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I don't know if this falls under the category of "seeking reassurance", but here goes.... I have been trying to tackle my OCD over the last month or so. I started having intense anxiety and panic attacks that I believe got really bad when I recognized that OCD was, in fact, what I had. It was very distressing to me that I was "abnormal" or "crazy". All of my compulsions used to be centered around the thought of myself or someone in my family getting some sort of stomach bug.....I never really saw it as ocd.....just wanting to keep my family healthy. Since the discovery of my actually having OCD my "obsession" has turned to the possibility of my "going crazy" or "losing control" and harming someone. It is causing tremendous anxiety and making it very hard to overcome my compulsions because unlike the possibility of someone I love contracting the stomach bug, which I know will happen from time to time, this fear would be far more catastrophic if it were to become a reality. That being said, I am still working to overcome my compulsions, but I find myself having overwhelming thoughts of needing to "make up" for the compulsion I resisted by performing a new or different one....for example..... I have resisted touching each clothing item 4 times before I put them on....because of that I'm finding myself experiencing extreme anxiety when trying to pick out an item to wear (I can't even explain quite the feeling I am having other than being extremely anxious and on the verge of panic).... Today, for example, I had a horrible time picking out a shirt.....just staring in my closet unable to pick one....finally pushing myself to do so I was then able to continue breaking the cycle of touching each item 4 times before I put them on. After, I didn't really have anxiety from breaking that compulsion, but from seemingly picking the "wrong" shirt..... Because of that I have been trying to "make up" for picking the wrong shirt by performing other things a certain amount of times....I know all of these thoughts are completely ridiculous but I just can't seem to get over the fear.... Is anyone experiencing the same thing or does anyone have any tips?

I'm very afraid of my therapist telling my I don't have OCD. That would mean that my Hocd and Pocd related thoughts are true. I rather kill myself than doing those things.. Not that there's something wrong with being gay, but I don't want it bc it's not me. What's the difference between GAD and Pure O?

Sometimes, my gender theme with OCD takes an existential turn. I felt great this morning after writing down most of my fears and when I feel better about most of my main theme using exposure, my OCD moves to something similar but different. *Possible Trigger Warning* When my TOCD/Gender Identity OCD calms down my mind moves to a different question: What if we don’t know what we actually like? What if humans are just blobs with no definition? Can we know anything about ourselves? The thought of this came after being scared of the idea (that I’ve seen maybe two people on Twitter suggest) of getting rid of “he” and “she” and everyone just being they. To me I would get scared that people want to turn everyone non-binary and therefore everyone would become a blob with no definition - even though non-binary people IRL aren’t “blobs with no identity”... I would get thoughts of how the hell would I know who my mom is? How would I know who my dad is? My friends and family? With these thoughts, no one would have any identity or definition. I think when people talk about gender being a social construct and getting rid of certain things, I think they mean getting rid of gender restrictions and everyone being equal. I agreed with this for a long time and it never scared me. However, my OCD recently took this as getting rid of “he” and “she” pronouns and maybe getting rid of names too. Then I saw a book in Target from TIME magazine called The Science Of Gender and one of the small boxes/sections was “beyond she and he” which I thought meant going beyond he and she and getting rid of them in the future. That’s not what it was at all in the actual book, but I was already triggered and the thoughts are in me. I think this absolutely hooks into my history of existential OCD, as I suffered with it majorly in 2017 (while not knowing what it was) and a little bit in 2019. It gives many of the same feelings, I think due to wondering about the nature of self. With my existential OCD I would worry a lot if the self/ego doesn’t exist after seeing that old Jim Carrey interview and looking at some Buddhism stuff that talked about their belief in no self. This theme feels very similar but with a different subject in a way. I also get thoughts of “what if I have to accept that gender doesn’t exist and we’re all blobs with no definition, and therefore I’ll lose my identity and everything about self?” Which is very similar to my main existential theme of “what if I have to be a nihilist now that I’ve thought about the meaning of life and what if I can’t believe anything else other than nihilism? Do I have to accept it and lose what I love and feel like shit?” I don’t know how to do ERP with this. But it’s really nice to type it out!

