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the NOCD Community

I can’t handle the internet and I can’t handle adulthood and I can’t handle bpd or ocd. Therapists and medicine can’t protect me. I have to fend for myself. I am genuinely depressed and constantly scared My every movement on the internet is being watched. I miss being a kid when I didn’t care and didn’t know anything including the scary dangers of the world. I just wanna go back and I can’t and I feel alone including in the emotional department. Sometimes I just really need a big hug and to be shushed and told everything will be ok but there’s no one to do that. I feel sick and tired of everything. I’m relapsing so bad with my ocd as of late. I’m TIRED.

Is distracting yourself by doing activities you like considered a compulsion? I didn’t think so. You just can’t ignore your obsessive thought right, just accept it?

How to explain OCD to my boyfriend? He doesn't understand my behavior. I hurt him in past and then he forgave me. My problem is that I keep recalling these events in detail and I need assurances that he really understands everything and forgives me.

How am I supposed to be comprehensive and help my girlfriend through her stress and ocd when she get mad at me, yell and smack me? I know she can't control it all and I'm pretty sure she loves me but still so hard to be there for her in those moments.

Feeling so alone in this, always. I know several other trans women with OCD, including OCD about whether or not they’re actually women at all, and there are other lesbians here on this app who have OCD telling them they’re straight. Yet when I look for resources on gender- and sexuality-related OCD, what I find is materials for straight people whose OCD is telling them they’re gay. Much love to those people, but I hate having to try to translate materials for them into advice for my situation, which is similar in some ways but different in others. Everywhere I go in life it’s like this: the human world is built as though people like me don’t exist. No wonder I have OCD telling me I must be straight and cis instead of a lesbian trans woman.

I need help my anxiety is very bad today :(

read a couple articles that you can be born a pedo. that you have no choice and that you were born attracted to prepubescent children. that some people believe they have it. it’s terrifying. i’m scared i have it. these people who “do” don’t want it and not all of them act on it. but i don’t want to be that. i don’t want to be attracted to that i don’t even want it in my brain. i tried to kill myself yesterday because of this. i talked to my therapist but idk what to do idk if this is pocd anymore. someone please respond it can be anything tbh

Hi! So I’m new to this app, and I’m really excited to start working with it. I’ve been under a lot of stress. Something that really bothers me is not being able to accept that my thoughts are the product of a restless OCD mind. But I find that harder said than done. Does anyone have any good suggestions for OCD acceptance?

I gave into my online reporting compulsion again. So I have moral/responsibility OCD and I constantly feel the need to makesure everyones following guidelines and is safe. The internet feels like a scarier place to me where there is more chance of coming across something inappropriate so I always feel the need to report things (I dont always report them though, I just ruminate on whether I should have or not). So in response to that, I avoid adults sites where I think the risk is higher of coming across something inappropriate. I was using literotica (erotic story website) for ERP and I came across a story that just seemed inappropriate, I didn't read it thoroughly enough to know but it mentioned horses breeding and it just didn't sit right with me. It seems to go against the guidelines. I reported it, saying it seemed inappropriate and mentioned animals and now I feel guilt for reporting it to the site because it may not have actually been against the guidelines. I dont think literotica is good for ERP, but porn itself terrifies me so this seems to be a good second option but idk anymore. Its 9am now and I feel like all I'm going to do is ruminate on whether I'm a bad person for : 1) even coming across the story 2) whether I've falsely reported a story which wasnt even inappropriate 3) if it was inappropriate then does that make me a bad person for coming across it???

(tw?: brief mention of quarantine ig) I still don't know if I have OCD or if I'm making it up lol but I do have an ADHD diagnosis and uh, I started getting symptoms that looked like OCD when I started taking stimulant meds. I have intrusive thoughts about mental health a lot, like I'll get a symptom I can't immediatly explain with ADHD and I'll go "oh it’s probably this disorder or this other one" and I won't be able to shake the thought away (which is definetly an ADHD thing) but the more I try to ignore it the more anxiety it gives me "I NEED to know NOW! I need to look it up!!" and I end up researching these disorders for hours and hours, it usually interrupts my homework time (since I'll be on my computer and it's easy to say "I can open another tab and look it up really quick and then I can keep doing my hw", but I never actually go back to my hw). While "just right" OCD symptoms fit me best out of all the subtypes I've seen, the mental health research thing is by far the most time consuming "compulsion" (idk if they actually are compulsions since I still don't know if I have OCD yet) since it usually takes 4 hours or more and I do it almost every time I touch the computer (read: every time I try to do homework hhhhhhh) and I get very anxious and irritable when I get interrupted. But even though I've read a lot about these conditions that have triggered this "but wHAT IF" kind of anxiety and every time I do I reach a conclusion "no I don't have it/oh yeah this is definetly me", I keep going back to it and reaching different conclusions every time. It happened with ADHD (which helped get me diagnosed), it happened (and still kinda does) with ASD, depression, anxiety and now it's OCD... I do really want to talk about this with my psychiatrist, but I can't see her during quarantine (for obvious reasons) and I don't know of any way to contact her outside of my appointments which just leaves me guessing and makes everything worse (but also my psych doesn’t seem to believe me a lot when I bring things up to her and the first thing she said to me on our first appointment when I told her I had diagnosed ADHD (another doctor dxd me) was "but you seem really fine to me" so idk, I'm hesistant haha). Oh no that's a big paragraph haha (sorry) basically what I wanted to ask is: Is mental health a common obsession? Does what I described sound like an obsession? (Thanks for your time and for reading aaaaa)

