Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Having a hard time here. 2018 has been a immensely tough year. I met the love of my life, but he bruised me in every possible ways. I have been under a lot of stress with school. I got pneumonia in September,2018. I was hospitalized. 2 days after I got released from the hospital, I got into a car wreck, probably because I was was way too medicated to drive, I was on high dosage of Prozac and Mirtazapine. My car was destroyed, luckily I was ok. I tried to date again. I cried during sex, I just seemed too depressed and like a wreck. Finally I met the sweetest guy in January, 2019. But bad things kept happening to me. Condom broke. I totally freaked out. I tried asking him all the details about his sexual history. He was kind but not that kind. Then he wouldn’t see me again because he can’t handle the ‘drama’. I would’ve gone to the emergency room to get Post-exposure prophylaxis if it were not for the bled off of money from previous pneumonia and car wreck emergency visits (I paid over $5000 for these unfortunate events). And now I’m seriously panicking about contracting hiv from the broken condom. It sucks. I’m barely hanging.

I feel like I’m the only person who gets terrible anxiety when I can’t find something in fear I threw it in the trash or it’s gone forever. The anxiety is so bad I barely have a appetite or can sleep for long or I can’t pay attention in my classes. Do any of you guys have coping mechanism that might help

Is it normal to have gay dreams and false crushes/attractions with HOCD? There are certain people of the same sex that will trigger my fears out of being afraid that I might be sexually attracted to them.

Bizarre request: I need your best/worst vomit stories. I have emetophobia, a fear of throwing up, and I need them for an exposure. If you have more than one, go for it! The more the better lmao.

I've noticed a HUGE improvement in myself and so has everyone around me! What helped? Lots of things, but mostly: I started associating with people again and got an IV with vitamins that have been helping my brain. After a year and a half of struggling, this feels like a miracle ✨

Is it normal for HOCD to feel just like denial of my true sexuality? I have been struggling for a couple of months but it all feels so real that I doubt I even have HOCD, even though I’ve struggled with OCD symptoms and anxiety since I was young. I have obsessed that I’ve had STD’s, obsessed that I’ve had cancer or other ailments, obsessed over my nose being slightly crooked, when I was in grade school there was a period where I couldn’t speak without gagging which was all caused by anxiety. Now I’m seemingly dealing with HOCD but it feels so real. I get attraction feelings in my body when seeing another male or an attractive male, groinal responses, butterflies. All of this despite only ever having crushes on girls and women, and being extremely attracted to women my whole life. My earliest crush that I can remember was on another girl in kindergarten so I must’ve been 4 or 5. I have been borderline obsessed with women and would have described myself as totally straight before the onset of this. I’m worried that if I’m not gay, that the HOCD will make me develop an attraction to men by thinking and over analyzing so much Someone please share their thoughts

Feeling pretty bad right now, had a thought what if I drive purposefully in to oncoming traffic. And then it was like I was almost telling myself to do it! I hate this so much I hate me! I can’t see me getting past this. I’m sorry this post is scary, it terrifies me. I keep trying to tell myself you don’t want to hurt someone or yourself! But when I say that to myself I can’t even trust myself I feel like I doubt myself. I question do these thoughts scare me? Are they unwanted? I’m suffering so much please help. I’m trying to keep it together, I really am. Holding back tears on the daily.

TW: I’m so desperate lately. I can’t sleep, eat or do anything else than feeling anxious and unworthy, full of guilt. A couple of days ago I had sex with my boyfriend and wasn’t turned on and suddenly I thought about something that would turn me on in that moment, thought of different things and suddenly I thought „Just think about children, just this one time“ and I feel like I didn’t do anything against it, I even think I enjoyed it and since then I’m full of fear because I always thought OCD means you do not have these thoughts because you want them but because you can’t control them and you do not act on them. But now I feel like I have and I can’t stop thinking I really am a pedophile now. I feel so anxious depressed and guilty and I do not know what to do, I went to my therapist today and she said it’s my POCD, but I feel like a liar, I’m feeling like maybe I don’t have POCD, I am just denying what I truly am it is horrible I don’t know what to do or think. I’m lost

anyone w hocd just feel like their desire to the opposite sex is gonna go away and be replaced by same sex attraction one day and to make sure it doesn’t happen is to reassure yourself that u like the opposite sex and always have . idk . today’s been a rough day :/

I did an exposure today. Made me nauseous. My heart started to beat fast so I tried to tell myself, my body is just excited to try something new. Here’s my problem, I know there are many ways to do the ERP but my question is, when I do certain exposures, I do them standing up which makes me lighthearted and nauseous. I could do much better if I were sitting down. Is that okay or should I be standing to get the full experience? I think if I was standing up doing the exposures, I could do for a couple of minutes as opposed to sitting down maybe three times longer. Has anyone had a residential level care? Curious to find out what the differences were from weekly erp sessions.

