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I have feelings of stabbing someone and weird thoughts and images. Is this game ocd I am scared

really wanting reassurance god i wont ask for it i just need to vent i leave social interactions always ruminating the ways i was a bad person or too much or talked too much or was too over the top or this or that or bad or made people not like me and then also the moments i had intrusive thoughts and i feel like when i like someone i avoid them on purpose because i go im a lot i have so much baggage and their better off without me even if its just a date or flirting i find a way of convincing myself through ruminating and intrusive thoughts that its like well i think these things they deserve a purely good person and outside of ocd im a mess and theyd be dating someone who was always wondering her sexuality and who had perverted intrusive thoughts and i just feel bad for someone dating me sometimes i talk too much and i can take up all the conversation and i dont mean it its like if i have anxiety cracking jokes and being entertaining makes me feel useful and safe but sometimes i go ugh i didnt include people and then i go what if im a narcissist like why do i need this attention and validation so much and i go yeah i was too much i bet they all hate me even though i know they dont hate me but its like i go well i couldve been better at that when interacting so i get hard on myself and analyze all the things that wouldve made the moment the way it shouldve been like tonight ... this guy i think i like at my catering job sometimes we make prolonged eye contact and one time he asked to make me a drink and went out of his way to bring me wine when i never got back to the bar to get it from him at the end of the night ... of course in my mind i turned these small things into meaning way more than they do because of how lonely i am... anyway today i avoided him more than i used to and purposely didnt talk to him and i feel bad about it because its rude to do that even if the reason is because i like him oand i think because i was afraid to talk to him i was way too obnoxious and loud when talking to my friends at work and im just afraid i made a fool of myself and that he probably finds me annoying and weird because i was a little annoying and weird... and then i go you dont even know if you like him or you want to like him so just leave all crushes alone because youre not in a place to even flirt these schmucks deserve a normal girl with normal thoughts and with a normal history and future i would be ruining their life because im already ruining mine... like the thing is i hate ruminating over this stuff like i want to just have a cute moment or bad moment and let it go and say okay if something happens great if not great or like ill be fine either way but i know once i think to much about a certain infatuation i will ruin the chances of any potential ... in my mind alone i can play out all circumstsances until seeing that person becomes a way bigger thing than it should and then i go great does this make me a creep that i even over think this stuff because its not even about the person its more about a fantasy i make in my mind about them and then about me shitting on myself in regards to never deserving the fantasy ... hope that makes sense and people can relate 🤷‍♀️

This is just my opinion, but I’m starting to think ocd is a symptom if a much deeper issue within us. Whenever I seem to do erp, if I do happen to do it correctly and the fear goes down, it’s just a matter of time before it switches to something else again. Does anyone else think this too?

hi everyone, i’ve been using this app for about 2 weeks now, maybe a little more or less than that, i can’t remember exactly when i downloaded it because these past 3 weeks have all been a blur. ive mostly just been lurking and observing other people’s posts and conversations. i’m currently suffering from some bad existential ocd. i haven’t been getting a lot of sleep since lockdown started. i’ve known i’ve had ocd for awhile now but i’ve never gotten any kind of help for it. i don’t talk about my problems to anyone and keep all my thoughts bottled up until i get over things on my own. but every time i go through a phase like this it gets worse each time it comes back. i haven’t felt like this in over 3 years and i thought i was done a finally free but now it feels like my life is over. i had a doctor’s appointment this past Tuesday and i’m going to be getting counseling (i’m not sure if there’s a difference between counseling and therapy, the word my doctor used specifically was counseling. she might have just said that but meant therapy or maybe there is a difference im not sure) but i don’t see the point. everyone tells me to ‘embrace the uncertainty’ but i don’t know how i can go on living happily with the possibility of my worst fears being true. i won’t say what they are in this post but if you’re curious I’ll tell you. i put a trigger warning just in case i get into the conversation of what exactly my worst fears are with anyone and i don’t want to trigger anyone who’s also dealing with the same problems as me. i just thought, in case im wrong-which i hope i am-that it wouldn’t hurt to talk it out right now. my mom and dad don’t fully understand and i don’t want to scare them and it might be a few more weeks before i start counseling.

