Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I woke up and I immediately got HOCD thoughts. Yesterday it was full day POCD. I can't see this ever going the right way. I wish I was just dead. Why does it have to be all day long

I read an article about how people who are gay before coming out were in denial and they would try to convince themselves they were straight, hope and pray they were straight, and try to rationalize all their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors about their sexuality. I myself do all of these things so how do I know if I'm struggling with hocd or in denial of my sexuality. Can someone please respond

So onetime I posted something and this one guy on tik tok said “do girls like (characters name) as much as boys love (female characters name)” and at the time I didn’t know I had hocd but I was like “I find him attractive but I liked (f characters name) better and I thought to myself ‘omg because I like the female character in the show better does that mean I like girls’ and then he said “ohhh are you bi because I don’t like bi girls ” and I said “no I just like anime girls, but even if I did what’s wrong with it” and he said “oh because I don’t want that much competition” and I was like a little annoyed because his excuse was kinda dumb and I’m worried that because I got annoyed than that means I was offended because I’m gay or something IDK but the whole time I was wondering “omg what if I’m gay what if I’m gay” I’m worried because I stuck up for them than that means im gay and one time around the beginning of hocd this girl called me gay as an insult and I was like “why are you still using gay as an insult?” but inside I was wondering “omg what if I’m gay” idk I guess I was a little mad because I have gay friends and I know that they would think it’s offensive but What if I got mad because I’m gay myself :/

I was able to make love with my husband today. Which was amazing but... now I am like do I find him attractive? Do I wanna be with someone else... I think I only got a temporary relief... when I was away from him I was like everything will be okay and I know I love him. But now that I am near him I feel like I really wanna break up 😞 that I don’t wanna cuddle with him anymore... it hurts me so much... I don’t wanna break up with him... 😞😞

I just found out about this thing called compulsory heterosexuality and it's freaking me out....does anyone relate to this

anyone else feel guilty when they dont do the amount of erps their therapist assigned them in between therapy sessions? she wants me to do 45 min erp sessions a day on my own and ive only managed to do 30 min twice in between sessions but i do multiple sets of 10 so i count them as like 3-5 erp sessions that i do before i see her but its like if i know i have to do erps that day or week i put it off until last minute because doing it before bed sucks then your sleep is even worse but doing it early in the day that can ruin the rest of the day sometimes but i do usually feel accomplished and proud of myself after mostly because my guilt goes away so that i can tell my therapist i did do my homework ... i know its dumb to feel guilty these erps are for me not for her but i feel like im going to class with half of my work completed and i guess i always hate disappointing people and i want her to like me and impress her so its a tug of war with my people pleasing and ocd and adhd and yeah just venting i have therapy monday and i havent done exercises since wednesday im hoping to do three 10 minute sessions tomorrow and then 2 monday morning before my therapy appointment but i just feel bad because i told her id keep her posted and i dont want to lie but i feel bad telling her how little ive done since wednesday also my last session is monday i feel like is it bad im not doing erps more than 2-3 days a week? should i be more dilligent by now? should i already be doing 9/10 levels in my heirarchy? im only at 7/8s still... lol i even want reassurance about if my process is correct or not... just wanted to vent hope someone can relate 🤷‍♀️

Who wants to talk

Does anyone else have severe OCD

Has anyone grown out of OCD or certain OCD themes? I’m only 17 so i’m wondering if I will grow out of this.

If I feel dishonest with myself, and I am not perfect, my life isn't worth living. And that's why I've got OCD.

"zOCD false memories" HI... I'm so sorry for bothering you... I'm not looking for reassurence, not at all. Just some sympathy? I have the strangest and ugliest feeling that I may have done sexual things to my pets but I just forgot about them. I truly don't remember ever doing anything wrong or weird to them, but that feeling doesn't vanish... Everytime I look at them, that feeling resurfaces. I continue to interact with them (exposure i guess) but this feeling doesn't get any smaller... Am I the only one? It helps me a lot to know I'm not alone... Or that this is normal in ocd. I feel that feeling similar to "whenever you leave the house, you feel like you forgot something but you go through your belongings and nothing is amiss but that feeling doesn't vanish" I guess the reason why I am so worried about it is... If something actually happened, I have to kill myself... I keep thinking about about possible scenarios and see if anything could have happened but I remember nothing...

Anyone know the science behind false attraction and what it means, etc.? It is absolutely ruining me and preventing me from enjoying my life. Things I normally love to do no longer appeal to me because of my Hocd. I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s terrifying. I am hopeless and my days only consist of overthinking and praying to god now. I can’t see myself ever enjoying life again and it feels as if I have somehow turned gay out of nowhere. Help.

My town is doing Mandatory waer meter replacements. Where I live water meters are in the basement of the house. We are entering a second wave of covid and I'm going to have to allow two strangers into my house, who have also been in every other house in town? With their dirty shoes that have touched every other floor? And breathing on my house after being exposed to everyone else?? No. No. No. No. I haven't even let my mother and father in my house. What the hell am I supposed to do? This will break me for sure.

