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the NOCD Community

Does ocd try and trick you and sneak into more places right as you’re starting to feel better?

Does anyone have existential ocd here? I would love to exchange a few words with someone that has it.

sleep has been very hard for me lately i feel like during the day if im around my mom or sister i feel better i have distractions but sleep is so hard my thoughts wont rest the death stuff is so intense when i go to bed and especially when i wake up its like the first thought there of like youre lucky you woke up like this is another day youre alive but one day you wont wake up and one day your loved ones wont wake up but once i see my family in the morning and have breakfast with them i tend to calm down but at night i need a mouth guard, weighted blanket, lavendar lotion, a white noise machine, a sleep eye mask, melatonin and lately i even have pulled out my childhood blanket because im that desperate for night time comfort my mortality is a big theme on top of my sexuality in all regards like a mystery i never stop trying to solve the p*** theme is the only thing that makes me go well this has to be ocd because i mean i definitely cant be that but i think ive been using ocd as a new compulsion to comfort myself like oh its ocd that theme is common for ocd you are doing the ocd thing again... and yeah i get incest related stuff, was i molested related stuff, am i gay, am i a p***... i think for me like maybe a lot of people on here have had relationships and sex but for me i havent so i think i always start with that like reminders of my loneliness and virginity and just lack of milestones and experiences make me go down those paths to find the answer there has to be answer of why im like this and roads are endless asexual, bi, gay, p*** and so on and it all pushes on me at night something about sleep has always been hard... the idea of getting relaxed and just letting your mind lose consciousness that has been a challenge since i was in middle school maybe even before ive found ways to deal with it like taking melatonin, zquil, weed (a few times), falling asleep to tv or just like if i have a good routine sleep was better like exercise and going home exhausted enough to sleep but yeah idk i think because i know im supposed to be doing erps on my own i get nervous about a new day when im supposed to read stuff i dont want to read and i feel guilty that i havent done the exercises as much as i shouldve especially as my next therapy appointment is two days away and yeah but mostly im just tired i take melatonin but i dont get nice rest ... i dont wake up rested i wake up ready to throw myself into distraction i will say during the day it feels pretty easy to drown out the thoughts compared to last month when i had three bad episodes but since starting this app and therapy i guess i have used that as reassurance that my thoughts are wrong because i have a condition and during the day i can fight that but at night and right when i wake up i guess im at my weakest? anyway just a long vent but yeah thought id share im hoping to get good sleep soon 🙏

It feels like I legit want to break up with my partner. I read something about “why you shouldn’t stay with your high school sweetheart” yesterday, and now I’m questioning whether I need to break up with him and find myself, travel, etc. even though I couldn’t even do that because I can’t afford it and we are both full time college students. The thing is I feel relief and somewhat of a happiness when I think of leaving and being single, travelling. But at the same time I start panicking because I think “that shouldn’t make me happy” and “that is so selfish, he has stayed always by your side and all of a sudden you just want to leave and be single?” And this makes me cry. I think about hurting him and cry, panic, etc. I was just obsessing about something else 2 days ago. Did I finally figure out what I want? I don’t know anymore. I think the thought, feel like I want it, try to let it go then think “what if I don’t want to let it go?” Someone please help. I’m so tired.

Best way to use this app without getting the therapy aspect? I’ve gotten therapy in the past and now just want to practice what i learned. Is there anything I can do with this app besides create a hierarchy?

I don’t know how I’ll ever have sex with my husband again. We haven’t been intimate in a very long time, probably a month and a half. I don’t know how to start or feel like I’m into it. I feel like I need to think of feminine things to get aroused. I feel like my journey with HOCD will never end. I feel inadequate. I don’t even like my relationship and think frequently about other men or if I would like to be with a woman. I don’t like my relationship because at this point we are roommates and I don’t know how to initiate intimacy anymore. I don’t even kiss him. I’m truly struggling and incredibly depressed. I feel miles away from him and at this point, I’m not fully convinced there’s anything I can do to make it better. Part of me wonders if random sex would be easier because there’d be no pressure on myself. Tl;dr insanely depressed over deteriorating relationship, most definitely due to my own OCD and inability to have sex.

