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the NOCD Community

I’m sorry It’s hard I’m feeling pretty... uh... well I don’t really want to be here? Don’t worry though, I won’t do anything... I just don’t see the point in living is every day is gonna be such a struggle, if I have to put so much mental effort into just SURVIVING. I’m depressed. I’m numb. I’m lost. I’m scared. I’ve been this way for so long. It’s not ever gonna go away, is it? No. I know it can get better. But, when? There’s no easy way out and I wish there was. I know everyone struggles but I wish I could just be normal. I feel so lonely. I feel bad. Dirty, wrong, evil. I feel like I’m lying to myself. To everyone. I’m scared. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. All I can do distract myself with video games, or YouTube. I’m too scared to talk to people. Too scared to leave my house. Too scared to watch a tv show, or a movie. Too scared to draw. To take a walk. I can’t. Do. Anything. I don’t want to die... but I just don’t want to be alive, not like this. I’m only 19. I feel ridiculous saying all of this- like I’m too young to actually know pain. Truthfully I don’t know how you older sufferers (40+!) have done it for so long. OCD didn’t sprout until I was around 14. 5 years only, off and on, and I can’t take it anymore. How in the hell have some of you been doing it since the age of, like, 8?!? Jesus Christ you guys are made out of fucking Teflon! I’m so impressed by all of you. You’re all so strong. I know I’m strong too, but, I’ve caved. I’m having a moment of weakness. I’m not ashamed of that, but I am sad about it. I hope after the big move things get better.

I HATE MYSEKF SO FUCJING MUCH I

Now for people with HOCD I need your help. And I’m scared at the moment. I remember getting erections to everything since I was a child, but the two most terrifying instances of memory were when I had erections to the Incredible Hulk game when I was 8-9. Everytime the hulk took heavy damage, he would start heavily breathing, and I got an erection to that. I also got an erection to the gay scenes from the take me to church music video when I was 13-14, but now when I check the video, I don’t get an erection at all. Does this mean I’m gay or bisexual in denial? IM SCARED.

It’s been 8 weeks since I left a toxic relationship. I’m trying to refrain from going on social media and checking his photos etc . This is hard . We were together for three years and he was so controlling and paranoid. Towards the end he literally made fun of my ocd . My cat passed away and my ocd flared up . Once he saw I was at my lowest, instead of consoling me , he became cruel . Can someone just say to me , he sounds like toxic . I need someone to talk too . I don’t mind telling my story

Idk what’s wrong with me, I say mean things to my bf like I said “maybe we should break up” knowing I wouldn’t yet I watched him cry and I feel the urge to be mean and ik it’s toxic but in the moment I can’t stop it’s like against my will pls help me someone

What has your experiences been with moral or religious ocd? Might be experiencing it. Really afraid I'm going to become bad

I'm tired of this sensantion in my anus. It's the most annoying thing ever. It gets triggered by anything. I'm checking out a girl and I get it! I'm watching anything related to sex and I get it! It feels like is something natural. I'm driving crazy! Anyone else with this?

Hi 👋 So I'm new to this app. I have OCD, it controls my everyday life and it makes me have awful thoughts that I don't want. I've never talked to anyone about my OCD and I think I should see a therapist but I'm not sure how to tell my parents that I want to see a therapist without them judging me or idk😩

Mental exhaustion is making me physically exhausted, but I’m not even safe when I’m asleep anymore. I had a dream last night that I was a Sim, or a character in someone’s video game and I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of sign. I just want this all to stop. Why is this happening to me? On a brighter note, I started therapy. I had my first session this past Tuesday but it didn’t do much for so me since it was just an assessment basically. I only see my therapist every 2 weeks because it’s expensive, I’m afraid it won’t be enough. Every day is a battle, and I’m losing constantly.

I just read something about superiority complexes and ‘thinking you’re smarter than everyone’ and it’s really distressing me because I’m scared I’m like that. I perceive the world in quite an analytical way and I guess I’m quite good at understanding things? I’m open minded. But there have been times where I’ve genuinely thought I might be smarter than my peers and now I’m scared I have a gigantic ego. I tell myself everyone probably feels this way because it’s hard to translate our intelligence to others. But still I’m just very scared.

