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the NOCD Community

I started a new journal. I have this thing with new journals is that they have infinite possibility for expression and creation. I want to arrange the whole thing, my experience about when I write/draw, the category of whatever I record or create. I want to anticipate whether or not this is private or something to be shared. If it is useful. If it is benign. And I also remember previous journals and experiences. Instead I do nothing stare at it, think about doing something, start and then hate it. Mostly I do nothing. And then I turn to compulsive cycling for however long. I feel sad about creating nothing. But creating is often also a path to further cycling. So avoidance etc. etc. etc. thanks for listening. The birds outside are a good distraction. Sigh.

I can’t believe OCD kept me from celebrating my birthday today. Well, technically yesterday. I’m so afraid of contaminating myself with my cold sore that I wouldn’t go out and do anything because I wouldn’t wear my hair down or put on makeup in case it spread to my eye. I feel defeated.

I'm in need of some advice. It's about skin picking/biting. So I've always been nervous & anxious, even from a very young age. I just recently turned 23. Anyways, I've always had the bad habit of biting my nails, but that stopped a long time ago. Then I moved onto biting the skin around my fingernails as well as picking it. I was able to stop at one point, but I'm right back at it again. I was on meds for about 1.5 years but came off of them at the end of 2015. I didn't even realise that my OCD was basically gone until I stopped the meds and it came back full force and then some. Coming off of my meds really messed me up because my depression and anxiety came back and got even worse which in turn made my OCD worse as well. So of course I started to pick and bite my fingers again & I haven't been able to stop since then. It's very embarrassing & I'm always trying to hide my hands. They bleed, they're red, and they hurt really badly but that just stresses me out more which causes me to pick more. It's a never-ending cycle that I can't get out of for anything. Does anyone have any tips on how to quit this compulsion? It's ruining my life & I'm not sure what to do. I've tried bandaids, cotton gloves, manicures, stress toys, stress balls, having a friend call me out on it, I'm so stuck. Thank you in advance.

I didn’t know there were guidelines to follow on this app. Apparently I’ve been breaking all the rules and didn’t know it.

So sorry if this is a trigger but does anyone feel the need to have to know why a murderer killed someone? One of my thoughts is that I’ll become an unexpected murderer (or that I already am one I just haven’t done it yet) and hurt people I love. The guy in the US who has just been sentenced for killing his wife and little girls and I’m desperate to find out why he did it. I know there can be many reasons, but I’m really struggling to understand how something can lead you to do that and I’m so worried that that could happen to me, and something could trigger me to do something awful. :( what Would you guys do in these situations?

Can anybody share their success story for overcoming their OCD? Not asking for reassurance, but just looking for some positive recovery stories to instill hope!

Im struggling with my memory a lot lately. It’s triggering health ocd concerns and causing some depression. Im trying to remain accepting of the uncertainty that I could have early onset Alzheimer’s. But it’s depressing not knowing if it’s because my mind is just too clouded and by getting better with ocd i can begin to have a stronger memory, or if none of this will really be worth anything if I begin losing the ability to access my memory at all. I feel so hopeless!

I told my close friends about my OCD a few months ago and they were really supportive at first however there is this one girl who is really horrible about it. She tells me regularly that I should ‘just stop’ and that if she had OCD, she would just find a way to turn it off which makes it seem as though I am making my problems up! As well as this, she will often laugh at me for doing my compulsions even though I have explained to her on numerous occasions what they are and why I need to do them. Does anyone have any ideas about how to explain to her why I am like this? I feel like I have tried everything! Any advice would be greatly appreciated ☺️

I was doing exposures and someone said something about ‘being bisexual later in life’ and I spiked so badly. But I thought hang on if I’m bisexual it’s a relief COS I CAN STILL BE WITH MY BF WHOM INLOVE AND JUST IGNORE WHATEVER THE F IM SUPPOSED TO FEEL WITH girls THEN I spiked hard going wait why do I feel relieved?! Can I really be bi?! And then freaked out and cried... when do people know they’re bisexual? Not asking for reassurance more just education so I can continue with ERP