Having a really hard time with existential OCD. 😔 Earlier I Googled some complex topics I thought I could handle... let's just say it hasn't been easy since. The old me could have looked up moral debates and thought, "Huh, that's an interesting way to look at things." And moved on with confidence. Now I research moral debates and I'm like, "If morality is relative to where you are socialized then do morals matter?? Is moral objectivism legitimate?? Does anything matter?? Are my morals real?? Am I real?? Does anything I believe in matter?? Do I actually believe in my code of ethics or have I just been convinced to?? What is right and wrong??" The pandemic doom and gloom makes it 1000x worse. I am currently unemployed so I have nothing else to focus on except my stupid OCD. And my depression makes me unmotivated and unfocused. I don't even enjoy eating anymore and I am a food lover. I just feel nauseous constantly. And everything feels like I trigger so I barely enjoy any media these days. Universe, please save me from this disorder and this year. I just want to be normal, I want to enjoy life again.

Can anybody tell me what is a toxic relationship? My boyfriend is so good, he encourages me for everything anf supports me but he has mood swings and he gets angry(not often) when i keep complaining to him because sometimes he is busy with online games which fuels my ROCD. But he is very understanding and supportive. My ROCD tells me he us toxic because he gets angry and he suffered from depression 2 years ago and that phase was very tough for us which makes me think he is toxic. But he has completely changed now. It was just his depression because of which he used to shout at me and then instantly regretted. Sometimes i think I'm toxic. But i don't really mean what is a toxic relationship or person. I know I'm in a healthy one but it is what I'm worried right now.

Is hocd more likely to happen after a breakup? I keep thinking that maybe the breakup happened to make me realize I should be with a girl instead of a guy. I also can't seem to find any guy attractive or desirable other than my ex. I also read stories about people breaking up/divorcing and realizing they were gay. How do I differentiate hocd with something real???

so i decided i wanted to write my mom a letter about my soocd. can you gus give me any feedback/ stuff i should add or get rid of? to whoever may be reading this- ok. i’m sending this to you because i need to tell you something i couldn’t figure out how to tell you in person. basically what i want to tell you is that i think i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). if you didn’t know, OCD is a mental illness just like depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, etc. in fact, OCD is one of the many kinds of anxiety disorders. it is not always what is commonly shown in the media, where people with OCD are obsessed with keeping away germs or organizing things. although these can be symptoms of OCD, there are many subtypes of OCD. these are referred to as “themes”. some common themes include: Religious OCD, Somatic OCD, Harm OCD, Contamination OCD, etc. OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. since OCD is rarely accurately talked about, here is a definition of what OCD actually is: “OBSESSIONS are thoughts, images or impulses that occur over and over again and feel outside of the person’s control. Individuals with OCD do not want to have these thoughts and find them disturbing. In most cases, people with OCD realize that these thoughts don’t make any sense.  Obsessions are typically accompanied by intense and uncomfortable feelings such as fear, disgust, doubt, or a feeling that things have to be done in a way that is “just right.” In the context of OCD, obsessions are time consuming and get in the way of important activities the person values. This last part is extremely important to keep in mind as it, in part, determines whether someone has OCD — a psychological disorder — rather than an obsessive personality trait.” “COMPULSIONS are the second part of obsessive compulsive disorder. These are repetitive behaviors or thoughts that a person uses with the intention of neutralizing, counteracting, or making their obsessions go away. People with OCD realize this is only a temporary solution but without a better way to cope they rely on the compulsion as a temporary escape. Compulsions can also include avoiding situations that trigger obsessions. Compulsions are time consuming and get in the way of important activities the person values.” -IOCDF (“What is OCD?”) The treatment for OCD is called Exposure Response Therapy (ERP). it is supposed to help you learn to sit with your thoughts and not let them give you anxiety. it is the most effective and pretty much only way to treat OCD other than medication (although it is best to do ERP even if you are taking medication). i don’t want to seek treatment yet, so this is just another piece of information. some people divide certain themes into a group called Pure OCD, or Pureo. themes in Pure OCD are mostly obsessions, with little to no external compulsions (most compulsions are mental). some themes are: Harm OCD Relationship OCD Sexual OCD Sexual Orientation OCD Pedophilia OCD etc. The theme that i think i am currently struggling with is called Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD), or Homosexual OCD (HOCD). i know that this sounds ridiculous, but just bear with me with me. Sexual Orientation OCD is a real theme, with legitimate sufferers that have been diagnosed with OCD. obviously, i haven’t been diagnosed, so there is no way to be sure that i actually have OCD unless i get a diagnosis, but i have spent the past two months researching OCD and Sexual Orientation OCD, communicating with other people in my same situation, and comparing my symptoms to those of people with SO-OCD. i have found many similarities between myself and those of people with SO-OCD, so i have decided that is what i likely have been experiencing, but again, the only way to know is with a diagnosis from an OCD specialist. Now a couple things you should know about SO-OCD: •anyone can struggle with SO-OCD, regardless of their sexual orientation. this means that SO-OCD can mean the fear of being gay, bisexual, lesbian, straight, nonbinary, transgender, asexual, etc. •if someone is struggling with SO-OCD, it does not mean that they are actually whatever they are fearing (in my case, i am afraid of being bisexual or lesbian). this doesn’t mean that i am actually bisexual or lesbian, it just means that i am obsessing about the possibility of being so. •SO-OCD is not inherently homophobic. while it is true that some individuals are homophobic, many are completely accepting of people of all sexualities and genders, and are afraid of the possibility of being gay because it doesn’t feel right for them and doesn’t make them happy thinking about the possibility of being gay. i cannot remember when exactly my SO-OCD started, but i believe that is started around July 15, 2020. i had brief thoughts about this before, but i usually was able to brush them off. they became more frequent in the days leading up to when it started, and then one day they became incredibly intrusive and anxious provoking. there are obviously some differences between my case and the textbook case of SO-OCD that make me doubt if i even could have SO-OCD, but there is so many similarities that also are evidence that this is, in fact, OCD. OCD is a doubting disorder, so writing this has been difficult because i have been second guessing everything i’ve written and every time i say that this is OCD, it feels like a lie. this is common for OCD sufferers, doubting their diagnosis, symptoms, behaviors, etc. one common compulsion is asking for reassurance, (asking other people about who they are, what they will do, etc (anything that would reassure them that this is isn’t who they really are). compulsions like seeking reassurance is bad for people with OCD, because it alleviates the anxiety temporarily, but it only feeds the OCD, making it even more powerful than before. i am telling you all of this because i trust you to know what i am going through right now. i’m going to ask you to please not share this with anyone unless i tell you it’s ok to share. i am not looking to find treatment for this yet, but i did think you should know because sometimes it makes it hard for me to focus or be happy, especially when i feel triggered and upset. you don’t need to respond to this, i understand that it may be a lot to take in, but if you want to talk about it, i can talk to you about it. i don’t love talking about it because it can be triggering, but if you want to talk about it i can. if this made you upset or angry or sad, im so sorry. i just wanted to let you know what i’m going through. i love you mom. thanks for listening. RESOURCES- •International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (IOCDF) article “What is OCD?” https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ •International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (IOCDF) article “How Do I Know Im not Really Gay?” https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/homosexual-obsessions/ (not my favorite, but has a couple good points) •NOCD article “HOCD- Thoughts, Symptoms, Causes and Treatment” https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/hocd/ •The NOCD blog is helpful https://www.treatmyocd.com/learn/blog/page/5/ i know it’s long, but if you ave anything you think i should add or change, please tell me :)

