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In denial or hocd? I DONT KNOW I LITERALLY CAN NOT TELL WHAT IS REAL OR NOT AND IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND

Does anyone else see signs in things? Like if I do this or that then this is going to happen or if you have a certain theme at the time and something on the tv comes on to do with it or basically a sign for anything you are anxious about? Idk how to explain it. When I was anxious about a plane ride, I was convicted the plane was going to crash, and then I got an email about how a plane had just crashed somewhere else and I took it as proof? Does this make sense?

I’m convinced that all of my friends hate me so that’s great.

I've truly lost all hope. I really hope everyone on this app gets the right treatment and feels better.

This is beside my topic but i wanna get his off my chest, so I had a fight with my mom and she was mad at me for like two days. So today she came up to me to make things allright and it i was glad we were okay again. But my mom had the urge to make things up with me and that got me thinking like, my mom does so much for me like everytjing shes the reason im alive. But what good am i to her? Why does she care and fight for me like she does. I know its because shes mmom and we obviously have a bond but like besides that. Wtf am i good for in her life i littersly never show love i never help her spontaneously i never thank her and its hurt so much to say because im aware of what im doing wrong but im not acting on it. Im to scared to show her affection and im to much of a pussy to be a good daughter to her its so hard. All i do is eat her food and eat her money and just be depressed. Thats it so why did she feel the urge to say sorry to me. I love her so much but idk why she loves besides thst im her daughter. I wish i could do better but im so lazy and im always sad and tired and anxious and i never ask her to do somethig together its always her asking me. But on the other hand i feel so stupid if i ask her to do something like idk i always feel akward to show affection. Can anyone relate or help me?

I don’t want to trigger anyone, but something scary about rOCD is that you never really know if the bad feeling you have is caused by the fact that maybe you are forcing yourself to do something that part of you don’t want to or because of anxiety. I try to understand if I broke up with my gf few months ago because of rOCD or just because the relationship was not really healthy since the beginning (I was the one who “hurts” her emotionally). To summarize, at the end of our relationship, I started to feel bad to not care when I made her cry and also because many time, when she talked about the future or what we can do if I win the lottery I felt deep inside “Fuck why I don’t imagine to buy her things or house for us, why I would keep the money and just think about me” while she was really imagining things for us. It’s after that moment (about the lottery thing) that I really started to feel anxious (that bad feeling in the gut) and started remembering all the bad behavior/thoughts I had during the whole relationship. I remember that the day after that, just before we had sex I had my head telling me “enjoy it because you know it’s the last time”. Maybe I’m trying to reassure me that I don’t have rOCD but I remember that I didn’t feel bad about that voice, it was like a truth (I don’t know how to explain). Then the day after, that uneasy feeling amplified and the thought “Be brave, you know what you have to do” came to me. I remember that it was impossible to focus at work, I even took medicine to try to feel less anxious. Then (at this moment it looks like rOCD) I checked articles about signs that it’s time to end a relationship, and I had many signs. The evening I had to see her so I told her directly that it was the end. I remember I cried with her but I felt so relieved at the same time. Things that make me think about rOCD is that after few weeks I made a deep depression (because of overthinking about all of this) and I obsessed about her (actually it was the first gf I had that was really into me, the opposite of my all my previous gfs). Worst part is like I tried 3 times to go back with her and every time I quickly had that horrible feeling that I had before I broke up with her the first time. But again, I had that feeling first before the thoughts. Each time, her flaws makes me anxious and I saw only that (the way she talked, her face expression). Then the thought like “you’re forcing yourself, what the fuck are you doing again” came. I remember the last time I tried to go back with her I tried to not care about that feeling and told me it’s just an emotion that will pass, but part of me really wanted to see her lying to me or make something bad that can give me an excuse to not continue... and as you can guess I finally told her that it was a bad idea to continue... (only 2 days after we met because again I was unable to concentrate on work etc). Because of all of that I asked to see a therapist (that I still see) who told me that I have the fear of abandonment. The problem is that rOCD is not recognized in France... so I guess I will never know. I didn’t have contact with her since 2 months (she blocked me, I’m thankful about it cause it’s the best thing to do to stop the suffering) and I finally start to obsess less about all of this (I can think about it many time during the day but this time it doesn’t stay in my mind non-stop). I know it’s a pattern that I have and I don’t want to have this again. I’m to the point to think that maybe it should be better if I stay single the rest of my life, because I don’t want to hurt other girls and be depressed again (it’s my third depression, always caused by relationship that I end). So, can rOCD can cause anxiety before the thoughts? Cause I read that it’s the thought that cause anxiety, but in my case it was always the feeling first, then the thoughts.

Why do i only have ocd in my house?

