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the NOCD Community

I always think that when I give someone something, like cash to a cashier, a card, something like that, that it has something bad on it. Like some secret I know about them, something where I talked or wrote something bad about the person I gave it to you, and they’ll be mad. It makes it very hard to send mail, or give anyone anything. I worry for hours they’ll see it and hate me.

This is quite a private thing to say here but recently I can no longer wear tampons because my anxiety kicks off as I can’t stop thinking about infections or it getting stuck when I’ve got one in.

I’ve just downloaded the app because I’ve had a very bad break down in front of my best friends because of a trigger regarding a social obsession that I have a lot of trouble with. And I regret that this isn’t the first time but it’s been a little over 6 months since the last one in front of them. This break down has caused a lot strain between us, and they feel as if I’ve unfairly blamed them for something even though I’ve tried to explain that I understand my emotional reaction was not rational given the situation, and that I don’t in fact blame them for anything and that I feel horrible for the situation itself and not being able to be normal during it rather than them. I think it’s difficult for anyone without OCD to understand how this feels so I can’t blame them for being upset with me. My question to anyone who doesn’t mind sharing is, if anyone has had a lot of strain caused on the relationships with your loved ones, were you able to repair it? And if so could you please give me tips on how you managed to explain your situation to them?

Why do you think OCD is so misunderstood? We wrote a good post on this topic:

I’m tired of no one understanding what being obsessive means, as well if their hurtful judgements and lack of comprehension about our behavior ignoring completely that we are only doing our best... ironically our best..

Hi EVERYONE. My FIRST post on here. I follow and participate in all treat my ocds pages. They are GREAT. The severe onset of my ocd started when my father had a severe heart attack 16 years ago and I almost lost him. I then started incessantly worrying about his safety and texting and calling him constantly. My obsessions then also turned in compulsions and doing things to counteract my thoughts thinking it if I didn’t do those things that my father would die. It lasted for approx 10 years. Then it turned into worrying about my spouses safety. And overall I began obsessing about death, safety, and fire. I’d constantly check things. About 3 years ago I started going to therapy and taking a low dose of lexapro. It started helping slowly. The only problem was that I found that once I was able to rid of those obsessive and intrusive thoughts, new ones arose. I then became obsessive about other things and very anxious. For instance, if I’d text my best friend and she didn’t respond, I’d think I said something wrong and she was mad at me. My brain would race until she texted me back thinking I did something wrong or if I couldn’t take the anxiety anymore I would text again and then say something unintentionally to get her upset or frustrated. I almost lost her friendship multiple times. She encouraged me to go back to therapy and learn coping skills and gain confidence in the good person that I am. I am grateful that she is in my life and such a strong support system for me. It has been a tough friendship but she helps keep me in check and has taught me that sometimes people can’t answer “on my time” or as fast as I “want”. We had a long talk one day, and when we got a mutual understanding of each other and each other’s lives, everything changed for the better/ when she realized that my obsessive nature wasn’t geared towards her but rather an obsessive nature in general it made her feel better. Sometimes we fixate on people or things for an unknown reason. I’m happy to say I’m 90 percent better thanks to therapy and my friends help. I still worry and my brain still races at times but I have learned how to better cope and when that doesn’t work, I get ahold of my friend and she calms me down. A great support system is key. It’s such a great help. If the stigma of ocd wasn’t derogatory or looked upon as either a fictitious disorder, I would have seeked helped sooner but the fear of being mocked was overwhelming. Especially being in the psychology field, and seeing and understanding many disorders, I see what people deal with every day. It’s easy for outsiders to judge. We have to be strong and remember that we may have ocd but ocd doesn’t DEFINE US! Be strong everyone!!!!!