My husband was worried about me today and called 911. The police slammed through the door, ripped me out of bed where I was trying to sleep it off and handcuffed me in front of my kids. They then placed me in an ER room stripped of everything and treated me horribly. I wasn't even allowed food for almost 10 hrs and I had not eaten today. Is this all normal protocol? It makes me feel even worse about mental healthcare in the US. Worst part was I was given no help, just asked questions and eventually let go. I'm on the way home now. I feel violated, mistreated and scarred for life. If I didn't feel crazy before, I sure do now :(

Feeling Very anxious. A knot in my stomach. Nausea. I have religious ocd. Sometimes I feel like iam a fake christian. Doubting. Confused. Weak. I think that I was misdiagnosed and that I don't really have ocd. Only i AM really bad

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. I currently still live with my parents and him with his. He moved a few states away a year ago and only stayed here because he says he fell in love with me. Now he wants to move back and he’s trying to convince me to with him. It just feels like a huge step. And I’m not sure I’m ready which I’m trying to tell him but he is not happy here. We are both in our late 20’s and both want to be away though. Idk sometimes I feel like he isn’t what I want. But then idk if that’s part of OCD. Maybe a mix of that along with generalized anxiety over constantly believing I make the wrong decisions about everything. I feel like we’re going to eventually break up because we’re not similar enough but know he would never and it would end up being me doing it so I should just do it now, but then never do because I don’t want to be without him. Idk maybe it’s because he’s my only friend? Maybe I’m way overthinking like I do everything. It’s hard because I don have any real friends. I’m starting to make work friends but that would end if I moved away. Which makes me sad because I’m feeling less utterly alone. But then I think this may be the perfect time in my life to do this because I don’t have friends and haven’t in years and shouldn’t avoid moving because of the friends I’m just starting to make, because I could make friends somewhere else too. And this is my chance to start over I’ve always just wanted to start fresh. Thoughts?

(Were my ocd started) This is my story of how my ocd started Gets super deep and makes me extremely upset to talk or think about but some of you my relate or could give me tips on how to get out of this. So going way back to me being around 4-5 years old my mom and dad split I had a baby sister on the way and this is also around the time I started getting sexually assault by two family members this went on for years and when I was around 7 I got assaulted by another family member the other to were there to Watching and forcing me to do stuff my family was just down stairs I wanted to scream I wanted to run and hide but there was no escaping it they would threaten and scare me so I didn’t tell when I was around 8 an a half or so the other to had stoped and it was only one of my family members assaulting me I felt so alone the assault went on for years until I was around 11 and he moved out I tryed to forget about it my ocd behaviours started happening around the age of 8 but it was just me always needed reassurance and counting my mom would just tell me I worried to much I started developing more ocd habits as I time went on I would have to call my mom over and over to make sure she was ok I would do things is fours cause it was my lucky number and if I didn’t bad things would happen and so on, after the abuse stopped my life didn’t get better I still felt so much stress and sadness around 12 I had surgery I wasn’t expecting it so it made me realize bad things can really happen and I can’t control it so my ocd was getting worse and worse everything had to be just right if something bad happened to me What ever clothes I was wearing when it happened I couldn’t wear it again counting just being scared to live , as the years when on it got more severe around the age of 14 I stopped eating anything from home I was scared something was in it or someone put something in it I would eat one meal a day and it was usually pan cakes from McDonald’s cause I thought those were safe I lost a lot of weight and got sick my mom was scared for me and would force me to eat I was scared to leave the house to wear certain clothes I had to say “good night I love you see you in the morning” to my mom every night over and over again until it felt right and I would knock on the floor until it felt right I developed serve ocd about leaving the house meeting knew people eating going outside windows anything that I felt I could get harmed I wouldn’t do I would wash my hands until they would bleed. At 15 I moved out of my moms house and into my girl friends because my abuser had moved back in and I was so scared to live with him I couldn’t handle it any more I told my mom moved out and started going to therapy. Sorry if this is all over gone place I’m kinda a mess right now there will be a part two later !