So i know writing down helps me a lot ... thats why i decided to share my story . I hope somebody can help me. Since i was 14 years old my mom started to be very mad at me at leats 2-3 times in the week. She screamed at me for 1 hour until 3 hours. Things like that i was a horrible daughter and she would get mad over everything. Everyday i was afraid to come home because i knew that she would become mad when i did a little thing wrong. For example one day i forgot my makeup on the floor in MY bathroom and she threw it away. One day i took candy to school (its allowed) and for three hours she called me a thief. The even told her friends... it was a horrible feeling... one time they even told me that i had to move (i was 14 years old). I ran away a lot and it was a horrible feeling to know that my mom acted to me like that because i loved her so much. My psychiatrist told me that she had 2 personalitys and i think she takes pills now because since i was 17 it stopped. The reason of my ocd is my mom. Because she made me sooooo afraid to do something wrong. Now today an half hour ago she got mad at me again and at this point everything comes back and my OCD gets worse. How can i ever forget this or give it a place?????

Is it normal to feel suicidal, but I wouldn’t even do it, I hope. I don’t like these thoughts.

I really need help. I’m a transgender male who is obsessed with the idea of actually just being a cisgender female who is delusional. I know I’m not a girl, I have always felt male. But when I reassure myself by telling myself things, this is what happens: Reassurance: I love my new male body. I hated my body as female YOU HATE YOUR NEW MALE BODY/LOVE YOUR OLD FEMALE ONE What? No I don’t. CLEARLY YOU DO SINCE YOU JUST HAD THE THOUGHT. but that wasn’t even my thought! My first initial thought was the exact opposite! I just want to be male again in peace. STOP TAKING TESTOSTERONE BIRTHNAME. YOU SHOULD DETRANSITION BIRTHNAME (detransition is my biggest fear. It wasn’t until I read about it and heard others talking about it and I haven’t been able to relax since) But I actively love taking testosterone. YOU HATE TAKING TESTOSTERONE No! Taking testosterone makes me feel gorgeous and happy I regret ever having been born female. I wish I had just been born male. Though I can’t really regret what I can’t control. YOU REGRET TAKING TESTOSTERONE BIRTHNAME, YOU JUST CANNOT ADMIT IT. AND IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY REGRETTED YOUR TRANSITION, YOU WILL I have a gorgeous male body. I’m a handsome young man. YOU SHOULD KEEP TAKING TESTOSTERONE ROLAND. JUST BE YOUR BEAUTIFUL MALE SELF. ITS OBVIOUS ITS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. that is true, but what if it isn’t because I’ve already heard these other thoughts?What ifI’m making up my own happiness? What if I’m actually just a messed up woman and just lying to myself to cope? YOURE JUST A HIDEOUSLY UGLY WOMAN NOW My OCD is ruining my life. Being trans sucks. SO STOP BEING TRANSGENDER. STOP TAKING T, TESTOSTERONE IS PROBABLY WHAT IS RUINING YOUR LIFE. At least it’s saying “your” and not “my” TESTOSTERONE IS RUINING/HAS RUINED MY LIFE What?!? But I only feel good as male and wish I hadn’t ever been born female! My mental heath is only good when I feel like I’m a real man. THATS A LIE. WHY ARE YOU DELUDING YOURSELF LIKE THIS? But I have always felt male NO YOU HAVENT BIRTHNAME. YOURE MAKING/YOU HAVE MADE THIS WHOLE THING UP But I was dysphoric as a female and I hate thinking about “her.” NO YOU WERENT. THAT WAS ALL MADE UP. YOUR LIFE IS A LIE. REMEMBER “TEENAGERS ARE GIVING THEMSELVES GENDER DYSPHORIA” (an article talking about the detransitioners)YOUVE GIVEN/ARE GIVING YOURSELF GENDER DYSPHORIA!!! But I was miserable and dysphoric as FEmale. I didn’t make all that up and I genuinely don’t feel dysphoric as male YES YOU DO/DID. But I just want to be male in peace. THEN YOU SHOULD KEEP TAKING/QUIT TAKING TESTOSTERONE what???? STOP WANTING TO BE MALE No! STOP NOT WANTING TO BE FEMALE No! STOP NOT WANTING TO BE MALE I did that one though... all I want is to be male. It’s incredibly important to me STOP WANTING TO BE FEMALE again, I DID that. I do not want to be female!! The only thing that makes me feel good is taking testosterone and being a man. I love being a hot guy But What if I’m just saying that because...XYZ? I wish I’d never have these thoughts. I’m losing my valued male identity. YOU SHOULD STOP PRETENDING TO BE MALE I don’t want to stop “pretending to be male” if that’s what I’m doing YES YOU DO. YOU JUST CANT ADMIT IT BECAUSE YOURE A NARCISSISTIC WOMAN BIRTHNAME (my ex was an abusive narcissist and it really messed me up) If I can’t be male in peace I will kill myself JUST BE MALE THEN that’s what I’m trying to do!!! In peace!! I love my new male body. I feel euphoric as male NO YOU DONT YOURE LYING. JUST DETRANSITION But that thought makes me absolutely PANIC and SICK. And you just told me to be male? THEN JUST BE MALE. YOU ARE MALE. But why did I just hear that I shouldn’t be “doing this” then? BECAUSE YOURE NOT MALE. YOURE A DISGUSTING CISGENDER WOMAN WHO IS FAKING EVERYTHING BECAUSE SHE CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH/WANTS ATTENTION But I’ve felt this way FOREVER and feel great as male NOPE. THATS A LIE. But I want to be male!! THEN BE MALE. JUST STAY MALE ROLAND. YOU SHOULD BE TAKING TESTOSTERONE *hopefully* Really? NOPE. YOU SHOULD NOT BE TAKING TESTOSTERONE. STOP WANTING TO TAKE TESTOSTERONE. At least you admitted that I want to be taking it. But why can’t I just be the happy guy I was before this cycle got bad? BECAUSE YOURE NOT MALE ANYMORE. YOUVE LOST HIM No I haven’t, he always comes back, and I love being ma... (interrupts) FEMALE!!! I’m going INSANE!!! I read things, certain statements that I internalize. I know in moments of clarity that they are irrational but this is getting out of hand. I just want to feel like I’m male again al the time. I hate the idea of not being male, I do not want to be female and I’m terrified this means I’ll have to go back. PLEASE help me.

