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the NOCD Community

Hi! I’ve been struggling with HOCD for a while now. It all started after a break up with my ex boyfriend about 2years ago, and I was so heartbroken that I decided I was done with men (lol), despite being attracted to them my whole life. I was scared for a while as I felt my attraction to men was gone, but I slowly forgot about it and moved on to have loads of crushes and heartbreaks. Now, it’s 2 years later and I have found the best man, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For sure. And the HOCD has come back, it’s taking over every one of my thoughts. I can’t do anything without questioning if I’d rather be with a girl, which I know I wouldn’t. I’ve had really close girl friends all my life, and I have never had any feelings for them. Even now when I see them, I have no feelings for them as I am deeply in love. I fear I am in denial and I always will be, even though I have no evidence that I might be bi or lesbian. It makes no sense in my world, and I’ve always been into guys and crushing over guys but my HOCD has made me question all of it and it’s tearing me apart. I am so happy in my relationship and up until about a month ago I hadn’t even thought of HOCD again. Please can anyone help with methods to overcome this and go back to my normal life.

I've wasted the best years of my life 19-25 dealing with HOCD. time I'll never get back and live in regret. I just truly hate my life.

My HOCD is insisting that I have gay sex and that I'll like it, however I've previously always been disturbed at the thought of engaging in it. Idk wtf to do anymore. I'm so over it.

I'm starting to really doubt myself :(

I know I’ve been posting too much. But I have an important message for all my ocd sufferers: do not do ERP before bed. I wanted to do good, but essentially all that anxiety caused a ton of adrenaline so now I’m anxious about never being able to sleep again. I am panicking so bad right now. Does anyone have any advice? No reassurance, just advice. Everytime I lay my head down, I start to panic all over again.

i feel like i obsess over the slightest things that don’t even matter but i feel like life won’t function perfectly unless i catch every little detail.

i just saw a tweet on my timeline but i read it wrong and i read it as “he f*cked a rabbit” instead of “he f*cked like a rabbit” and for some reason the first thing i thought to my self when i read it wrong was “oh so it’s common” and then i took a step back and was like “wait why would i think that? does that mean i think beastiality is okay?” and now i’m really worried that i agree with beastiality somehow and i’m really scared like why would i even think that??? im NEVER EVER had thoughts about beastiality before

I’ve done 4 days in a row with 0 reassurance!! ZERO. I’m kicking butt. It hurts so bad and it’s so hard but it’s worth it. I’m gonna beat this and continue to not give into reassurance because it feeds it. I’m gonna win eventually

For the sake of honesty: My therapist said I don’t actually have OCD. He says basically I have perfection/control issues, and am so afraid of making a mistakes that I ritualize to keep from doing something wrong. I thought that if I *didn’t* strictly meet DSM criteria, it meant there was nothing wrong with me, and that I had to do/avoid all the things my mind told me to. To make it more confusing, my sister who was diagnosed with OCD thinks I have it, and a different therapist who has OCD herself thinks I have it. That said, I’ve come to view it more like a spectrum, and a maladaptive coping mechanism. But, I wanted to throw this out there, because I felt a little dishonest, and wondered if maybe y’all would rather I not be in this community. That said, I know what it’s like to check locks, stoves, ovens, faucets, lights, garages multiple times, to ruminate to make sure I haven’t made a mistake, to worry if I don’t wash my hands enough I will make other people dirty or defiled or dead, etc. I use the principles of ERP (well, try to) and find them helpful. Thanks for reading.

I’m freaking out. I have relationship ocd and for the most part felt like I was doing better but yesterday was my 21st birthday party and I was already scared of drinking cause I felt like I was going to do or say something bad while being drunk. I went kind of hard on the drinking yesterday and ended up blacking out. When I woke up my boyfriend told me what happened and he told me that I called my best friends boyfriend, my boyfriend and that absolutely triggered me. I tried to go around it and he’s like “no you said he was your boyfriend” but he told me he didn’t take it too personal. But now I’m having a mental breakdown cause why the hell would I even say that. So many questions are going through my head and I just want to cry my eyes out.

Hi all, So this weekend I went away with my partner and friends. Friday night I guess I was being spontaneous and took more then the recommended dosage of an edible. Long story short yesterday I was not “present” at all. I was in an out of this high state. Extremely uncomfortable. My anxiety shot through the roof and my body went into complete panic attack. Today, (Sunday) I am still feeling distressed. I feel high still, not alive and really anxious. Is this common worn people who have high anxiety/triggered panic attacks? I think I’m more scared of the outer body I had all day yesterday and not feeling alive.