Does anyone else struggle to just let go of their thoughts?

How have you built up better eating habits? I’m getting overwhelmed. I was told to eat more fat, tons of veggies, less carbs, avoid gluten. I’ve been trying for eight weeks to do this. The shopping, meal planning, recipe-finding, cooking, storing is overwhelming.

Guys, I need help. Im an alcoholic and can't stop drinking

hello! i just wanted to share a little progress/ good insight on my HOCD :) lately, i’ve been struggling with the thought of “what if i’m a lesbian? even though i thought i was boy crazy all my life, what if i was doing it to male validation? was it comphet?” and i started to reevaluate all my past feelings for men. after going through the most significant ones in my life, i noticed a pattern in how distorted the interpretation of my thoughts were. aka, i saw how my HOCD didn’t make any sense! and i reminded myself that it was my OCD acting up, and i almost laughed and thought to myself “damn, HOCD, you almost had me there” 😂 and with that sense of humor i felt some relief! like with my first crush, i remember the way he made me feel even though i was a little kid! i would feel so excited to see him, feel so shy and have butterflies around him, and i would want to spend time with him and imagine being romantic with him... but then my ROCD makes me think i’m not attracted to men?? LOL then in middle school, i did have “boyfriends” just to have a boyfriend, but when i think about my middle school boyfriend that i really liked, i know being with him wasnt for male validation. i actually wanted to be with him! then when i remember seeing him in the hallway for the first time, those great feelings of infatuation came up! my OCD made me think i only liked the idea of him, but he was different from the others. i really did like him! then in high school, my boyfriend had a crush on me and was the one who approached me. my OCD mind made me think i only liked him because he liked me first, but then i remembered how i felt when other people liked me, but i didn’t share those same feelings. with this boyfriend, it was different. i know i really liked being with him! i loved spending time with him. then in college, i did kinda fall in love with one person because of the idea of him. and even though the relationship had many bad points, i could rationalize through it calmly, not like how my OCD is attacking my brain now! and i know that with my current partner, ROCD hit me when i was at my happiest with him. the thoughts literally made no sense rationally, but i always kept telling myself, they have to mean something if they’re here! but they don’t. they’re just thoughts, and i am choosing not to believe them. i still get worried about how real my intrusive thoughts and ocd urges feel, especially if i’m around my partner, but the moments i feel really loved and connected with him feel 100% real too ❤️🥰 and now i’m realizing i’ve had many boyfriends LOL and i’ve never seriously had those thoughts and feelings about a girl. just identity or friend crushes, people i thought were cool and wanted to be more like! it’s funny how your OCD makes you question things you were so sure about and never really considered, but when you’re in that OCD cycle, it feels so hard to get out of it, but progress is possible!! also, my friend who sees an OCD specialist said to set an alarm every hour (if possible), and think about intrusive thoughts for 10-20 seconds, and then go on to normal thoughts (like whats for dinner? what are my plans for today?) etc! it’s different from suppression bc you know the thoughts are there, but you don’t ruminate and allow it to stop you from enjoying your day!

Hello i don’t know if this is rocd because i have not consulted a therapist yet. I wanna share my thoughts because i cannot talk about this to anyone and i don’t want to confess everything to my boyfriend because it makes me feel relieved only for a short time.

Is this reassurance or research? So as a Christian I try to do what pleases God but I have OCD and it gots my vision so sometimes I want to look up stuff like for instance as a Christian should I make art or spend my time on something else like ministering to the homeless. If I looked up peoples opinions would that be seeking reassurance?

