Welcome to
the NOCD Community

How are you doing today? And what motivates you to move forward:) ?I hope you are all doing well. What motivates me to go on is knowing that improvement is possible and there are things in this world that make me happy. Like watching movies, drinking hot cider or cocoa, halloween, Christmas music, and fall:) also knowing I always have the ability to do good in every area of my life, and I can try to make the world a better place, even when it doesn’t feel like a good place.

So last night I wrote this on Facebook to my friends and family: Please don’t describe yourself as “so OCD” if you don’t actually have it and make it seem like less of a struggle than it genuinely is for people who do. OCD for me means my mind is always loud and running at a fast speed. OCD means insomnia and nights with 3-4 hours sleep. OCD means if I don’t want to be late in the morning I need to give myself 3 hours to get ready. OCD means everything around me has to be perfect or I can’t concentrate. OCD means carrying out the simplest task can cause a massive amount of stress. OCD means relief when I arrive at work because I have finally gotten myself out of the house, no matter how long it took! I get to work and my stress levels surprisingly reduce because one of the toughest parts of my day is over! And it’s a heap of other things I deal with! OCD is something most people don’t see. I laugh about it when I can but it sucks 🙄 people understanding it better helps ❤️ I’m just sick of people using it as a phrase and making it sound like no big deal!

Who else on here has contamination OCD it would be awesome to talk to others in the same boat

In moments of awkward silence or under pressure, I feel the urge to “confess”. Makes me hella anxious

Why did OCD start all a sudden :(((( Out of no where and I’m and adult.

I’m running out of SSRIs to try. I have been through all of them except two. All either stopped working after awhile or gave me really bad side effects or had ended up causing me to attempt suicide. The ones I haven’t tried are the SNRIs. Has anyone on here tried an SNRI medication? If so did it help?

So having a bad night tonight. Its such an emotional day, my partners sister got the all clear from cancer today so we were in a good mood,. Or so I thought.. I opened a bottle of champagne and I cooked a really nice steak dinner but before we ate my partner was outside and she went to the bin then I noticed she didn't wash her hands and she went straight to the shed and started touching a load of stuff so I came out behind her and wiped everything down, she got angry at me and threw the tools doen and said can you please not do that. I guess she was angry because I didn't trust her to wipe everything down after she washed her hands. The thing is I know she wouldn't have and it would of done my head in. So I woukd of had to go out after her and do it anyway which would have annoyed her ultimately. So, the mood on the house is very heavy. She is trying to talk as normal but I am in my own head and quite upset, I can't bring myself to be jovial now as 1. I'm embarressed about my ocd and 2. I don't think I was wrong in expecting her to wash her hands after being out at the trash where lots of poeple touch everyday before she touched other things. I'm just pissed off to be honest pissed off at my ocd and pissed off because I don't really think asking her to wash her hands after being at the bin is a big ask. I know coming out after her and antibacing everying maybe was a ocd but I think it was justified. I feel like. The best option would of been ride it out until she had finished and then hid the fact that I was wiping everything down. I just can't trust her to be as clean Concious as me.

Dont know if writing this will be of any use in my current situation but I wanted to share this with someone... I've been living with OCD since I was like 4. It started with religious OCD. I used to ask to god to forgive me repeatedly. Then the pure OCD, as a kid I used to say to my mom that Im nervous about something, but that me didnt knew what and why was it there.... Then when I was like, my father and mother separated due to the constant fights between them. I started to live with my mother. When I was like 14-15, contamination OCD hit me. I used to spent hours in the bathroom. My mother didnt understood my and used to scold me... I wasnt able to handle that pressure already. Then came the sexual OCD, I was even able to go out because the images of the body parts of people I see wont leave my mind... The thing where I used to be avoiding specific colours, pictures, thoughts, people came... That was really hard. The things you cant go about in your day, those were the most stressting for me..... Health OCD came. Problems due to sound, light, sensations, etc... That left me doing some of the important things you have to do to progress in your life.... Relationship OCD... The relations which I made broke ultimately leaving me unable to share my pain with anyone, not about talking just pain, but someone staying on your side giving you courage.... Harm OCD. I have to do certain things in order to make myself keep away that Im going to harm someone. I know its not true, I know its a false belief but like my body wants to move automatically. This has lasted for many months... As you've noticed, the growing pain each times with different OCDs bring is immeasurable. Since I was a kid and now 18 years, that pressure on the body and mind has been constant. Dont know how long I will last with this life. My family doesnt understand my situation at all even if I try my best to explain. I cant seek help on my own. Im so tired with this pain.... Living each moment is a burden on me, each breath is so difficult for me. My life doesnt has any meaning as of now.... Thank You for reading. I dont where Ill head to but I just wanted to share this....

