Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I'm sorry if posting this seems like reassurance post but I just need to get this out... I googled symptoms of psychopaths again because my mom got really upset and I didn't feel sad or as empathic as I felt like I should. Of course it didn't help. Saw post saying psychopaths fake cry, then got me worried and scared that when I cry it's fake or i don't mean it. It especially makes me think that cause one minute I can be crying and the next just empty. I saw they lack empathy or quilt or remorse. Maybe it's just emtional numb/empty from depression or depersonilzation, but I worry what if i don't truly feel those things? What if I'm a heartless apathetic person? I get scared that what if I can't feel those things? It talked about how they commit crimes and some enjoy causing pain or hurting or even killing others, but I would never do something like that...I'd never find joy In something like that. Another concern is I don't feel I feel things like I should. Most emtions feel empty...I get scared I've forgotten how to feel love, happy, etc. I read about how they don't have a conscience, would someone who is crazy beware they don't have conscience? I'm sorry for all this, It might come off as reassurance and if so, I wasn't trying to..... I just needed to get this out.

guys I’m honestly embarrassed to admit this and I feel really guilty but it’s an unhealthy habit that I think I should deal with. Sometimes, rarely I’ll like sext other strangers cause idk it’s like an escape or something from real life and I always hate myself afterwards, I never show pics or anything but it’s a way where I can feel more safe about getting rid of sexual feelings idk I usually hate the idea of sex cause I have pocd amongst other things and not knowing the other person takes off some of that tension cause I’m not constantly asking myself questions like why are you attracted to them? Etc. anyways I really am just hating myself right now I feel like the worst human ever any advice on this subject would mean the world to me I just don’t know how to deal with myself or forgive myself.

Most of my family doesn’t validate my ocd they don’t believe in it really. My little brother knows that it gets to me tho and he can be quite cruel and today when he was mad he told me I was a psychopath who needed to get checked and I wasn’t normal and that I had anger issues and a lot of other mean stuff. He uses all my triggers against me in fights. He calls me fat cause I’ve struggled with my body image my whole life and was anorexic in middle school, he calls me psychopath knowing I ruminate over the idea in my bed for hours. My dad is the same way and when he gets mad he tells me my ocd is just an excuse or that it’s for attention. I’m feeling very hopeless right now my mind just keeps telling me they are right they are right they are right. Nobody cares and I wish they would just try to understand. Even my mom thinks it’s just an excuse. I’m on some new steroids right now and also my period, and I haven’t slept in days, and the combination is bad so my temper has been short and I’ve been very sensitive to everything and I wish they just understood that and I hate myself for getting overly frustrated over tiny things and I hate myself for getting mad so easily but I wish they understood that I hate it too and I wish they wouldn’t just tell me I’m everything I fear I am when they get mad at me. Just feeling like maybe I don’t deserve life and that no one would miss me if I was gone except my sister who is my only comfort. Maybe I am all the things I hate and don’t want to believe and I’m better off gone they’d be better without me I know it

My mom asked me if I was depressed.. I didn’t know how to answer it so I just laughed it off. I feel like I just lost any chance I had to make conversation of the topic.

As my flight to see my son comes closer, ocd is trying harder and harder to get a hold of me. Ive been a having a hard time. I can't even look at pictures of my son or think of him without gettign triggered. I battle with worrying I may actually want to harm/kill him and I hate it. I feel like Ive failed as a mom, like I won't ever be able to give him the childhood he deserves. I wanna watch him grow and travel the world with him, but I often just wanna stay away to keep him safe. But then I wanna break the cycle, I promised Id give my son Id be involved and be the mom for him I didn't have. But it feels that the more I try, the more I fail. I feel like Im unworthy of him and the world. I look at myself in the mirror and I think to myself that I am a beautiful woman, but none of that matters because Im trash on the inside because of these thoughts. I wanna have a normal life, with my son, and be happy with friends and family. I don't want this to be my life

This is kind of pessimistic, so trigger warning for that. It’s just...endless. I am so tired of fighting the same monster for years upon years. I have good periods, but then a small trigger brings everything down. I try accepting my thoughts. I try not to think about them. I try to talk about them. I try not talking about them. It seems like nothing helps. I still can’t let go of all-consuming fear, shame and guilt over misconstrued memories and what ifs. It’s so hard. I hate it. I’m moving away from my therapist bc of university. Now I gotta deal with finding a new therapist, and I’ll probably have to fight for it. I don’t know if I have the energy to deal with than upon everything else. Anyways, fuck you to my POCD for making a living hell out of my miserable life.

