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the NOCD Community

Omg so keep In mind I havent been disgnosed. I say that only because I feel Im faking it sometimes to get attention its really frustrating but I sometimes obsess over OCD and if I have it or not. If my anxiety is bad and my thoughts arent good Ill research symptoms or like common things and types and its SO FRUSTRATING. Its like a mind f*ck. Like you think you have this but are scared to ever claim or talk about it because you dont have a diagnosis and you yourself doubt every part of you. You like focus on it to where you dont know wtf you are even focusing or obsessing about so much over anymore. UGHH Even writing that im like ....what?

A week ago I was fine. Or at least better than other moments, so the anxiety started to reduce. At the beginning I was like "Great!" but then on Sunday I started to notice it more and more and I started to worry that maybe the lack of anxiety meant I just dont love him anymore. These past 3 days have been all about thinking and analyzing if I truly stopped loving him or if its rOCD. What has been worrying me is that I havent gone to a professional yet, so I havent been diagnosed with OCD. I never have; I have never gone to a psychologist. However, all of this started like 3 almost 4 months ago and I had such a bad time. I didnt even want to get out of bed to face how I was feeling because I wanted to feel happy with my boyfriend, but 3 weeks ago I found out about rOCD and I read about the obsessions and compulsions and it was like describing me. I instantly felt a relief to know that there was not necessarily something bad with my relationship or my boyfriend, it could be just rOCD. So I have been trying to work on ot but sometimes I just give in. And these 3 days I havent really felt anxiety so I have just been thinking and analyzing to see if it is because I dont want to be with him anymore. Right now I feel nothing, I have been creating scenarios of me just being with my partner to see how I feel and sometimes I only imagine me feeling like I have been feeling these months. I even imagined myself breaking up with him just to see how I would feel and in one moment I even felt sick to think about it, but then I imagined that again and I felt nothing and that scared me because I dont want to stop loving him. I dont want that, I want to be with him and I want to feel all the love that he deserves and Im scared because I dont even know if this is actually rOCD because I practically self-diagnosed. Sorry for this guys, I guess Im just venting because I feel terrible right now! Once again Im at the point in which I feel a little uncomfortable when he tells me he loves me because I start to question "Do i feel it too? How do I feel when i read that he loves me? What if I tell him I love him but I dont and hurt him?" Im just tired of feeling this way.

I’m watching the bachelorette with my brother and I’m looking at all the cute boys and I can tell their cute, but my mind is constantly messing with me. It makes me think my feelings are fake ughhh they aren’t. I know they aren’t because these boys are reallyyyyy cute??

I love how in here everybody mentions their type of OCD( POCD,ROCD,HOCD etc),their feelings,dreams,phobias,thoughts etc in a pure native English and I guess most of you are from the US/Canada and I am from a shit whole and still live here, unfortunately,where most of the people have no idea about what OCD actually means. I remember something that can explain the idea of mental health worldwide, especially in undeveloped countries. On a Psychology course on a Nursing school college once our Professor asked what do we think about when we hear the world 'mental' and a guy yelled 'crazy person!' I really hope I will live in the future in a normal developed country because I really feel I don't belong here. And I got completely isolated,I only have my Mom and my pets. And I really need to get well and study so I can start working on my dreams. But it is so hard,I feel stuck and I feel no one could understand me.

I want to apply to a couple big company jobs. Do y’all think it’s a good idea to put ocd as a disability or put it as something that i worked to overcome to show I’m can overcome adversity or something like that?

Oh, for f**ks sake. So I had made a friend who recently confessed to me to have committed a sex offense, and my OCD is majorly freaking out about it. My anxiety and anger is screaming at me to get away from him or turn his face into a bloody pulp, but he has ADHD, thus impulse control issues, the offense happened when he was 14, his sister the victim (might have been dry), and he hasn’t made any advances. I just want an escape, but he has been a good friend so far. I’m practicing self defense just in case though. How do I calm my anxiety and stop thinking about this as obsessively as I have, for weeks on end now? But not be too careless.

Guys how long does the backdoor spike last? I am starting to believe that maybe I dont love my boyfriend and I dont want that

I’m constantly thinking about hocd thoughts. What if I’m gay? What if you like her? Blah blah things like that, I can’t tell if it’s ocd anymore. Like deep down I know, and some days I know all the time I’m straight. I don’t like girls, I never have. So why can’t I just get it through my head? I’m tired of it. I literally can’t tell anymore

Part of my ocd is about my ex boyfriend. I wrote it on here and someone said “it's not normal behaviour" well what part of ocd is normal behaviour? That's why I'm writing about it on here. I have all kinds of ocds and because this is an obsession, I am guessing it is part of my ocd. I have pocd, I have rocd, I have harm ocd, I have health ocd. Checking drives me insane. But this one could get me into trouble. I have made five different Facebook accounts to reach out to my ex. He use to respond, now he doesn't. When he did respond, he'd say things like he fucked someone and I'd do the same, I did it to make him jealous, he did it because he knew it would hurt me each time. It's been six months since we broke up. But let's not forget the fact that he fucked me a couple of months ago even though he knew I was needy. He has told me to fuck off, he has told me I'm harrassing him, but it's so hard to stop when he was the only thing that made me happy. I felt like I was worth something six months ago. Now I feel like a piece of shit that someone scraped off their shoe. Of course it's not normal behaviour, but tell me what obsession is normal. I will stop now, but I need support from you guys to not reach out again because he's a horrible man who admits he is horrible and it's been six months and all he ever said was lies and I need to realise that. Sorry about the essay, can't believe someone was so quick to tell me it's not normal, well niether are your obsessions.