Not really ocd related, but my relationship with my father rn is really bad and I feel like I have no one in my personal life to talk to about this. He deadass yells at me for the most insignificant things. I wanted to get a drink from a Wendy’s that was en route to our house and he had a meltdown because the not even five minute wait it took to actually get the drink was “inconveniencing” him too much, and then proceeded to make me feel like a burdensome piece of shit because I wanted one (1) drink. We got into a verbal fight not even three hours ago because I wanted to sleep with a fan on despite feeling slightly ill and he couldn’t handle the fact that I, a 20 year old, an adult, didn’t care and wanted to sleep with the fan on. He berated me calling me “dumb” for not wanting to be hot whilst I slept. And he often times calls me a “r*tard” or tells me that I’m “being r*tarded” during arguments despite him knowing that I have a HUGE ass complex about that. I can’t defend myself without feeling extreme guilt. He always apologizes but he refuses to change. Eventually I’m going to have to phase myself out of his life if this continues (to which it will), and that’s a thought that is extremely painful for me. I still rely on him for transportation because I don’t have a car yet, and he makes it a point to hold that over my head. Some people are lucky that I haven’t hexed them. These are just two examples out of so many instances of him being just a general ass to me, and I have a hard time even legitimizing the situation, because I know it could be SO much worse. I try to be polite and mind my business and avoid any conflict whatsoever, so I just shut myself in my room for most of the day, which of course he finds a problem with. Having parents with unchecked mental health issues is FUN.

Just curious if this might be OCD: every day, probably 200 times a day, I have thoughts pop in my head of embarrassing things I’ve said, written, or done. Then, in response I either scrunch up my face, dig my fingernails into my palms, or think, “I’m going to kill myself” (don’t mean it). It happens automatically. I’m diagnosed with OCD already but curious if I should look into this being OCD or maybe social anxiety??

I’m so proud of myself! I resisted performing soooooo many compulsions today. I kept reminding myself: “it’s not how you feel, it’s what you do that matters”

Anyone else deal with compulsively checking if they’re turned on by something? I’ll check a picture like 10 times until I think I feel something or don’t. And it’ll be stupid stuff too, like a dumb ad. I’m trying to resist!!!

I feel lost, can somebody help me?

PLEASE URGENT HELP God! God please help me. Today hocd hit very hard. I was scrolling on fb and i saw wrestling so i kept watching to see if i get aroused. I kept telling myself I’m equal and strong, they can’t do this to me. But then the thought came «  they could rape you» « look, they look like he’s raping the other »im not that strong as them . God and I saw movement, my dick was almost semi erect. GOD I FELT LIKE I DIED AND I WANTED TO DIE. EHY WOULD MY FUCKING PENIS MOVE FOR SUCH A THING . WHY IS MY MIND FUCKED UP. I FELT THE GREATEST ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION FELL OVER ME WHO EVENTUALLY STOPPED THE AROUSAL. I’M STILL SHAKING. GOD I NEED HOPE. I NEED TO GET RID OF THESE THOUGHTS BUT THE BODY SIGNALS AND DREAMS ARE DESTROYING ME ! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASEE!!

Need guidance but only from those who are at least somewhat knowledgeable about the issue. Noise issues are brought up in the field of OCD but not often. I would ask for understanding from dog owners and dog lovers. I'm not writing this message to attack dogs; I'm just asking for help to a very serious problem that's causing sleep deprivation. I live in connected housing and am exposed to noises that drive me crazy. Examples would include dog barking, honking, home theater systems, stereos, and motorcycle startups. While noises are a problem at any time the worst aspect is when I'm trying to get to sleep. If I am disturbed by noises I suffer from anticipatory anxiety where I fear hearing that noise again at any time when I am in bed. The anxiety is so bad I can't get to sleep. My current crisis is dog barking from my neighbor. I am confident that there is no noise ordinance violation because the police will only fine a violator if their dogs are barking for an extended period of time. For me, even one bark is threatening to my sleep. I send lots of friendly letters to my neighbor asking for help. I do think she's trying but there are times the dogs bark when I'm trying to get rest. I'm currently doing research into anti bark collars but it's unclear what to get and the neighbor is not open to communicating with me and probably would not be interested in putting that on her dogs. I assume there are some control issues when it comes to my struggles with noises. I get angry and I have strong opinions that some intrusive noises that I struggle with should be illegal (examples: dogs should not be allowed or there should be more properties that don't allow dogs, cars should not have been made to honk when you lock them). I can't seem to handle not being in control and I'm not in any position to be able to move. I so wish I could have a single-family home with some privacy from noise. My treatment providers have advocated exposure. They would like me to download a dog barking ringtone and to listen to dog barking occasionally throughout the day (using YouTube videos too). And to eventuality use the dog bark ringtone to wake me up at some point during the night to get used to dog barking. Does this sound like the way to go? I always worry about my ability to drift off to sleep if a dog barks and fears of being awoken by a dog bark. My treatment providers would rather have me just focus on the exposure in hopes that I will get used to it and won't get so rattled by the whole issue...and I guess I would get relief from anticipatory anxiety even if there are times when my sleep would get disrupted. I hate the idea of doing exposures on this and I just want a strong feeling that this is the thing to do to get rid of the anticipatory anxiety which is causing a lot of sleep loss.

