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I went from... Omg what if I’m gay To Omg what if I’m bi To omg I am gay and I should come out And it’s like I’m not triggered anymore I just feel the need to go back and fourth in my head about my sexuality. And just come out but I know it’s not true. I don’t want it I don’t need it. I literally don’t want to be gay.

I’m so scared. This is either depersonalisation or maybe derealisation, or just existential ocd argjdjshhshs I don’t know. Something clicked out of place earlier. Everything changed; my perception on EVERYTHING. I feel no meaning. Just emptiness. I don’t understand. There’s no love, it’s like the whole world is just stupid and dumb and I HATE that I’m feeling this way. This nihilist thinking is awful. Everything around me just feels so pointless. My family I thought of first. And then the internet. And then colours. And ideas. Everything. It’s nothing to me. But that’s not true, that can’t be true. I just hate that it feels true. I want to love and smile and feel happy and embrace those I love. I feel so cold and dark. I don’t want to feel like this forever. I don’t really know how to explain it. I just want to go back in time to two days ago. I got high for the first time and it’s made me spiral (clearly!). I want to be who I was before all this. My old problems were annoying, but they were bearable. This however, is entirely different. Everything just seems so fake. I haven’t had existential thoughts that’ve triggered me in around a year. I thought I was over it. But now it’s all come back, and it’s come back HARDER. It’s like those antibiotic resistant bacteria things. I can’t fight this. And I can’t get help for this because nothing is anything. I’m so scared :((

can false attractions make it feel like you enjoy them??

Ok so this might be long might not but I’m going to try and explain this very well ok so I have always dreamed about having a boyfriend and I’ll read novels and want that for me and I can imagine myself with a guy when I’m older and happy but right now I can’t whenever I try to think about it I get anxious and just want to cry cause more than anything in the world I want happiness but ever since I got hocd whenever a guy tells me they like me all I want to do I stop them from liking me and want to tell them to stop liking me I get an anxious type feeling and lately I have had the theme of asexuality like “am I an asexual? What if I turn asexual? What if because I get these weird feeling about boys liking me does that make me asexual?” I need some opinions of what people think and I also don’t know these could be new feelings to me I just have never dated or had a boyfriend I want one but at the same time “myself” doesn’t want me having one! What do you think?

Needed some help to understand how to deal with my issue. I have compulsions and if I don’t act on them it makes me crazy. Compulsions are random without any pattern. For example other day I was in the gym working out and an obnoxious lady was loudly talking on her phone. I controlled my anger but eventually I had to say something to her. She didn’t respond that well instead kept telling me I need to be more polite. I didn’t pay much attention to this incident but now every time I goto gym and I see this lady I feel the compulsion to go and talk to her and apologize. I know it sounds stupid and extremely naive and I am ashamed of it but I kept replaying the incident in my mind over and over again and feel like I won’t have freedom unless I give into the compulsion of saying something to that person again. I do go for CBT , take ocd and anxiety meds but such situations make me feel sick about myself

I can’t stop getting reassurance without having a panic attack when I get an ocd attack. How do I overcome needing to find reassurance?? I have religious ocd. And it’s agony. ?

HOCD is a whole lot harder when you were raised in a family that doesn’t support the LGBTQ community :/ ok, so, i haven’t told ANYONE about my HOCD. i’ve been dealing with it on my own (i’ve actually gotten a lot better compared to when it started a year ago). its already hard to say u have HOCD but it’s even worse when ur family doesn’t necessarily support people being gay. it’s making this so hard because i know for a fact that if i were gay, they would definitely disapprove of me. there have been multiple instances where people we know came out and my whole family was very against it and didn’t support it. obviously they’re not mean or anything and would never do anything to hurt those people but they just HIGHLY disagree with it i guess. and the worst part is i used to be the same way...i just never really supported it. until now. my whole view on it changed and now i’m much more supportive. i guess that’s the OCD of it though. OCD plays off your worst fears. and my worst fear is to be gay since i know how my family would react to it,,,and it’s not good. that’s the root of my HOCD. i don’t want to be gay because i’ve never viewed a girl in that sense before but i mainly don’t want to be gay because of the fact that if i were, it would be a disaster for me. i LOVE my family and if i were to be in that situation, it would crush me. obviously there’s no way in knowing but i just feel like i would be more ok with having these intrusive thoughts and HOCD if my family wasn’t so anti-gay. ugh. idk what the point of that whole thing was hahah i think i just needed to vent. i know i didn’t ask for advice but any kind words would be appreciated ?