I don’t know if it’s my ocd or if I’m just crazy at this point. I haven’t been able to get my shit together. I keep acting the same way every single day I’ve been losing this battle and I don’t think I can take it much longer. I can’t take facing my toxic parts. I can’t take this battle anymore I feel so weak compared to these terrible traits of mine. They keep winning. I know for damn sure my boyfriend will not be in my life for much longer.. pretty sure he is only with me because of a trip we planned that’s a few days away. I can’t swallow the fact that I’ve done all of this to myself. I can’t face myself in the mirror. I can’t face these parts of me anymore but I also know that’s why I keep acting how I do. Because I won’t grow up and deal with it. I feel so disgusted with myself

I’m trying to remember that if I was gay I would know. Then my mind try’s to say “how do you know you’re not gay?” It’s honestly funny to me at this point. Because I literally said it before that I would KNOW I was gay. I kind of laugh because it’s just trying to play with my mind. I don’t need complete proof to know. It would just be known that I was gay, I might be confused but there would be proof that I was gay. You know??

Anyone else feels their mental health is at a its lowest? I don’t feel motivated to do anything since hocd started. It’s taken a toll on everything. I feel so exhausted, not motivated to do anything. I cry at least 3 times a week. Also could be because of being diagnosed with sever depression and generalized anxiety disorder

I don’t even think about the thoughts that much anymore, I mean I think about them but idk how to explain it but I think I’m in the backdoor spike. I’m not anxious anymore I’m just scared that my hocd is true. I’m scared I’m actually gay, I don’t analyze girls around me as much as before. I still get what if I’m attracted to her in my head sometimes but not as much. I know I’m not that way, I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never liked a girl so whyyyy?? Why am I so worried? It doesn’t make since, I still test to see if I’m gay, I do a lot of stuff online which I know I need to stop. Because it’s definitely reassurance. I’m so confused. Any advice?? Please

I’m so worried that I’ll never get married or be in a relationship because I’ve always pushed guys I was seeing away right before we’ve committed. Growing up this was always a constant thing, I’d like a guy, we’d have a good time together then I’d get scared, feel overwhelmed and trapped and start comparing him to what I “want” and if he met everything on my “checklist” and then push him away. I really liked these guys too and then I’d be so mean to them just because I wanted them out of my life cause I was just so overwhelmed and trapped. I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing, I thought I was just picky and then I thought I couldn’t receive love and then I thought I was aromantic and then asexual, but it wasn’t true because I did like being sexual with guys I really liked and I do like affection. It makes sense that this is ROCD because I’ve always had ocd tendencies and control issues. Does anybody else with ROCD just very hesitant about even getting in a relationship because they fear they’re stuck with someone forever and then start nit picking and then get turned off and then start to question everything??? I once talked to a guy who used the wrong “youre” and got scared and almost stopped talking to him fully. And the only relief when I feel overwhelmed is just being alone like I love being alone but I’m so sad because I want a boyfriend but feel I’m just not capable of loving and being loved. I guess now that I have a name to it I can work on it.

This is an exposure for me. I’m terrified to comment. I only hit “share”, “submit”, etc. with sweaty palms and a racing heart. And, only when it’s unavoidable. I seek reassurance from family. I ask them to read my emails and proofread my essays. But I feel dependent on others and I hate that. Recently, I challenged myself to comment on a FB post. “That’s lovely” is all I wrote. It wasn’t a controversial statement, but it caused me to feel intense anxiety symptoms. So, believe it or not, this comment is a huge step forward for me. And, hopefully it isn’t the last!

I’m new to the site but not at all new to OCD. I’ve seen a lot of posts about “hocd” and just generally posts about people thinking they’re gay or whatever. I’m a lesbian and honestly it’s a really confusing and awful thing to see. I’m sure the posts aren’t literally homophobic but like, it’s shitty to go on an app to help your mental illness and then to see people portray homosexuality as an illness!!!! I know that there could be straight people who have these intrusive thoughts but HEY!! I had those intrusive thoughts too and I ended up being gay. I thought it was all anxiety but it wasn’t! It just feels so weird to see this stuff. If I saw those posts as a teenager, I might still be closeted and self-hating. Anyone else have thoughts?

OCD is ruining my life. My parents have to yell at me almost everyday because I have to take the dish washing soap to wash my hands, even if there is a bar of soap right there I just feel like bar soap doesn't clean off germs as well. I could just touch a wall with paint and I think "oh I have to wash my hands now I don't to drop my iq" because i think there is lead on the walls even though it is in good condition. I feel like such a outcast because I know nobody around me does this, and my family is Jamaican and I know back then they didn't have water they could constantly wash their hands with.

Does anyone ever get thought like “maybe I should leave my bf to work on myself” but deep down inside you know you don’t want to leave him and in fact he helps you through the rough times?

Has anyone seen someone that has different subsets of OCD, GAD, panic attacks and get through it and live a happy life. I live in constant brain fog, with tension in my body all the time. I’m tired and lethargic and don’t want to live like this but my feelings are very overwhelming. What can I do

Might delete this app some people say things like they aren’t distressed by there thoughts an I’m not sure if ya recovery if if they never had ocd and it is triggering Which sucks I love the support in this app I just don’t know what to do