Greetings! This is my first post and I thought I’d take a quick moment to introduce myself. I am a 41 year-old male from the United States and I have been living with OCD since first being diagnosed at age 11. My symptoms were light and manageable until I reached my mid-to-late teens and my parents marriage went through turmoil. Before I knew it, I was plagued by contamination thoughts. I was afraid of contracting HIV through contact with stray, used hypodermic needles. That one plagued me for a lot of years (and continues to do so to a lesser extent than it did when it first originated). In conjunction with that, I also developed Pedophilia OCD. It was pretty benign for a lot of years, and then about 5 years ago it came on with a vengeance. It was around this time that I first attended therapy which focused on treating the OCD symptoms through ERP. Unfortunately, the two therapists I had weren’t very good at administering the therapy, but I was fortunate enough to be introduced to it. About 3 years ago I developed Harm OCD. Much like the PedophilIa OCD, the Harm OCD focused not on the potential that I could do harm to someone, but, instead, it focused on the “what if” I did something in the past and I suppressed it. I can’t tell you how many hours over the past five years I have mentally reviewed (to the point of exhaustion) certain moments of my life to gain clarity (read: “certainty”) about what actually happened just to feel better. Does anyone experience OCD in this way? Does anyone else worry they’ve done something bad in the past that will eventually catch up with them in the future? I’m not looking for reassurance here, just to know that I’m not alone, and maybe learn how to cope a bit better with it on the difficult days. As far as what I’m doing to manage the OCD today, I’m really digging in and just beginning to understand ERP and ACT. I would like to adopt those therapies and embody them (along with other healthy habits) because I really do want to commit to recovery. Thank you all very much for reading my story. I look forward to getting to know everyone and being part of a healthy community.

Feeling so low right now. If only was a switch to turn my brain off! Coming up to swim. Week isolated and trying to work my feelings out and still no closer! My partner been so patient as I can’t even see it speak to him, but I just don’t know how I feel! About anything! No answers have come from my time alone, another counselling session tomorrow, if only they could climb in your head physically and extract all the negative and constant worry and fear and am I doing the right thing? What if am not! What if I was but now regret it! Hell I can’t even choose something to wear as it’s to tough a decision! Stay in pjs or throw first thing handy to out daughter in school! No pride in my appearance at mo! Usually made up etc but don’t even know where my make up is it’s been so long! I feel so alone and unable to process and talk! Smiling for the children is draining! But necessary! This time of night is the worst! Xxx how is everybody else doing? Xx

For those with relationship OCD, how do you distinguish what’s “real” and what’s not? I’m new to discovering that I have ROCD, and I don’t know how I will know if there are “real issues” if I obsess over everything.

How did everyone’s day go today? It can be a strange life living each day with OCD, that’s for sure. It feels good to know that there’s others here in this group who understand though..

Does anybody struggle with POCD? I’m putting things into place lately to let my thoughts be there and not having to listen to them and I do admit I feel a little better and the thoughts are less and anxiety it less when I’m around people but there’s an urge in the back of my mind to ‘make sure’ and to think and analyse about things just to ‘check’ I definitely know for certain that this isn’t true, this is making recovery quite hard! Any tips please? Also I find sometimes reading things on google can be unhelpful and disheartening, which I need to stop doing! Thanks for reading ?

I’m 44 and suffered from OCD all my life that I can remember. I have intrusive thoughts almost all the time. These range from killing myself in many ways to killing others in many ways. It’s hard when talking to people as I see myself harming them or something happening to them all the time and sometimes I get distracted within then thoughts. I feel alone as I don’t think others understand and I do tend to not tell many about this side of my OCD. (Although i still have many people thinking it’s all about cleaning and washing my hands thanks to the media picking this type of OCD to use witch is about 10% of OCD sufferers have) I sink deep into my mind and often can feel myself slipping away as the voice in the back of my mind tells me to harm myself or worse. I’m not sure why I’m writing this I’ve tried seeking help and just been told that they are not equipped to handle my form of OCD and moved me on to another waiting list for another department or place to go to. I have started a YouTube channel in the hope of others getting involved and maybe telling people how they suffer and it’s not just all about the cleaning side of things. Not sure if this makes any sense as my OCD voice restricts me from saying many things I want to as well as doing things I want to. Thanks for reading if you managed to get this far.

