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the NOCD Community

i keep finding new pieces of proof that maybe i’m not straight and i hate it. i hate all of this.

I’ve never been so emotionally confused. I feel like I want to be single and break up with my boyfriend of almost a year but I also am terrified to lose him but I can’t take this feeling anymore :( I feel like it isn’t possible to be in a relationship without having this horrible dread and anxiety about it.

I feel like I’m going crazy and for the past few days I’ve had this feeling that my brain is sinking. I’ve just felt so confused in ways that are difficult to explain. I just feel like my worldview has changed and I get these crazy thoughts that go along with it that feel incredibly real. I feel weird about the people in my life, I feel like I’m lying or delaying the inevitable when I spend time with them. These feel like my new thoughts and feelings now. I feel like I’m okay with my new thoughts as well but I’m going to keep them secret for the rest of my life until they eventually get to me. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m crazy and that all of this makes so much sense and it’s what I’m meant to do. I worry a lot that I’m experiencing psychosis, but if I was, there’s no way I’d be suspicious of it right? I just don’t see how anyone could treat this. I feels like I’m dead set on believing all of this junk and I really don’t know who I am anymore. It comes out sometimes when I do things I used to enjoy or spend time with certain people, but aside from that my brain has warped and broken my thinking. Honestly right now it feels like I’m talking about something that doesn’t exist and that I made up in my head, but I feel so out of it.

I understand that acceptance is key to recovery. But any advice on how to accept terrible thoughts about onself or does acceptance just naturally come when you do fewer and fewer compulsions?

Last night my boyfriend was annoyed at me because sometimes I am un trusting towards him... I ended up getting upset because I think that my inability to trust him and constant rumination is another form of OCD that I struggle with. However, the conversation reminded me of how fucked up I am with my POCD and gronial response. I’ve never told anyone about anything before but for the first time I told him that ‘I’m sad because i think the reason I can be like this is because I have compulsive thinking, I’m scared of my brain... but it’s only the tip of the iceberg and I never talk about it’... It’s the first time I’ve ever even hinted at the issues I’ve been burying deep for the last 6 years. It was quite frankly horrible to even tell him that. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I said I can’t. Then I just felt terrified that he was going to Google compulsive thoughts and that he might keep wondering what is wrong with me, like the elephant in the room sort of thing. I just lay there and cried and cried because I felt so trapped. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I get gronial response for children and that he has no idea. He kept telling me he loves me and I can tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge me. And all I keep thinking is how he has no idea and he would be so shocked and disgusted. I couldn’t stop crying in bed for hours, I felt so trapped and scared. I love him so much. It’s so painful. I thought it would be good to start acknowledging my ocd and talking about it, but it’s just made it all so real and it just makes the underlying depression in me come out to the surface. For so long I’ve been managing to live this life where if I don’t think about my OCD at every moment possible, and I can feel quite normal most of the time I’m distracted. I know it’s all a facade but now I’m trying to work on my problems (without a therapist) - that whole facade has faded. So much more I will just sit with the people I love and think about how they think I’m normal but they have no idea who I am. Its horrible. I’m not saying we shouldn’t all fight this - we need to fucking fight this. I don’t want to put anyone off - but it’s just really killing my ego acknowledging this bullshit ocd.

I fucking swear!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know why my own fucking mother wants my dick to come out by looking at me the whole time I’m trying to watch a fucking football game and thinking about in a sexual way. Like I already fucking know my body responds to people looking at me in a sexual way when I’m not looking at them. Like fucking shit. My mind shakes and shakes it’s head like I try to calm down but I can’t my mind. I really need help with this whole arousal shit for like fucking fucking more than 2 and a half years I’ve been dealing with this arousal shit and I’m just so fucking tired and fed up cuz I don’t know what I should do. My mind is t thinking about nothing I’m trying to focus to what’s in front of me but yet for some reason I have a arousal feeling that affects my daily living, it affect me having a job, and on top of that I have weird thoughts that pop up when I see a fucking chick. Like I’m so fucking tired of this shit. My fucking therapist don’t respond to shit. They don’t tell me what I should be doing or not fucking doing and I’m like fucking over this shit. I’m getting fucking tired of feeling shit and not knowing what to do to not feel shit. Like I do everything I would do on a daily I don’t avoid it but my body and mind are not working together anymore or at least not the way it should be working and I’m just so fucking tired and just idk anymore man. There’s got to be a therapist in this world who can help me with this shit cuz I’m fucking tired of this shit. I do all ERP’s possible and I’m just lost like what am I supposed to do anymore. Fuck man!!!! I want to walkout out my house and just go for a fucking walk and shit and I just don’t know what to do anymore if this is anxiety then why is it always the same bullshit every fucking day. I fucking swear man. I’m just tired and done with this shit. I mean fuck man. Like I shouldn’t be more comfortable in public places to where nobody knows me then places to where they know damn well if they looked at me in a sexual way is going to trigger me and I’m just so fucking tired like leave me the fuck alone already. I literally want to fucking cuss my mom out again and tell her to stop and start beating peoples asses when they start doing this shit to me cuz I know when it’s happening to me in purpose and I’m tired of playing dumb as if it doesn’t affect me cuz it does so or later I’m a just fuck a motherfucker up real fucking talk.

