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the NOCD Community

Hi guys, someone posted yesterday explaining the term C-PTSD and it's personality traits. Pretty much it was a black and white explanation of me and my whole life. It really shocked me and I keep thinking about it. Lack of emotional and external boundaries, taking care of everyone around me, fear of judging someone so ending up being around hurtful people forever, never setting boundaries or sticking up for myself.. 🙋‍♀️ I can see that this has always been there, since I was a child and what I mainly relate it to is my experience with my mother. I still live at home due to leaving university because my OCD overwhelmed me so much and my whole life broke down, I was not functioning. I'm still living at home unfortunately because I am not ready for work. I'm still in treatment for OCD. Of course ironically enough my OCD is moral OCD and scroupolisity. I have a really strained relationship with my mother, every day it is one of my hardest battles. I am a Christian and we are to forgive others, because Jesus has forgiven us with all of our sin against God. We are meant to forgive and love others, to be peace bearers and seek peace. These core beliefs really wreck havoic with me internally when it comes to my mum. How am I to forgive her? I blame her so much for the battles I struggle with. To put it really simply sometimes I just feel like, I am the way I am because of her! How she treated me and how much emotional control she has over me even as an adult. 😔 I feel that I am letting God down by my hatred towards my mother. I'm so hurt by her. and I hate how she treats my family, every day! I feel like a terrible person for my feelings, and so guilty towards God. also very lost as to how to process these feelings. Im typing this thinking... Why am I reaching to the internet to look for advice? 😔😑.. But this app is very helpful at times and people understand the nature of OCD. Bearing in mind my themes are moral OCD //being a 'good person' all the time so this is really hard for me to understand. I feel so confused, angry, hurt, sad, guilty, and bitter. 😔 Thank you for reading if you made it this far!

women— I’m stressing :( can you all describe to me how it felt when you’ve had a UTI if you’ve had one?? last night I felt this weird feeling from my urethra I guess like the tube where the pee travels I think? It just felt like straining and irritated in a way when I was bend forward .. it went away a little after I peed but not fully. I took cranberry pills. This morning I woke up and don’t have that feeing anymore from what I can tell. I used an AZO UTI test strip and it didn’t say positive. But now I’m afraid that I have a UTI and it’s going to get bad or spread to my kidneys or make me really ill.

It’s been seven weeks since I ended a very codependent , toxic relationship with a guy . He had good qualities about him, but for some reason I am forgetting his bad qualities. I need to feel the anger and have more self -love. I take ownership with my role in the relationship. We both became mean to each other but to my defense, I honestly feel my meaness was a reaction to his controlling, possessive behavior . We work together and he would be paranoid every time I went to the bathroom . He always thought I was meeting someone in the bathroom . A part of me knows he was crazy , but for some reason I am miserable . He was an alcoholic and I helped him get sober . He even said I was the only person that really tried to get him sober . ever since March , he got more angry and mean . I have not seen him for 7 months since Covid is letting us work from home. He became more paranoid and restless and started to make fun of my OCD. I lost my cat in April and of course it caused my OCD to flare up . He was so impatient and would mock me and told me I needed mental help . It’s been seven weeks since I spoke to him and I hate myself bc I’m not happy . Instead I have compulsions to check his social media . Wtf is wrong with me . Maybe I need someone to virtually slap me and say he was no good . I hate myself for feeling guilty instead of feeling free.

I’ve had doubts my whole relationship with my boyfriend. Things like “you don’t find him attractive. You don’t think he’s funny. You’re lesbian because you don’t love him. You don’t love him at all. You think he’s annoying. You think his face looks weird. You want to be with other guys. He doesn’t make you happy.” But I always cry and get upset at the thought of losing him. Is that ocd, or something wrong with the relationship. It’s so hard to tell if this is Rocd or if this is one of those, “you never loved nor were interested in him in the first place.” Type things. I want to be interested and in love with him so bad, but I feel like all these thoughts get in the way. :( I don’t get that crazy “you love him so much,” feeing everyone talks about. Like yeah I know I feel for him and love him for who he is, but I don’t feel crazy deep in love :(

I feel so bad. I feel like I don't take the thoughts seriously. I feel like I accepted them. I feel like I don't care much about them. I feel like I can stop thinking about them in any minute but I dont want. I don't even know is it ocd or not?

(This is in no mean to make fun of or make anyone feel bad or anything, just curious) how do so many people with pure o go through this for years without getting help?, its incredible to me, i developed pure ocd Sep 2020, its only been like 3 months and i cannot take it anymore, its a living nightmare, im meeting with a physiatrist in 2 weeks so hopefully i get help. I cant imagine how it must be for those who go years like this :,( everyday for me is a horrible struggle so just knowing people go years like this is just shocking to me.

Sometimes I go and purposely look at pictures of women to see the thoughts popping up and I’m like yup still there and I just stop just cuz there’s no point. Nothing I can do about it cuz it just makes HOCD worse so I just let it be and loathe into my depression of never getting better smh.

My eleven year old son has recently been diagnosed with OCD and I'm wondering if you have any advice for me as a mother raising someone with OCD. Thank you in advance.