Anyone have suggestions if I cannot find a therapist trained in ERP?? I have a therapist currently, she is not trained in ERP. We do CBT

Does anyone else get their obsessions every minute of the day? And when you forget for a minute and think of something else the obsession pulls you right back, i don’t ever feel like I do a compulsion but I must because they continue to come back every minute

Just sat and brought on my worst pocd thoughts, just let the thoughts get worse and worse for an hour and my anxiety definetely went up to a 10. Heart was racing and I’m still shaking. Did anyone who exposed themselves to their fear feel like that after their first ‘session’? Hoping to habituate these thoughts until the don’t bother me anymore I know that’s the key to this

I feel like instead of accepting uncertainty, I’ve given up and believe that I am what I fear. I’m so terrified. I don’t know what to do

How come I didn’t do erp but my hocd isn’t affecting me anymore?

How do you counter “the evidence” your brain gives you for why your fears are/might come true?

Those struggling with HOCD, I’m here to tell you that it does get better. 5 months later (I know some of you have been struggling with this longer) and I have been relieved of my obsession. I simply stopped the compulsions and started facing my triggers head on and slowly but surely the obsession began to dissipate. Yes, I fret as to what OCD will disguise itself as next, but I know now that “this too shall pass”. God bless.

Look At the Size Of Your Heart, Not the Size Of the Beast First off I want to start off by thanking each and every single one of you that read my last post “You Are Not the Problem” the response and effect it has had on a lot of you is just so inspiring and encouraging and I am so thankful and blessed to be in a position to help. And now as promised I am going to discuss ERP and I pray this post can inspire some of you to no longer be afraid, and take the steps necessary to recover! I know for a lot of you life is already hard. Even the thought of willingly throwing yourself into an exposure isn’t realistic and in all honesty is probably frightening. But DONT be afraid! You already have been thru so much, you have already proven to have the HEART of a WARRIOR, everyday your battling with these thoughts, so what is one more battle to you? I want to talk about David V Goliath to help put this in perspective for some of you. David’s only job was to tend his fathers sheep, he was a young boy and wasn’t seen as a warrior. His brothers and fellow countrymen were in battle when Goliath came out and disgraced their country and intimidated them. Nobody wanted to challenge Goliath but David who was only a shepherd and young boy had the courage to step up and fight Goliath the reason why is because, WHILE EVERYBODY WAS MEASURING THE SIZE OF THE BEAST, DAVID WAS MEASURING THE SIZE OF HIS HEART ❤️. Yea Goliath was big but David’s faith and his heart were much bigger than the beast, and that’s how YOU ARE. I know this exposure is a beast, it’s intimidating but YOUR HEART AND YOUR STRENGTH IS MUCH BIGGER THAN ANY BEAST, ANY OBSESSION, ANY COMPULSION. You see David had every right to be scared, he was only a child, but when he went to Saul and said put me out there he said “I already had to slay bears and wolves from hurting my fathers sheep, I can handle this”. The same is true for you, you already have had to slay bears and wolves, so what’s one more beast to you, yea this one is a little bit bigger but you’ve already slain everything else in your path! You put your heart, mind, body and soul thru so much so what’s one more battle?! THE SIZE OF YOUR HEART IS MUCH BIGGER THAN THE SIZE OF THE BEAST. GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE. He will not let any disease hurt you, you are his chosen one, he loves you! You don’t have to ask God for strength because he already gave it to you! David was a poor shepherd but after he slayed Goliath he became a rich King, and not only did his life changed but his people, friends and family lives changed as well they didn’t live in fear anymore. Once you beat your Goliath your family and friends won’t be afraid anymore, you will embrace like you never have before! So take the step, start off small. Expose yourself to your obsessions, you don’t need to be afraid! Start with a one minute exposure and work your way up. If it’s a mental obsession write a story, say your fear out loud and see how you feel, they are only thoughts and cannot hurt you! Always remember these thoughts are your beast and yes they are big and scary but your heart and strength is twice and big!! Good luck I’m praying for you all ?? and I hope this message helps whoever is in need of it! If you have any questions or comments please share them. I try my very best to respond to all of them. God bless you all ❤️