I know I shared my story before, and people may not be interested, but I need to get this all off my chest (again.) I am struggling because I remember when I was younger working at summer camp I had gotten semi-erections (I guess the proper OCD term is groinal response but I didn’t really have bad intrusive thoughts then) when playing with some of the kids. It only happened a few times, and I have done enough research ad nauseam to know that this can happen to someone, and I do accept that. However, what is scaring me now is that all of the times it happened it was a male child, and I am convinced now this means something. I know I have/never had any desire to hurt a kid, and when I told my therapist this she did not show concern, said all the usual stuff (it’s just a reaction to something on your body/ hormones/anxiety) all of which I agree with, and yet I am stuck here. I truly hope someone on here takes the time to read this and respond, it would help me immeasurably. I know seeking reassurance is bad, but just hearing that I’m not being judged can help tremendously. Please don’t think I’m a sick person.

I feel like i havent really been uncertain in a long time the only problem left with me is just not being able to love, to feel attraction, to have a passion for something because all of this is sort of related to my attraction?? Like i imagined my dreams and it all was nice because i wasnt having anxiety because of hocd and somehow i related a lot of things to love and men. So not being able to be attracted to men is like... lifebreaking it broke me and now i dont even think aboit the gay shit its just me being depressed and numb because my life just fought a big wat and now its like im just here with nothing left of myself tryna be happy and motivated but feeling attracrion will mae my life again.alsooo im finnalt able to go to therapy yaaay, but not yay bc ive been waiting for that moment for soo long buttt because im not rlly experience the wild doubting it feels like if imma talk about it with my therapist im scared it will feel like opening a wound like im gonna restart the doubting because im gonna be talking about it a lot, i do need fhe therapist because my life has just been so fucked up ever since hocd but im scared that its gonna attack if im gonna go trough alll my old stuff bevause im gonna have to catch the therapist up i cant just be like yo, fix me without explaing the story

Any tips on not taking other people’s ocd personally?? I’m a lesbian with SOOCD where I obsess over being straight/attracted to men. It’s been beneficial to use this app and look at posts from others with SOOCD because it gives me some perspective. However, it’s uncomfortable to see the fear that people have over the idea of being gay because I already feel like being gay is wrong/gross/scary and my brain takes those posts as “proof” that being gay is wrong so I’m horrible. I know that this is NOT a rational thing to think but my obsession on this topic are so intrusive I just can’t help falling into that train of thought. Essentially. I feel like this app is a double edged sword so I’m unsure of if it’s even worth it to continue looking at it.

I just feel so hopeless today and these last few days. Slightly suicidal too. I just feel like it’ll never change. I can’t let go of my fear of being a narcissist because that’s all I have. If I fear it, it can’t be true. But as a consequence, I’m so fucking unhappy. I hate so many traits and thoughts I have. But I have to hate them, otherwise I’m MORE bad. I just feel so alone and lost. With most ocd fears, I know they’re untrue. But when I genuinely do have some bad traits that seem like such proof I am a narcissist, even though I’m not, what do I do? I don’t want bad traits. I just want to be good and friendly and kind and happy. That’s all I want. I want to give love and receive it. But I just feel like that’ll never happen. I’m so lost.

My girlfriend have anxiety and ocd, I want to help her as much as I can but sometimes I feel exhausted. She can be very distant with me and won't open much. She sometimes says she don't know what make her stressed and start her ocd and I believe her, but I also got the feeling that sometimes she just don't want to tell me. Any of you here are in couple with someone who have ocd and got some advice for me? Thanks

Hello, this is not ocd related but more about anxiety and feeling. I have trouble dealing with memories and nostalgia. Like about someone I will probably never see again, an apartment I will never visit again, times and memories which are gone forever. This kind of hurt my stomach, I feel anxious and sad when I get triggered. Does someone feel this way too ?

Does anyone do this when seeking reassurance or confessing? That is my main means of relief from OCD, and only with my partner...which I'm trying to break free from but its SO HARD. Anyways, its as though when I need to confess something I have to plead guilty to the worst possible case scenario even though it may not be true 'just in case' it could be true. For example, now I'm stuck on if a sexually intrusive thought was thought of on purpose versus was from ocd. My partner's reaction once to thoughts of this topic was...you were fantasizing?!? And of course my reaction was NO it's not like that! But now that I'm stuck on whether a thought was from me or ocd of course my brain jumps to...Was that fantasizing? Should you tell her? It was fantasizing. You should tell her. That's cheating. She's gonna leave. Your a liar. Etc etc. So now of course I want to tell her what I think I did (but did I actually?) but I am also hesitant that it's a compulsion. Again, am I digging my own grave here? The guilt is so rough.