I’m extremely depressed and exhausted and my anxiety is getting worse. Please don’t judge me. It’s extremely embarrassing but I applied for ssi (I was told I don’t qualify for ssdi), I’ve been contacting the state for assistance but each time they tell me I have to wait for the homebound unit to contact me. The person I’m staying with can no longer support me, my parents have both died, all my relatives are in a different country and my sister literally told me she doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do. There’s no way I can move for various reasons, I’ve moved a lot in the past and made my mental illnesses worse, let alone get out of bed. I can’t even get therapy because I don’t have insurance and even if I did they won’t pay for more sessions. I’ve had some freelance work but some didn’t pay me. I feel so cornered, desperate, ashamed, embarrassed. Can anyone point me to the right direction?

Is this ROCD?? My OCD revolves around thoughts of my ex boyfriend getting with my best friend. Different scenarios and thoughts play in my mind but it’s always that ONE idea in the background of these thoughts: that they would end up liking each other. Nothing in real life indicates this, my bestie would NEVER get with someone I like/ have talked to and my ex is with someone else now. Yet these thoughts bring extreme jealousy and anxiety that I scream and cry. She’s the type of bestfriend that’s like a sister. She hates anyone who hurts me & is down to fight ANYONE who is even slightly mean to me. It’s embarrassing that I have these distressing thoughts of them getting together cuz she would rather jump off a bridge than get with him and he wouldn’t go for her. Also, I am moving on with another guy so why is my mind still giving me thoughts about my ex?? I want to forget him so bad but OCD keeps sending me thoughts of him. My OCD theme is magical thinking, but I’m wondering if these thoughts have elements of ROCD??

My boyfriend freaked out when he found out I had OCD. He never looked at me the same way again. He broke up with me a few days after - we had been dating for 2 years. Has this happened to anyone? How did you cope? It’s been a few years since this happened and I still feel so embarrassed to this day.

I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt surrounding my OCD. I feel as if I’m failing my family and that I’m just a burden to everyone because of it. I recently started Prozac again and that only makes me feel worse. I’m 17 and I’m an only child. I hate that my parents’ only daughter is crazy. I don’t know if I’m becoming depressed but I’m too embarrassed to bring it up to anyone. I don’t want to draw anymore attention.

Have you had a moment where your rituals were justified? Few years ago, I was doing my compulsions of checking everywhere I went. Every few steps I walked, I’d look back to see if I had dropped anything (out of fear of losing things). One night I was walking a familiar street on my way to my friend’s apartment. From the subway station it was only a few blocks and I was used to that area I didn’t think twice to ask my friend’s boyfriend to come get me. So I was walking and looked back a few times when I noticed a man behind me. I started to feel nervous so I stopped and let him pass by. He passed by but then started walking towards me. He started talking to me and I pretended I didn’t understand English. A minute later he walked away towards the direction I was trying to head. When I didn’t see him anymore I started walking. I was still looking back to check if I had dropped anything. After a block when I looked back there was that guy again. I crossed over the street just to give him the benefit of the doubt but I was wrong. He followed me and crossed the street. That’s when I called my friend’s boyfriend. So see how my compulsion was justified? Even though it wasn’t helping me for my original intentions, it could’ve saved my life.

Hello! It’s my first time using this app. About to get really personal. I’ve struggled with OCD for a long as I can remember. Picking at the skin around my nails, having “scary thoughts.” After I moved out, my OCD seemed easier to manage for a while. However, a year and a half ago I was rapped. Ever since that night, the OCD has come back and is so much worse. Being raised Catholic, my intrusive thoughts center around the fact that I am no longer “pure”. I know that what happened to me is not my fault, but my OCD loves convincing me otherwise. Sometimes it’s almost like PTSD where I have flashbacks to that night. Any suggestions?

Hi. So I mostly have depression and anxiety. Does anyone know how to calm down when you feel an attack come. And please don’t say breathing. Lol