I can't stop thinking about real events from almost 2 decades ago. The guilt and shame are driving me crazy...

Content note: disordered eating Seeking advice I've gained some weight during the lockdown and it's causing me considerable distress. Food and weight are on my mind all the time and I've started obsessively counting calories and weighing myself. I know this is a really dangerous slope but don't really know how to deal with this theme. I'm really distressed about how out of control I am of my own body. Any advice on stopping this in its tracks would be greatly appreciated ?

Hello, I am 17 years old and I have a POCD.I am triggered by the fact that I see various images of female characters from cartoons or anime in the style of rule 34 on the Internet. From this me becomes poorly and I immediately search for how many years this character if less 17 then me becomes very poorly.Help me understand this OCD or not. also I check with women if they look very young I take a screenshot and use the site How old.net to find out how old they are.

I need help. How do I cope with this incest obssession? I cannot stop imagining/thinking about sexual things related to my sibling. They're not just images, they're GRAPHIC. I close my eyes and it's all I can think about because I do NOT want these things. At ALL. Please help. I feel disgusting and tired. I do not want to be thinking about sex ALL THE TIME, especially not with my own SIBLING.

Is it just me or does anyone get mad really easily. Idk I’ve always had that problem since a kid, where I could take a joke or be laughed at because I would constant think about the humiliation and it would anger me. I would try to fight the anger when made fun of but I can’t help it. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.

Is it okay for us to drink alcohol at all? Us as in those with OCD/anxiety issues? When I was 21-22 I would have a drink when going out to dinner with friends, going to a wedding, maybe have a glass of wine at home. Since my OCD onset I’ve completely cut out alcohol and even before that was drinking less just because. However lately I’ve been wondering if it would be okay to have like a mojito during dinner or a mimosa out to brunch once in a while. Is that okay? Or should we avoid alcohol completely for the sake of our mental health? I’m not currently on any medication either so it’s not like it could react with that specifically as well. Any thoughts? Thanks!

My intrusive thoughts around how to perform therapy "properly" are constantly intruding. I try to disregard them & treat them as OCD using acceptance, mindfulness, etc.. I'm feeling hopeless. No matter what I do, my thoughts are always scanning for anything that could be OCD and telling me to go habituate to it. This is awful. If I don't like something, automatically OCD. If I prefer something, automatically OCD. If I have a distaste for something, OCD. If I like something, OCD. Make it the opposite of what you like for exposure. It's invading my whole world. Really tired, at my breaking point. I know a lot of other people are struggling with their own demons & I hate it. I wish OCD, or whatever this incessant, anxious noise is would leave us all alone so we could get some peace and get back to ourselves.

The intrusive thoughts today have been especially severe and gruesome and just terrible and it’s making me feel absolutely disgusting and fueling my self hatred I keep thinking about how i hit my sibling (like siblings do in small fights idk??) and I keep thinking I must actually be a really violent person. It’s just eating me alive I feel like I can’t even be with my family rn I just feel so guilty and like I don’t deserve to be with them. My harm ocd is just so terrible right now why am I having these thoughts?? My compulsions are really bad right now I just keep biting my cheeks and rewinding the thoughts in my head I don’t know what to do. Guys help I don’t know what to do.