I have POCD. Does anyone else have this too? I have a son, he’s 8. It started when he was 4. Hasn’t stopped since.

My next project I’m working on for myself: saying “no” to others and setting limits on people walking over me. I am a HUGE people pleaser. It was actually part of my treatment because I wouldn’t be able to speak my mind. At my worst I was about to pass out but couldn’t suggest to the group that I needed to sit down. I have come a LONG way. But lately, now that I live in New York City and have people that want to come visit (which I LOVE!) A few friends will drag me around because I can’t say “no” One friend came to visit this week while I have 10 pages of my thesis due on Monday. She promised she wouldn’t interrupt. She comes and after a fun full day and seeing Jimmy Fallon, she wanted to smoke a cigarette. (I don’t smoke) She asked if I would come with her first before going to write my paper. (She knows school is my biggest struggle with my OCD) I hesitate and say “I really need to write my paper” (yay me!) but then she gets annoyed and says “I’m afraid security will say something and I can’t do it alone with my anxiety” I really wanted to say “What about my anxiety? I can’t go down. It’s as simple as that. Either you go by yourself or you’re not smoking. I’m not going to just stand outside” But I didn’t. I told her security wouldn’t say anything. They have your ID. But she said she can’t do it. And what do I do? I say “fine” go out with her. She then asks if it’s fine if she smokes a 2nd cigarette, which I say fine even though I was shocked she would make me wait even longer. We go upstairs and I have a very mini meltdown alone in my room because of my anxiety on my paper because now 1.5 hours went by. I have another friend who makes excuses to have things go her way, and I just don’t have it in me to say “well, I guess you won’t come to visit then because I can’t do that” I don’t see her often because of this fact. I don’t understand how people are just inconsiderate and disregard people who are already going out of their way to make them happy. Having it happen twice this week, I’m done being pushed around. At least in theory I am. We’ll see how I do saying “no” ? Sorry for the mini rant! My next post should actually be helpful. I’m going to post some of the material I received from treatment on my blog and post the link if anyone wants it ???

So since I got asked to share my ROCD story I figured I would for my peeps out there for some encouragement. So growing up I was a romance fanatic and always loved the idea of falling in love with a boy and getting married, etc. I’m a hopeless romantic is basically what I am/was ?, I dated a boy from being 8-13 and he was all I knew for so long and ya girl was INFATUATEDDD. It ended on good terms but after that it was my first heartbreak bc I had known him for most of my childhood and also bc I was attached to him bc of this. So 9 months later I’m moving on and I’m getting cute lil crushes on boys still doing the do and I met my boyfriend in 8th grade PE and we slowly began to like each other until we admitted we liked one another to one of our best friends. So fast forward about 3-4 months and stuff is fine and I feel like I’m falling in love with him, at this point we’re both 14 and had been dating for about 3-4 months like I mentioned. I was enjoying everything about us and things were fine until one day I felt kinda off and had my first intrusive thought which was “what if I lose feelings for him?” So this started the ocd cycle, I’d write love notes for reassurance, I cried myself to sleep bc I had all these intrusive urges and awful thoughts. It was quite hard to grasp at the time, I do remember scrolling around on the internet one day and stumbling upon articles for ROCD. I clicked on it and realized I had it. It all made sense. So my mindset was “okay, let’s recover so I can love him again” which is a fairly decent mindset ?. But I didn’t know how to deal with it. I struggled with this on and off for 2 months until HOCD came. I just walked into my kitchen and got a random intrusive thought of me playing with Barbie dolls and making the two girls kiss, it was like when I was in elementary school. So I had the thought of “did I turn gay or am I gay?” It was something like that and it began, I realized within the same day I had HOCD bc I remembered an article being written about it on the same website as ROCD. So again I’ve battled this for a long time. The summer and everything made it awful, I used to lie about my age when telling people about my ROCD bc you never see people who are 14 with it, I didn’t wanna hear “you guys will break up anyway, high school relationships don’t last only 2% last” etc etc. I now know I can’t rely on statistics to make my relationship work bc I used to worry about that all the time. ROCD and HOCD recovery is difficult bc love and sexuality are weird. It’s not that difficult to grasp, but weird. I’m gaining more of who I am back after god damn years of this hell. And my boy and I are gonna move in together when we save up enough money for an apartment. I now know that love is so much more than infatuation and butterflies , it’s in the actions you take and the stuff you do. Love is something you create with another person. And with sexuality, the stuff I worried about that I thought “made me gay” or “proved” anything was merely me being a kid and letting my sexual mind develop/curiosities. Currently my boyfriend and I are happy but we have fights like any other couple. Anyway for ROCD don’t let the ocd take you away from your love, you will get your life and your love back, I promise ❤️❤️. And with HOCD do not give up. You will get your sense of self back.

