Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m so scared that cause I was in the background of a photo it was bad and all my friends are gonna hate me and my I’ll loose my boyfriend i don’t know how to convince myself it won’t happen

I’ve been having a really hard time with SOOCD or more known as HOCD . I’ve always supported people who were apart of the lgbtq and am a firm believer of love is love , no matter who it is . But ever since a few weeks ago I’ve been in total distress over my sexuality . I’ve always been attracted to guys ...every day I was thinking of this one particular guy who still has my heart , he makes me happy and thinking about him always made my day better whether it’d be seeing him again or sexually . But then boom I’m suddenly questioning my sexuality . For weeks I lived in fear that I was changing . Then I found out there was an actual disorder for it . I’ve been trying to better myself but the more I expose to it the more anxiety it brings on . I tried some erp exercises last night and it made me extremely calm ( note : I’m never ever extremely calm) and it freaked me out to the point where I cried for hours because I felt like I was accepting that my life is now this false reality . I just want to feel like myself again . But all I feel is confusion on whether or not I’m straight- bi- gay . It sounds awful to say but I don’t want to be gay . I don’t want to live my life with someone of the same sex . I long for my boy ...my guy . I want to marry him and spend my life with him . But my thoughts constantly keep destroying me . I feel like it’s tearing me apart and destroying me . They say not to use your compulsions but it feels so good to . Accepting that I could possibly be that terrifies me since I’ve always been 100% about my sexuality . I just want to be me , I just want to be with the man of my dreams without all of this coming in and taking over . I won’t allow it .

*vent and extreme sh trigger!!!* i dont understand. i have NOTHING against the lgbt community. if i WAS gay there would be NO problem with me 'coming out'. i know that everyone i know would support me and no one would care. i literally have zero issues or problems with gay people either and am an ally to the lgbtq community to so i know this cant be internalised homophobia but it feels so fucking real. I've taken every sexuality quiz on the internet and they all say im straight. i HATE the idea of having sex with a girl, but my mind says i want it. it makes things up in my past that NEVER happened and makes me feel like i was 'gay' all along. TMI but ive never been turned on by a girl, but i have been for guys. when im horny i want to be with a guy. i have absolutely zero interest in being with a girl but my FUCKING MIND IS DRIVING ME NUTS. my brain tries to convince me i want all of this. i dont. now i feel like thinking a girl is pretty means im gay! i have never felt anything when looking at a pretty girl other than 'omg shes so pretty!' or like 'i wish i looked like that' and now my brain has twisted that into thinking I'm in love with her or something :( i lost most of my attraction to boys and my libido has gone ⬇️⬇️. this is HELL. i try to accept every thought but it makes nothing better. i dont even research anymore. i dont even know if this is even ocd. my mind tells me it isn't and that im just gay, my therapist tells me its ocd. who knows. i dont even have a PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE BEING GAY. it's just with me. it doesnt feel right. i dont want it. **EXTRENE TRIGGER WARNING** read with care please, i dont want to trigger anyone.... i find myself being pissed off way more often recently, for like no reason. like my mum was shouting at me and i just burst into tears and when she left i was literally FILLED with so much self hatred and anger that i got a plastic box and hit myself in the head with it so hard that the plastic cracked down the middle. and when i went downstairs there was a metal skewer that i started carving lines into my arm with until it broke out into hives. I've NEVER done anything like that before in my life. and i nearly wrote a s**cide note recently too. i didn't though. i decided to paint my nails instead. they're ugly and i hate them but at least i didn't do it. i think im going crazy. i dont really know what to do anymore. i hope i gave enough warnings about triggers.

Anyone have any advice to help with groinal responses and gain my full attraction to girls back? Please let me know!Help!

What are you grateful for today ☺?

TW!!!! I don't know why but this post was deleted. Maybe the NOCD think I'm a pedo I didn't go to a psychologist, what if I have the same thing? I was never diagnosed with OCD. (Information from website!!! Sometimes the attraction is expressed compulsively, patients may turn to psychiatrists in connection with complaints of obsessive sexual orientation towards children and adolescents, which is especially activated after drug and alcohol intoxication. The struggle against pedophilic orientation can manifest itself as symptoms of depression. The patient is under 30 years old. I contacted him in connection with complaints of low mood and suicidal thoughts. During a detailed conversation, however, it turned out that about a year ago, pedophile fantasies appeared, initially in dreams, and then in the daytime. Imagines the appearance of a boy with short pants, with whom he enters into a sexual relationship. To combat these thoughts and fantasies, he tried to lead a promiscuous heterosexual sex life, mechanically masturbated, and consumed alcohol. However, this did not help for long, the fantasies again forcibly invaded and finally led him to suicidal ideas. Fantasies are stimulated by children who are seen on the streets, images of TV series, magazine products. Collected these images, but then destroyed them. The condition returned to normal after behavioral therapy.)