I have become paranoid that I may have flirted or said something flirty or cheated on my SO and someone saw me or heated about it. I don’t remember ever doing this but what if I was drunk and don’t remember or if I suppressed it. I’m afraid someone out there knows something about myself that I don’t know and is calling me a fraud or a lying piece of shit. I’m afraid to be called out on it. I’m afraid of my SO leaving me because of it. I’m afraid I feel this way because of a guilty subconscious and that I’m using OCD as a way to tell myself I didn’t do anything. I don’t know what is real or not anymore. Fuck. This is ruining my life

How do you overcome your HOCD and POCD when they both target your porn usage as a specific memory? Please help me with this because I’m honestly scared af

Has anyone else read the masterdoc/about comphet and related to some of the points? Please don’t if you are experiencing hocd and haven’t already! But I’m curious to know about others’ experiences bc it was pretty triggering for me.

Hello fellow comrades! I have a question to ask. I have never had therapy for my hocd, and my ocd is getting worse, BUT FEAR NOT. I will be getting thy help soon! Though I will get a therapist, I am still a little skeptical of therapy. Do they just give drugs and leave you be? Is therapy very affective or just ok? So many questions to be answered, but only one is merely more important! How is you day? Have you heard of this Travis Scott burger? I hear it is the drip and it can make you so much money if you steal a Mc Donald poster.

no offence but that masterdoc sounds like a whole load of bullshit. “if you like fictional men you’re a lesbian” - like wtf make it make sense. “if you like celebrities you’re a lesbian because they’re unattainable” - like girl what, it makes no sense to me. it wasnt triggering at all, it was just really stupid 🤷‍♀️

I’m really confused and I’m hoping someone can relate or help. I’m sorry if this triggers anyone. I did struggle with HOCD/sexual orientation OCD and it lasted pretty much throughout my formative years and I still struggle with it a little today. I feel like I have control over it for the most part, but now I’m just confused. Some days it’s really clear and others not so much. I can’t tell if that’s lingering OCD or something real and it makes me confused. Then aside from that I have really low sex drive. I don’t know whether that’s due to the OCD and just having a low libido because of it or if I’m under the ace umbrella, which I’m totally cool with either way (progress!) I’m just confused. I don’t want to set anything in stone. I just don’t like the concept of labels and trying to fit somewhere because I never can and it’s hard for me to tell what’s real and fake. I feel like some of this confusion is bring my Sexual Orientation OCD back because part of the problem in the first place was the uncertainty. I’m so uncertain about what I like now that it’s starting to come back.

Are distractions like listening to music and video games okay when you're feeling overwhelmed with thoughts of ocd in general?

So pedophile OCD... Im too ashamed to admit it to anyone. So I guess even this is a big step. But I do get intrusive sexual thoughts about kids. When I have been around kids I get thoughts like "what if actually did anything inappropriate". And if Im being sexual intrusive thoughts about pedophilia blasts me. So I stop and then I think what if this means I actually like kids. But what Ive been wondering, and its not meant to be reassurance seeking. I guess there isnt actually anything wrong with being a pedophile (they cant help it) as long as they never act on it. But isnt having thoughts about touching kids inappropriately, pedophilic in itself? Or is it literally just the definition of OCD? I kind of think that some thoughts shouldnt be possible to think unless its something to it.

Just throwing this out there with the hope that someone will relate. I have complex PTSD stemming from interpersonal trauma where I was accused of wrong doing in situations that didn't warrant that conclusion, and where I was left emotionally abandoned as a result. Ever since, I've suffered from instrusive thoughts that center around the theme of me questioning if I did something wrong, or if there is something wrong with me (in all sorts of different scenarios), which results in great fear and distress over possibly being abandoned again. This happens quite frequently. It's like I'm fine until I have a thought pop into my head that has me questioning my actions, my interactions, what people think of me, my every move and its consequences -- from both the present and past. It's like my mind is constantly bombarded with stress inducing memories and snippets of my life. I can hardly take it any more! Can anyone else relate to having OCD that follows a theme related to past trauma?

Dude being asexual with HOCD is crazy. Because like I know I don't want to have sex with anyone but my HOCD is centered on how I'm perceived. So I'm vibing and then all of a sudden I have a panic attack over what I'm wearing because "what if they think I'm a lesbian". Well babe I don't want sex and I've never wanted to be in a relationship with a woman so like...why doesnt logic work with anxiety? Thanks for coming to my random rant.