I have been in treatment for OCD ever since i was diagnosed with it about a year and a half ago and my OCD improved massively before having a major relapse just under a year ago. My OCD is now so complex that my CAMHS team can’t help me and so they have referred me to a specialist OCD team in one of the most famous psychiatric hospitals in the UK. I’m not sure that this new treatment is going to work and although i know it’s too early to tell as i am only going to start it soon (roughly a month or two) but my OCD has me very tightly and i know with certainty that i will not be ready to engage in treatment when that time comes around. My OCD stops me from being able to speak or even move/blink/breathe on bad days when i am in treatment (i can usually talk and move in every other situations apart from when with mental health professionals or talking about my mental health with any sort of adult). Does anyone have any tips to helping me be able to engage as currently it seems impossible and does anyone have any ideas of what i can do/what will be done with me when my 12 week treatment with these specialist is up (that i’ve been waiting for for 6 months) if this doesn’t work? My OCD also effects my life in such a massive way it has led me to develop depression and an eating disorder and have struggled with suicide attempts etc so it is important i am treated. Thank you

So I’ve been counting for a while now and by counting I mean like I blink 6 times or take 6 steps or breath in 6 or hit back space on my phone 6 times. I have also developed a sort of fear of germs and I can’t touch people skin to skin and I can’t tell if this is ocd or if I’m just making it up. I read a book about a girl with ocd and she had similar symptoms so I can’t tell. I’ve also been having a hard time with going outside and trusting people and such because I’m always worried I’m going to die or that I’m being watched. And I can’t really eat out because I think they poisoned the food. Is this ocd? Any opinion would be great! Thank you :)

anyone get paranoid when things are going well that you anticipate something bad?

Need some advice here. I never go to therapy and was on Zoloft for a few years. I was able to push myself through anxiety and did well in college despite all those worries. Now I am working as a translator in a large company. My OCD has ups and downs and is getting better over time. But now, I am in the down period and I took 3 weeks off work. My job is stressful but I managed to handle it. Recently, I don’t really want to stay in the company cuz my anxiety is high when I am working. When I am in the company, I worry a lot. (For example, I worry I can’t focus or I can’t do my work). Lot of stuff are in my head and I don’t feel good. I am afraid things are getting worse. Deep in my heart, I prefer to stay at home. But then, I will lose my income. And I feel I am getting weak if I resign. Should I resign?

Hi, so I’ve recently found out that asking for reassurance isn’t a good way to help OCD (that’s understandable), and I was wondering to what extent is reassurance bad? Eg, reassuring yourself that things will be okay, or that some of the things you obsess over are untrue and aren’t helpful things to think about? I probably sound a little stupid so apologies! I’m just unsure as to what is healthy and what is not! (Sorry if this is confusing, I have just splatted my thoughts down!)