Guys please help!!! Im literally at the stage where im doubting for my own existence right now.These thoughts...they feel so real...unlogical...still though real.Everything im living...smth feels off.Im ready to cry,in the middle of the street,ready to have a panic attack.I just want to die.My mind is playing some serious tricks,i cant keep feeling like this anynore.

TW rant: suicidal OCD So this has been my major theme for the past year since my onset started. For clarification: I just have suicidal OCD, I’m not actually suicidal Incase there’s confusion about that. Anyways, I am so SICK of hearing about the topic of suicide which seems to be everywhere. You hear a story on the news that some celebrity did it, or other stories that people they knew did it or they themselves attempted it. You hear that people with mental illnesses or those who went through trauma or just being a middle aged white man have higher risks of suicide. On my explore page on Instagram, thanks to the OCD support pages I follow, I get suggested posts about other mental health related things and there’s usually posts about “signs of suicidal people” or whatnot. I’m soooo sick of it. Having suicidal OCD has been extremely hard and scary to have. It seems like anything is a trigger and the unwanted thoughts of it keep popping up (as OCD normally does). A lot of the time it’s aimed toward myself, but a big chunk of it is aimed toward my loved ones, like what if they decided to commit suicide? If I haven’t seen a family member in a little while (they’re chilling in their room or whatever) I get scared they might have killed themselves so I feel the compulsion to check on them, ask if they’re okay and happy etc. But it’s mostly at myself and I hate it so much. I think overall, whether this attack is aimed toward myself or others, it just absolutely terrifies me that anyone could just decided to do it and then just do it? It’s not like fearing a murderer coming to your house or an outside threat, but you’re the threat! And you can’t seem to protect your loved ones from it! I get these fears that I’ll become depressed (I’m not depressed) and eventually desire it or that I’ll spiral from fear and pain and eventually desire it, or that it’ll be like the movie Bird Box where the people in it (after seeing the monster) seemed to go on autopilot and killed themselves. I can’t even see words like “committed” or “attempted” without having my stomach jump. I struggle to get things out of my closet since having an open closet is even a trigger for fear. I just wish suicide never existed, I wish it wasn’t a thing, I wish I’d never think about it, I wish i could move on from this intense fear. (Disclaimer: I’m doing ERP for this and compared to before have been progress, but on my spike days it’s just so frustrating) Thanks for listening 😩

