Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Heyyyy! I dunno if anyone here is old enough to remember me 😅 About a year ago, I was super active with SO-OCD stuff. Welp, guess what! I’m RECOVERED! Ask me anything :D

As we all know ERP is used to combat uncertainty, but how about when thoughts present themselves as certain. For example when I do ERP I will use a prevention response such as “it is possible….” And then my head will fire back with “it not that it’s possible.. it is”. Like my brain fires back with an absolute. I struggle with rocd. Unfortunately the only person who has answers to wether or not something is a deal breaker, is me. Not a single therapist or person can decide what I want or need, but myself. This is what makes this challenging. So I say “it’s possible this is a deal breaker” and my head fires back with “it is a deal breaker and you know it”. I caved and accepted that statement as true. Now I’m stuck beyond belief. I feel like I know the truth, and am failing to accept it.

Oh man! Do I obsess over my brows! First ti was shaving them in the early 2000's cuz I was a chola wannabe. Then, over plucking because I developed Trichotillomania. Most recently I have spent close to $2000 and a whole lot of time and energy over 10 appointments or microblading appointments to fix work that I've been unhappy with. That is including work that I decided to do in the middle because I was certain no one else was gonna get it right. I have NO experience in microblading. I just ordered a kit from Amazon and went at my brows! I had to have them removed. That was so painful! I thought most recently I was out of the woods until recently I finally got a them redone and the lady made them uneven once again. So I came home just yesterday and I grabbed a safety pin, two pens (one reddish brown and one black) and went at one of my brows again. I knew I was engaging in self harm. I was burning my skin and cutting it. The burning came with the alcohol I used to disinfect. But, nonetheless I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to get this brow to look like the other one. Especially after all I've been through! I didn't want to have to spend more money or go to another person to have them say no they couldn't fix them (I've gotten that a lot after I messed with them in the first place) or go back to the lady that I've been going to can't seem to get them right. I was doing my eyebrows and I knew that it was possible for me to screw them up once again and I knew might have to start the process all over still, I just kept going. I kept thinking in my head -- I can get this right. I know it. I kept praying to God and asking that they would help me make sure that the eyebrow was just right. I ordered more ink on Amazon just in case. I would need it later on to define the eyebrow as if I know what I was doing. I finally stopped myself thinking okay... there's no way I can get this line exactly straight with a safety pin and ink from a pen. It took pretty much all day for me to stop myself. Overall, I'm pretty upset that I thought I was being patient with the process after the whole removal a few weeks ago because now I think that I was still rushing everything and that I'm not happy with my brows because of that. I don't trust myself to make decisions at this point and I think that whenever I try to do something to make my life simpler, I actually just make it harder. I can't believe I spent this much money and that I've done this to my face. And that I seem to be in this mindset that I can fix things. I don't really worry about the repercussions in the moment. More so, I am afraid of being a bother. Even though I know my eyebrows run even that they didn't need more work, I was afraid to tell the lady that they were crooked once again. I felt like I was already bothering her having to go back for another touch up and another touch up. I was also worried that she was just going to keep on getting it wrong because she kept on working on the same eyebrow even though I needed her work on the other one. So what choice did I have but to give up and try on my own? Right? I don't know. I think that I can handle things on my own. I think that I have the answer to fix things. I think okay. Well, if I've already tried to do it this way or that way I've already spent this much money or this much time or bothered this many people or tried this many things that this just must be the way blah blah blah. This really sucks. It really sucks!

Do some OCD sufferers legit have these themes as their absolute biggest struggles? People always say like “ugh I can’t have things not in order, my OCD gets in the way” or something, but really whenever I hear anyone say that I assume there’s no way they actually have legit OCD. I’m just curious, do you know if these are in fact the biggest struggles for some OCD sufferers?

Juste wanted to check on everyone, to know about how you're doing. Share with me your steps towards recovery, little successes, as well as your struggles. Nobody expects you to recover so fast. And if you haven't started, take this as a sign to do so. Encourage each others, and let's work towards recovery all together. I want you to know you aren't alone, and that I'm proud of you. We're stronger than we think.