I live in the Netherlands. I am currently on the waiting list for therapy for 8 months. They say it's probably gonna take like 2 months extra. I really don't think I can wait that long. My ocd is getting so much worse. I actually don't know what to do.

How did you decide whether or not to have children? My psychologist tells me that people with contamination ocd can be great parents but I just don’t know how I will possibly be able to handle it. My partner wants children and I think I do too but I’m just not sure if it’s the right choice for someone like me. I can’t take care of a human being if I go back to having full-on breakdowns and constant panic. Any advice or personal experience is appreciated.

I want to split up with my fiance .... don't love her .. I dont think ..... no I do love her massively but she's not right for me at all theres much prettier women around she doesn't love me that much anyway .... I love her so much I dont ever want to be without her .... but u dont love her do u.... yea course I do ... dont I....... 8 weeks of this bullshit is driving me insane I cant see myself without her I dont want to yet my mind is kicking me all over I'm "fancying" other woman 1s I dont even know im getting love feelings I feel.such a bad person

does anyone know how to deal with that feeling your clothes and things you own are dirty and washing/cleaning them doesn't help?

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD (strongest HOCD) and have worked on it with a therapist for the past 5 years. It got better, while not completely going away. But now that I have a boyfriend and the stakes seem to be much higher in my mind, my HOCD and ROCD have big time flared up. I went to a psychiatrist to consider options of medication to someone who said he treats OCD. HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT HOCD OR ROCD OR ANYTHING WAS and told me that I may be bi-sexual etc. etc. etc. My therapist told me that this happens so often due to lack of understanding. Has anyone had a similar experience with someone misdiagnosing you and saying your intrusive thoughts might actually be true?

Has anyone heard of moodsmith.com theres online course to get over hocd and was wondering if anyone had tried it and if it’s worth it?

I know all therapist vary in price but how much is the average u think for a good ocd therapist? Also, how many sessions are there usually? I am struggling with hocd.

Woah my depression is so bad. I feel like I lost the person I was and will never have her back because I have never read a story on here of someone overcoming this 10000% it’s all about how to control it. I’ve talked to people on here that have been struggling for 11 year...I’m a year in and I don’t want this to be my life I’m fucking 19...! I’m scared and I’m tired of this.

Has anyone tried Clomipramine or Fluvoxamine for intrusive thoughts? Im currently on Sertraline 50mg but I dont feel like its working as well as it could. I have tried a range of SSRIs but i never feel quite as well as i should. Have read a lot of mixed reviews, does anyone have any advice?

best SSRI for OCD?

So I haven’t been able to sleep at all lately so I was like what if u think of the thoughts and do them they will bring you peace so I thought of one of the bad thoughts. I am thinking about not living anymore and idek. I am such a bad person.

Has anyone else had therapy with someone who just isn’t working for you?

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. Basically I'm just frustrated and venting a little. I've had OCD since I got pregnant with our first child so it's been 8 years now. I've had plenty of highs and lows and definitely rock bottom. Currently feeling like I'm getting worse again and I've made an appointment to get back into therapy. With that being said it's always been a struggle with my husband. He doesn't get it and I don't expect him to, at all. My problem is the lack of respect for what I am going through. Treating it like this trivial thing. The constant eye rolling and lack of compassion or empathy. Not caring and not making any effort to try to understand how debilitating disorder that it is. To see ME. Not to try to wrap your mind around OCD but just see me and what it does to me, and have compassion for that. I know my OCD has an effect on him too and I have always put myself in his shoes. I'm always considerate as how it effects my husband and my kids and what my disorder does to them even during the times where I am in pain myself. Tonight was just rough. I had a rough time cooking dinner. The total event from starting to finishing cleaning including my compulsions took 4 1/2 hours. He did nothing but eat then sit on his phone. To his credit he knows he can't help me in the kitchen, I have to do it a certain way. But when I asked for help when our toddler was fussy, or the boys were fighting he would just get pissy and roll his eyes. Never cared to ask how I was doing, or what if anything he could do to help. I tried to talk to him about his day just as a distraction to how I was feeling and he was just snappy. I tried to explain what I was trying to accomplish and he just huffed and puffed about it to the point where it was just causing more issues than it was worth so I just reverted back into myself and into silence. I told him tonight he needs to go back into a session with me again. He's been once before for a video session when I wasn't leaving the house then again it was brought up during marriage counseling bc it's basically a big source of issues for us. This is long enough.....I'm just tired of fighting for his support and compassion when clearly after 8 years I should just give up.