I’m thinking of trying weed edibles, but I wanted to ask if anyone here had tried them? What were your experiences like? I’m just a little apprehensive at the moment because I’m concerned I’ll feel more anxiety.

Can someone please talk to me? I really need to talk about my relationship OCD. So on Reddit I posted on an Asperger's sub to get some advice and insight on how I should treat him. There's this lady that keeps saying that since him and I are in our mid teens we won't actually last and that we will be fleeting. I cried reading her messages like it hurts so much because im already so anxious Now I'm obsessed that he is just in an infactuation with me and wants me only for my body like previous guys that have liked me. He told me he really does love me but I can't believe it, I don't know if it's OCD or trusts issues or both. I'm trying to sit with the uncertainty but I end up crying every time I get the thought of actually losing him. I'm trying to do my normal ACT plan but I can't because of stress from school. Please help :(

A bit of a vent with SOCD, ROCD and others I’ve struggled through so many forms of OCD before since I was maybe 11 or 12.. I’m 17 now. Harm OCD and POCD most notably affected me badly. On top of those though, Sexual Orientation OCD has just not let up in previous years. One of my thoughts was like “what if I just have general anxiety disorder and not OCD?” I did some Googling (highly suggest not doing that), and it said that OCD sufferers latch on to unrealistic things whereas with anxiety, the concerns are more realistic. That scared me, because I was like, well then if you just have GAD, that means you really are gay. Most people who suffer with SOCD do not see being gay as wrong. To me the fear and distress is not at ALL the same feeling as fears of killing a loved one or becoming a pedophile, because people all the time struggle with their sexual identity. So in a sense, unlike being a murderer or pedophile, this is something that often happens and isn’t irrational at all, and is not horrific in any way. On a side note, I’m also Catholic, but completely supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. I truly believe love is love and people should just be treated as people. It makes me sad because feeling supportive of the community makes me feel uneasy as though I’d want to identify within the community and am just saying I’m an ally, when I’m in denial. I just want to give my full fledged support without feeling so anxious. Anyways, I think there’s no need for hate 94 bigotry because God created people in His image. But I know not all people who are Christian view that in that way, and this has also triggered my SOCD because I’m like why do I feel so anxious about any religious topics? Is that because I’m trying to justify what’s going in my head so I can come to terms with what my thoughts are saying? And if God creates people in his image, then just come to terms with what your brain is saying you are. I can’t even type everything out word for word because it makes me so anxious. I also feel anxious about future relationships. Whenever my friends talk about a boy or being in a relationship, it gives me this pit of anxiety as though I’m keeping something from them. How do people with OCD even approach relationships? It doesn’t help that I ended talking to someone I was with for so many months because the ROCD/SOCD would not leave me alone and I felt I was being unfair to him. This makes me so sad to post. I feel so tired lol. My first session is on Monday, though, but I’m worried it’ll just bring me to a new found realization of myself that I was running away from. I’m not asking for reassurance, because I know it can be dangerous. But honestly writing this, I probably hoped I would get it. But right now, I think I’d just like some prayer and encouragement.

does anyone have a history of POCD overcoming?

I keep seeing things about how antidepressants and SSRIs long term is dangerous and bad. With post symptoms that sometimes never go away (such as post-med Sexual distinction for life) then I saw this one today while researching meds. https://news.sky.com/story/long-term-use-of-antidepressants-could-cause-permanent-damage-doctors-warn-11688430 I got done with ocd treatment on here and ocd has gotten a bit better but now now what’s left over is my major depressive disorder and I am so depressed that I can’t function and I have lost all hope, can’t survive off of meds but don’t want to go back on because of all the bad shit and having to go through withdrawal again after 2 years on something just to do it all again???? I don’t want to keep trying new meds and new meds and see which one doesn’t effect sex drive and see which one that doesn’t have bad withdrawals or dangers like post chronic symptoms. Clearly they all have risks of chronic issues and I already have enough mental illnesses to deal with I don’t want more issues just bc I need meds to function .. Plus no one ever answers me on here it’s not like I’ll even get a reply to this one either it’s like talking to a wall

I need help, I just canttttt , my thoughtss are going crazy in my mindd????. I always become strong to go through them but in these moments I can not, I just want to cry, I give up as if I have nothing to do with. These thoughts are commanding me??

anyone else feel like they’d be happier if they just lived in a mental hospital or something?

