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the NOCD Community

Every day i have new random thought of any kind it’s very random and it can came onetime and not came again It’s not repetitive or in a type or theme That’s make me feel that isn’t ocd

(tw for sexual content/POCD) I'm worried that I'm developing POCD but my situation is a little different than most and I'd really appreciate some feedback. When I was in my mind teens I was really into age-play with sex. I always played the younger role and had no desire to play the older role and was even turned off by the idea. Then when I met my boyfriend (at 20 and 21) I found out he happened to be into it too, only he liked to play the younger role also. I was initially not very open to it but eventually decided to try it for him. After a while I got more comfortable with it and began to actually like it and now I much prefer it over the other way. This is pretty much the norm for us now and while I'm very comfortable with him, the idea still makes me really uncomfortable because I feel like I'm secretly just a pedophile. However, never have I ever been attracted to an actual child and the thought is repulsing to me. But at the same time, with the age-play thing it's the whole idea of it that's sexually appealing to me, the "taboo-ness" of it. The scenes we play out are basically molestation. And the fact that that arouses me disgusts me, but all I can say is that it honestly, truly only arouses me in the context of two consenting adults role-playing, and the thought of me or anyone hurting an actual child is repulsive. I'm attracted to my boyfriend's adult body role-playing as a child but in no way am I attracted to an actual child's body. I know this in my heart but I'm still terrified I secretly am and that I'm a horrible person for doing this. I know this is really different than most people with POCD and some of you might actually think I am a horrible person for doing this. I've expressed this worry to my boyfriend and he understands but doesn't think I should worry because he knows it's just a kink and that neither of us are actually interested in children. It just torments me because if I'm not interested in children, why do I like this??? I dwell on this so much that I start convincing myself that I was abused as a child and repressed it and that's why I'm like this. I'm terrified by how much it arouses me. The only thing that gets me off is thinking really horrible disgusting thoughts, but I'm always only ever picturing my boyfriend. Has anyone else ever gone through this?? I'm worried that I'm developing POCD but I'm also worried that I'm actually just a pedophile which I know is literally what it is but this is different and I feel very isolated. I know there is a large community that does this sort of BDSM shit who aren't pedophiles and aren't worried about being pedophiles but what if I really am? I can't reiterate enough that I don't in any way, shape, or form desire to be with a child sexually, but if that's true, why do I have this disgusting fetish?? I have had debilitating OCD all my life but it's primarily been "just right" OCD. I'm just confused and I don't know what to do and would really appreciate hearing what you all think.

I got yelled at about my OCD today. I got up to wash my hands and it took a minute because obsessive hand washing is stupid. My grandmother asked what I was doing and I explained and my mom said that I don’t really need to wash my hands that much but I do it anyways. Whole point of the whole OCD thing. OBSESSIVE. Then we moved on to the topic of showers because I got a new speaker. I take 40-60 minute showers. My mom told me that I CAN shower in 10-15 minutes, but I’m not trying hard enough. She doesn’t understand that I’ve tried to take shorter showers or not wash my hands as much but then I get thrown into a panic because what if I get sick and die because I didn’t kill all of the germs. I just wish I had friends with OCD that live in my area. Wishful thinking. Anyways, the inevitable panic attack happened about 2 hours into my morning. How was your Christmas? Mine was just peachy.

Can anybody tell me of their experience when you sought help for OCD? I'm going to seek for help next January and I'm pretty nervous. Also, does the doctor have to be an OCD specialist a 100%? And was the treatment very expensive? Finding an appropriate doctor is going to be pretty hard for me since I live in the Philippines.

Is it normal to not miss your partner? Or should I always want them around? I’m home for a few days seeing my parents and I have anxiety about not missing my boyfriend. I of course compulsed and FaceTimed him to test myself but all I felt was anxiety and OCD over his appearance. I just think I should be attracted to him always, and I’m not. I can’t tell if this is just a normal couples thing, or I’m having bad ROCD. Help!

I saw a couple of post about porn addiction on here and I want to talk about it. Personally I stopped watching porn it makes us men objectify women and look at them as sexual objects. What I also found out is that quitting porn was a major factor which helped me with my hocd. I didn’t really worry about hocd, I’m not saying I overcame it, it was still there but it wasn’t as bad. But then I made a big mistake I decided to masturbate and look at porn. Now I’m panicking again having anxiety.

Do we actually have people who are recovering or have recovered on here? We need positive messages this Christmas

Alrighty if we do erp with an ocd therapist but ocd is caused by trama shouldnt we see a regular therapist to recover from trama?

Please someone talk to me I need someone to talk to about this

Anyone else's heads feel so overfilled and chaotic, and just get flooded with thoughts?? About the past, the future, all the possibilities, and all the trivial crap. It's too much, I often wind up paralyzed in bed obsessing. And in fear of missing out of life, I end up missing out on life. If so, what do you all do?

I’m scared I masterbated to one of my friends photos but I can’t really remember

Am I the only person who feels as tho OCD is like one of the topics you don’t speak of like when your around people who genuinely do not understand or suffer with OCD you can’t mention it.I also suffer with anxiety and although when people are around me enough they can notice behaviour I feel as tho I’d be highly judged for it.Like I shouldn’t feel the way I do because it makes me seem insane to people who can not understand it.No one around me ever truly understands its.

I’m having an existential obsession crisis right now. I’m in the bathroom at work freaking out. My head hurts and I feel crazy :( even tho I’m not hearing or seeing things. It’s been like this on and off all day.

Does anyone have any good tips for handling obsessive thoughts? I tend to have obsessive thoughts about either seizures or schizophrenia and I find it very hard to handle these two obsessions. I’m scared I may end up with the disease even though no one in my family has it or experienced any symptoms.

Does anyone have a mix of intrusive thoughts 24/7?? I feel like I have 4 different kinds of thoughts that cycle in my brain all day. It makes my head hurt

Does anyone feel like ocd makes u a cold person and more mean and heartless. I find myself being very lazy and not caring about things that i used to care about. When i watch the news i dont feel sympathy while i used to feel so much and my dream was so to help people, but if i say i still wanted that mow id be lying... i dont want to be lying but its just who i am now. Evergthing is so dark now and since i have hocd my mind also sexualizes eeevrything i hate it it sexualizes things i really dont want to hink about in a sexual way. It just has too much impact. Im also very mean in my head towards people, im not mean directly but i just think bad things. I used to genuinely be good and i wanted to do good but now ive lost hope aNd motivation and i feel drained and done. I miss being happy and being a good person. I miss who i was and i miss all the things that i loved and i miss loving those things. Im sick of forcing myself to be like my old self bevause it only brings anxiety trying to love and feel feelings for the things i used to love. Its just gone and i cant seen to do shit about it

I just was awoken from my sleep with an anxiety attack. My heart was beating really fast and as I started to freak out, my heart skipped some beats, too. I was having fearful thoughts, right before I fell asleep, as I have not slept in over 24 hrs and I’m overly tired, which can sometimes cause the OCD symptoms to ramp up. But I had so much hoped that I wouldn’t escalate into an anxiety attack, but I was having health anxiety, right before I fell asleep. I’ve also been getting chills and can’t seem to get warm right now. Since I have barely slept yet, I really need to get the fearful thoughts off of my mind. Any kind words and or advice would be greatly appreciated right now. I need help!

That’s insane.

Okay I’m scared I’ve madterbated to girls before and now I feel like I’m a lesbian

Do any of you have any tics? I don’t know how to deal with them. I don’t think it’s Tourette’s... but what if it is?