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Porn and HOCD.... thoughts?

I found this on reddit and it's really helpful for my female HOCD sufferers Credits: @bakesoda17 "It’s so annoying (rant) (TW for talking in detail about my sexuality) I fear that I may be bi even though I know I want nothing to do with the same sex. I only like men and men only, but my mind is making it seem like being with a man sexually won’t be enough for me. I admit I’ve never really stopped looking for reassurance even when I was doing better as I had said in my last post. I guess I’ve been trying to keep reassuring myself that I really am straight and am attracted to men physically. The thing is, I know I am attracted to men. I really think that guys can be so beautiful and hot, but society doesn’t really train us (women and I guess gay men as well) to see them in a sexual way. Society has always sexualized women and has always made us to be the objects of desire (the prizes to be won) instead of men. I think it is because of this and the fact that I was sexually abused as a kid and introduced to porn that way that I’ve been able to become aroused by women’s bodies, on a screen at least. In real life women have never done anything for me and I really don’t think they ever will, but even then my mind tries to convince me that because of my porn habits one day I will actually want to be with a woman sexually. And I do actually find men’s bodies attractive and even arousing to some extent, but when watching porn it’s always been easier for me to get off to looking at the woman instead of the man, and this is what has always bothered me. I’m still a virgin at 21 and I’m afraid that this and (consequently) my HOCD will affect my relationships and sex life one day. I think porn has already done well enough damage to me as I can’t even feel much down there when I masturbate anymore, and porn gets old to me so fast. I don’t know how those people who are addicted to it and watch it for hours at a time do it. I used to be able to get aroused a lot when I was a teenager and would watch porn a few times a week and never really had a problem getting wet, but ever since 2017 (the same year I first got HOCD) I’ve been having these issues. I think this is what has been making me feel less aroused to the stuff that actually aligns with my sexuality (such as solo male videos) than I normally would be, but of course, I can still easily get off to female focused stuff and it disgusts me. I wish this wasn’t me. It makes me feel like I truly could be bi and I’ve even had people on this subreddit tell me that before since apparently “it’s not normal” to be that aroused to something that supposedly isn’t your sexuality. And another thing that bothers me a lot are the people who always go around on the internet and especially on YouTube videos I’ve seen trying to spread the information about that supposed “study” that found that all women are either bi or lesbian. I truly don’t believe that is the case, but I nonetheless get triggered when people try to argue that there’s no possible way that any woman is truly straight. It’s obvious these people have an agenda and are most likely men hoping their lesbian fetish becomes a reality. I’ve also seen some lesbians themselves try to argue that, but it’s obvious as to why. Pride month is this month and I get that this is probably a huge trigger for majority of us with HOCD, but I honestly haven’t been triggered by it so far. What I do get triggered by is what I just talked about and these social competitions where people try to argue which of the sexes is the more attractive one. I hate when people talk about that, it’s just hugely triggering. Of course people always say that women are the more attractive of the 2 genders, but I myself don’t even agree with that. It’s crazy to me because a lot of women agree to that and I think that’s what only continues to fuel the rumors of that supposed “study” being true. I honestly believe that the only reason women are seen as more attractive is because that’s what society has been pushing on us for so long. And I get that there is probably a real important reason for that (reproduction), but it’s still really fucking annoying. I think that if society would sexualize men just as much as they did women then I probably wouldn’t even be like this right now."

I'm having a hard time figuring out the difference between a trigger, obsession & exposure. I enter my obsession, sometimes I don't even know what the trigger is, but then I'm not sure what to do for an exposure. The response prevention part makes sense to me though.

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling lately with something I never have before- doubting my Christian Faith. I’ve struggled with religious OCD for a while now so I guess it makes sense that this would eventually happen, but it’s still super difficult. I spent the past couple of days constantly google searching evidence for God, Jesus being God, why the Bible is true, etc., but every time I find something that makes me feel better, I keep looking and find someone who doesn’t believe in God arguing against the point that was made. I talked with my therapist today and I’m working on cutting down the compulsive googling, however I’m struggling with the thoughts still being stuck in my head that say I don’t actually believe in God and that it’s just something I’m telling myself. I’m mostly scared that if I don’t keep on reminding myself why I believe in God, I will eventually stop believing. If anyone is currently struggling with this or has overcome it and has any advice or stories of hope, I would greatly appreciate it.

another intrusive shameful memory popped up. a couple years ago while my family was staying in a hotel, i put the covers over me and took nudes under the covers while my brother was in the room. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED literally he didn’t see a thing and didn’t even know what i was doing. i just feel so gross about it cause he was in the room while i did it.

Someone help I’m scared and alone ?

I feel like the real event that lead to my anxiety and intrusive thoughts is too horrible of a mistake to classed as real event ocd. I only remembered the event about 4 months ago, it happened when I was 13 and I have no idea why it hasn’t bothered me for the last seven years. For the most part I genuinely think that I have ocd because I started experiencing unwanted thoughts since I remembered the event and have been put on medication for depression. Even though I can see that my behaviour lines up with ocd, I don’t feel like the guilt is excessive given the situation. Whenever I see anyone talk about their real event it always seems so tame compared to mine and it makes me feel like a horrible person.