How do you guys deal with depersonalization as a result of existential OCD? I normally go through phases of OCD tendencies, and my last one was centered on ROCD - I guess the distress of that theme has caused me to dissociate whenever the intrusive thoughts get too much. It just hurts when I look at my boyfriend (or even other people around me new) and my brain tells me they’re not real, or I don’t know them at all. I’m not sure how to experience it without simply crying. Any help would be appreciated.

How do you know God exists

How do I calm down?

Absolutely mental what ya brain can create isn’t it 1 min. U feel normal and next it’s like ur just existing in another realm

Someone plz plz respond! I want to actually throw up. I never thought this day would come. I did something in my past that I feel so guilty about and has convinced me I'm bi and I posted about it in a forum. Then this one person said I was bi and it was the root of my sexuality and that I feel guilty about it. :( I literally am sitting here heart racing and shaking. I want to crawl into a hole and die.

I'm now obsessed with the idea that I'm somehow repressing my true sexuality and that I have to "accept it", but the acceptance part isn't real acceptance it's digging and prying at my brain and trying to find proof that I'm a lesbian, when I know in reality that I'm not. My brain literally feel like it's going on a witch hunt and destroying everything in it's path. What do I do? I wish I had a better way to put this into words, but I'm really bad at that.

This is going to be really long so I apologize in advanced. Please read it if you have time though because I feel like I’m alone in this and was wondering if anyone feels the same. This is going to be super cheesy but it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot and I’m curious if anyone feels anything similar. I didn’t have the nicest of childhoods but I used to get this feeling of a mixture of contentment and excitement over the smallest things. Rain clouds would come in and I would feel something. The smell of autumn and watching snow fall meant something to me. Hanging out with friends felt more freeing and just being alone in general felt different. I used to feel comfortable and more secure. Which is odd because I did grow up in a abusive household, but I still got those feelings. Then a really traumatic event hit when I was 13 and I got really bad depression. I think I always had depression to some degree but it got really bad. I got angry first, then sad and then numb. I feel like I’m starting to come out of the numb part of it years later but in turn I’ve become more aware and I realize those feelings that I used to have are gone. Is this depression or is this just growing up? Because I feel like I’ve stopped living and now I’m only surviving. My chest used to feel a lot lighter and now it’s heavy. I used to feel more and I still feel emotion but I don’t get those feelings anymore (if that makes any sense). Is it always going to be like this? I’m grieving for this feeling like it’s a person, the idea of never feeling the same terrifies me. I want to feel like there is more to life than this. I feel so trapped in this constant state of numb. I hope this is just a part of depression and not a part of growing up because that would be more permanent.

Guys In half an hour I’m going to have a short trip with my mom. As per usual, these kind of trips used to be pleasurable but now, I feel like I won’t enjoy it because of my thoughts. I haven’t even gone yet, but I already feel the chest heaviness and a deep deep feeling of sadness. What can I do to improve my state?

My therapist recommended medication. I feel conflicted about whether going on medication is right for me. Does anyone have advice on how you decide medication was the right route for you? Also, has anyone had success with just therapy?

I’ve never been diagnosed with ocd before but for the past few months I’ve had this weird feeling that I am a stalker or there’s something seriously wrong with me even though I’ve never stalked anyone before. I just have this weird feeling like a gut feeling in my stomach that I am a really horrible person and I stalk people even though I don’t and I would never and I don’t have any intentions of doing it. Usually in the day if I’m preoccupied I’m fine but as soon as I’m distracted the thoughts come back and Im like what if I am a stalker or a really horrible person who wants to hurt people and there’s something wrong with me. What could this be?