I just need someone to talk to. I feel so alone and scared and I’m constantly triggered and I just want to stop fighting this daily battle

Regarding false memories, do you think deep down we know they’re false and just struggle because we can’t prove it? Sometimes I’ll think of a real memory,something that I don’t feel that great about but I just somehow “know” it’s true. I think there in lies the difference. Not looking for reassurance but wondering if others have noticed this ?

I have a very strong obsession of wanting everything I do(even though I am doing it privately and no one is watching,everything I think of to be known and recognized by every people I know and people I see as I pass by.and as a solution since this thing isn't realistic my mind start to think about not doing anything usefull when get severe to the extent of not eating so that to make sure I did noting not recognized by others.as u can guess this thing is making my life a mess.can anyone help me??

I'm so sick of this I have real event ocd And I ruminate from the minute I wake up I've discussed on here befor e about one memory I have but now I'm getting another about touching my dog down there, it's not very clear but I feel like I might have tried to rub him in some way to satisfy him. I was an adult and I just cant justify this I cant get my head around if this actually happened but it feels so real And if it is real why did I do it. I'm just so sick of this.

If ERP is supposed to work for any OCD theme, no matter the content, why is ERP actually focused on the content. I understand the therapy method of experiencing your intrusive thoughts/not doing the compulsion, but I'm having a hard time seeing where ERP follows this method.

tried to watch porn as an exposure and now I just feel guilty and like a terrible person

Hi im here to share some of my experiences with hocd in hopes that maybe this will help you.I know this might sound stupid but ive only experienced these hocd symptoms 2 weeks ago and it honestly it ruined me.It all started when i talked to a stranger on the omegle website(sounds stupid i know haha) and they asked me whether or not im gay.That sentence somehow broke me and made me wonder the whole day whether or not i might be bi.Soon after that those thoughts manifested and ended up ruining my whole week.They keep coming up by themselves at random times of the day it felt like it wasnt even me who was thinking of them.Everytime they came i can feel my anxiety and risen and to that point i ended up crying the whole week.I wasnt myself i hated those thoughts all of it didnt felt right.I kept going on online quizzez to reassure that im straight it worked on the first few hours i felt fine but when the next morning came everything got even worse.It was just an endless cycle of 'what would i feel if i kiss a girl?', 'straight people wont question about their own sexuality why are you questioning youself?' 'you felt something when u look at that girl that must meant something'. I felt like everything is so wrong and i wasnt myself.Until one day, i ended up searching for those sexuality quizzez again and i stumbled upon a article about hocd.In the midst of reading it i burst out crying.the article described all my feelings perfectly.Ive always thought something was wromg but i couldnt pin point it out.I got a sense of relieve after it idk whether its reassurance or it felt like finding a solution to a question in exam that makes you couldnt answer when your first read it, but after a while u came back and finally thought of a solution to it.After that i found this app and after that ive cut down of the times im doing compulsions.Even right now i dont feel the need to do any and theres no point to doing it.I felt better.Of course intrusive thoughts still pop up out of no where but i just accept it and let it go.I have a tip idk whether its useful or not but i tried to imagine hocd as a person.A very insecure ***** that was just trying to take away your identity and happiness.So everytime they came i would just tell them that maybe i am bi who knows and just tell them to fxxk off and mind their own business.It felt better for me.Dont let hocd fool you into thinking something you are not.You are the only one who can tell yourself what you are not hocd.And even if u are very confused right now just let it be u dont need an answer right now u already got that answer its just hocd playing tricks againts ur mind making you think that the answer you have right now isnt valid.This was so long omg but i hope it helped you. Dont let hocd take over you you will get out of it soon dont worry ok.Have a nice day :)

Need advise- so I’m 24 have a long history of ocd mostly superstations and worry with obsessive thinking. Under treatment I was able to control it but now it’s been back like another wave. I recently stared going to therapy again. My boyfriend (23) has his own struggles with anxiety and depression but he gets really bad. Like it affects him physically so much. Any one has experience in this? Relationships and dealing with mental health issues? I feel like it’s been a major factor in our relationship. Many times it has been me and my ocd and he is not really good about expressing himself but he is really really depressed (can function) but struggling a lot emotionally for a long time now

does anyone else have this problem where you feel like ur intrusive thought is a “intuition” thing or something “important” or it “has to mean something that im thinking that i did this” even though when there is clear evidence you never did said thing or no memory of it? and then when i try to get over the thoughts my brain just tells me im a bad person for “ignoring” the problem. or that my brain is going to suddenly remember what happened in the future and im just “repressing it”. im so sick of this, i just want to fucking move on with my life already