i’m so sad. i’m only 14 and i feel like i’ve already ruined my teen years. i’ll always have this loom in the back of my mind, and i’ll never be able to look back at myself and reflect on who i was because it’s all fake, i have no idea who i am or what i want. i won’t be able too look back and remember my boy crazy phase, or be happy remembering having my first boyfriend or just remember being happy and carefree because i haven’t even had a chance to do any of that. i don’t want to waste my one chance at life like this. i’ve already fucked up and i’ve barely had a chance to be a teenager. i want to start over as someone else. i feel like such a waste

Ive been taking Zoloft for 2 weeks now and Ive noticed that Im just exhausted. Like I dont have the energy to engage with my intrusive thoughts. Anybody have this experience on an SSRI?

I saw a thing on Facebook that said Narcissists, psychopatha, and sociopath don't have a sense of empathy. They don't have a sense of empathy and won't develop it, so they can never love anyone..with me feeling empty and not feeling sad or upset a lot and just feeling numb I'm honestly scared I can't feel love and I'm actually crazy....would I know if I was heartless?

Why is this all happening to me,why cant i just be normal like the other teens,why do i always feel confused about everything,why do i always feel worthless and sick,with mental illness,why did God choose me,us,to do this,to go through all this shit,He knows that im not able to make it,he knows that i just want to grow up,to marry a guy and be happy,my intentions are pure,i never wanted to hurt someone like my mind says,i just dont want to,i cant stop it,i cant stop the disorted thinking and everything else that goes through my mind.I feel so worthless so desperate and cursed.I know i keep asking for ur positive talks but i juet cant ask it from anyone else.Its 9 pm here,i need to study but i cant,i feel so stressed,i just want to kill myself.

Has anyone felt like they had rocd from the beginning of meeting someone? I feel like most stories are those where everything starts fine and then ocd hits in the middle of the relationship. I had no to little feelings for someone yet I cry strongly whenever we split from fwb and a great friendship.

Hey! I’ve experienced a lot of recovery in my ROCD/HOCD and I’m thinking of asking my wife to marry me. I’m starting to worry that I will not be attracted to her in bed. We’ve decided to wait until we’re married before having sex and so I’m beginning to worry that it opens up a can of worms for me. In past relationships, sex often caused me huge amounts of anxiety and caused me to experience pure O, insomnia and depression.

so now my ocd is attacking how i sleep and if i should sleep. if i go to sleep something bad can happen to me while i’m sleeping and won’t realize it :( i never had any trouble before until i was diagnosed. is this just me. pls any times. i feel like i’m just crazy and don’t even have ocd sometimes

I just need someone who is judgment free to talk to :/

Faced some fears tonight :) TW: cutting So alongside my suicidal OCD I have a fear/obsession of self-harm specifically cutting. Don’t wanna look at it, don’t wanna hear about it, nothing but I get intrusive unwanted thoughts about doing it when I don’t wanna. Anyways I’ve been on a Degrassi: The Next Generation binge (for those of you who don’t know degrassi, it’s a show about primarily high schoolers dealing with a variety of issues - great show honestly) and one of the episodes was about a girl who started cutting herself due to her dad leaving for the military and being stuck at home with an alcoholic mom, as well as being super stressed out with an internship opportunity. I knew there was gonna be an episode focused on self-harm and when it started playing my mind was on high alert like “don’t watch this!!!” However instead I knew this was essential for eventually getting over this fear so I didn’t look away and I kept watching the show as they showed the scenes of her self-harming, her friend finding out, and eventually getting her the help she needed. Needless to say I was pretty proud of myself for not avoiding this specific episode and making it through out with performing mental compulsions! I know this show also eventually covers the basis of suicide so that’ll be another hard one to watch but I gotta do it to show OCD it’s not the boss of me. Thanks for reading :)

If I'm having constant anxiety and thoughts about hocd and tocd Does that mean they are true/they must be true if I have "proof/evidence", or I will manifest these things into happening? I just don't understand how I went my whole life not having thoughts like this now I am. Or maybe I have thought about these things and I've been in denial and now they are stronger because they are true

I think I’m having a major depressive episode and I’m scared. Everytime I get overwhelming PTSD flashbacks I get suicidal thoughts or I start crying uncontrollably. When will my suffering end? I’m so overwhelmed. How will I function the rest of my life? I’m barely holding it together.

I hate myself.

Hi ! I am 6 days off medication today. I stopped because i felt numb. I couldnt feel any emotion, positive or negative. Since i stopped i begun to feel very guilty for not having any positive feelings towards my family (or me thinking i dont) . The thoughts are so frequent that i barely have my normal thoughts right now. And the feeling of guilt follows me everywhere. Its almost phisically painful. Like i see my parents who struggle to raise me and helping me go through college and i keep having thoughts about them non-stop. My point is: is anyone here who stopped medication and recovered without them ? Because right now seems impossible to me. But i dont want to keep taking the pills anymore.

I want my ROCD thoughts about love to stop so I can enjoy my relationship. Please help me I feel on my own with it.