Anyone else have harm ocd at work ?

hi ! i pop in every once in awhile (i’ll be more active now) to talk about recovery and help others. if anyone has any questions, ask away! this format is easier than looking around the forum :)

Hello. I don't actually have OCD but my sweetheart has it very badly. He often isolates himself and rides it alone as he is a very independent man. I am looking for some advice anybody can give me in regards to supporting someone with OCD. What Do and Don't experiences have you had with partners? I am trying to find a balance of being caring and active but not overstepping bounderies and acting like a therapist🤍 All tidbits of advice really appreciated.

How are you

I deal with excoriation disorder/dermatillomania where I constantly feel the need to pick at my skin/squeeze/get out any content beneath the surface of my face via bumps/pores. I've actually never really had much acne, but due to the damage I've done to my own skin, it almost looks like I have acne scars. I mostly do it in the morning and at night when I'm in the bathroom/ in front of a mirror and although I'm aware it's harmful and can see the repercussions and red splotchy cuts on my face after, I'm having a hard time controlling it. Does anyone face a similar experience with excoriation disorder? If so, any tips or strategies I should try?

feel like i’m spiraling again.. this seems to happen when i start feeling better.. But basically I was just playing video games and it felt like I was flirting with them or try too show off, which is normal “the showing off part”, but it made me feel like I was doing it for other reasons, and I don’t know if it was a kid or not but my ocd automatically makes it seem like it is, and in that in the moment when im doing certain things in the game I’m doing something wrong, or even if im holding my nephew or my best friends twins, it feels like im holding them a certain way for a feeling but I don’t think that is the case, and then when I think I am I freak out and can only hold them for like 5ish minutes… I was doing so good, I haven’t even been posting on here, and I think what mainly has me in a spiral is that I got offered a job offer as a manager and she said we need too run a back ground check, and she as a joke said “literally to make sure you’re not a pedofile”…. I also have been doing compulsions again.. I stopped for a whole but now I’m spiraling…. and then also I’m scared my medication isn’t gonna work anymore because I have been on it 4 months and my moms friend said hers just stopped working out of no where.. and then when i hold my nephew or my friends children it makes me think i’m holding them a certain way for a reason and then my feelings get all messed up and it’s very distressing afterwards…. and sometimes even during because I feel like i’m holding them so awkwardly… idk just feel like my thoughts and feelings are a lot worse then they have been here lately and it sucks.. I would rather have my harm ocd again, or something else, I just want this to go away… and as I type this my brain goes “no you want this” it’s so weird how ocd is, and how it can take me calling something cute into something completely wrong or make me feel like I did something wrong and then I start ruminating and making it into something it’s not.. I just need someone to talk too, because i’m scared and I don’t wanna spiral again and be where I was again.

Is anyone dealing with SOOCD just burnt out? My brain does not stop, I can’t go in public without my brain trying to figure who I’m attracted to and who I’m not. At this point it makes me feel agnostic towards the opposite sex and still stressed about same sex attraction. Idk if this is just me

At this point, I don’t even know if it’s HOCD or really me and I’m just using OCD as a gateway. I can’t even recognize myself anymore. I was trying to do exposure by watching videos of women coming out to their husbands and instead of sitting with the anxiety, I just dug into the rabbit hole that is TikTok and looked into more videos. Then, I went into YouTube and saw different videos (again instead of choosing one because I couldn’t decide which video to do the exposure on - because I wanted to make sure whatever video I chose it would be the one that would work on ERP but it backfired). Anyways I am confused I don’t know what to do…I think I’m bisexual, however my OCD still likes to play onto that and say that I’m using it as a gateway from being a lesbian or that I’m supposed to be with a woman or that I’m not going to succeed in my marriage because I haven’t been with a woman. A little backstory, my mother has paranoid schizophrenia ( she got it from the military and it is the reason why she got discharged). Anywho, she would see and hear things that were not there (hallucinations). One of the many hallucinations would be “hearing revelations from God” My mom always thought to have this gift from God where she would say that He would tell her what would happen in the future or would tell her things about people. Anyways she used to always tell me God told her I was gay and whenever I had a crush on a boy she would say I was faking it. It went as far as her keeping my sister away from me because she said God told her I would do things to her. So my sister and I could barely see each other and Lord forbid my sister and I were alone together! If she looked away for a split second and saw my sister was next to me, she would hit me because God told her I did something I wasn’t supposed to. Even though I knew I didn’t hurt my sister, due to this trauma, I have grown with a lot of self trust issues - not counting the other traumas I went through at the hands of my mom (spiritual, physical, emotional)….and I was se*ually abused as a child by other people so it’s hard for me to be intimate…but OCD likes to use it as if it was a woman I would have no issue being intimate etc. I have a lot of spiritual trauma too as my mon usually said she had a vision that I was dead or that God told her my days were being counted because I was a bad person.