I don’t know what’s going on with me but I feel like there’s no repairing whatever it is that happened to my mind and most of the time I feel like I just want to be trapped in this world I made up in my head. It’s feels as if I may have a sort of mental illness, or maybe just trying to figure out myself and how I view the world, but sometimes I feel like I’m going insane or have gone insane. Getting through everyday with my head is hard but I’ve kind of already gotten used to it and I don’t think I could ever go back to being normal. I just get all of these thoughts to do things I don’t want to do but my mind tells me it makes to much sense not to do it. I just feel like a sort of genius that has started to see and understand things that others don’t so it will forever separate me from other people and I’m going go to spend the rest of my life pretending to be normal. I don’t know if this is a form of psychosis or unhealthy escapism, but I can’t get out of it no matter what because I literally don’t know what else to think about. I have a problem with absolutely everyone now because of my thoughts and I feel like I don’t love people like I used to or that I even have the desire to be around people anymore. Something just got really messed up in my head and I could go on forever about the stuff in my mind but I don’t think anyone would read it. I’m just tired of sinking into weird thinking but it all just become very complicated but all my mind does everyday is over analyze and try to figure out my head and things I could possibly never answer and create problems. I just always feel so confused. I think if I saw a therapist they would take my thoughts too seriously or think I was pretending or stupid. I actually don’t even know which one it is either, but sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to get help because I don’t deserve it and that I don’t even want to change. I just think so much but I can’t imagine thinking any other way because I’m so used to this and I don’t think there’s a cure for overthinking so it’s not like any of this could be undone.

i really don't think it's ocd... like i'm so gross.. i cant see myself the same.. like i think i genuinely got @roused by thinking of lolis :(.. and i feel like because of that one response i can't see the person the same anymore.. i feel like i'm a predator to them when i'm literally 15 and wish them the best.. i'm so disgusted. also i'm so scared. i feel like i could get @roused by anything even shit i dint like. and then i think " i don't mind doing this" i feel so gross omg

Help I don’t want to be atheist

I just can't do this anymore. I am not sure of anything. I can't do this.

I get this feeling of supression of emotions where I no longer feel anxiety over the intrusive thoughts and no longer can cry and even though Im distressed I don't feel physical anxiety. It makes me question if I'm accepting that I am a P. Then I remember that trying to make yourself feel anxious on purpose will inherently make you not feel anxious! I dont speak to a psych for meds till monday but I feel like an imposter thats using OCD as an excuse. Repeating "its OCD" doesn't help and I know its because its a compulsion. I'm at a loss

I'm really anxious right now. Can anyone talk? (Especially if you are a Christian, because you may understand better what I'm going through)

I don't feel like I deserve to exist. So many good people die, why am I still here? Im so messed up in the head I don't deserve to be here. Everyone I know would be better off if I had never existed 😔

Any moms on here that have been or are pregnant dealing with ocd? Any advice? I feel like I’m losing my self.

I’m really suffering. Harm OCD is really sucking the life out of me. It’s gon beyond thoughts. It’s now trying to show me evidence.

I'm having a full on panic attack I can't stop crying. I moved into my new apartment and I just miss my parents and my home so much. I'm crying and I can't breathe. I wish I had never grown up I might pass out I've never had this before and I'm afraid. I feel so alone and I don't think I'll ever be able to get friends cause I'm so shy and introverted. I thought I wanted to live alone, I've always been more comfortable when alone but now I wish I could be home with my family.

im about to hve a anxiety attack u guys im sleeping in a dark room and im looking at the ceiling and its dark but it lookedd like the shadows were moving nand im so scared of having schizophrenia u guys plessde is that normal im about to have a anxiety attack

Hi I needed a few questions answered. Can someone please help me? I have had OCD for as long as I can remember and im an asexual. I recently developed an obsession that I'm not actually ace. Is this fear common or has anybody experienced it? Also I have homosexual ocd and I fear that I might be L :(. Is this also something anybody has experienced? Or has as an asexual person? I could really use some help atm

Tomorrow is my first therapy session with nocd. Any advice on what to expect during the 90 minute "diagnostic assessment"?

I know this sounds bad but sometimes I think what if I’m not strong enough or capable enough to have a happy life bc of my ocd & I’m scared I’ll suffer everyday of my life because I was symptom free for 10 months but cut back on my meds & relapsed. I’m scared I just want a snow glob to look in to see if it’s worth fighting

Hello everyone. I am a desperate mother looking to help her son. He has Pure OCD he is struggling really hard but he would not get help. I don’t know what I can do as a mother? He stayed in his room at all times. He is not interested in school or activities. Please any recommendations. Does this ever happen to anyone?

I thought ERP was about letting your have the obsession & not do the compulsion. Today, I talked to my therapist about a past theme I overcame (not knowing if I dropped money on the ground) & how I overcame that. I overcame that by simply letting the thought (what if I've dropped money) be there & then not doing the compulsion (checking). I asked him if this was ERP, but he never told me. He said if a client was struggling he would have them purposefully drop money on the ground. So I don't understand. Is ERP letting yourself have the obsession & not do the compulsion or is it doing the content inside the obsession? I am very distraught because I feel like nobody is on the same page when it comes to what ERP is & how it works I am so overwhelmed right now, everything is confusing, I don't understand the way this therapy works. I never have. It's never benefited me. What I do know has benefited me is letting the thoughts be there & not reacting, but apparently that's wrong?? I feel like this is a sick circus game or something.