can going down rabbit holes ever be like not scary theme related like since covid started ive wanted to adopt a dog and every day i go on pet finder and i heart different dogs and say this is it this is the one and i go through my list of dog names and go what kind of dog is this are they a hershel? are they a marty? the list has about 50+ options and i even research name meanings so the name is perfect and i tell my sister this is it this is the dog and shes like youve almost adopted like 5 different dogs and you never get any of them its like i go omg that one its the feeling this is the one and then i question can you even handle this? you can barely take care of yourself, if this dog dies its your fault, this dog could have a better home, can you even afford how much a year it costs to care for the dog, and its like i know i can but i still doubt that i can and im afraid of the day the dog dies and its like why put myself through that but its like every day i go on there and i hope to find my "the one" dog and its lile christ ive turned this dog into being this huge life defining thing that me before the dog will be different i will be forever changed in a bad way because after i will be a mother to another living being and that responsibility is something i cant handle when its like i trained and took cared my familys dog when i was 12 until i left home im 28 like i know i can care for my own pet but i just convince myself all the ways i cant do it even though i really want it and yeah and i do this with like my fear about my familys safety im like okay im going to get evil eye protection necklaces for us but i never buy it every week i search for the perfect item because none of them are perfect enough but by looking i feel good and im like shit is this all ocd? because i just actually enjoy these activities but like i turn them into obsessions and i later realize how much time i lost going down those rabbit holes its just these rabbit holes i like where as usually when i go down an ocd rabbit hole its hell because im trying to prove that im not an evil thing but my brain at the same time is proving all the ways i am that evil thing where as this stuff is like kind of fun just exhausting maybe? like oh research the perfect necklaces and dogs all the time until its just right what a great way to fill all hours of my day?

Can someone help me understand? If every white person has an inherent bias towards unconscious racism, what is the difference between unconscious racism and racist intrusive thoughts? Is my OCD right and am I actually a racist or?

This isn’t related to ocd just something I’ve been stressing about I don’t know what I want to major in and it’s stressing me out. All my life my parents have been telling me that I wanted to be a doctor. Yes, they were telling me what I wanted to be. And I went along with that for a long time. But now when it’s actually time to start thinking about my future I’m stuck. My brother started in Pharmacy, left to computer science. He still doesn’t know if that’s actually what he wants. I know what I want to be doing when I’m older, traveling, and I’m trying to think of a job where I can travel and make money at the same time. I still have time before I graduate high school. I know this isn’t the place to talk about this but I know that there are many adults here and I just wanted some of your advice. I also wanted to rant lol