Is there a way other than ERP? I would do anything... ANYTHING but not that! ? PLEASE TELL ME IT IS

Pocd- This condition is something I live with it, everyday. I have this crap for 3 years but I only was diagnosed with ocd last year, so for 2 years I thought I was a "p" until I discovered it could be a symptom of ocd. I did somethings in the past that I regret. And because I didn't know I suffered from ocd, I didn't know how to react or what to do, if it makes sense. My disease began in 2017. And it was fairly mild back then. It was a on/off thing. For 2 weeks, my symptoms were activated, I was depressed, sad, anxious, etc. During the off period which was normally months, I would say "I'm not a p. That's impossible" but the disease would stay numb. Unfortunately, my ocd exploded exactly 1 year ago. In to proportions that I never experienced. There's a few stories from my past that are so filled with doubt about what I felt and what I did because I am so afraid I might have been a "p" during these 2 years that my disease was numb. That's how the disease works... Doubt, doubt, doubt. Guilt guilt guilt. I wish my ocd had exploded from the beggining. If it had been this strong from the beginning, I'd have avoided certain things that now I wouldn't be feeling doubtful and guilty over. Fortunately, this past year is well writeen in my head and I know that I didn't do anything wrong in middle 2019- present. However, 2017 and 2018 are very erased in my head. And I'm afraid I did things I have no remembrance over or that I simply am lacking details of. I wish I could erase this 2 years completely. I wouldn't be planning my suicide. I even went to 2 therapists who were little help... Unfortunately....

I wished to change the world I don’t know how the world changed me.

Opinion, please? Y’all I’m getting really sick of this crap. I finally was getting over my harm OCD and was scrolling through TIKTOK, I’m a huge Disney fan, my room is full of Disney stuff. And anyways, these people have a whole like Disney house and I love it. The comments are HORRIBLE. Along the line is “Disney adults scare me.” And how they’re into kids stuff and what not. And that really triggered me and I’m scared. Like I don’t have POCD, I don’t like kids. I just love Disney but it’s making me super anxious and I just want to take down all my Disney stuff and hide it because people might think I like that kind of inappropriate stuff. I don’t it makes me sick to my stomach. But my ocd is trying to trick me into thinking I am ?. It’s already taken so much from me, I don’t want my love of Disney to be taken away too. I want a kid one day, and I want to raise them to love Disney but what if I’m a bad person. I’m already a shell of who I used to be, and I’m a kid at heart. But like I don’t want to hurt kids, I don’t want people thinking I want to. I’m nauseated writing this. Please help. I know I can’t seek reassurance but just I need to know what to do. Do I hide everything away? Am I a bad person?

i want to die. theres no point in me living anymore. why are my thoughts not horrifying me? why do i feel as though i want to be gay? that being straight isn't what i want anymore? why do i feel like im okay with it? i dont want this. im getting to a point where i want to kill myself. i dont want to live anymore. i dont want to live like this again. i hate myself. i dont want any of this. there is no hope for me - for the future. my parents tell me im not trying to get better but every day i try to not end my own life or hurt myself. i almost wrote a suicide note last night, for the third time, 'just in case'. my mother told me if i didn't try and help myself id be living like this for the next seventy years, but i dont want to live for seventy more years. i dont even know if ill make it to the end of this one. ive had enough, i can't take this anymore. i as a person dont want to die, i wanted to live my life to the fullest. but now it feels like theres no hope for me, i just want to make the pain go away. i speak to a therapist but nothings helping me at the moment, maybe it's my mindset. who knows. my parents dont want me on any kind of medication either. can someone give me advice? i dont want to end my life but i feel like it's the only option to stop the pain. ?

Self harm and suicide trigger warning - - - - So I did it again. I don't really feel anything. As I hurt myself I put myself down "I'm only doing this for attention" as I proceed to keep it to myself. I can't get over the shame and the guilt. I need serious help. I hate myself the most for having bodily responses to the intrusions. It if were just thoughts and images then maybe I would have reached out for help. But I'm in too deep. The moment I would mention "feelings of arousal" most people will take this as confirmation that I'm a pedophile despite me never having had these thoughts before. I am passively suicidal. I wish something would kill me. A heart attack, a car accident, cancer, anything. I am so tired.