Let me start this by saying I have been living and identify as transgender since 2016. Up until the last 2 days or so I've been extremely happy and supported by my friends and family on my choice to transition. More recently I have started having doubts regarding my transition. Not thoughts that I'm actually analyzing. Rather, the thoughts are intrusive and causing doubt about my journey and my decision to transition. What's strange is that I had never had these intrusive thoughts up until these last few days and have been living and loving my life as a trans woman. I could barley find any articles on this matter. Is this a form of TOCD? I understand gender OCD. But most of them seem more or less anxious of the idea of them being trans. Mine comes from being trans and feeling doubtful all of a sudden after years of living as female.

Hello new friends! My name is Graham and I just got diagnosed with OCD in December. I’m 21 years old and a music student at a prestigious conservatory in New York City. This is my OCD story. I have had OCD like symptoms since a very young age, for example, at age 3 I thought I would die if I left the house without a bottle of water, and refused to do so for almost 7 years, and I had countless sensory issues with food and clothing. However, around age 12, the thoughts began to become increasingly horrible. Violent intrusive images, urges to yell obscenities at people, overall intense fear of hurting other people emotionally or physically occupied my brain for hours a day. Additionally, I began to have intense contamination fears - obsessive hand washing, (although not nearly as bad as many people’s) having to carry hand sanitizer everywhere I went, and even worse, as I began to grow body hair, that was as “unclean” as it could get to me. I *had* to rid my body of it. These thoughts then began to plague my performances as well - I would obsessively worry about a certain thing, and it would ruin the whole experience for me, no matter how well I pulled through. As I also was trying to come to terms with my sexuality, (I’m gay) my brain produced tons of sexual intrusive images of both men and women, leaving me lost and confused as to what I actually was. I did not dare search what my thoughts meant. I thought for sure doing so would lead me to be put on a FBI watch list, inform me I was clinically insane, or something along those lines. One day in late October, I was on my commute home from school. This commute is an hour each way on crowded public transportation - between contamination and harm OCD, you can imagine how this experience goes for me every day. For 30 minutes, my brain thought of everything horrible I could do to the person next to me. Strangle them, stab them, rape them, call them racial slurs, rip their hair out. It was so overwhelming that by the time they walked off the train I thought I was going to faint from the panic I felt. I decided enough was enough and googled what I was feeling, which lead me to discover this subset of pure O OCD, which I knew nothing about. A friend of mine was diagnosed when we were 15, and I assumed it just meant obsessive without compulsive, and didn’t look into it whatsoever. I began to see a counselor at my school, and he sent me to the psychiatrist through the school who diagnosed me with OCD. Almost immediately after my diagnosis, my grandfather fell ill. I couldn’t bear to tell my parents while we were dealing with that. He ended up passing away a little less than a month later. This has been so beyond hard on my entire family. It’s been a little over a month now, and as more things have gone wrong for my mom - her company being hacked, getting in a car wreck (she’s totally fine other than whiplash) - I haven’t been able to bring myself to discuss with them. I feel as though I will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But I know I need to tell them. Hopefully it will happen as soon as possible...but it’s plaguing my mind a lot. If anyone can offer words of advice on what to do, I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks for reading. That’s my story. I hope to meet more wonderful humans who understand what I go through - have a wonderful day all! :)