Struggling with my partner not following basuc infection control. One example. I. Like to use 1 cloth for drying hands and one cloth for drying countertoos after antibacing(well I like to let the countertoops dry themselves to allow the surface cleaner to work but my partner insists on drying them). My. Partner will wash.her hands then dry them then use same cloth.for counters. This is driving me mad but when I say to her. About it. She ignores me and acts like It's erp for ocd. Personally this grates me and makes me angry as its not ocd it's just basic hygiene. But she won't have it. I've even suggested using paper towels.for her hands but again she ignored me. She just sees everything as my ocd. I'm quite pissed off today. She won't even d8scuss it as she she's it as ocd and I'm criticising her

Hello does anyone have any tips on overcoming trans ocd?

i... just misgendered one of my friends and i’ve never felt so horrible in my life. since we’re online friends, i’ve only seen their face and since they looked like a girl.. i thought they were a girl.. and.. i accidentally misgendered him. i feel like crying right now.

someone please give me advice. what would you do in my situation. i keep getting transphobic intrusive thoughts... and my boyfriend is trans... my head keeps trying to misgender him and i love him to pieces. i was never like this before.. the thoughts are so ugly and disgusting and i don’t want to give up on him or us. what would you do in my situation. i just want to keep him safe and when i get thoughts like these i feel beyond terrible and confused about myself. please only respond if you’re accepting. no transphobic comments will be tolerated. i’m already frightened as it is and ignorance doesn’t help

I have this problem when I wake up for school I feel like I need to take a 💩 sorry if it grossed u out but then i will get nervous in school sometimes and I still needing to let a fart out and it’s embarrassing farting so I hold it in the anxiety of holding it in just increases and idk what is this problem someone help me I have school tomorrow and it’s destroying me

Has anyone experienced OCD being passed along from a parent who has an undiagnosed issue? I’m realizing I probably have OCD because my mother has untreated anxiety that she continues to pass along to me. I’m in therapy working on contamination/responsibility OCD, and it was going so well until my mother told me I’m getting “too relaxed” with COVID going on. For context, my OCD since the pandemic started has been absolutely crippling. I live alone and I didn’t leave the house for months. Not for walks, not for groceries, not for anything. I was absolutely miserable and at my wit’s end. Now that I’m in therapy, I’ve been doing so much better. I’ve been talking walks and even seeing friends (6 feet apart, outdoors, with masks on). Now my mother is unraveling all my progress. She saw my dad and I sitting outside in the backyard, about 10 feet apart. My dad wasn’t wearing a mask because he was eating. I was wearing my mask and keeping my distance. My mother went berserk and told me I’m “too lax” and that I should have scolded my dad, and that I shouldn’t have been “so close.” This is the kind of thinking that kept me in the house, questioning the point of life. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I was making so much progress and I feel like it’s all totally undone and I never want to leave the house again. And my parents are the only people I see regularly at this point so to avoid my mother would be difficult, not to mention hard on my dad. Just wondering if anyone can relate to anything like this, or if anyone has any advice. Thank you.

I don’t understand why my mind keeps accusing me of this. I acted on a compulsion and saw videos of gay people knowing they were gay. They always knew but for me the only time I’ve ever been attracted has been to women. Even now my mind is saying that I’ve forced myself to like women. I wish I could just end this all already and be happy with my sexuality. I still only feel attracted to women but my can’t let it go. I feel horrible for my girlfriend because I don’t want to lose her. I wish I was single so I could suffer alone. I was told by a bisexual man that I would fuck a man if I was drunk. I’m so scared to even consider drinking at this point. Ever since I was kid I loved women but now my mind is bringing up things and saying a kid I noticed that was a guy means I liked him and wanted him even though I actually only liked his sister. I slightly wanna cry but my girlfriend lives with me so I just walk around with this sadness. I wish I could just stop so badly. It’s convincing I’m denial and I can’t even notice another guy right now with out getting a wave of anxiety. I wish my therapy session wasn’t so far from now. I want to start so badly. I want to learn how to combat these thoughts so badly.

omg i caved and did a compulsion. i googled a comphet subreddit. not feeling great rn. one person said that there’s a type of attraction where you are attracted to someone because they are attracted to you, and i kinda related to that. like when i think about being w a guy, it turns me on when i think of him being turned on by me if yk what i mean? so now i’m wondering if i’m comphet :(. and they kept on mentioning a “masterdoc” so now i’m really tempted to read it to test if i relate to that, but i’m going to try not to because i think that’s a compulsion/seeking reassurance.