I wonder what people think about having SOOCD as a straight person and simultaneously striving to be queer-positive and affirming. I feel most “myself”, most free, when I don’t feel pressure from my subconscious to act out on gay impulses and become a flamboyant personality, and when I don’t even have to think about “being straight” because I just am who I am. Even though I’d like to be free from gay obsessions and false attractions that feel like they’ve evolved into real attractions (even though i still don’t feel like I truly want men), I feel guilty that I am choosing not to let this flamboyant “alternate” personality develop. I feel like I’m not a true ally if I’m saying it’s beautiful for other people to experience queer sexuality, but when I experience obsessions and therefore feelings of a queer nature I dismiss it as “not me”. I know we can’t defeat OCD with neat forms of reassurance or ways of explaining the pressure away, but I’m having a hard time not embracing obsessive gay thoughts because I feel bad not actively affirming them. But then accepting them as real makes me super anxious and untrue to myself. Thoughts?

My psychologist told me that I was a “empath” does anyone know about picking up peoples feelings and emotions that makes you hyper-aware and sensitive and is it really just linked to being OCD or is empathic people experiencing something different?

Does anyone else ever feel like you have to have a mindset for everything? You could label it as a controlling behavior. If I’m in conversation the whole time I’ll have to have one thing that my mind is focused on weather it’s (the image of Jesus) (listening to the other person) (connection with the other person) (God loves me- Saying this constantly in my head) (Being fun) (Giving) Also while I’m by myself it’s like I have to have a goal that I’m heading towards or else more intrusive thoughts are going to come in. It’s like my mind does not want to improvise/ go with the flow of life but to have a sincere direction that I’m going to all of the time.

When I my eyes are open I do not feel like myself. Could it be the weed I smoked two weeks again? Or just stress from school and all the aneixty I am having.

Has switching to a healthier diet helped anyone’s anxiety symptoms?

So I had my therapy session where my therapist told me to try to seek less reassurance. Basically she told me to do it little by little and not to stop reassurance cold turkey . Of course now I’m trying to do it cold turkey and I’m in a state of anxiety bc I want to do a compulsion right now . Can anyone respond to this .

Im scared i have internalized homophobia after reading it on here

Took my first dose of inositol today. Bought a jar at Vitamin Shoppe for 50 bucks. I just drank my first 20g dose about 20 mins ago. A post I saw here inspired me to read up on its effectiveness for treating OCD and other anxiety disorders and apparently it’s backed by double blind studies. Here’s to hoping it does *something 🤷🏽‍♂️. I don’t have acces to medication yet, and I could use all the help I can get. I’ll report back with a post here in the future with my results. If anyone has any input or feedback on their experience with it, it would be greatly appreciated!

So my mate showed me a picture of his dick and i got all hot and botherd and said look at that in my mind. And this morning all i could think about is naked men in the shower and certain attractive celebrities naked and i will say stuff in my head 😞. Please tell me im not alone ?

Hey everyone, I really need help since it seems I can't go foward. I'm a man from Brazil so apologizes if I write something wrong. I have always been heterossexual and It seems I have HOCD for almost 10 years. At the beginning, it wasn't so hard to deal. Some thoughts used to pop up but not so frequently, it caused me panic a few times and the anxiety used to increase too. But I was able to keep having a normal life. Unfortunately at the end of last year, the thoughts started to appear again but much more stronger that I couldn't handle them. The anxiety increased much more, the pressure in my forehead increase a lot too and I started to heave some weird sensations. A heavy weight on my chest, groinal responses and started to have sexual arousal towards every single guy that appeared in front of me. And to get things worst, it seemed so real that I wasn't even able to recognize myseld. Every compulsion that I tried to do, suddenly wasn't working anymore. I started to doubt about my sexuality, about the soccer/football team I've been fan my entire life and also made me think about changing my gender to become a women, and some other stuff. Nowadays, the attraction that I had for women is almost 100% gone and the groinal responses and the sexual arousal feelings increased a lot more and my mind makes me thing that I'm liking and it's so real. Is it really HOCD? Thanks in advance.

Hey everyone, I got diagnosed with hocd over a month ago, my first episode of hocd thoughts started August 23rd and I just got into a relationship with a girl who I crushed on the entire summer. I was watching a tv show that night that had a gay scene in it and I suddenly started questioning if I was gay. That question has gotten so deep that I feel like I am gay now. Every time I am with my girlfriend I feel like I need to break up with her because I am gay now. Whenever I’m with her my thoughts are saying to me “break up with her, you will like it”, “I don’t deserve her”, “you never actually cared about her”. Also I feel like I get annoyed with her now and I’m finding all of her flaws and stuff I don’t like about her, before this I never had any of these thoughts and I liked her so much. These thoughts feel so real that I’m worried I actually will break up with her. But I don’t have any reason too. I get really scared because I feel like I’m going to lose her and I have the fear that I end up being gay in the end and it completely tears her apart. Sorry for it being so long.

After I started doing ERP-excersises and trying to prevent doing compulsions all day long it feels like Im worse. I realise it feels that way beacuse I am more attentive to it all. While before I just didnt have or do anything in my life so the anxiety would shut up a little. And I was so deep in conpulsing I didnt really notice 6 hours passing. It was more annoyance and apathy that my llfe was empty. Now its just terror all the time. Everything is going off. But still I have done things I havent done in years! I have done things I never thought Id do. Small things, but still. But now at 2.22 am lying in bed not being able to sleep because my friends hate me, Im worried Im gonna kill myself by accident, Im should die if I dont get an A, maybe I shouldnt be with my boyfriend, and what if Im not even real!? Well then it just feels like maybe standing up to OCD isnt so smart. I wanna cry. But I dont know how. Havent been able to cry for a long time. Im scared and worried and I dont think I can do it anymore. I need to check! Need to confess! Need to figure out everything. Im so so tired.