i miss being comfortable in my sexuality. i miss knowing i am straight with no second guess. i would be able to flirt with my same sex friends and know that i don’t mean anything by it, there was no feelings, etc. i would never second guess an interaction with same sex people. i miss talking with my parents about my future wedding, making jokes abt how my husband is in for a wild ride. there were no second thoughts. now i’m stuck in this loop, and everything is a second thought, everything turns into a long series of thoughts and questioning, ruminating, checking, etc. im so confused abt myself now, i don’t know what is true and what isn’t. i don’t know what thoughts are mine and what are run by ocd. i keep questioning if it isn’t ocd and maybe im just seriously in denial. i hate how comfortable the thoughts feel now. what if everything im doing and have done is just to prove im not gay, what if my whole life is just a lie. im so tired, and scared and sad. i just want to be comfortable again.

Is there therapy for me? To help me understand my sons OCD? He is struggling. Just starting a new med on top of Luvox. Clomipirine…. Spelling. I just don’t think anyone truly understands what he is going through or what I am going through.

I don’t know what to say I have no clue why am I even living in this world sexual orientation obsessive compulsive disorder has ruined my life I am 20 year-old battling this disease. Three months already I’m a heterosexual woman who has a boyfriend I see myself getting married to him one day but my OCD just wouldn’t let me enjoy my heterosexual life he is very supportive and understands what I am going through it seems to be so your real dad I question myself do I even have that type of OCD I keep saying to myself I don’t like girls that way it’s sort of became a pick up line to make my brain understand what he is telling me it’s not true I don’t know what to do please help

I feel like I'm not progressing anymore, just when I think i think I'm getting better and that my ocd is not as bad anymore it gets bad again. I saw something that triggered a memory of something I did, and I can't seem to let go of it, I been ruminating for hours but my brain won't stop until I "figure" the memory out, until I confess to someone what I did. I feel so guilty and I keep getting thoughts telling me that I don't deserve anything because I'm a terrible person. I don't know what to, I tried accepting the memory and the fact that I can't change the past but it feels like I'm just trying to excuse my actions.

I’m aroused by boys and I fantasise about them like kissing them and having sex with them and stuff. Like a couple of boys I find attractive. But I still have those ruminating thoughts if I not be a lesbian. Like not even about being bisexual what doesn’t come to my mind but only ruminating about being lesbian and I know it’s an obsession and I’ve read a lot and it feels like it’s ocd, and my therapist says it’s an obsession like ocd but I’m not diagnosed yet. Why does this go together like I’m aroused by boys but I still can’t get rid of the thoughts about being lesbian even tho I’m aroused with boys it makes me feel miserable and horrible

So ist just about ocd, I think I have a really bad anxiety right now about this topic. So i used to believe that i cant control my mind and i have to accept every thought but deep down it made me feel like a victim that i always have to accept how i feel and what i think, theres no other way... one day i had enough of this, because i saw that others who are doing this for years are still having the same thoughts, and i still felt bad and had the same thoughts to and i decided that i will find something else. So i found a good youtuve channel where they teach you that youre the creator of your emotions and you can control your mind. I learned that i have anxiety and low moods cause i have negative beliefs about myself and the world which i need to change then these feelings will not be strong. It helped so much and i saw that its better then just observing it and moving on, bc you actually see the problem and not avoid it. It helped me alot. Then today i had a negative emotions and i started to see what im telling myself, what thoughts i have, and this time i actually got lost in my mind. Or as others said i got into the rabbit hole of negative thinking. And i couldnt get out and i was so desperate that this isnt helping me either... Trying to control your mind and change beliefs just makes me more stressed, but just accepting it and moving on still will not help,cause i will still will have the thoughts and emotions without knowing why i constantly have it. What do yall think, are you the creater of your emotions, can you control the mind or not?

I haven't officially started ERP sessions yet with my therapist here and I may have to delay due to financial reasons but has anyone tackled a situation head on with good results?