Hi people! Okay so I got this app back almost after a month after kind of beating homosexual ocd. I personally realized something very great about myself and I honestly couldn't be more content. I still have it but it doesn't greatly affect me since now I finally have a boyfriend. Ever since I started a relationship with him, my anxiety and urges to cry have increased. I get these awful thoughts like -what if he leaves you?- -what if he finds a girl prettier than you?- -he is lying just like your previous bf, he will leave you within a month- -you will never last with and only ruin him and his mental health- -Do you really like him? Are you forcing yourself because he confessed to you first?- -you won't defos end up with him- -he is only treating you nice for his own benefit- -he might leave you like the ASD guys you hard about- These are a few I've gotten and Idk if I've developed the relationship theme. For the past few days I've been crying at the thoughts because ik there's an uncertainty and that I might ruin him with my anxiety, OCD and BDD. He has Asperger's and I try my best to not directly tell him about my mental health. I really don't want to stress him with my problems. My thoughts aren't normallu about cheating on him but more on if he likes me truly and if we will ever last I've been reassuring myself a lot and I'm also getting triggered by various things. I'm planning to do ACT for all of this so I hope that helps. Thank you for coming to my rant. I really hope you guys get better. Love y'all ?

Does anyone on here have problems with just intrusive feelings? Like anxiety really bad and you don't necessarily know why you're feeling anxiety. You just know it's super intense. Almost like OCD has given up the obsession. And now you're just feeling anxiety all the time. Any suggestions on how to cope with this? I feel I'm at wits end. Cuz I don't know how to deal with all the tricks that's being handed to me. Please. If you have some good suggestions on how to deal with just the anxiety. Thanks in advance. I tried to observe the feelings and sit with just the feeling of anxiety. But it seems to last so long. I don't know what to do. All day it lasts.

Real Event OCD TW Please help me I dont want to self harm myself As I read an article about sibling abuse I was talking with a guy on tiwtch while I am streaming. I talked about what I did when I was younger with my sister. I abused my older sister as far as I remember. But my mom says : you did nothing and even if you did its in the past. My sister has forgiven me but I cant. I cant even tell what is true or false. I am scared of myself. I hate myself and I want to hurt myself again as self punishment. I will call my suicide hotline in my country its 188 so no need to worry. Somebody help me.

Saw a post about saying stop dehumanizing Hitler just so you can reassurance yourself normal people aren't capable of doing terrible things. This triggered me bad, because of my harm thoughts. I don't want to be anything terrible especially someone like him. My head feels so foggy from thinking

My head has been spinning and it's worse rn. Ive been trying to go vegan/ vegetarian and looked up how to be vegan if you have a dog who eats meat. And it had like two sides, some said switch to vegan dog food to stop farm animal suffering and then others said they let their dogs eat dog food because they are meat eaters. I'm so confused on what to do, my head feels so foggy and my head is racing

Just a quick anxiety episode: I just posted some hw for a psychology class and I think I did a pretty good job. Its been 5 yrs of college and I know my brain is burned out at this time & my expression has been okay at most. I dont ever care about 'likes' or replies but i looked to see how many people commented on my assignment. None. I posted my hw earlier & we all have to reply to 2 others in the class. Then i look over at another student's work and its nicely formated & neat. 4 replies. Suddenly, this anxiety kicks in....her's is better than mine......im not enough....my work is not enough......im not enough.....I know for SURE how to become a better writer. I know how to better my abilities, I know how they've included examples and the text and I know im stressed with finals but this feeling under my rib cage is soft but there. I think, just deep down inside.....whwn faced with my best or 90%, somehow, someway, i dont ever feel adequate.

At this point I feel like it's not OCD. I'm sure I'm bisexual in denial but I cannot accept it. Like my attraction to men has made me semi-even happy at one point and I actually seem to now like the idea of being with a specific guy whereas I hate being with any other guy. And some guys make my doubt my claim of I would never be happy with a man. My mind is saying I only do not want to marry a guy because that's lowkey "basic" and I hate it. I hate saying I'm attracted to men, I hate saying that I am aroused by them, I hate saying that I maybe wouldn't mind having sex with them and maybe even enjoy it despite not being imagine a sexual scenario with a guy that isn't rape, I hate saying that I wanted to kiss a guy. It feels like I'm lying, that this is not me, I would never say those things. And at the back of my mind I feel like homosexuality is my reality. But that's denial. The more I look at those guys I am attracted or was attracted to the more I hate them. And yet, I am not a lesbian. I still do not feel like removing it all from my life. I do not want to drop something that felt so true, satisfying to me but I will have to. It just will take time to finally stop once and for all. I just despise the implication that I could ever be even remotely, 0.1% interested in a guy because it doesn't feel true and yet it is. I only ate one cookie the entire day today. I do not want to be bisexual. I hate being bisexual. I do not want the association that I like men. Even if I do not have to ever be with them I do not like the label. At all. I need help.