Can someone please help me and tell me what this means. I’ve been in my relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. This year I experienced hocd and started to work on recovery and I’m getting better and thoughts hardly come. I don’t know what is happening but I feel some odd feeling, I am so in love with my boyfriend and I wanna stay with him forever but I am scared what if I stop loving him and loose feelings? Sometimes Our conversations aren’t as exiting as before but that’s normal in a relationship however it’s causing me anxiety as I think what if I don’t love him. Or I’ll ruin the relationship? It’s all my fault. He dosent know I have ocd. My problems are Scared of loosing feelings Not feeling motivated or as exited to text him I love him I know I do but I don’t know why I feel like this

Okay so I need some advice. I have always liked boys ever since I was little... I was/still am boy crazy. I also found the gay community (especially male with male) interesting even when I was younger too maybe because I wasn’t really exposed to things like that often so I was always like “wowww” but I never identified with it, it was more of an amazement than anything else. I have also found two girls attractive... one was very masculine and I have always wanted to be like her because she is very laid back and chill but I never thought of her in a romantic way more like a cool way and I am still friends with her now. The other one I met recently and i even had a thought pop up “you are acting like you like her” I thought this was a weird thought I was like wtf but I went on with my day because again I never thought of her in a romantic way nor do I want to. But right now my HOCD is telling me “see you have always known you like girls” but I have never looked at a girl in a romantic way nor do I want to. I am perfectly happy with my boyfriend and I want to marry him. I am also perfectly happy with liking boys... that’s who I am and I don’t want to change that. I have found a moment of clarity right now where I know I am straight and just because you think someone is attractive does not mean you are gay or bisexual. But what bothers me more is that I know I will choose my bf right now but the thought that pops up is “well because you like girls now what if in the future you have to divorce your husband (current bf) and then you have to be with a woman and your kids are going to be upset because their parents don’t live together anymore and they aren’t even together anymore and it’s all going to be nothing like you dreamed of” Side note one of my BIGGEST fears is divorce along with the fear that I will lose my bf and our future won’t be with each other. Like I really want to marry this boy but all of my thoughts always go against my wishes. I have always dreamt about marrying a boy especially my boyfriend now that I have him so I have no idea what to do with this. I guess everything ties in with ROCD but HOCD is just so so terrible and I don’t want to like girls not right now and not in the future why isn’t this enough. I always seem to doubt it with the “what if’s” I also have seen people in the lgbt community be in denial so then “what if I am in denial” but like I don’t want to think this way I want to always be straight I am okay with liking boys and being with boys and I don’t want that to change it has caused me so much distress. Does any one have any advice?

Content warning especially for people of color - discussing intrusive thoughts and OCD features with racism-related content. —— I have both Tourette’s and OCD. My Tourette’s tics regularly include slurs - usually against minority groups I’m a part of (against trans people, dykes, women), but often with a side of slurs against groups I’m not a part of, which I repress as I don’t want them to come out and hurt those around me. Unfortunately, repressed tics tend to get stuck in my head as anxious energy and intrusive thoughts. Lately I’ve had a particularly nasty racial slur tic which I’m naturally unwilling to let out get stuck in my head and turn into an intrusive thought that’s pounding away at me all day. It comes with feelings of intense shame, of course, and also with thoughts like “I’m a monster,” “I’m a racist” - harm OCD, in other words. Fear of harming non-white people around me. I really want this word and its attendant harm OCD to leave me alone. Fortunately the harm fears haven’t taken very deep mental hold yet, but I’m concerned they could if this tic urge doesn’t go away. Obsessing over it will prevent it from going away - my Tourettes latches on to the random noise in my brain and makes some of it into tics. I’m constantly reminding myself that Tourettes tics are involuntary, that they aren’t expressions of what I really believe, that they’re not my fault and I shouldn’t be embarrassed of them. This one, however, is one of the most racially hurtful words in the English language, and because I can’t let it out - because I don’t want to hurt people with it - it’s turned into intrusive thoughts and harm OCD. I’m not sure how to release it from my mind. I’ve tried saying the hurtful word into a pillow in a room by myself where no one can hear it, so that I can release the tic and help it go away, but I’m so ashamed of saying the word even where no one can hear it - it makes me feel like I’m really going to hurt people. The one time I got up the nerve to try it, it felt so wrong, and doing it only once isn’t enough to release a tic that’s this intensely built up. This is a really dicey situation, and because a lot of my friends aren’t white, I don’t want to put them in the position of having to support me through it. I would really appreciate advice from people experienced with harm OCD and really shame-inducing OCD of any kind - POCD, et cetera. Thank you all for your understanding. It’s taken me some nerve to be able to write this post.