Question in sharing the bed and contamination OCD I started sleeping apart from my husband in March and April when he had presumptive covid. I've had such huge fears since then that I did not move back into the master bedroom until LAST WEEK (end of July) Thing is, as much as a separate bed was giving into my contamination OCD, I actually love it for other reasons. Firstly, my husband has really scary night terrors multiple times a week (down from multiple times a night before seeing a sleep specialist). While sleeping he gets up in a big huff and starts yelling and swearing and fighting something from his nightmare off. Twice he has involved me and one of those times he actually tried to strangle me and I couldnt get away (luckily I was sleeping face down). He has physically hurt me in these episodes but has no recollection because it happens while hes sleeping. Secondly, the spare bedroom is all of my furniture from my parents home. It's my bed, my dresser, my guitars, my memories. It's so comforting and I LOVE sleeping in a bed all to myself. Last night he had THREE night terrors, one of which he even pulled his c-pap machine off the night stand and it came crashing down on his head. They are so startling and scary and I'm honestly fucking exhausted today which is worse for my anxiety. I'm a ball of nerves today and just want MY bed. Thing is sleeping in a separate room also feeds my OCD. I start to refrain from touching or being near my husband, because I want to keep my room totally contamination free, and I do it subconsciously too. I felt like moving back in to the master was a big step in my healing. But holy hell I could really use a good nights sleep. Sleep is one place I can get away from my anxiety, but surprise surprise, my husband acts out his oddly frequent nightmares and now sleep isnt an escape either. I'm exhausted and scared and anxious and good lord. Someone help. Is it really all that bad if I go back into my spare bedroom?

I was reading some articles about the dark web and I’m shocked and disgusted by some of the things on there. Also I’m scared I might go on it because of how easy it is to access, I’m getting worried that my details are on there and people may be plotting things against me. I’m getting this weird urge to go on it and my mind is saying “you do want to go on and see this and that” but I know I don’t want to😭

I start school tomorrow and mostly when I wake up for school in the mornings I get anxious and I need to go the toliet sometimes even in school I get super anxious In class and it feels like I need to let out gas but it’s embarrassing and I get even more anxious and I really wanna get Rid of this problem but Idk what it is

What is meant by not “solving” your worries/thoughts? Does it mean not trying to make yourself feel better by dissolving them/ telling them they aren’t true, and if so what is the alternative that you should do?

I’ve seen people mention sitting with the anxiety and not trying to solve your thoughts. What does this do/help in the long run?

So I was at work, and I kept practicing disregarding/accepting the intrusive thoughts which we too many (some of them messed up) but I managed to hold on. I went for a bike ride after though, and everything came flooding back. Mostly, its because the loss of attraction. If I see any girl and I feel nothing (even if she not my type) I get scared that "it's all real and it's over, f-you J!" I'm so sad that I've had to battle this for as long as I have. 10 years of this and its stronger than ever. I've never been diagnosed and I gotta wait 13 long days til my first therapy session. This doesn't feel like my life. I'm in hell.

when i was little, i would feel aroused by sexy images of women.. i would even look at them while i was pleasuring myself, but it never registered to me that doing was gay.. until now. i find women to be be really attractive, but i always thought it was aesthetically, not sexually. i have never fantasized about being with another woman or ever seriously considered being romantic with a woman. i just see myself as being friends with them, but my HOCD has made me start reviewing my past for evidence that i really am gay, and it’s kind of making me question and even forget my attraction, crushes, and even relationships with men... i came out to my bf as bi when we started dating but never questioned if i should be with him to date women. i knew i liked men so i wanted to date men. it was easier for me to connect with men so it started to make me doubt being bi. im ok with being bi because i would choose to be with a man but my thoughts keep telling me that im a lesbian or that i could be gay. or that i dont see myself with a woman because society doesnt show that, even though i grew up always wanting a boyfriend and always wanting to get married and have kids. i feel so confused i dont know whats real or whats OCD

My dad smashed my laptop today. He threw it across the room because he was angry with me for not doing something he'd asked me to do. I'm scared I've lost work, a lot of my work is on google drive but I'm scared I've lost access to some things like my main email because I forgot the password to it. Anyway I have his card here and I intend on buying a new laptop with it. I just don't know what to get. I cannot decide. :( I'm worried I'll make the wrong choice.

Super weird question. I identify as a straight female. I’ve been madly in love with my boyfriend for 5 years. I occasionally watch lesbian porn and “enjoy” it. Does this make me bisexual? I now and so anxious about all of this when I never in “real life” have been attracted to women

Can anyone give me advice about having ocd while in school because it’s starting soon and I’m scared that I won’t do my best?