Hello, I joined here like seconds ago and started reading everything on community page and what can I say - at least we are in this together. But I really feel alone sometimes and I feel like I'm crazy or like the only one on this planet with such thoughts. As long as I can remember myself i was always scared. Not like heights, physical things or going on a crazy adventure. I was and still am a pretty adventurous person. I was scared mostly when I was alone. For example, when I was younger ghosts or something like that. And I always thought that I will grow out of it. I'm 20 now and I'm still scared of something bigger than me, I feel like something strange will happen if I dont do things that my mind tells me. There was a time when It got better and I wasn't so afraid, but for the last couple of months it's been the worst. I cant even go out for a run because I know that when I get home I will have to go through the hall way to my flat and im scared. Almost every night my boyfriend walks me to my door. I feel stupid and ashamed. I dont know what to do. I cant control these thoughts. While writing this I had like 5 of them. In the evening its always worse. Is there anyone like me? I really feel lost and alone..

So I just learned about romantic and physical bisexuality and I’m a little worried. I like guys and always have (though I doubt it a lot) and would prefer to have sex with one. I’d want to marry one too. But I find women sexually attractive. I just don’t wanna have sex with them. I don’t think I’ve ever found one romantically attractive either. My TOCD plays into this a lot too saying if I were a guy, I would want to have sex with a woman, which is hard. Like, I don’t want to have sex with a woman as a female, but I would as a guy? Idk, I think too much! I just worry I have internalised biphobia and I’m afraid to come out. I’d be worried my friends would think of me differently. But at the same time, I don’t even know if I am bi so why would I have to come out? It’s just weird because OCD is playing into it but I’m worried it’s also partly not OCD.

Hi there.. i have been dating a guy for 4 months and i think i lied about my work position .. i work with a company and the director refers to me as his assistant and leaves everything in my hands when he is not around. I do part of the director's work. I told this guy i have been dating that I'm an assistant director since everyone refers to me as the director's assistant and I'm not an assistant that makes him coffee or book him meetings. As i said i do part of the director's work and help in a few but not all the decisions of the company. And now I'm feeling guilty and thinking of every lie i ever told to anyone before and feel shameful. Can someone give some tips.of how i can cope pls ?

I can’t do this anymore. My ocd convinces me I’m a racist, a psychopath, a weirdo. I hate myself so much I don’t even know if I have ocd or I’m just a terrible person. I need help and I can’t get any.

I believe I’ve developed a new theme about worrying about having contracted HIV. At least 3 if not 4 months ago my penis touched the rim of the bowl at my college dorm bathroom and since then I haven’t stopped worrying that I may have contracted the virus. No matter how irrational the fear is, and how unlikely that scenario is, I can’t stop reading on symptoms and WebMD. I donated blood recently and haven’t gotten an email saying they used my blood yet which has made me worry. I know they test for it

Can't get a hold on whether I did something or not. So I go like: if you accidentally did it, forgive yourself and move on. So did I do it? No, I didn't do it. So there's nothing to forgive and I have been worrying over nothing. But if I did it? Nonstop!

Need to talk someone, hocd pls ?

I’m going to share my experience with hocd I think or not: About a year ago I was laying in bed and a random question came into my head which said “your gay” the. I was like what if I then my anxiety went through the roof then next Morning I forgot about it. Next I was getting to know this girl who I really liked and we spoke for months then suddenly she was not interested which then made me question myself and then got depressed. These question were is it because I’m ugly, am I weird, does she think I look gay, oh god what if I am and that’s when this started. I will get images of gay sexual acts which would distribute me and give me anxiety all day, from then until now I always get the thoughts and which give me anxiety, seeing gay stuff on tv gives anxiety so I can’t watch or do certain things, these thoughts or real life things give me groinal which is the worst and it feels like it’s on fire but is not full erected. I’m on google everyday doing research even at work when I suppose to be working, get dreams which when I wake up disturb me but I’m the dream I don’t know. Even when the thoughts go I always have this feelings of uncertainly which just invites the thoughts in. Pls help us this hocd or denial

Has anyone work with Sam Greenblatt or with Dr. Steven Phillipson's clinic? I would like to know if I was the only person with a poor experience.

I had a idea for the people who suffer with real event ocd..how about we make a group chat on instagram or something to talk to each other. Not everyone understands real event ocd which I understand and some of us are very lost because of this. If anyone is interested let me know :)

Does any one have any advice. Whenever I do imaginal exposures I don’t feel anxious I just feel sad and scared. I haven’t felt anxious constantly for a while. What shall I do? I don’t really know of any other exposures... they just make me think “this is just imaginary not true” so it doesn’t do enough for me. And now I’m kinda scared that I don’t feel anxious all the time. My heart just drops when I get the thoughts and that’s it. I feel sad and scared after

I’m struggling with doing ERP with my rOCD right now. I feel like I have no loving feelings toward my fiancé, and if those feelings are so fickle, maybe we shouldn’t be together. What if I have rOCD AND am in the wrong relationship? Although I guess there is no WRONG relationship as long as there are no major red flags (which there aren’t). But maybe I just don’t want to be married to him? Today I feel annoyed by everything he says and does. I hate having to go through this all the time. I feel so tired.

How have you guys dealt with your stickiest / most long lasting theme? For me this is HOCD; I had other themes popping up in the last few months but I was able to get past them quite quickly with acceptance and a sort of shrugging manner, like ‘the probability of this happening isn’t enough for me to waste my time obsessing over’. However HOCD has always been different, it was what started my ocd and what I obsessed over for a year before discovering I had this disorder, and it often feels like when I decide not to obsess over it, I’m just sweeping the issue under the rug and not thinking about it. I’m better with a lot of the triggers but the big ones, like ‘comphet’ and my relationship nerves, are so hard to ignore. A part of me is always saying ‘you’re just ignoring this, you shouldn’t be!’. This is always been the theme where I find it so hard to distance myself from the content and look at it from an ocd perspective because when something relates to your identity say, I find it harder to ignore than obsessions about health or existentialism for example.