry and I feel the urge to be mean and ik it’s toxic but in the moment I can’t stop it’s like against my will pls help me someone