- Date posted
- 5y
Ever since I had reached the age of 13, I felt like my childhood had left me just like that and I felt lost. I felt confused on what to do next the second junior high was all over. It felt like no one was holding my hand anymore, no one was guiding me and it definitely felt lonely. I had my friends here and there, but I wasn't aware of the emotional struggles I had felt. Throughout my highschool years, peer pressure happened to be one of the main causes for my depression, insomnia, loneliness, and trouble with keeping up with school. It felt confusing not having a shoulder to lean on or someone to love me back. It felt like for a while if I wanted something bad enough I could have it but that something never came and still hasn't come. Everytime I look back at my teen years, I can't find any real good thoughts to overpower the negative ones. The transition of leaving being a child to become an adult is one of the most difficult things people can go through. I had the real event OCD I have for things I did in my stupid teen years. Everyone including myself was at a part where hormones were going crazy. Everyone engaged in some sort of sexual activity whether it meant talking about it, reenacting sexual acts, or being in relationships which to this day is something I've never got to experience. I thought running away to the internet to make friends and explore my emotions would help but that honestly made everything so much worse. Why do I keep ruminating over the same things that happens 3 of more years ago over and over and over again? I keep fearing that the stupid mistakes I've done will destroy what I have now. I can barely focus on my present because my past takes up so much of my time and I don't want it to. I feel that I have changed and I don't do any of the things I used to anymore and I CRINGE at the fact that I've even done things like that in the first place. I just want to forget about it all and move on.