Possible trigger warning! Anyone have tips on taking shorter showers? I have gotten my showers down from over to an hour to about 30 min on average. Sometimes I go over or under depending on certain factors that may trigger my OCD. I want to eventually get down to 15 min. I always worry that I forgot to wash a body part and probably end up washing it a bunch of times over. I also have to wash my hands a lot in between certain body parts to not “spread contamination?” Showers are super stressful for me.

So I was walking on Christmas Eve and slipped on some ice. I fell backwards and smashed the back of my head into the pavement, resulting in a pretty bad concussion. I have horrible contamination OCD and an awful, endless fear of dying from an injury/illness. I’ve forced myself to stop googling symptoms every time I don’t feel well, which has helped slightly. This concussion is making me extremely irritable and I don’t feel like myself. My compulsions are out of control, I’m not sure if it’s because of the head injury, or the constant fear that my brain is bleeding and the fear that I’ll never feel normal again. I can’t tell my actual symptoms apart from my OCD. My anxiety has been so bad that I’m sleepwalking during the night, it feels like I am never going to snap out of this. I’m having constant panic attacks because of how overwhelming the symptoms are and how nervous I am of having a seizure/dying. Has anyone on here ever had a concussion that triggered their OCD? If so, what did you do to overcome it and about how long did it take to feel okay again?

I feel like I won't be able to make any progress bc I live with people who don't respect my rules. I worry about how clean surfaces are but the people I live with ignore me when I ask that certain things don't touch each other. For example, if something touches the floor I can't touch it or anything else it has touched. This causes a problem bc even if I could disinfect the object and surface it has touched I can't force someone to wash their hands and constantly watch over them to make sure they are what I determine to be clean. Their hands which I think are dirty touch other surfaces some of which I can't clean to my standard and only continue to ruin all the work I spent making something sanitary.

Potential trigger???? My harm OCD is spiraling out of control and I cannot stop obsessing over the idea of ending my life. I really don’t want to but it’s all I can think about. My intrusive thoughts keep reminding me how much suffering I’d be done with if I just did it but I don’t want to actually go through with it!!! Terrified— has anyone been through this and fully recovered from the thoughts? :-/

Hey guys I have some questions on OCD recovery. I just get confused on what to do, like some people say to distract yourself when the thoughts come in, others say to think it harder or on purpose or something. Are some forms of distraction better, like exercising and not forcing distraction. A thought can get stuck in my head for a while and I’m not really sure how to distract from it, do I just let it be there while doing something else like the exercising or drawing? I just need some advice. Any techniques you have for recovery will be much appreciated ? Thanks in advance!

Do any of you ever feel like you cannot lie or you will feel an immense amount of guilt? Even about small things?

Anyone else’s ocd ruin a really important relationship in their lives bc their obsessions and compulsions took over and became the center of the relationship? For me it ruined my friendship with my ex best friend, and I obsess about it constantly

its just me that hate myself? im so insecure, i start crying bcs i look at girls and they re so pretty smh

Does anybody have Sexuality OCD? Because I am pretty sure that I am straight but then suddenly about a week ago I stopped going guys attractive and it really scared me. I was convinced I was gay! I tried to like a girl but my brain was telling me that it was wrong. That was when I thought ‘OMG I DONT HAVE A SEXUALITY’ and I got really scared. Then yesterday I thought a girl was really cute but then saw a guy and thought he was gorgeous! And then I was like no I have to be straight!!!!! What do I do? Does anybody have this problem?

help please. Was watching porn and masturbating. Looked up a specific physical attribute that reminded me of my ex, curly hair and watched one. I masturbated to it then all of a sudden thoughts started to attack me like what if this was actually her. Then out of nowhere i thought what if this was her and her brother. Then now its just bothering me to confess to her. We talk sometimes and i really dont want to cause whats the point we r over and thats just fucked up But i feel more bad bc even having that thought and it made me :/ i still continued to masturbate bc i didnt feel satisfied enougj, i mean obviously not to the thought of her and her brother cause thats weird but i was masturbating while that thought was in my head and it feels wrong and makes me feel guilt or icky.